A/N: Second update in two days! I'm on a roll.
Chapter Three: A Sort of Walking Miracle - [Case Report: Josiah Toombs]
Trial of Commander Kayleigh Shepard
Vid Log Evidence #0.00245A
[Toombs, 33, sits before the tribunal, running his palms up and down the legs of his trousers. His hair is going prematurely grey, and he looks near ten years older than his actual age. The lines around his face convey a weariness, though there's nothing in his body language that confirms this notion – quite the opposite. He practically thrums with unbridled conviction.]
TRIBUNAL: You served with Commander Shepard, is that right?
[Toombs levies an even look on the tribunal.]
TOOMBS:Yes, that's right.
TRIBUNAL: So you've known her a long time?
TOOMBS: Considering we've had minimal communication in the past three years, I'd say know is a little bit of an overstatement.
TRIBUNAL: But you've been able to trace the course of her career, have you not?
TOOMBS: Unfortunately.
TRIBUNAL: Do you have something against the Commander, Corporal?
[Toombs sighs heavily and runs a hand over his jaw.]
TOOMBS: Look, I knew Shepard before she was some big Alliance hero, or saviour or whatever they're calling her now. She was tough, but good. Then I hear she's working with Cerberus, and let's just say it's not a career choice I condone.
[His smile isn't happy.]
TRIBUNAL: So you're saying that, prior to her affiliation with Cerberus, you wouldn't have believed it possible?
TOOMBS: No. Not Shepard. Even before – no.
o-o-o
Despite what the vids and the propaganda liked to spew, there was nothing particularly glamourous about working in the Alliance. Sure, seeing new worlds was kind of awesome, as was the prospect (she supposed) of encountering the alien races, but really, it was just a really, really disciplined gang. You know, with fewer crimes and (in theory) less racism. But she hadn't been looking for glamourous when she enlisted, or glory, or even heroism. What she wanted from the Alliance was something they were all too happy to offer: a way out.
After she – after Tybalt's death, after all the shit that went down on Earth, she needed to get gone. It was like she finally saw Earth for what it was – a fucking dump, a wasteland of crushed dreams and broken promises and what might be the shittiest race in the whole galaxy. The Alliance let her get off planetside, and when she entered basic training, she was damn sure that she wasn't going to make friends. Relationships complicated things, even platonic ones.
All she had to do to know that was ask all her friends back in the Reds. Oh wait, she had none.
Of course, that plan went down the shitter real fast. If people joined gangs to have a sense of family and community, the Alliance drilled it into their recruits whether said recruits wanted it or not. Didn't mean you had to share every goddamned detail of your life, or even most of them, but if you couldn't be friendly with the men and women around you, you were fucked. Which was, long story short, exactly what happened to Shepard.
She couldn't look at her current squad with anything other than a subtle admiration. She'd just reached the rank of Service Chief, and at twenty-three, that wasn't bad. Obviously she was doing something right. The fact that she was handy with a sniper rifle and tactical cloak probably didn't hurt. Somehow, battle and shitty food did a lot to bring people together.
Of course, she'd learned that most conversations weren't exactly of galactic import either.
"I'm telling you," Rossi was saying over dinner in the mess hall, "asari don't think of themselves as male or female."
"You have to be shitting me," replied Chang. "Have you seen the tits on some of them? I mean, really. There's no way you can look at those and say, yeah this is totally a guy."
"Nobody said anything about anyone being a guy, asshole," retorted Rossi. "If you had ears, you'd realize that I said they don't think of themselves as either. And I guess it makes sense, because although they need another partner for babies or whatever, it's not like a sex thing."
"Too bad," muttered Chang into his instant mashed potatoes.
"I think you're wrong though," chimed in Toombs, and this, more than the rest of the asinine conversation, was what made Shepard look up from her news feed and actually pay attention. Toombs was generally pretty quiet, only speaking up when he felt he had something genuine to contribute. With all the bullshit that tended to be flung around, Shepard found it was a quality she could appreciate, even if it wasn't one she could put into practice. "They might not need a sexual partner for reproduction, but that doesn't make them genderless, it makes them sexless."
"I know for a fact they're not sexless," said Chang, waggling his eyebrows.
Shepard set down her datapad and leaned over the table, catching Chang in her sights. "I don't think so, Chang. I'm told they need to mindfuck you to actually fuck you, and considering you have no brain..." She let a shrug finish her sentence and leaned back, throwing a wink at Toombs who hid his smile in his glass of water.
