A/N: You have to love days off. They produce much needed time to rejuvenate and come back refreshed to write again. You'll see that is actually sort of the theme (I hope) of this chapter. Hope you enjoy.
Confessions
He sprinted through the dense forest for his life, for hers. Every now and then, he hissed loudly as yet another branch sliced into his face, leaving behind deep, bloody scratches. Once more, terrible screams called out and forced him to run even faster towards the cries. He had to reach her. There was no other option. He would not lose her again. Not another woman he loved would he lose.
"SEVERUS!" she screamed somewhere deep in the darkness, just out of his reach.
His eyes darted wildly about, searching for any sign of movement, any light. Where was she? He stopped for just a second to hear better, but he could hardly hear anything over his own pounding heart.
"PLEASE!" she begged with a fearful scream. "CIRCE, I BEG OF YOU, PLEASE!"
"Aurora!" he yelled out, forcing the uncooperative air into his lungs. Where the hell was she? Why couldn't he see her? "Where are you?" he yelled, hoping and praying she'd hear him.
He looked left, his eyes scanning frantically for anything that would lead him to her. He only saw a thick, suffocating fog roll in, blanketing the area even more. The same occurred when he looked to his right. Nothing but fog.
"SEVERUS!" his wife cried from somewhere in the darkness.
No . . . Why were the Fates so cruel to him? Was it honestly because he had chosen a darker path in his youth?
It was then he saw the brief flash of red up ahead. He took off instantly in a dead run. He would not lose her. Not Aurora.
As he neared where he had seen the streak of red, he found himself struggling against the thick fog that closed in around him. Still, he continued onward, though. He had to.
"Avada Keda—" shouted the man who stood over his bloodied wife.
Without a word, pure rage in his heart, Severus's wand slashed through the air as if he was wielding a sword towards the man. The man, however, vanished into smoke when Severus's nonverbal struck him. Another appeared soon after, this time taking the appearance of the Dark Lord.
"Seems only fitting that you should lose her as you lost the other, doesn't it, Severus?" hissed the Dark Lord, who laughed evilly as he held his wand out at Aurora.
"You're not real! You're only a figment of my—" Severus started to state before he was interrupted by the sounds of his wife's pain-filled screams again. He slashed his wand violently at the Dark Lord, but to no avail. This time, the Dark Lord remained, as did the terrible screams of agony.
"Yes," smirked the Dark Lord, his red eyes glistening brightly, "yes, this is a much better punishment for you, my faithless follower. So much more amusing than just letting Nagini finish you off, as I had allowed her do before." He then chuckled even louder as Aurora's screams became even more desperate sounding. "Look at her writhe in pain. You did that, Severus. Not I. You."
Severus closed his eyes instantly, turning away from the whole scene before him. It wasn't real. It couldn't be. They had won. It was over. Voldemort had been finally defeated once and for all. Harry had succeeded. This wasn't possible. It couldn't be.
"Tell me, my traitorous snake." Aurora's screams were now silent, Severus noticed, and her body was limp and lifeless. "How will you ever live with yourself, knowing you were the real reason my followers went after your family? Hmm?"
"Lies." It wasn't true. He wasn't . . . he had seen her memories. She was a victim of the old wrong-place, wrong-time adage. As so many unfortunate souls had been during the Final Battle.
"Is it?" Voldemort replied before he vanished as well.
As soon as the Dark Lord was gone, Severus knelt down, his fingers going to Aurora's neck to feel for a pulse. He felt . . . nothing. No . . . His hands went to his face, his shoulders shaking as he wept. He had failed. Again. No. No . . . This was all a terrible nightmare. It had to be. None of this was possible. They had won, damn it! The Dark Lord was no more. He was free! He was free . . .
"Why didn't you save us?" Aurora whispered accusingly, suddenly turning towards him.
His head snapped up, and his eyes went to her instantly. Her eyes, once so full of life and light, were now lifeless and dull. The love she always radiated around him with was replaced with darkness. If it weren't for his hearing her voice, she'd have been utterly unrecognizable to him.
"Why didn't you save us, Severus?" she repeated before everything vanished.
He woke up soon after, gasping and clutching his chest tightly. Their rooms quickly came into view as the fog of sleep faded. He had been right after all. It had all just been a horrible nightmare.
