How To Torture Mello 12.
HOLY CRAPINSKYS, peoples! 12 chapters of this! And something like 170 reviews! –basks in happiness-
Ohhhhh, the plot bunnies. I give extreme luvs to everyone who gave me one, because they made me run off and want to write/draw a crackish comic. Oh, I'm happy.
I'm considering extending this to twenty chapters…but I don't know, since eventually there will have to be some sort of plot thing that I can just say, "Okay…and it ends. Cut."
But no.
Well, I'll deal with that later, so onward ho…
IN THIS CHAPITRE!:
Nekkid Mello and nekkid Matt, Near with a nosebleed, malaka, L in a very compromising situation, and lingerie.
(you'd better review for the nekkid stuffs!)
--
It had been a late night for Matt and Mello, first playing DDR 'till no amount of Red Bull could revitalize them, then realizing with a fair amount of shock that, yes, they still had something to do the next morning, namely, the graduation ceremony.
So now they were in the bathroom, taking a shower. Not together, of course, because they had enough modesty not to do anything like that…or at least they thought.
Matt finished first, and he pulled the curtain aside and reached for…
…nothing.
"Hmmm?" he muttered, squinting (he really did have bad vision) and feeling around for the missing towel that he'd put there.
Or at least thought he'd put there. "Ah, crap…MELLO!!" he yelled, shaking his hair dry and pulling his goggles (which were still where he'd put them, mysteriously) onto his face so he could see better.
The towel was nowhere in sight.
A very wet Mello plodded round the corner, towel up around his waist. "What is it Ma—oh."
Matt blushed, embarrassed, and so did Mello, a hundred different fantasies involving Matt rushing through his brain.
He shook them off hurriedly, and brought his focus back to the wet, shivering Matt, who was now hiding behind a shower curtain. "No towel?"
"Nien," replied the redhead, shaking his head, "and we're out of clean ones too."
"Well, that's just dandy." Mello muttered half-under-his-breath, and took a bite of the slightly melted chocolate drooping in his hand.
A thought struck him. "If you want, we could…um…share…"
"Share towels?" asked Matt incredulously.
"…yeah…"
"Okay."
Mello looked up. "Really? You're willing?"
"Yeah."
So with a kind of ungainly shuffle, Mello staggered over and wrapped the towel around Matt, too. "Let's- let's go."
They waddled over to the door and were about to push it open when…
…a certain sheepy someone came through.
There was a long moment of silence.
Near began to blush, pink then bright scarlet, and then, suddenly as the towel slipped and Matt lunged for the corner, Near's head flew back and his nose began to spurt blood.
"Well, that's just fantastic."
--
Raito had never imagined that the same plan the bratty kids had used on him had worked on them. They were supposed to be geniuses, weren't they?
Life was too good to him, he thought.
--
Surprisingly, the graduation ceremony passed without a hitch, making Roger euphorically happy until Matt randomly burst out in the Sailor Moon theme song when the third-years went up to get their new badges. Yes, badges.
This turned into a wild goose chase, which turned into various pictures of Mello and Matt making out that the fangirls would treasure for the rest of their lives.
There was also a fairly good cake, but L wasn't there to enjoy it.
Neither was Raito, for that matter.
--
L was in a bad mood.
When L is in bad moods, heads tend to roll and small children tend to run to their mothers.
You have to pity the poor children of the Wammy's House. They had no mothers to shelter them from the wrath of L.
So it was with this attitude that our favorite black-haired detective stomped down the halls. "Grnnnabgjhg…" he muttered, scaring Core and his small attaché of munchkins. They scurried off whispering loudly, but L had no interest in them.
Gradually, his wandering feet took him to the playroom, where Near was at work building another gigantic masterpiece out of multicoloured Legos.
And twirling his hair.
L growled. Near's hair twirling was his only habit that really got on L's nerves. The countless (and expensive) toys? No matter, other children used them, and they didn't usually get broken. The strange sitting? L did it too, he didn't mind.
But oh, the hair curling.
Hour after hour, the finger twirling around the lock of curly white fluff, never stopping, almost hypnotic. A huge distraction.
And so L, fueled by lack of sleep and lack of sugar and general grumpiness, slapped Near's hand away from that absolutely infuriating curl.
--
Near's head jerked up.
"What…?" he asked no one in particular, staring at his now-unoccupied left hand, which, until recently, had been having a marvelous time twirling away.
A very angry L met his gaze. "Oh."
"Would you quit," said L, calmly as ever but with a definite sharp edge in his voice, "twirling your hair like that?"
"…But why?" replied the sheep, kinda-sorta-knowing that this would piss L off more, "You've never said anything about it before."
You could hear the small "ping" as the last thread of L's sanity finally gave up and broke.
"IT INFURIATES ME!! HOW THE HECK CAN YOU GO ON FOR SO LONG JUST TWIRLING…AND TWIRLING…AND TWIRLING…OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN?! I CAN DEAL WITH EVERYTHING ELSE, JUST PLEASE…STOP…THAT…INFERNAL…HAIR…CURLINGTHINGY!!"
Near picked himself back up off the ground, where L's rant had left him blown over.
"O-o-okay."
--
Mello and Matt managed to get through the rest of the morning without somehow ending up in a compromising situation.
Of course, that was just until lunch.
Matt had some "techy stuff" (as Mello called it) to do, so Mello was left alone, in his room.
So, with the memory of Matt that morning fresh in his mind, he unzipped his fly and…
Near burst in the door, practically sobbing.
"GAHH! NEAR! Can't you knock?!"shrieked the blonde, blushing furiously and zipping his pants back up hurriedly.
