A/N I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING! PARTS OF THIS CHAPTER ARE TAKEN FROM SEASON 4 EPISODE 10 I DO NOT OWN IT! THANKS TO MY BETA ELENA RAIN!

Without another word the three of them rushed to the hospital all just hoping and praying that Jean was ok. Kris nor Matt would survive if she died.

They rushed in and saw Pablo they ran over to him

"What happen?" Matt asked.

"How is Jean?" Kris wondered.

"They're operating on her now. They found a clot in her chest."

"But she's going to be ok right?" Kris asked.

"They don't know." Pablo sighed. "They have to wait and see if she regains consciousness."

"And there is a chance she won't?" Matt said.

Pablo nodded. "Yeah…" he answered softly.

Kris felt her knees start shaking. She had to be brave for Matt, this was going to destroy him. Matt pulled her into his side. She didn't know if he did it for her and for himself but she was grateful either way. She'd never admit this, but she was scared of losing Jean just as badly as Matt was.

Now all that they could do was wait. Kris and Matt sat down on the rock hard chairs. They were both silent not knowing what to say.

A little later Matt's head fell back against the fall. His eye lids felt like weights as he fought off the sleep. It had been a long hard day and all he wanted to do was sleep, but he was too scared to.

"Sleep." Kris said gently.

He gently moved his head from the wall to her shoulder. She stroked his hair hoping to soothe him to sleep.

"I can't." he whispered.

"Yes you can, just stop fighting it."

He shook his head again. "No, I can't."

"There is nothing you can do while awake anyway. Just get some sleep. Time will go by faster."

"That's what scares me, Kris. What if I wake up and…and I don't have a mother anymore?" his voice cracked and Kris felt her heart break.

"Matt, Baby, you've got to have faith. I'm sure Jean will be fine. Plus, something I've learned is that just because they aren't here doesn't mean they aren't your mother. Even in death she will always be your mother, Matt. Nothing can take that from her."

"I can't sleep, knowing that my mom may never wake up. I'll never be able to see her eyes or hear her laugh…I just…I can't."

"Shhh, you have to sleep, Matt. You'll be no good to your mother if you get sick. If she was here right now what do you think she would say?"

Matt chuckled through his tears. "Go home and take care of the horses."

Kris chuckled too. "Ok, what else would she say?"

Matt sighed. "Go to sleep…"

Kris smiled softly and kissed his forehead. "There you go. I'll be right here. Just close your eyes and try to sleep."

Sighing Matt let his eyes close and he was out like a light in seconds. Kris stroked his hair and just watched him sleep. She was scared, but Matt was petrified right now and she had to be there for him. She laid her head on his and closed her eyes. She was out in a matter of minutes.

After what felt like only five minutes, but really was about an hour. Someone put their hand on her shoulder. She jerked awake. She looked around quickly and relaxed when she saw Junior. He had a carrying tray full of coffee.

She looked next to her to see Matt was gone.

"Where is Matt?" she asked.

"In with the doctors, the just brought Jean back." Pablo said walking over.

"How is she?" Kris asked.

"We don't know yet, still waiting."

Kris sighed. Matt walked out of the room.

"How is she?" Kris asked again.

"There were no complications or anything during the surgery. Now she's awake and talking."

Kris sighed with relief. "That's great."

Matt nodded and smiled softly. "She's asking to see the two of you."

Kris and Pablo followed Matt back into the room.

They both did their best to smile, but it was hard seeing her so weak.

"Hey." She smiled weakly.

"We're so glad you're ok. We were so worried." Kris said taking her hand.

Jean weakly squeezed her hand. "I'm ok. I just need to get some rest."

"Yeah, yeah, you take as much time as you need. "I talked to, Todd. He's going to stay at school for now. Plus we're going to scratch the horse race tomorrow and cancel the next group of Dudes."

Jean looked like she was going to cry. "But you've been working so hard to get the horses ready and the kids are coming from the Fresh Start program."

"I know, but I talked to the Director and she understands." Matt said.

"The Director might, but the nine year olds won't."

"We need to focus on you."

"I don't want to be focused on." Jean whined. "I want the horses to Race and the kids to come to RainTree."

"I know you do, Mom, but…"

"Please, just do it for me."

"You know…" Kris started slowly. "We do only have one more day of training left, and then we're done."

"Kris, it's still too much." Pablo said.

"We have put in a lot of training." Matt said.

