Chapter 13: Vice
Severus pushed shiny, black strands from Harry's forehead and kissed his brow. The boy smiled at him shyly as he positioned himself in Severus' lap. Leaning back, Severus let out a low moan as Harry's delicate fingertips traced the lines of his jaw. Smiling impishly, Harry began to nibble on Severus' earlobe. Each tiny lick sent Severus to near climax, and they had yet to shed their clothing.
"Enough. You will have me looking quite the fool with soiled breeches if you do not stop," he said breathlessly. He began to gently unbutton Harry's shirt. A tiny sigh escaped Harry's lips, and Severus could feel the boy's hardness settled against his thigh. God, how he wanted to take him right there!
Letting out a tiny growl, Severus pushed Harry flat against the bed as he stripped him of his shirt. His lips ghosted down the pale flesh just above Harry's spine and then to his shoulders. Severus' tongue made a similar journey up Harry's neck until the younger man was quivering with desire. "Turn over," Severus commanded roughly.
Harry's eyes were closed as Severus kissed him hungrily. Moans escaped both men as Severus positioned himself against Harry's thigh. Tender touches elicited the exact reactions that Severus was searching for.
Suddenly, Harry let out a gasp and opened his eyes…Daniel's eyes. In that instant the illusion passed. Daniel reached to pull Severus into another kiss, but the lord pulled away. "That is enough for tonight, Daniel."
Severus watched as the whore fell back against his bed, disappointment written across his handsome face. For a brief second, he considered that Daniel had truly desired him, but then he dismissed it. He was—despite his recent foolishness—intelligent enough to know never to trust someone who sold his body. Dressing quickly, Severus strode from Daniel's room feeling only slightly less frustrated than before. In the two weeks he had been coming to see the young man, Severus had not been released from his torment as he had hoped. Instead, he was plagued by the ever-present knowledge that Daniel was a poor substitute for Severus' true desire.
His Hanover Square home was dark and silent when he arrived. Not even the servants were about. With Dobby's residing with Miss Granger and Harry, there was no one to badger him as he strode through the door. Severus took careful consideration to make not a sound as he made his way into his chambers. He was quite accustomed to seeing to his own needs and stripped his clothing quickly.
Biting back a fervent oath, Severus tugged at the covers. His manhood was ramrod straight to the point of pain. Despite his dire need for release, he refused to see to his own satisfaction. He knew whose face would be in his mind as he came. He knew who he would be picturing beneath him. It was all one big fantasy by now, and his resolve was fading by the day. Would the burning ache cease if he had his way with the boy? Would he be tempted to put a pistol to his brain afterward? The answers were so close within his grasp, but he hadn't the will to find them. Instead, he reached for the bottle of laudanum sitting on his bedside table.
Severus was in a right mood the next day. His caustic remarks sent the servants scurrying about the house like frightened mice, and not even Victoria dared challenge him. He spent the majority of the day sequestered in his study with some of the latest scientific journals and a bottle of brandy.
"So this is where the infamous Lord Snape has been hiding," a wry voice said from the doorway.
Eying Lucius Malfoy, the Earl of Dunhavan, Severus simply took another sip of his drink. "I hadn't thought you had it in you to be rude enough to simply appear like this, Lucius. Your wife must be beside herself."
Lord Lucius was a force to be reckoned with in London society. At five and forty, the earl was decidedly unmarked by time but not unmarked by dignity. He strode across the expensive rug with his elegant walking stick still in his grasp. For a brief moment, Severus considered that he would hit him with the thing. "You're a mess, Severus," he intoned plainly.
"So I've heard," Severus ground out. He had no doubt that Victoria had been carrying tales to Lady Narcissa.
"There has been talk that you are simply another fool caught in Madame Delacour's web, but I put little credence in such rumors. However, there has been talk of another kind," Lucius told him as he took a seat uninvited.
Severus looked away.
"I have heard," the earl continued, "through the service quarter that you have been going through a bottle of brandy a day and nearly as much laudanum in a week. From the look of you, those rumors are indeed true. You smell of the drink, and your eyes are shot. My god, Severus, what has you in such a state?"
For the first time since he had left without saying goodbye to Harry, Severus felt well and truly ashamed of himself. Perhaps, he was not being nearly as discreet as he had credit himself for. He sat up straight and attempted to right his cravat. "Thank you for bringing it to my attention," he said lamentably. "I will see to the state of things immediately."
"You did not answer my question."
"No," Severus agreed. "Indeed, I did not. Nor do I have any plans to do so."
Lucius leaned back. "Is it a woman or a man this time?
"I don't see why it matters." Severus let out a snort of distaste. As boys in school, Severus had made the drunken mistake of sharing his preferences with the son of an earl and earned a somewhat sideways friend for it. It was not unheard of for boys to dally with each other in the dormitories. Many a man's first encounter was not with a woman. Yet it was different for Severus, and that was the grand secret that Lucius now held. Though Lucius said nothing on the matter to signal that he disapproved, it was never far from Severus' mind that Lucius would actually use the information against him if need be.
