When Dullindal fired the Requiem, Yzak knew it was over.

Whatever loyalty he might have held for Dullindal disappeared with the millions of lives that had just been evaporated. The Destiny Plan. A peaceful future.

War.

He was not fighting so they could make the same mistakes over and over again.

Yzak Joule had never cursed his position as a ZAFT commander as much as he did then. He wished he could act simply on his ideals, like so many around him seemed to. But he had certain responsibilities that he could not ignore, that bound him to the suffocating hierarchy and politics within the military.

It did not make it any easier that the "enemy" they were ordered to fight was the Archangel and the Eternal. Athrun Zala, Kira Yamato. Lacus Clyne. Dearka's Mir. They were his old friends and comrades. As much as their actions frustrated Yzak to no end, he knew that in his heart Yzak wished for the same things they did.

All they wanted was a future. A future where they could be free from the pain and suffering that had haunted them for so long. Where they could simply be with their loved ones and be genuinely happy for the first time in their short, miserable lives.

Dullindal's world was not this world.

His conviction only grew stronger when the Archangel and Eternal declared an attack against the Requiem. Just two ships against a wall of ZAFT fleets. It was sheer insanity, but they were right. There was no justice in defending the Requiem, or anything else that had the power to annihilate an entire people.

"So what are we doing now, Commander?"

Dearka's voice interrupted Yzak's train of thought. His tone was joking, incredulous almost, but Yzak could see the tenseness of his expression even through the monitor.

The orders were clear: eliminate the adversary.

"Should we just launch and suffer instantaneous defeat?"

Yzak growled at Dearka, but he knew the blonde had a point. If they did not engage, it would be seen as a clear act of disobedience towards ZAFT. But he was also painfully aware of the capabilities of Kira Yamato and Athrun Zala, not to mention the mobile suits they piloted.

Not that he had any desire to defend the Requiem anyway.

He scowled. Reason told him to at least feign obedience, to prioritize his goal to keep his team out of trouble. But his passion and dignity screamed for action. He wore the ZAFT uniform to protect his homeland and his people. He wore it because it was the one thing he knew how to do, the one way he knew how to change the world he lived in. Honor. Integrity. Even though he lost his way many times, he always stood firmly by his beliefs. The stakes were high, almost too high, but in the end there were some things he simply could not compromise.

"I'm going."

The entire bridge looked at him in confusion.

"The Voltaire will fall back and stay there. Do you understand?"

As soon as he saw his captain give a halfhearted nod, he rushed out of the bridge. It was a rash decision –a selfish and irresponsible one, nonetheless. He was still a member of ZAFT and the commander of his team. He was essentially abandoning his camp, his team, his duties.

But he knew that at least his conscience would be clear.

xoxox

As soon as he started up his GOUF, Shiho's face appeared on his monitor. He could not place her expression –anger, confusion, perhaps even sadness- but there was something heartbreaking about it. A sudden wave of doubt washed over against him.

"Yzak Joule, what the hell is going through your brain?"

Dearka's slightly concerned face popped up on the other corner of his monitor. Yzak tightened the grip on his control; he wondered if there was any way he could possibly articulate all of the thoughts and emotions that rushed through his body.

"Shiho."

"You can't just get up and leave like that. It doesn't work that way."

"I know, Shiho."

He knew, in his head, that he was doing the right thing. The moral thing. But he also knew that his decision would cause her pain. It seemed so twisted that he would be hurting the one person he loved, the one person who meant more to him than the entire world, by trying to do the moral thing.

How right was right, anyway?

"Are you trying to get killed?"

"I need to do this. The Requiem, the Destiny Plan, it's all bullshit. I can't just sit and watch this happen."

"Please don't do this."

Her voice was soft, pleading. It was not like her at all to betray any sign of weakness. Yzak closed his eyes; there was no denying the pain in his chest.

"Shiho, I'm sorry."

"…I'm not going to change your mind, am I?"

All he could do was shake his head slowly.

"I want you to stay with the team."

The words left a bitter taste in his mouth. He could not ask her to risk herself so that he could follow his moral conviction. He wanted her safe, and staying with ZAFT was the least dangerous choice. It was ironic, pathetic almost, that he would be leaving his post and his team just minutes after he proposed to Shiho.

But then again, sometimes his life seemed like one big twisted joke.

"No Yzak. If you're going, I'm going too."

Her harsh tone broke him out of his reverie. He looked at her face in bewilderment, but the purple eyes staring back were strong. Decided.

"Shiho, I can't let you do that. I want you safe. Alive. Besides, the team needs you, especially if Dearka and I both launch."

"And yet you are going."

"…Yes."

"I know the risks, Yzak, I'm not an idiot. But this is war. There is no such thing as a 'safe' place. Then I'd much rather stay by your side, even if I end up dying because of it. You're not leaving me behind."

The pit in his stomach was replaced by a strange warm feeling, and he was suddenly overcome by the desire to reach out to her, to hold her in his arms.

It was then that he finally understood.

She was his, the same way he was utterly and completely hers. There was absolutely nothing in the world that could part them. There were many twists and turns along the way, but at the end of their long, long journey, they had finally a home. A constant. The one thing that made all the pain they suffered worth it.

They shared the same fate.

"Then stay close to me."

"Roger that, Commander."

He looked at the two faces staring back at him in his monitor. No matter what awaited him in the battlefield, he would have the both of them by his side. Dearka Elsman, his comrade and best friend. And Shiho, the loyal, fierce, beautiful Shiho Hahnenfuss. They were more than anybody could have asked for. All the fear, guilt and uncertainty slowly dissipated into the air around him until all that was left was a quiet confidence.

"Yzak Joule, GOUF, launching!"

It was enough. What he already had was more than enough.

Now it was time to save the world.

I am sorry for my slow update; now I am officially back in school for summer classes, which means I will be updating at a snail's pace once again. Thank you so much for your patience.

I feel a little bad for Dearka for having to sit through Yzak and Shiho's heartfelt conversation over the intercom.

To clarify a little bit though, Shiho does not want Yzak to go because a. she does not want him to leave her, b. she does not want him to get himself into a court martial again.

Thank you for reading! Please review if you have some spare time on your hands.