Chang pointed a fork in her direction, and said, "Shepard -" but didn't get any further than that, because a voice over the PA asked for him and Rossi, engineers that they were, to go fix some mechanical failing on the ship. Chang settled for throwing Shepard the age-old I'm watching you gesture as he hastily gathered his things and left.
Nothing was said for a couple beats, and then Shepard said, "You're right you know. Or I think you are. Gender's just a societal construct, and since asari flit around in skirts and heels and makeup and whatnot, you could argue they're way more woman than I am." Toombs paused mid-bite, his eyes honing in on her and making her fidget in her seat, suddenly defensive. "What, because I'm a foul mouthed bitch from Earth, I can't be smart? Thanks a lot, Toombs." She picked up her datapad to go return to her news feed.
"Hey," he said, and she looked up. Toombs was smiling again. "I never said that. I've been out with you, seen some of the stunts you've pulled off. I know you're smart, Shepard."
And because this was getting just a little too touchy-feely, Shepard sniffed. "Yeah, well, don't pass it around. I've got a reputation to maintain." She tried to go back to her reading, but couldn't quite keep the smile off her face, either.
o-o-o
Vid Log Evidence #0.00245A (Continued)
TRIBUNAL: Even before...?
[Toombs shifts awkwardly in his seat, letting out a rattling breath. A bead of sweat appears on his temple, but he wipes it away. His electric demeanour is momentarily stifled.]
TOOMBS: Look, do I have to say it? Before Akuze, okay? Akuze.
TRIBUNAL: I'm sorry, Mr. Toombs. I know this is difficult.
[He suddenly bares his teeth in something that may be a smile, but which looks more like a snarl.]
TOOMBS: You have no idea. No fucking idea. Only two people alive know what Akuze was like, and they're both participating in this trial.
TRIBUNAL: Mr. Toombs -
TOOMBS: I thought for a long time that I was the only one that survived. Even that wasn't totally based on my own merit. I should've known that if anyone could do it, it would be Shepard. She always had the stink of a survivor.
[His laugh is bitter, cynical, but there's the shadow of real fondness looming behind his words.]
o-o-o
It's just like back on Earth, she repeated to herself, struggling to keep her breathing under control. Her hands were shaking as she unjammed her rifle, hidden as she was behind some of what used to be the makos. You made it out then, you can make it out now. The rifle gave, and she pulled it close to her chest, wishing to some God she never really believed in that her hands would stop shaking. You've been through some tough shit, Shepard – just figure your shit out.
Beyond her, she could hear the moans and screams and panting of her comrades. A tear sneaked down her cheek, and she brushed it away with more force than necessary. Now was not the time to panic.
Even as she thought it, the part of her that was most definitely panicking was thinking: if not now, when?
When they arrived on Akuze, they all thought that probably, the colonists had just had some sort of technological error. Maybe they weren't syncing up with the comm buoys the way they were supposed to. As their vehicles had rolled into what was supposed to be the settlement, however, it was clear something was amiss. The buildings – what Rossi liked to call egg carton homes – were all destroyed. As in, little pieces scattered about. A few corpses remained, all in civilian clothing. They were thinking it was a slave raid when that... thing shot out of the ground.
Through her visor, her eyes scanned the horizon. There appeared to be something of a cave up on a ridge, but it wasn't close and it was all over flat terrain with almost no cover. She glanced around the wreck and saw that bodies littered the way. There were a few outcroppings of rock, which would be to her advantage, but really, she was just going to have to run for it. As she realized this, she fought against it – she couldn't leave her squad behind.
Her head snapped around as she caught movement from near the front end of another destroyed tank. She punched the button on her omni-tool, activating her tactical cloak and with a deep breath, she rolled out of cover, sprinting towards her fallen comrade. Strapping her rifle to her back, she skidded to a stop on her knees. It was Chang, his breathing laboured and his eyes lolling in their sockets. Half his face had been melted away by whatever that monster was excreting, muscle and sinew exposed and his helmet ruined. His body was twisted in an odd way.
She knew she didn't have medigel to spare, knew that she should keep it for herself, knew that in the Reds that's what anyone would have done... And that was exactly why she ripped open her packet and squirted it onto his face. Gingerly, she removed his helmet, cupping his uninjured cheek with her gloved hand.
"Chang?" she said, and her voice sounded abnormally high. She cleared her throat and tried again. "Yanlin, do you hear me?"