"The kids will be a lot of work."

"No more than the normal guest and they're coming with Counselors."

"Please." Jean begged.

"Ok, ok we will stay open." Matt told her.

"No more worrying. Trust me, RainTree is in good hands." Kris smiled.

Jean smiled back.

The next day, everything was running smoothly. The staff was a major help and Junior and Dani dropped by to help out too.

Kris was just about to go check on the horses when one of the Counselors came over to her.

"Kris, I heard the ride to Indian Cliffs was canceled." She said.

"Yeah, we're short staffed without Jean here and she normally leads those rides."

"But we've spent the whole week studying the Indians. We don't want to ride in the rink." One of the kids said.

"I know and I'm sorry but there is nobody to take you.."

"Come on, go ride the horses and then you can make a craft." The Counselor told them.

"We did that the whole way here." The girl sighed.

"All right, head back to the rink I'll be there in the minute."

The girls sighed and walked away.

"Look, I normally wouldn't say anything but…Renee last her mother a couple weeks ago. She's on her own. So if there is anything you can do it would mean a lot."

Kris sighed. She knew the feeling of losing your mother and it had to be even harder for her because she was so young. Kris nodded. "I'll make it happen. Have them tack up their horses and meet me in front of the barn at 11."

The Counselor smiled. "Thanks, Kris."

She ran back over to the two girls and told them. They both started to jump up and down and cheer. Kris chuckled.

She ran over to the Paddock where Wildfire was.

"Hey, Buddy."

Wildfire went right over to her. She chuckled as he pressed his nose to her neck. "I missed you too."

She kissed his nose. "How would you feel about going for a ride?"

Wildfire neighed and nodded happily. Kris laughed. "All right."

She went in and attached his leash and led him back out. She ran into Matt.

"Hey, what's going on?" he asked.

Kris explained the situation to him. He sighed and nodded. "I know how scared I was with just the thought of losing my mom. I can't even begin to think about she feels actually losing her mother."

Kris nodded. "I have to do this, Matt. I'm sorry, but I just have to."

Matt nodded. "Go, we can handle things until you get back."

Kris smiled and nodded.

She went to the barn and tacked up Wildfire. She led him to the front of the barn and saw the two girls. They would practically bouncing with excitement.

Kris smiled. "All right, who is ready to see some cliffs?"

Both girls jumped up and down raising their hands. "I do, I do!"

Kris chuckled. "Well then hop on your horses and lets go."

Kris gave each of the girls a leg up and then got onto Wildfire fire. She led them out of RainTree and down the trial.

As they were riding Kris decided to talk to them.

"So, how long have your girls been riding?"

"Renee taught me, when we met a few years go." Carmen answered.

Renee didn't answer. She just got this sad look on her face.

"Renee, are you all right?" Kris asked.

She nodded. "I've been riding my whole life. My mom grew up around horses and so every weekend my mom would take off of work and she'd teach me to ride."

Kris sighed and pulled Wildfire back a bit so she could ride next to Renee.

"You know, I lost my mom too. I know it's scary without her huh?"

Renee nodded. "I keep thinking I'll see her again but I never do."

"You will. One day when you're really old and you've lived a full happy life you'll see her again. I promise."

Renee smiled softly. "Really?"

Kris nodded.

"Will it ever stop hurting?"

Kris sighed. "It's going to hurt for the rest of your life, but after a while it lessens."

"How did your mom die?"

"Uh…"

How did you explain a drug overdose to a nine year old?

"She…she took some stuff that she shouldn't and the doctors couldn't get it out in time."

"I'm sorry. My mom was killed in a car crash."

"I'm sorry."

Renee just nodded. "Do you know what I love most about horses?"

"What?"

"How they can always tell what you're feeling and when you're feeling sad they try to make you feel better."

Kris smiled. "That's my favorite thing too. You know, Wildfire here is very good at making me feel better when I'm sad. He always comes right up to me and puts his nose in my neck and gives me a great big kiss."

Renee giggled. "That tickles!"

"Yeah, but it always makes me feel better."

"I like Wildfire he's really pretty."

"Thank you. When we get home you can give him a carrot."

"Yeah!"

Kris chuckled. "All right, what do you say we pick this speed. You want to canter?"

Renee nodded.

"All right, Carmen are you ok with that?"

"Yes!"

Kris laughed and looked to their Counselor and she nodded.

