He was still in a daze as he wandered through the hallways and out of the building. He could not believe that the panel had let him go without any consequence whatsoever, especially when they originally had planned to sentence him to death.

Shouldn't he have died, anyway? Didn't he deserve it?

His thoughts simply spiraled down deeper and deeper into an abyss. There were simply too many questions that hindered his logic, and he couldn't even form one cohesive conclusion in his brain.

As he walked out of the courthouse, he saw Shiho leaning on one of the outer pillars of the building. His pace quickened, and before he knew it he was sprinting to her.

"Shiho!"

She looked startled by his sudden appearance, but her expression quickly softened.

"So I'm guessing they let you go?"

Yzak nodded. The last time he saw her look so gentle, so peaceful, was when he saw her in the hangar of the Vesalius with her CGUE. It added to the jumble of confusion in his brain. He couldn't understand why she looked that way for him. Wasn't he a dirty murderer? And didn't he almost break his promise? Again?

"Why?"

The only word he could manage to say was as hoarse as when he answered her call the day before. Shiho raised an eyebrow.

"What do you mean, why?"

"…The petition. And why are you here?"

She simply answered incredulously, as if she was explaining a simple problem to a child.

"The petition was from the entire team, you know? They all look up to their commander so much more than you've probably realized. Besides, I thought it was my job to keep you out of trouble."

Yzak felt guilt grip his heart.

"I… I deserved it, you know?"

Instantly, Shiho's eyes hardened. She looked like she was about to hit him, but decided to shout instead.

"Yzak Joule!"

Her voice was a harder blow than any punch she would have been capable of. He simply stood there, wide-eyed, as she continued on her tirade.

"Don't ever say that, Yzak! Ever. You were only doing what any other soldier would have done. It's not your fucking fault. And if you do feel guilty for everything you've done during the war, then dying here, now, would only be an insult to the dead! You survived, and you have the duty of carrying all those lives on your shoulders."

She inhaled, and continued firmly but calmly.

"Living is your penance, Yzak. You made it through, and now you will live for all those who didn't."

"But…"

"We are all murderers. It's called war. Weren't you the one who said we need to just suck it up and move on?"

There was unmistakable strength in her voice. He shook his head in defeat; there was probably nothing in the world that Shiho couldn't do if she really put her mind into it. Leave it up to her to use his own arguments against him.

Somehow, her words always rang true, even when his mind was too jumbled to comprehend anything else.

xoxox

They agreed to have dinner together after that.

It was a slightly awkward meal; they had never been in each other's presence outside a warship. They exchanged a few nonchalant remarks about the unfamiliar peace, but he really had no idea what to say to her. Any civil conversation they had during the war was related to duty, which was no longer a valid topic. Despite what had happened earlier that day, somehow an unbridgeable distance was forming between them. Whatever bond they shared was slowly melting away with the tension. Were those few, fleeting moments they shared simply a result of an unwilling alliance, caused by the pain and misery of the battlefield?

It then dawned on Yzak that Shiho Hahnenfuss in civilian clothing, the Shiho Hahnenfuss who sat in front of him then, was a complete stranger to him.

The realization put him on an emotional free fall. He had been so afraid to lose her before Jachin Due, and now she was slipping away from his hands. There was absolutely nothing he could do about it. The war was the only thing that caused their paths to merge, and now that that was gone, their paths were diverging.

"I'm requesting a transfer as soon as all this chaos is over. Back to R&D."

This is the end, it sounded to him. Her voice was calm, her gaze strong. He could only nod, and they both continued their meal in silence.

They walked out of the restaurant about an hour later. They faced each other and mumbled goodbye; they lived in opposite directions, and there was no real reason for Yzak to be sending her back to the dorms.

But even as words of farewell fell out of their lips, Yzak could not look away, and for some reason neither did she. They simply stood there for a moment, gazing at each other.

She was beautiful.

Yzak found himself reaching for her. As his skin touched her face, something snapped inside him. His body moved before he could even think, and he was kissing Shiho yet again. It was a harsh, desperate kiss, but she did not protest. In fact, when he pulled away for a breath, he could have sworn there was longing in her eyes.

In a matter of minutes, they were fumbling into the elevator of Yzak's apartment building kissing hungrily. He wanted nothing more than to drown in her kisses, her breath, her touch –any piece of her that he could still hold on to. By the time they reached his door, all thought had given way to the heat of their bodies. Their tangled limbs and hot, heavy breaths dominated their senses, sparking a kind of passion that neither knew existed in them. Yet as he drifted off to sleep with her pale back in front of him, he knew something about it was terribly wrong.

xoxox

Even before Yzak opened his eyes the next morning, he knew she'd be gone.

Sunlight had found its way into his apartment despite the heavy shades. He stared at the empty space beside him; the white sheets reflected more light than was pleasant for his groggy brain. He would have thought that the night before had been merely a figment of his imagination –a fairly disturbing figment- if it weren't for a faint, lingering scent he knew was hers. Floral. He never thought Shiho to be the kind of woman who would smell so distinctly feminine, but he supposed it made sense. She was the Housenka after all.

He sat up and grimaced. They had made quite a mess getting to his bedroom the night before. He rubbed his forehead, fighting the frustration that threatened to take over him.

He was a mess. A complete and utter mess.

He stretched his arms into the empty space in his bed before he finally decided to get up. Even that action added to his crankiness. Yzak Joule valued order. He did not enjoy seeing his apartment in disarray, and neither did he enjoy being a slob.

He picked up his ZAFT uniform from the floor in an attempt to straighten things up. His frown deepened when a piece of paper fell out of the pockets.

It was the note he received from Dullindal after his trial. He glared at it, but when he realized that that would not make it go away, he reluctantly picked it up.

"Living is your penance, Yzak."

He sneered at himself for thinking about her, even then, as he reached for his phone.

So this was Part 2 of what was supposed to be one chapter. Anyhow.

I know Yzak technically gave Shiho her alias, Housenka. Housenka is Japanese for the balsam. In case anyone was wondering. I know it sounds like Yzak wasn't the one who proactively called her that though. I'm sorry. It slipped my mind when I wrote it. I reached this point and realized, "Crap, I forgot to write an episode about that." So for the purpose of the fic, the alias was always just kinda there. Sorry...

The last part of this chapter is possibly my favorite part yet. What do you guys thing?

As always. Thanks for reading and please review!