Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of its characters.

Warning: Cursing. Lots of Cursing.

This entire story starts my first day at Forks' High School.

To get a better picture, I'll frame it for you: it was a normal Forks-y day: no sun, all clouds, all Forks.

I had just gotten out of my trunk and was walking through the parking lot towards the school when I saw them.

They were all beautiful. It was like Ralph Lauren had dumped his models in Forks to get their high school education.

They really were something else. Two beautiful girls, three gorgeous guys. They appeared to float as they walked, gliding along the concrete. I mean, damn, who would have thought that a small town like Forks would have a popular cliché that looked that.

I feel slightly self-conscious now.

And as they walk towards the school, the blonde boy abruptly halts.

The whole group seems to stop with him, like it was choreographed. It's actually kind of freaky how in sync they are.

It only gets weirder when the blonde turns his head and meets my gaze head-on.

He glared at me at first. His bright eyes seem to pierce right through me. I think that I see him sniff the air, but he is so far away that I am sure that my sight is playing tricks on me.

We stand like this- in a weird stale-mate- for a few seconds until his frown slowly morphs into a smile.

But it's not a super model smiles. No. It's the kind of smile that makes the hairs on the back of my neck go up immediately and gives me a sudden urge to run.

Everything about the smile is off. It doesn't look natural. It is the creepiest fucking smile that I have ever seen. He looks psychotic, all his teeth are showing and his eyebrows are creased down.

It reminds me of the sharks I saw during shark week on the Discovery channel last month. And I feel like the sorry-ass seal that gets fucked in ass at the end of the episode.

My stomach feels like it is about to drop out of my abdomen and I'm worried that I am going to actually vomit.

This is not a good way to start my first day of school.

For such a bad start to my day, the rest of school goes relatively well. The classes at Forks are easy. I make friends and sit with them at lunch. All in all, a relatively good day.

Until the weirdoes show up for lunch.

To be fair, there's a chance that I'm being a bit too harsh. For all I know, the blonde kid may not have even been looking at me. Maybe he saw something over my shoulder. Maybe he has a muscle twitch that makes him smile like that.

If he is disabled, I am going to feel like such a bitch.

But as the group glides into the cafeteria and sit at the same table- glaring at their food, but none of them eating- I start to think that I was justified in my assertion.

Then Jessica informs me that they are all related. Well that would explain the paleness.

And adopted. Well maybe not…

By the end of lunch, I have learned more than I ever wanted to know about the Cullen's.

I feel like I may be cursed.

The second that I walk into my biology class, I realize that something is terribly wrong. One, there is only one empty chair in the class. Two, it is next to pretty boy Cullen #3, who looks like he is constipated as he looks out the window and doesn't even turn to look at me when I sit down.

It really is a shame that this entire family is so odd, because he really is pretty. But no pretty is worth this weird… I'm just saying.

And as class continues, I am becoming more frustrated and weirded out. Cullen #3 still will not look at or talk to me. In addition, the way that he is holding his breath and scooting away from me is making me concerned that I smell bad.

But I'm wearing Dove Extra Strength Anti-Persperant, so I know that I smell damn good, so he can suck it.

At the end of the hour, Cullen is up and out of the classroom before I even finish packing my bags.

Edward isn't in class the next two days.

Everyone acts like it is normal for a student to suddenly vanish from school. Apparently, he is out on a camping trip. His family is really into camping. They do this stuff all the time.

I don't know what everyone is smoking, but a teenager skipping class to camp alone for two days is weird.

It really, fucking is.

When the prodigal son returns the following Monday, things with Edward pull a full 180.

Where before, he would not even look at me, now he can't seem to stop.

In the parking lot. In the hallway. During study hours.

Things get really awkward at lunch when he molests a popsicle while staring at me across the cafeteria.

Jessica keeps pulling at my sleeve and winking at me, tilting her head towards the Cullen's table. She is not as subtle as she thinks she is.

I don't understand why she is so excited, because I am frankly petrified. For one, I do not have the kind of equipment that would make sucking a popsicle in anyway seductive. In addition, each time he sucks, Edward gets that constipated look on his face.

I'm starting to think that the Cullen's have an eating disorder.

I didn't think that it was possible, but biology is more awkward than lunch.

Banner obviously doesn't feel like teaching today, so we are having a movie day, which would usually be awesome, if Edward did use the darkness and distraction of the class to try to molest me.

At first it is no big deal. He scoots his chair closer to mine. Fine. Maybe he wants to see the screen.

He brushes his hand against mine. Whatever. It was an accident.

But then he starts to rub his fingers along my hand.

I try to be subtle and move my hand away from his, but he just follows it.

Again, trying to be nice, I move my hand off the table and into my lap. Which, surprise, surprise, he follows with his hand.

Motherfucker is just not getting it.

Turning my head, I try to level him with a glare. I look at my lap- where his hand has currently settled- and then I look back at him. Glare. Repeat.

Edward just grins at me. In fact, he grins and then moves his hand higher up my leg.

I do not like where this is going.

Still glaring at him, I grab his hand and attempt to move it off my leg. But I can't.

The hand doesn't even seem to budge. The weird thing is that not only can I not move his hand, but his hand isn't gripping my leg hard either. I have no idea why, when I am pushing with all my strength, his hand doesn't even slide an inch.

This is starting to freak me out and now I am now exponentially more concerned when I return my stare back to Cullen.

I think he understands how petrified I am because the second I look up, his grin turns into a full shark-inspired smile. All teeth showing.

Damn it. I'm the fucking seal.

Comments: La Push boys next chapter!

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