A/N: Hello, lovelies. A quick note to my Angel Is A Centerfold readers. I haven't forgotten about you. I just haven't had time to breathe since I got back from vacation. Yesterday, I had a lull in work (does anyone work the day before a holiday?!), and I was able to write, but I won't write Angel at work. I do have SOME lines. Hah. Anyway. Update soon. Promise.

Now. I'd just like to say, on this American holiday of thanks, that I'm incredibly thankful for all you readers. I'm very sorry I don't have the time to respond to your reviews. They're so lovely, and they make me very happy. Thank you for all your feedback, all your love, and even thanks to all of my ornery anons who give me some things to think about.

~About Three Years Ago~

Bella's cheeks burned, and she couldn't look up at the nurse taking her initial information.

The nurse put a hand on her knee, sitting on the stool so she could look up at Bella. "Tell me what you need. I promise no one here is going to judge you."

Bella did her best to sit up straight. There was no reason for anyone to judge her. She was doing the responsible thing, and there wasn't anything wrong with that. "Is there…" She had to clear her throat, and despite her internal monologue, she still found it difficult to look the woman in the eyes. "There are different kinds of birth control. Other than the pill, right?"

The nurse nodded. "Yes, there's more than the pill out there. They all have their pluses and minuses."

"But for a lot of them, like the shot or whatever, someone has to call, right? They leave a message?"

Awareness flickered through the nurse's eyes. "Tell me what you're worried about," she said, her tone even and, as promised, lacking judgment.

"I'm not worried," Bella said, defensive anyway. "My boyfriend just worries for me. Like you said, there are pluses and minuses for every form of birth control. I'm just trying to avoid an argument, that's all." That was a perfectly adult thing to do. Mike was overprotective, that was all. He knew that any form of birth control could potentially wreak havoc on a woman's body. That was true of practically anything, but it was sweet of him to be so concerned. "He's been, uh… He's been pulling out. That's probably enough. I'm probably being paranoid."

"It's not paranoid to want to use protection," the nurse said, her tone firm. "This is your body, and you know best how to take care of your own needs." She leaned forward, her face and tone still devoid of any condescension or judgment. "Honey, if you're ready to leave him, we can help you."

Bella's heart hammered in her chest. She crossed her arms, indignant. "I don't know what you're talking about. All I want is birth control."

"Okay," the woman said simply. "The doctor's going to come in, and she's going to explain the options we have available for you."

~Now - Mid-May~

"Bella?"

Bella blinked rapidly, realizing Emily had been calling her name for a while now. "What?"

Her friend bumped her shoulder. "How are you?"

Taking a deep breath, Bella looked around, considering the question.

She'd been seventeen when she first visited a Planned Parenthood, and they had been amazing. True to their word, they had never judged her. In retrospect, Bella winced at what an idiot she must have sounded like, making excuses, as if it was normal for her boyfriend to be angry at her wanting birth control. The doctor had read between the lines of her worried questions and helped her settle on an invisible method of birth control. She'd also made sure Bella's file indicated that the shouldn't be called for a follow-up appointment when she needed to renew her birth control. No messages, no e-mails. It was printed in big, bold letters so Mike would never have to know she'd been there at all.

"I don't know how I am," she said to Emily. "I feel like I want the doctor to tell me all the tests were wrong and the barfing is just from normal anxiety." She shivered and rubbed her shoulders. "It doesn't help that I keep remembering. Being here like this, it feels like Mike won."

It had taken her too long to figure out she shouldn't have been so scared of her boyfriend finding out she'd gone on birth control.

Emily hugged her. "He's an asshole." She made a grudging grunt and rolled her eyes. "Edward...I don't know about you, but he's winning me over. Slightly. A little bit. At least enough that I don't think he's the same kind of asshole Mike was. Although that might not be saying much. What kind of a crazy ass is so adamant that his seventeen-year-old girlfriend have a baby?"