"…I'm sorry…just…just…"
"What?"
"L yelled at meeeee!!" wailed the sheep, falling onto his stomach and flailing on the soft carpet.
Mello's face froze.
L yelled at Near? What for? His test scores are still higher than mine…I wonder what happened? Strange, L must be in a mood or something…
"Why?" he managed to say after all that internal monologue.
"I-I…"
"Yes?"
"I was t-twirling my h-hair. And he…he slapped my hand." And with that, the sheep broke into tears.
"…"
…L's angry.
--
So of course they had to get revenge.
Matt was found, dragged forcibly to their room after it was revealed that the "techy stuff" he was doing was really playing Super Mario Galaxy.
Mello laid out the plan.
It would require nerves of steel, heaps of courage, willingness to be punished in the event of failure, and confidence around plastic wrap and soldering guns.
They began to move.
--
Later that night, Raito excused himself from the computer banks and walked over to the bathroom.
"EEEEEEEEEEEAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHHHHHH!! OH, EW! EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW!!"
L rushed in. "What's wron- ew."
--
"Saran Wrap is a beautiful thing," muttered Mello to Near as they watched Matt figure out the final stages of their plan.
--
Raito knew exactly who had done this, and he stormed downstairs, bowling over any poor child stupid enough to get in his way.
"WHERE ARE MELLO AND MATT?!" he yelled, opening the dining room doors and causing instant silence.
Lost stood up. "We don't know. Do you want some homefries?"
"NOW IS NOT THE TIME!"
"But I thought you loved me!!"
"…I'm sorry, but you're too young for me. Plus, I already have a girlfriend. Tough luck, kid."
And with that, Raito continued rampaging through the halls on his mission to find and kill Matt and Mello.
--
L sighed.
Stupid Raito…he'd never find them, the orphans had ways of hiding themselves that even L didn't know.
So he walked over to his dresser, opened up the top compartment and dug through the clothes until he found what he was looking for- his safe.
This was no ordinary safe, however. This safe was Swiss-made, perfectly adjusted and oiled, and contained thirty pounds of the best Liquorice Allsorts, three pounds of French pastries, and five pounds of assorted sweets that he'd found all over the world.
It was his treasure trove.
He typed in the right combination on the keypad, waited for the display to show "OPEN", but nothing happened.
The safe gave a warning beep.
L was confused. He'd just opened it yesterday, using the exact same combination he'd just punched in.
Realization hit him like a slap to the face. "DAAAAAAAAAAMNNNNNNN YOUUUUU MELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"
--
Near was allowed to twirl his hair as much as he wanted after that incident, and Matt grudgingly told L the new combination to his safe, giving L the warning that if he tried to mess with one of their habits again, Matt would switch it again. They were given a long, stern talk by Roger, who really enjoyed being able to try out all his new lectures on them.
Raito was found passed out on the floor in the far east wing, where the very first orphans had lived.
--
A few days later, Lost stormed in the room with the angriest look Mello had ever seen on a girl plastered across her face. "What's up?" he asked, looking up from his Calculus homework and taking his earphones off.
"Where's Matt?!" she thundered, and Mello pointed soundlessly to the bathroom.
Lost stalked over to the door, wrenched it open, revealing a very surprised/embarrassed Matt just zipping up his fly, and yelled, "GIVE ME THAT LINGERIE LIKE YOU PROMISED!!"
Matt fell over from the force of the yell. "Ookay. Okay," he pleaded, holding his hands up in a futile attempt to calm Lost down. He reached under the bed, pulled out a rumpled bag, and threw it over to her.
She looked in, and instantly her face went euphoric. "UAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!! THANK YOU MATT!!" she yelled, and ran over to plant a somewhat sticky kiss on his cheek before running out of the room giggling hysterically in glee.
"…" Matt rubbed his cheek hesitantly.
"Wow. A single peck from her, and you're all lovey-dovey. A makeout session from me…and-," Mello started, but was cut off by Matt's lips being forcibly placed on his mouth.
Near came in, saw what was happening, and ran out faster than he thought his sheepy legs could carry him.
And the fangirls came back for some more entertainment, bringing some video-cameras with them this time too.
--
L and Raito reconciled and had a nice…um…afternoon nap, telling Misa to go shop somewhere.
She did, came back early toting three large bags full of new lingerie, and was about to open the bedroom door when she heard a low moan.
"..."
She pressed her ear to the door, lingerie forgotten, and suddenly someone whispered, "Does it hurt?"
Another voice replied, "Not too badly."
Misa shrugged. They were probably just practicing acupuncture or something scientific like that to get rid of the stress.
--
Matt was busy doing his "Victory Over Boss" dance when Mello came in with a bag. "Hey, Mells," the gamer said, waving and then going right back to Super Mario Galaxy.
"Hey." replied Mello, unloading what looked like fireworks out of the bag. Matt turned around. "Are those-"
"Yep."
"Are we gonna-"
"Yep."
"Cool."
--
Hohohohoho! I'm evil, leaving a cliffy like this!
Anyway…
Another Core cameo…if any of you haven't read Paius Philos, read it now. It will scare you, but oh, god, is it good. It made me cry. Multiple times.
So, I'm going on vacation in August, yay, but I won't be able to update then. So there will be about a week's hiatus later on. Don't fret. I'll make up for it by writing a super-duper long chapter. (Does anyone even say super-duper anymore?)
I've been drawing Death Note crack. It's very…uh…interesting. And colorful.
'Till next chapter…
-blake-黒川-black river-