"Severus?" Aurora softly said in bed beside him. It was the real her, he was thankful to notice.
"I'm . . . I'm fine," he rasped, focusing on controlling his emotions once more. A sharp pain in his neck quickly reminded him of his scars. "Just . . . just a bad dream. That's all." More of his senses then returned. As the sweet, intoxicating smell of her raspberry shampoo became even stronger, he realized she was moving closer to him. A moment later, her hand gently rested on his arm.
"Do you maybe want to talk about it?"
He gave a soft little huff of disbelief before he shook his head. Did he want to tell her how he had just dreamt of her dying? "Not particularly no," he responded, closing his eyes briefly as his hand ran down the length of his face. At feeling himself sink lower into their bed followed by the silent running her teeth over her bottom lip, he knew precisely how she had taken his words. Glancing at her and seeing he had been right, he quietly said, "Don't think that, please." He caught her surprise before she sighed and ran a hand through her long curls.
"You have to talk to someone, Severus. We've been over this with Poppy. If you're having—"
He gently grabbed her hands, stopping her at once. He pressed soft kisses against her palms before he held her look. "It's not something I can speak with you about, I'm afraid, Celes. I . . . I wouldn't know where to begin frankly." He then pulled her even closer, his arms wrapping around her as he held her for a few moments. Just having her in his arms was keeping his demons at bay again. "But you're right. I do need to speak with someone." He closed his eyes, exhaling loudly. While the option wasn't at all appealing to him, it needed to be done. "I think it's time I spoke with Poppy again." He caught her soft smile of victory and resisted the urge to roll his eyes.
"Want some company?"
He shook his head. "I would love nothing more than to say yes, Aurora, but I can't."
She stared at him for a moment before asking, "Is it that bad?"
The 'yes' that was being screamed in his head gave him pause for several seconds. He needed to deal with nearly losing her. And, frankly, he had put that off for way too long by dodging Pomfrey's questions with vague answers. "You know I love you more than anything."
"Not your potions," she quipped, continuing their long-standing joke. "You'll always love them more than me." She gave him a faint smile.
"No, Aurora," he replied, maintaining his seriousness. "I mean it. I love you more than anything in the world. But this is something that I need—that I've needed to deal with a long time ago." He watched her face fall instantly and sighed. This conversation wasn't going well at all.
"Oh."
Unable to hold back his usual snark, he remarked, "Will you for the love of Merlin, woman, stop thinking the worst? This has very little to do with Evans. In fact, it actually has everything to do with you." When he caught her surprise before it morphed into confusion, he sighed. He truly failed at speaking to women properly. He blamed his father for that.
"What do you mean, 'It has everything to do with me?' What did I do?"
"Nothing."
"Then, why did you—"
He pulled back from her and sighed. "I never dealt with us, Aurora. With how close I nearly lost you. Our talks only focused on my near death experience. I never brought up how . . . that is what I'm going to be speaking with her about. Now, do me a favor and rest. For my sake and that of our child's."
"But why can't we discuss this together?"
"Because I can't, Aurora," he snapped before drawing in a quick breath to calm himself again. She wasn't to blame for any of this, he reminded himself. So there was no reason for him to snap at her like that. She was merely trying to figure things out. Letting the anger slip away once more, he spoke again, much calmer this time. "I can't. At least not yet."
"Okay, well, I can wait, Severus," she started to say.
"Good. Then, do as I say, please, and rest."
"Severus—"
He held a finger to her lips instantly to shush her. "Do not make me resort to other means, Celes," he softly warned, holding her eyes. "Grant me this one favor and just rest. Please?" He could tell by the way the corners of her mouth moved that she was two seconds from arguing, which made him sigh heavily. Why on earth had he married such a stubborn woman? "I will only hurt you if we continue this. Please. I beg of you, Aurora. Stop and just do as I ask."
It was rare to hear him beg anyone, let alone his wife. But it was the only way he could think of that would convey the seriousness of his trouble. When he saw her shoulders slump, he knew he had won. He slowly leaned in to her and gave her a tender kiss before he pulled back and quickly got to his feet. "I will return."
"You better," she replied just as equally soft as he had.
He held her look for one more moment before he whirled around and left for the hospital wing.