Bella shuddered, wrapping her arms around her middle. "He didn't want to have a baby. In fact, I'm pretty sure he would have been pissed if I'd actually gotten pregnant. Fucking prick." She drew her legs up onto her seat, curling in on herself. "He wanted to control me. Everything about me. He wanted control of my body."

It had taken a lot of therapy for her to accept what Mike had done to her and why. And why she'd let it happen.

"I know this isn't the same thing," she said, hating the tremor in her voice. "I believe Edward when he tells me this is my choice, and he's not going to do anything to take it away from me, but it all feels connected. Like Mike was right."

"Right about what?"

Bella closed her eyes, taking a deep, calming breath. "He said he made so many decisions for me because I was young and stupid, and he said I was lucky he was there to take care of me."

"You know it's him who was stupid, right?"

"Is it? That night, with Edward, I wanted the decision to be mine. I'm so sick of how much what Mike did still controls me. I hate how much power he has over me. So I made a choice. It was my choice and look what happened."

"Hey, stop it." Emily grasped her firmly by the shoulders, giving her the slightest of shakes. "We're all stupid, okay? All of us. It's just life, Bella. That's all it is. It's only assholes like Mike who think they're better at life than the rest of us, and you know better than that. Right?" She smoothed Bella's hair away from her face.

"I know," Bella said, sniffling hard to keep tears at bay. "What I know and how I feel are two different things."

Emily snorted. "Yeah, I get that." She touched a fingertip to the jagged scar that pulled at the corner of her eye. "I feel like an idiot every time I look in the mirror."

"You're not."

"I know. And you're not either." Emily gave a satisfied nod, and Bella smiled. A little.

"Isabella Swan?" a voice called, startling Bella despite the fact she'd been waiting for it. Her stomach twisted, and a cold sweat broke out on her skin.

Emily took her hand. "Come on, hon. We're just getting information, remember? It's going to be okay."

~0~

Twiddling with the envelope on her lap, Bella tried to remember why the hell she'd thought going to school in Arizona was a good idea. Of course, when she'd been considering schools, the state's abortion laws hadn't occurred to her.

"I guess there is a bright side to this whole fucked up mess," Bella had said to Emily when they left the clinic. "I'm beginning to figure out what I want to do with my life. Can you get a degree in being a women's advocate?" She blanched. "If I ever get to finish school."

Not for the first time, Bella shook that thought away and glanced at her cell phone. Edward was supposed to meet her in a few minutes. Though thinking about Edward wasn't exactly a distracting thought. In fact, it only increased her anxiety. Then again, what didn't?

The last month hadn't been kind to her. She'd lost enough weight that her gaunt appearance was beginning to frighten her. Whether it was normal morning sickness or extreme stress, she couldn't tell. The doctor had helped her come up with a list of foods she could stand for the time being and had prescribed her supplements to take along with the pre-natal vitamins.

"Take the supplements even if you decide to terminate the pregnancy. They'll help," the doctor had said. "Either way what's most important is that you take care of your physical and mental health."

There wasn't much hope for her mental well-being, but Bella, scared at how she could feel the knobs over her spine, had promised herself she'd let Edward buy her a bland lunch.

It was only by some small miracle, and a lot of encouragement from both Emily and Edward, that her grades hadn't plummeted. She found it difficult to concentrate, but Emily had helped her study, and Edward had gently encouraged her when he knew she needed to finish a paper.

Against all odds, Edward had been a bright spot for the last two weeks or so. He was the epitome of her first impression of him: kind and good. Sometimes, it scared her more than anything that she enjoyed him as much as she did.

She hadn't seen him in those two weeks, which was her decision. She could admit to herself she was testing him from a safe distance away, keeping their interaction to texts only. But over two weeks, he hadn't shown any sign of impatience, and he hadn't pushed her. He'd kept their conversation light, chatting back and forth about his job and her classes. She had a job too, working in the admissions office as a student aide, and he'd been surprisingly interested in her anecdotes.