She didn't like the way those eyes whirled about before they rested on her. "Kayleigh?"
Shepard nearly laughed. "I told you not to call me that."
"Suits you." His hand floundered in the air, and she reached out to hold it close to her. "Kayleigh, you have to – go."
"Fuck that," she snarled. "you're coming with me, asshole."
Everything in her training said that with his back bent that way, with the position of his limbs and the extent of his injuries, she shouldn't move him. But training didn't cover what to do when your squad was getting eaten by a big fucking alien. She wrapped her arms under his pits and started to drag him under the cover of what was left of the mako. That was when the rumbling started, and though she shuffled back as fast as she could, they weren't yet under cover when that sickening shriek belted out from behind them.
Instinctively, she covered Chang's body with her own despite the fact that her shields were going to do jack shit. Her world erupted in pain as the acid ate through her armour, into the flesh of her back. If they didn't get under cover now, they were going to die. So despite the horrible feeling of pulling that ran down her spine as she recommenced her attempt, she and Chang were both under the mako after about the longest fifteen seconds of her life.
"Chang, you all right?" she gasped, cradling his head in her lap while trying to ignore the pain of her back. She told herself it was just like getting a tattoo.
Chang didn't answer. Shepard bent over him, his face upside down, and saw that he was staring blankly. She ripped off her glove and hovered it over his nose. Nothing. The mako rocked with the impact of that thing's secretions, and she could hear the sizzle of metal as it disintegrated. Her lower lip trembled, and the shaking of her hands intensified. For the first time in almost as long as she could remember, all she felt like doing was sitting down and weeping.
But that wasn't an option. If there was one thing she was, it was a survivor. She hadn't escaped Earth just to die on some godforsaken planet because of an oversized worm. Her gaze scoured the inside of the mako. There was half a radio left near the dash, and she grabbed it. Chang's omni-tool still looked functional too, so she took that – he wouldn't need it anymore.
Her rifle was damaged beyond repair thanks to the acid that claimed her back. She tossed it aside, and grabbed Chang's pistol. Useless, she was sure, against the giant outside, but she couldn't just leave unarmed.
The rumbling under ground started again, and she knew that was a bad sign. Wishing that radios were smaller, she stuffed it under one arm and crawled out. It had to be five hundred yards to the cave she spied before, but she knew it was her only chance. She ran, her legs pumping as she struggled to hold it together long enough to have some form of safety. Behind her, the mako exploded, and she glanced back long enough to see giant jaws close around Chang's corpse and drag him underground.
Holding the radio, she had only one hand to hoist herself into the cave, so she threw the radio in first. It sounded like it shattered on impact, but she couldn't worry too much about that now. She told herself if she could make a shitty omni-tool from the trash work at nine, she could fix a damn radio. All her muscles strained as she pulled herself inside and lay there on her belly for a few moments, heart rattling behind her ribs. From her belt, she pulled her last packet of medigel and, as best she was able, squirted it onto her back. It licked relief wherever it touched.
Tears came. She should stop being a baby and get over it. She'd beaten the odds before, and she was going to do it again.
She moved into a sitting position and clambered over to the radio, getting to work.
Over the next couple days, she worked at making the radio into a distress beacon. More than once, she had to go out and forage for spare parts off her dead companions. She tried not to think about it, because if she thought about it, she'd become a blubbering mess and that was about as useful as tits on a bull right now. She scavenged medigel too, and, thank god, a rifle. Whenever that fucker reared its head, she'd fire off a couple shots from under her cloak, doing her best to keep moving, to find whatever cover she could.
It was full dark by the time her beacon was operational. She recorded herself saying, "This is Service Chief Kayleigh Shepard of the 26th. My entire squad is down. Approach with caution – site is extremely hostile. Request evacuation." It buzzed and whirred and she hoped it was strong enough to break through the atmosphere surrounding Akuze.
Help arrived three days later.
o-o-o
CONFIDENTIAL
Alliance Report
File: 201531-21DPA – "Akuze Massacre"
WARNING: Misuse of this communication is a violation of Alliance Law, Directive 2361-15-LM,
Subsection 267, Paragraph 23, Article (h) through (n) of Regulation 153S, and subject to immediate imprisonment.