After waiting impatiently for fifteen minutes for her husband to return, Aurora found herself at her wit's end. She couldn't do this, just sitting around and waiting. She had to do something and get her mind off of the dark thoughts racing in her head currently. So, after tossing on a pair of sweatpants and one of Severus's shrunk-down t-shirts, she left as well.
The corridors were deserted, but that was to be expected considering how late it was. Everyone would be in bed, or at the very least their common rooms by now. She knew the only ones she had a rather high chance of running into would be whichever staff member was patrolling the hallways that night. A part of her hoped it'd be Septima she'd run across. Just so she could talk with her best friend and apologize for everything. Yet, Aurora knew her luck and how it was rarely on her side. Severus had been her long-standing fluke.
As she rounded what felt like the hundredth corner, she paused for a moment at the sounds of someone in a nearby corridor crying. She considered walking in a different direction, but if that person was hurt . . .
"Stupid. So stupid," a soft voice angrily whispered up ahead followed by a somber sniffle.
Aurora's eyes narrowed before she hesitantly rounded the corner. "I don't mean to intrude, Hermione," she announced softly as she approached, "but are you all right?" She caught the young woman's shoulders hunch up defensively and waited for her answer.
"I . . . I'm fine," replied the young woman shakily, swiping angrily at the traitorous tears that had leaked out. "Just had some . . . something fly into my eye."
"Ah." She then noticed the parchment in Hermione's slightly shaking hands. "From Mr. Weasley, I take it?" she asked, motioning towards the letter.
Hermione hesitated for a moment before she nodded slowly. Her brown eyes fell back to the letter in her hands, her shoulders slumping again. While she clearly was miserable, she seemed to want to be left alone as well, which Aurora would grant.
"Well, I'll leave you in peace then, Miss Granger." She turned to leave, heading past the young woman silently. She was almost near another corner when she heard the question.
"How did you do it all those years?"
Aurora stopped in mid-step and slowly turned back. "Excuse me?"
Hermione drew in a shaky breath before she held her head up a bit higher, meeting Aurora's eyes. "Everyone was so certain he had killed the Headmaster, that he hadn't changed his ways, that he truly was evil. Yet, you didn't believe any of that. You didn't . . ." She shrugged. "You didn't give up. I . . . how did you find the strength to ignore all of us doubters?"
She blinked. "Because I love him, Hermione." Her eyes then narrowed as her words echoed in her head. It wasn't a logical reason she was giving, she knew, but it was all she could think of at that moment. When she noticed Hermione's disbelief, she gave the young woman a warm smile before she slowly walked back to her. "There were times, sure, when I thought that I was wrong, that everyone else was right about Severus. He did do his best to convince us of his betrayal after all. But things just didn't make sense to me. Pieces didn't fit." She then gave a soft laugh. "Don't get me wrong. I was so upset with him after the whole Dumbledore thing on my tower. But did I truly believe in my heart that he had betrayed us? That he had returned to being a true Death Eater? I . . . no. No I couldn't believe it. So I placed my trust in my love for him and hoped to Circe above that I was right in the end."
"And you were."
Aurora nodded. "I was."
Hermione sighed quietly, glancing back at the letter. "I still do love him, Professor."
She gave the young woman an understanding smile. "Well, of course you do, Hermione. You never stop loving someone who has been in your life, your heart, for so long. It's not like the heart has a protocol to Obliviate one's self after loss after all." She caught Hermione's soft, tearful laugh. "It will get better, love. The pain will lessen in time."
"I know." Hermione wiped at her wet eyes again. "I had almost gotten over D. . ." Her voice trailed off before she glanced back down guiltily.
The young woman didn't need to explain any further. Aurora knew exactly what she had almost accidentally admitted, Hermione had nearly gotten over Draco as well. Sighing quietly, Aurora glanced out a nearby window. She could see the raindrops running down the stained glass windows, pooling in the windowsill.
"Ron was always my second choice," Hermione whispered, her lip trembling slightly. "I never told him that, but he knew it. I tried desperately to make him my first, but . . . there would be these moments when he could be just downright . . . rude and obnoxious."
"The Yule ball," Aurora stated quietly, recalling that night.
"Yes, but not just then. I-it was like there was this little voice in me that would whisper every now and then how he was using me. I didn't want to believe it. To believe Draco." Hermione sniffled, shaking her head. "But it was right there the whole time, the truth. I just had to open my eyes and see it."