"It doesn't," Lucius allowed. "Either way, have it out with your wench and be done. All of this sulking is not like you"
"I am seeing to it," Severus replied curtly. He pinched the bridge of his nose wearily. "Did you come all of this way just to lecture me?"
Lucius smirked. "Would it appease you if I said no? Narcissa wanted to visit with Victoria, and I have a few other things I would like to discuss with you."
The two spent nearly an hour discussing their various business endeavors. Neither man was idle nobility. They had built most of their friendship on like-minded entrepreneurial ideals. As boys at Eton, Lucius had confided in Severus that he wanted to surpass his father's staggering wealth—a task that was not taken on lightly, to be sure. Severus, however, just hoped to put aside the shame that his degenerate father had brought upon the family. Over the years, both men had seen to their goals by coming to an agreement of sorts. Though not a dimwitted man by any standards, Severus did not have the knack nor the finesse for any real business pursuits and was quite comfortable allowing Lucius to make most of the decisions. Severus' part was best played when he signed for some of the deals that were seemingly below an earl.
After Lucius' departure, Severus pulled out a small stack of letters from his desk. Miss Granger had been sending him daily progress reports—without being asked to. At first, Severus had merely tossed them in the drawer, determined to push any thought of Harry from his mind, but he had soon fallen from his convictions. Severus had—quite pathetically—read each missive at least a dozen times over. He began shuffling through them once more.
May 7, 1828
Lord Snape,
I must admit that I am still very disappointed that you will not be around to see Harry's achievements in person, but I have decided to refrain from commenting overmuch on the subject. I assure you that it, in and of itself, is no small endeavor. However, I cannot believe that you would not wish to know how Harry is progressing, and to that end, I have chosen to write you.
Miss McGonagall and Mr. Weasley arrived today. I must admit to being pleasantly surprised by them. Miss McGonagall is not an easy taskmaster. She is quite efficient and has an amazing way of keeping Harry contained. I have not yet seen Mr. Weasley at work. He does seem to be a kind and attentive man. I was saddened to learn that he had lost his hearing in the war, but he has gained a purpose from the loss.
Harry did not have much of a lesson today. After learning the gesture for "fish," he seemed to lose interest. Miss McGonagall says that it isn't uncommon for those in Harry's situation to think that signing is a game at first. She assures me that he will soon get the right of it and that he will be a more willing pupil after that.
With sincerest wishes,
Miss H. Granger
May 9, 1828
Lord Snape,
I am pleased to say that Miss McGonagall was quite right: Harry has finally realized that what we are showing him is more than a simple game. I daresay, you should have seen the look in his eyes when he finally figured it all out. I have never seen such enthusiasm. He is now quite insatiable, demanding a sign for everything he sees. I do not doubt that he has a long road ahead of him, but I am now quite confident that it will not be a road walked in vain.
With sincerest wishes,
Miss H. Granger
May 14, 1828
Lord Snape,
I am pleased to tell you that Harry is making splendid strides. Why, this morning Harry was able to ask me for more bacon! It seems such a trivial thing, but it means so very much. Harry also asked if he could visit the horses in the stable. Though we have not yet had been able to enjoy a true conversation, I am hopeful that we will soon enough.
May 17, 1828
Lord Snape,
Harry has become quite saddened of late. Nothing has happened as far as I can tell, and Harry is still not able to really express anything too complicated. Though he has not slacked in his lessons, it is obvious that his mood has affected his learning. Miss McGonagall tried to use this as an opportunity to try and teach Harry how to convey feelings in sign but was only able to frustrate the poor boy.
With sincerest wishes,
Miss H. Granger
May 20, 1828
Lord Snape,
I wish you would visit. Harry is improving quickly. You would be pleased to see how far he's come. Though not fully educated, he has already taken steps toward becoming quite a gentleman. He follows instructions well and no longer wanders like a lost lamb. In fact, there are times when he is barely recognizable as the boy I first met. Now, Harry and I are able to communicate in basic terms. He tells me when he is hungry, when he wishes to rest, what he wants to do for the day, and asks questions—though I am not always able to answer. He asks where you are. Harry misses you.
With sincerest wishes,
Miss H. Granger
Severus refolded the letters and tucked them safely away once more. If only he was not so enraptured by the boy, he would have undoubtedly come to visit. Were he completely honest with himself, he would have to admit that he had missed Harry, as well. There in lay the quandary: Severus was not about to let himself be tempted again, but he did hate disappointing the boy. He had no way of explaining his absence to either Miss Granger or Harry. In short, he was trapped in an exile of his own making.
Two days passed after Lucius' visit, and Severus had touched neither brandy nor laudanum. He spirits were decidedly low, but at least he was no longer making a drunkard of himself. Victoria had even been bold enough to comment on his restraint. It seemed she too had been concerned about his consumption. However, those mere two days had passed slowly. Severus couldn't help but feel the old, restless guilt building inside of him. Without the support of his vices, he became weary quickly. On the dawn of the third day, Severus finally decided to visit Harry.