Kris smiled and tapped her heal a bit. Wildfire and others started to canter together. The girls giggled the entire ride. Kris was happy Renee opened up to her and trusted her enough. It felt good being able to help someone so young.

The girls loved the ride. They were so excited to see the cliffs. It turned about being a great ride.

They spent about an hour at the cliffs then headed back to the ranch.

After they returned Kris helped them cool their horses down and put them in the paddock. After that she grabbed some carrots and gave them to the girls. The girls each fed Wildfire a carrot and giggled as his big tongue tickled their hands. Kris smiled and watched. This was all worth the stress that it took to keep RainTree opened.

"Kris, can I brush him?" Renee asked.

Kris smiled and nodded. "Sure."

She handed Renee a brush and she smiled widely and started to brush the horse.

After a long day the kids finally went home and all the work was finally done for the day Kris made her way inside and smiled at the smell of food. She dropped into the kitchen chair. "I'm so tired."

"How can you be? You got to run around and play with Wildfire all day." Junior teased.

"I did more than that. Chasing two nine year olds around all day is harder than you think." Kris said.

Junior shook his head. "Try, 10 nine year olds, all asking different questions at the same time."

"You just need to know how to handle kids, Junior. It's not that hard."

"Easy for you to say."

Kris just giggled and shook her head. She looked over to the stove and smiled at Matt.

"How was your day, Babe?" she asked.

"Crazy, but the horses are all ready for tomorrow. I think we're going to win." He answered bringing four plates of food to the table.

"That's great. How is Jean?"

"Improving, She said she'll be watching the race on tv tomorrow, cheering us on from her hospital bed."

Kris giggled. "That's good to know."

"Well we better eat and get to sleep. We've got a big day tomorrow. Especially you, Ms. Jockey. You need your rest."

Kris chuckled. "I'd rather skip eating and go right to sleep."

Matt chuckled. "I can't let you do that. Just eat a little then you can go to bed."

Kris nodded and they all ate their dinner. It was quiet because they were all soo tired and ready for sleep.

Once they ate Junior and Dani went home and Matt and Kris went up to bed. It had been a long day and they were all exhausted. They knew tomorrow was going to be an even longer one.

The next day was the race. Everyone was pumped and excited for it. Kris couldn't wait to race again. The first race she had Nakya and it worked wonderfully. Nakya had a great start in the lead but an even better finish as he practically zoomed past the finished line. Kris and Matt were so excited. All their hard work was finally paying off.

The second race came and went, The Davis's won the second race…and the third. Kris was starting to get frustrated. She hadn't been out of the saddle that long had she?

She the back rook she let out a groan of anger and started pushing things off the table. Matt quickly came running in before she tore the place apart.

"Hey, hey, hey, it's ok. It's ok!" he told her. "Let's just focus on the others, ok?"

Kris sighed and nodded. He was right, just because they lost two didn't mean they'd lose the others right?

Wrong, the next two races were a loss too. Kris was so angry at herself. Why wasn't she doing good enough to win?

She sat in the back room with her head bowed. If she was angry with herself, she didn't want to even think about how angry Matt was at her. He walked into the room carrying something.

"Here, this is for you and Flame. You're going up again Tiger's Eye and Tamarack. We need all the help we can get. This next race is a big one."

"What is it?" Kris asked softly.

"My grandpa lucky racing silks. He made all his jockey wear them for big races and they never lost."

Kris took the silks room him but still kept her head bowed. "It wasn't the silks that won the race, Matt. It was the jockeys. I think you better start looking for a new one because I'm just not cutting it."

"Kris you're doing, great!" Matt told her.

"We've only won one race, Matt."

"So what? One is better than none isn't it?"

"I'm letting you down, and I'm letting Jean down. I can't do this anymore, Matt. I'm sorry."

"No, you don't get to run away from this."

"You'll find someone who is better."

"There is no one better than you!"

"Oh yeah! I'm sure the other jockeys out there would laugh if you told them that."

"I don't care. I know you, Kris, and I know you can do this. If we lose, we lose, there will be other races. You have a gift, Kris. You have a true gift and none of the horses in the Dirty Dozen trust or even respond to any other rider expect for you. We've only been training them for a few months. It's there first race. It had nothing to do with you or them. All right. You can do, this Kris. I know you can. If we lose this last race, then fine we lose. It's not going to change anything between us. I will still love you."

"You won't be angry with me?" she said in a whisper.