Aurora glanced towards her briefly before frowning and turning back toward the window.
"I know how it sounds. A bitter young woman angry at the world." Hermione then huffed furiously and held the letter up higher. "He admitted it, Professor. He admitted to . . . to . . ." Her voice cracked as tears welled up in her eyes. "After he abandoned us, he ran into that . . . that cow."
"Ah." Aurora winced inwardly.
"He claims it was a mistake. That his outburst towards me earlier in the term was a result of his horrible guilt," Hermione ranted. "What complete Thestral crap. His guilt?" She laughed shortly in disbelief. "Perhaps if he had two brain cells, he'd have done the responsible thing and not shagged her!"
"Hermione," Aurora quietly cut in.
"Oh, whom am I kidding? This is Ronald after all!"
"Hermione, please," Aurora tried again.
"He'll shag anything he can get his hands onto!" She scoffed loudly. "At least Draco is a gentleman, an arrogant one but still a gentleman." She then ripped the letter up into tiny pieces, her eyes hardening. "I honestly can't even remember what I saw in Ron in the first place. That . . . UGH! I hate him! I absolutely hate him!" Flying up to her feet suddenly, she tossed the tiny pieces up into the air, letting them rain down all around them into piles. Hermione's wand then slid into her hand, and without a word, she flicked her wand at the piles, causing the small pieces to burst into flames.
Aurora's mouth dropped as she watched the witch unravel in front of her.
"Goodbye, Ronald Weasley!" Hermione snarled before she suddenly inhaled and all the anger from before had vanished once again. She glanced towards Aurora and smiled faintly. "Thank you, Professor. That was . . . rejuvenating to say the least."
Aurora stared at her in complete disbelief.
"Have a good night, ma'am." The young woman then whirled around and headed back towards the Gryffindor tower before Aurora watched her disappear behind the corner.
After standing there for another moment or two in utter shock, she finally snapped out of it when she noticed one of the ghosts floating in front of her slowly approaching. She whirled around and practically ran back to her rooms, slamming the door shut behind her soon after.
A few hours later, Severus entered their rooms to find her sitting on the sofa with her legs tucked underneath herself and one of his books in her hand. He raised an eyebrow at her but said nothing as he took a seat across from her.
"Have a good talk with Poppy, did you?"
Her husband shrugged somewhat. "Once we moved past her lecturing me as if I was a five-year-old, then yes, it was . . . acceptable."
She snorted, her eyes remaining on the same line she had been reading for the past half an hour.
"So," his eyes darted about the room, "what exactly have you been doing since I left?"
The book nearly fell out of her hands. "Don't ask," she replied, swallowing back her nerves.
"Oh?"
She closed her eyes and silently cursed herself. She was always an open book to him. "I will never look at Ron Weasley the same again." Terrible silence fell around them suddenly. After several minutes had passed, she sneaked a peek at her husband and saw his mouth slightly hung open.
"What?"
Tossing the book aside and throwing all pretenses away, she sighed and met his eyes before answering. "If I ever start to speak to a student again . . . try to help in other words . . . just hex me. Or better yet, just lock me up in the dungeons."
Severus stared at her silently, barely blinking his eyes in fact. His hand then came up to the back of his neck as he rubbed it. His mouth opened and closed several times before he finally just inclined his head, clearly confused.
"Thank you." She then patted the cushion beside her. "Sit next to me, please?"
He quickly went to his feet and sat beside her. When she instinctively curled around him, he rested his head against hers.
"So, is there any special thing she suggests we do in order to help you sleep better?"
He shrugged slightly. "Yes, but it's a moot point considering you're pregnant."
"What is it? What does she suggest?"
"That we duel." He then scoffed. "Which is ridiculous. How on earth is that supposed to make me sleep better? Of course her other suggestion wasn't any better. To cook together. It doesn't matter what, but that we should cook something together every once and awhile."
"Oh." Aurora then laughed softly. "I see."
"Yes. It's utterly preposterous." When she started to lift her head up, he pulled back and sighed at the loss. However, when a pillow suddenly hit him square in the face a moment later, he instantly regretted it. "What in the Nine Hell's was that for, witch?" he groused, glaring at his mischievous wife. She only hit him with the fluffy pillow again, laughing now. He quickly grabbed her wrists to stop the next impending attack and glared even more at her. "Aurora."