On March 31st, 2177, the 26th Platoon of Alliance Marines was dispatched to investigate the radio silence on the planet of Akuze. No communications had come or gone from the pioneer team in nearly 72 hours. Military intelligence suggested nothing amiss, and Alliance Command determined a technological malfunction was the most probable cause. The 26th was sent in to identify the cause of the silence, and to render aid if necessary. Shortly after touching down groundside, communication between the 26th and Command was severed.
When the SSV Bangladesh responded to a distress signal, they discovered the remains of the 26th. Upon reaching the site, they were attacked by a large alien life form that erupted from the ground. Using the ground team's canons, as well as a squadron of fighters, the rescue team was able to successfully exterminate the creature. Unfortunately, the 26th had all but been decimated.
Only one marine survived: Service Chief Kayleigh Shepard. She assembled a distress beacon from what little remained of her technology. She was badly injured, dehydrated, and delirious. She was removed and placed into medical care aboard the Bangladesh pending her arrival at Arcturus Station.
[...]
o-o-o
Vid Log Evidence #0.00245A (Continued)
TRIBUNAL: Is it possible that the Commander's association with Cerberus preceded the incident on Akuze?
[Toombs looks shocked.]
TOOMBS: Absolutely not.
TRIBUNAL: Are you sure?
[He leans forward in his seat, planting his elbows on his knees. His face is cold.]
TOOMBS: Listen – I don't know why Shepard joined up with Cerberus, and I don't care. They're evil. But there's no way in hell Shepard would've subjected our squad to that. No way.
TRIBUNAL: Tell us about your connection to Cerberus.
TOOMBS: They're the ones that kept me alive after Akuze – if you can all it living.
o-o-o
When Hackett's voice echoed over the comm, Shepard didn't expect much. Seemed like every other day, Alliance command was sending her orders to drop onto this planet or that, rescue these marines, disarm that bomb. It wasn't exactly that she minded – she was an N7 for better or worse – but with Saren out on the loose, trolling the universe with his own geth posse, it was more than a little annoying to be constantly waylaid.
That was when he dropped the bomb. "The only thing these scientists have in common is you, Shepard. They were all on Akuze."
The world hung suspended for a moment as her brain struggled to catch up. "Are you saying those bastards had something to do with it?" she said, and it was only upon hearing her angry words that she realized she was angry. Furious. Her hands were clenched at her sides, and if she hadn't blunted her nails the night previous, she'd have had little half-moons dotting her palms or worse.
"We don't know anything," said Hackett. "That's why you need to investigate."
So even though she normally postponed these side missions until after she'd dealt with the latest lead on Saren, and even though she was obsessed with keeping personal and professional lives separate (to her great detriment, a friend had once told her, but what the hell did he know) she ordered joker to make a beeline for that fucking system as fast as their engines can manage. She went down to the mess and tagged Alenko and Williams, telling them to prep their grear.
Her body was buzzing four hours later when she marched into that bunker on Ontaron, pistol drawn, ready for anything that might wait for her.
Or, at least, that's what she thought.
The sight of a mercenary – soldier or ex-soldier, from his stance – pointing a gun on the scientist didn't surprise her. The fact that this merc didn't seem to care that he had three marines staring down their guns at him demonstrated either determination or stupidity.
"Stay back! I've got no grief with you! All I want is this bastard!"
Something about that voice pinged at the back of her brain. This was her perp, no doubt about it, but her gut was telling her to hang on, that there was something up here. Where did she know that voice from? Earth? Why the fuck would one of her gang members be hunting down Alliance scientists? Okay, not Earth – someone Alliance. Her mind shuffled through possibilities.
"Mr Toombs, please, you're insane!" cried the scientist.
Reality fractured and shattered in an instant. If her training weren't so hardwired into her, she'd have probably dropped her gun. It took all her strength to stop her hands from shaking, and she lowered her gun because damn, she did not want a misfire situation here.
"Toombs?" she repeated, her voice shaky. And because she couldn't help herself, "Josiah?"
The merc – Toombs, he blinked and looked at her. "Shepard?" he said, like he didn't quite believe it.
"You – you're dead," she said, and tried to think of where he was on Akuze. She'd been standing behind what was left of a house when the ground shoot and the thresher maw erupted from the ground. With a scream to get out of the fucking way, she'd rolled away, wrapping her tactical cloak around her but bringing her rifle up to nail the fucker between the eyes. Toombs stood his ground, courageous son of a bitch, and she had to watch as that monster curled around him and pulled him beneath the surface.
In the years since, whenever she thought about it, there was the possibility that if she hadn't cloaked, if she'd stood with Toombs, he would've survived and she would've died.