"No, Kris I'll never be angry at you for losing a race because I know you put everything you have into winning and I know you try your absolute hardest to win. Now, we post in 20 minutes. I want to see you smile and walk out of here with a confident smile that I know you have."

Kris just sighed. Suddenly she squealed when Matt pinched her knees.

"That's better." He smirked.

Kris smiled softly and leaned in to kiss him. "I love you, Matt."

"I love you too."

They kissed softly and Matt left to let her get ready.

The last race come and Kris raced her best but in the end it wasn't good enough. She lost. Both Matt and Kris were upset. They had worked so hard and they only won one race. Now it was over.

They decided to go visit Jean in the hospital. Kris had to face the music at some point. When they got there Jean was sleeping peacefully.

"I'm going to get a doctor." Matt whispered softly to her.

She nodded softly and he left. Kris went over to the chair by her bed and sighed. "I'm sorry. I know I failed you. I'm so sorry."

She bowed her head in shame and forced herself not to cry.

"You didn't fail anyone." A tired voice croaked.

Kris looked up to see Jean was awake. "I lost almost everyone one of those races."

"Kris, you've got to remember you've been out of saddle for months. It's going to take time for your to get real good again."

"I used to always win." Kris sighed.

"Kris, do you remember your first race ever?"

Kris nodded. "It was just me and Wildfire then."

"Did you win?"

"No, but that's because Tina Sharp…"

"That's not what I asked you, did you win?"

"No." Kris sighed.

"See, but after you started to really train and get good you won almost every race you entered. You've got to give yourself time, Kris. I'm not angry with you in slightest. I'm sad you didn't win but I am in no way angry with you."

Kris smiled softly. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up."

"It's ok. I've always told my children that when it came to their feelings there was no time limit on when they could lean on me. Same goes for you, you're my child now."

Kris nodded as tears filled her eyes. "I love you."

"I love you too. Come here, give me a hug."

Kris gently leaned down and hugged Jean. It felt so good to hear Jean call her, her child. She couldn't remember the last time someone called her that.

Matt watched from the window not wanting to interrupt. He was happy for Kris. She also needed that mother figure in her life but was too brave to admit it. Luck for them both Jean knew that.

When Kris pulled away Matt entered. Jean smiled at her son. "Hey."

"Hey Mom, sorry we didn't want to wake you." Matt said walking into the room.

"It's all right. I'm glad you did."

"Well we just came to check in and see how you were. We can leave and you can go to sleep."

Jean smiled. "I would never want you to leave, but I won't be much fun right now."

"It's ok we understand. Love you." Kris said.

"Love you both too. Good night."

"Night."

They both left the room and went back to the house.

After they got back to the house Kris went to see Wildfire. He always cheered her up.

"Hey, Wildfire, I missed you out there. You always made the impossible seem so easy." She said as she pet his neck. "I'm never going to be able to find what we had with another horse. Maybe I should just stop trying." She sighed.

Suddenly she heard someone coming. "Matt? Matt is that you?" He was the only other person who could be there. "Junior?"

"It's me."

Kris turned to the voice and saw Pablo walking over.

"Hey," she greeted "Congratulations on your big win."

"Thanks." Pablo shrugged as if it was no big deal. "How are you?"

"Well considering we lost five races…"

"You set your sights pretty high." Pablo told her.

"It was my chance to prove to Jean that I wouldn't let her down again and…and that's what I did."

Kris left Wildfire's stall and put the locked the gate. She walked passed Pablo and sat down on a nearby chair.

Pablo turned to face her. "Jean doesn't care about winning races or getting money. What she cares about is keeping her family together on this ranch. You've done that."

Kris just shook her head. "Not really."

"Yes, really, You were right, I haven't been where I should be…"

Kris looked over at his things. "Is that your training book?"

He just smiled and answered. "I'm coming home, Kris."

Kris instantly stood up and rushed into his arms hugging him as tight as she could. He had always been like her father and she had missed him so much. "Please," she almost begged. "Don't ever go away again."

"I've got no plans. How about you?"

Kris pulled back and looked at him. "Only Practice at five AM."

Pablo chuckled and nodded. "Sounds like a plan." Kris hugged him again never wanting to let him go. He kissed her head and rubbed her back. Kris just smiled. Her life was now official her life was perfect…if that was the case why did she still feel so sad?

A/N so anyone want to guess why Kris still feels sad? Leave me your thoughts in a review!

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