"Severus," she purred, grinning widely.
"Explain yourself." His eyes narrowed on her when she giggled.
"Isn't it obvious, love? She's wanting you to unwind. To relax. To loosen up a little. To play." She gave him a lopsided smile. "Heavens, we both could use a little frivolity in our life after all."
He raised a brow at her before he sighed and released her. "And you hoped to achieve that by smacking me with a pillow?"
"Well, it was either that or tickle you, and we both know how much you love being tickled."
"Point taken." He then shook his head before he got to his feet. "If that is what she's wishing, then I can think of a more enjoying activity than that."
"Oh? What activity?" When he suddenly picked her up off the couch and carried her in his arms toward their bedroom, she made a sort of muffled noise into his shoulder. He gently laid her upon their bed a moment later before he moved towards the door. Her hand against his wrist stopped him, though.
"Severus, stop, please. I . . ." The nervousness and loss of confidence had returned to her voice.
"I did not bring you here for that, Celes." He then seemed to decide upon something and crawled up onto their bed, lying next to her a moment later. He gently rolled the bottom of her t-shirt up to under her breasts before his long fingers tenderly drew the outlines of various runes on her swollen belly. He chuckled when he felt his unborn child's responding kick soon after. "Being here with you and our child is all I need to relax." He then brushed back one of her dark stray curls, locking eyes with her. His mask fell aside. "She believes I feel guilt for not being with you and our daughter when you needed me. And she's right, Aurora," he whispered, his voice steady and calm. "I do. I promised myself when we married that I would never allow any harm to come to you. And it did." He shook his head at her when she moved to argue. "I should've been there with you."
"You had to tell Harry—"
"No. I didn't have to tell him anything. Albus could have told Harry months earlier that in the end, Harry would have to sacrifice himself to the Dark Lord for us. But he didn't. Instead, he let that particular burden fall to me. I—"
"Stop. Please, my prince. I don't blame you. Not for any of this."
"Just let me finish."
"No. No I won't have it." She sat up, grabbing his face. "I won't have you blaming yourself for things that were out of your control."
"I should have been there with you, Aurora. I should've been there to protect you both."
"You were there, though, Headmaster," a voice suddenly cut in from the doorway.
Severus whirled around and frowned when he caught the four Hogwarts' ghosts and Peeves floating at the door. He should've known those wretched, nosy apparitions would butt in.
"I most certainly was not there with them," he growled, glaring at them. When Peeves suddenly waved his hand at them, Severus quickly shielded his wife from the approaching ethereal ball of light. But it was too late. The white light enveloped them in its warmth. Everything vanished until all that remained was a shimmering holographic-like scene of the headmaster's office.
Even though Aurora was in his arms, he saw another version of his wife crawling towards the door, a bloody trail following her. His breathing hitched at the sight. He then caught movement as the figment of Michael Travers faded in and approached her from behind, yanking her to her feet. Travers's wand was pointed ominously at her.
"Say hello to Snape in hell for us, will you?" Travers sneered.
"NO! SAVE HER!" his own voice screamed from somewhere out of sight.
Severus then saw the bright blinding light appear from memory Aurora. He felt the wave of raw energy slam against them and watched as Travers and Dolohov crackled like broken plaster and shattered a moment later. He then watched as his own self faded in for a moment before vanishing.
Barely breathing, Severus and Aurora stared at the Hogwarts' ghosts in utter shock. "Help will always be given at Hogwarts," stated Helena Ravenclaw with a pleasant smile on her face, "to those who ask for it."
"And let it be known, Headmaster, that we will always take an especially careful watch over a Hogwarts' headmaster and his family in whatever danger they may be in," the Friar proclaimed.
"For that is our purpose now, you see?" Sir Nicholas said with a smile.
"To serve and assist you in any which way we can," finished the Baron. "Whether that be to help you rebuild the school or to defend your wife from mortal peril."
"We live to serve you, Headmaster sir. All of us," Peeves spoke in the most polite manner Severus had ever heard him use before.
"Now, rest, my dears," Helena softly said. "For the time will soon come when you will need it." Every single apparition then floated away, leaving them in peace.