It was a moot point now, anyways.
Toombs laid out how he'd survived. The scientists, the experiments, his escape. How it was all the mastermind project of some twisted organization called 'd tortured him, and his voice grew thick and she wanted to hug him as she'd only ever wanted to hug a handful of people. Fury bloomed in her chest. What if he hadn't been the only one? How many of her squad had been captured? How many had been subjected to that? Years had passed, and she'd thought the whole time that she was the only one who'd survived. Akuze had gotten her any posting she wanted, and hell, it had gotten her into the N7 program. What the hell was she supposed to do with this information? Somebody had to pay, and there was someone culpable standing right in front of her.
"Let me kill him," urged Toombs, and oh god, Shepard wanted to let him do it. No, she wanted to do one better and pull the trigger herself. She wanted bullets to blow that man's body apart until his insides were splattered all over the room and her weapon broke from overheating.
But that was personal life, and that was what she kept separate from her professional life. It gave her no pleasure to say, "We'll take him into custody."
"What?" demanded Toombs, outrage palpable. "This man ruined my life! He deserves to die!"
"Yeah," agreed Shepard, "he does. But not until he tells us everything he knows starting with why."
"I don't care!" shouted Toombs, and for a moment his hand wobbled and she was sure he was going to shoot the scientist anyways. But in the end, he brought his hands to his face. When he spoke, the tears were there. "I'm not a murderer. They couldn't make me one. As long as he goes to trial."
"I promise," said Shepard.
"Maybe now the screaming will stop," he said.
She almost told him that the screaming never stopped. That the second you though you were going to be mostly okay, all those old memories came bubbling up, punching you in the face, in the gut, so that you were short of breath sometimes with no fucking good explanation except that you lived while everyone else died.
But she kept her mouth shut, because maybe, hopefully, things would be different for him. She doubted it.
Shepard signalled for Alenko and Williams to apprehend the scientist and she stowed her gun, closing the distance between her and Toombs. He wrapped his arms around her, crushing her, but she didn't say a word as he wept. She stayed with him until a Fifth Fleet ship arrived and both he and Toombs were taken into custody. Toombs looked back, once, and gave her a small smile – probably the only one he could manage – before disappearing into the shuttle.
"You okay, Commander?" asked Alenko from behind her. From the corner of her eye, he almost reached out to put a hand on her shoulder but thought the better of it.
Shepard thought of Toombs as he'd been – quiet, mild-mannered, thoughtful. A far cry from the emotional wreck she'd just seen, and the thought made her want to kill someone, made her want to call the shuttle back and use all her Spectre authority to shoot that scientist in the head.
She shrugged off that feeling. She nodded once to herself and said, "Let's move out."
It was the closest she could get to no.
o-o-o
FWD:
Psychological Report for J.D. Toombs
Trial no: K.153046-O
NAME: Josiah Derek Toombs
DATE OF BIRTH: 6 June 2154
CASE NO: 24623326-LP
REPORT DATED: 25 October 2183
[...]
(2.4) TEST RESULTS
(2.4.1) DSM-IV POST TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER CHECKLIST (MILITARY)
• Repeated, disturbing memories, thoughts or images of a stressful military experience [X]
• Repeated, disturbing dreams of a stressful military experience [X]
• Suddenly acting or feeling as if a stressful military experience were happening again [X]
• Feeling very upset when something reminded you of a stressful military experience [X]
• Having physical reactions when something reminded you of a stressful military experience [X]
• Trouble remembering parts of a stressful military experience [X]
• Loss of interest in things you used to enjoy [X]
• Feeling as though your future will somehow be cut short [X]
• Trouble falling or staying asleep [X]
• Feeling irritable or having angry outbursts [X]
• Being "super alert" or watchful on guard [X]
• Feeling jumpy or easily startled[X]
[...]
o-o-o
Vid Log Evidence #0.00245A (Continued)
TRIBUNAL: Can you postulate on why the Commander would join Cerberus?
TOOMBS: Not a fucking clue.
TRIBUNAL: You've described the Commander as a survivor – can you think of any reason why this quality would cause her to destroy the Alpha relay?
[Toombs grows contemplative, head in hands.]
TOOMBS: No, I can't, but -
TRIBUNAL: Thank you for your time, Mr Toombs.
Next Chapter: While wasting time, Shepard gets a visitor – and the Lieutenant is none too happy about it.