It was all eerily, disconcertingly normal.

Bella looked up at a tap on her car window. She looked up to find Edward smiling at her.

He really did have a beautiful smile.

Bella looked away under the guise of getting out of the car. She hadn't known until she saw him again that she'd forgiven him for his reaction. More than that, she believed he wasn't a violent man. And that thought made her, for the millionth time that day and possibly the trillionth time since this whole mess had begun, think she was very stupid.

Was this a lesson she had to learn again?

Something in the marrow of her bones told her Edward was nothing like Mike had been, and just then, she had to trust that or she would go crazy.

"Hey," he said.

"Hi," she said, the word cracking around the edges as her mouth went dry.

Though she had asked him to meet her with this specific purpose in mind, it didn't hit her until right then what she was about to do. She understood now, well and truly, what it meant when people said that their lives were destroyed by an unplanned pregnancy. It was exactly that-pure destruction. No matter what choice she made, a few hours in the dark with this man had altered both of their lives.

Edward's small smile fell, and he took a step toward her before he stopped himself. "Are you okay? You've gone pale on me."

Her heart gave a flutter, and she leaned back against her car. "I've, uh…" She scoffed, shaking her head at herself. She couldn't see the point in small talk. She needed this conversation to be over and done with. "I've made a decision to make a decision."

His breath stuttered, and the blood drained from his face, but he only nodded at her. "Okay. What does that mean?"

"It means I can't live like this. I need to know what I'm going to do."

"What I told you before-"

"Don't tell me it's my choice. I already know that." Bella took a deep breath, trying to quell the nervous irritation rising in her. "Don't pretend that my choice won't affect you.'

Edward didn't answer right away. He shoved his hands in his pockets and leaned against the car, near her but giving her plenty of space. "Of course it's going to affect me, but there's no getting around that."

To her surprise, he laughed. It wasn't a happy sound. "I was thinking about my brother. I have an older brother. I don't think I ever told you that."

Of course he hadn't. Neither of them had said anything very personal in the last two weeks. "You didn't tell me," she said.

"There's a point to this, I swear." He stared off into the distance, his jaw tense for a moment before he spoke. "Emmett has four kids. From three different mothers, none of whom are his wife, by the way, but that's neither here nor there. He started having kids when he was seventeen."

"Jesus," Bella said, startled by the idea.

Edward nodded. "All of that is a long story. The main point is that his kids were the result of three very unplanned pregnancies. I think pregnancy is a trying condition even in the best of circumstances, but if it's not a good thing, it can be nine months of torture. It was for Emmett's first girlfriend. Her parents forced her to keep the baby when she didn't want to, and her mental health suffered for it."

He looked up at her. "That's why you can't think of me. If it's not something you can bear, it would be too cruel to subject you to something as physically altering as pregnancy. So please- do what's best for you, and I'll support your decision."

"But I don't know what's best for me," she shouted, frustrated. She dug the heel of her palm into her eyes, willing herself not to cry. "You know what the stupidest thing is? I want to believe in fucking fairy tales. I want to want this baby. Because I do want kids someday, and part of me wants to say fuck it. Why not now? I want to believe this can all end up happily ever after."

"That's not stupid."

"It is stupid." She pushed up off the car, pacing a few steps away and running her hand through her hair. "What the hell am I going to do with a baby? What am I going to do? Put it in a drawer in my dorm room? I don't even live in Arizona."

He was visibly taken aback by that. "You don't live here?"

"Technically, I live in Washington with my father. So what am I going to do? Drop out of school and beg him to take us in? It's crazy. It's crazy to even think about this. I've got a minimum wage job at twenty hours a week. And that's a student job. I have to be a student to keep it."

"Bella."

The sound of his voice at least caught her attention, and she turned to look at him. He wasn't looking at her, and when he spoke, his voice was sandpaper-rough. "You're right. Whatever happens, it's not going to be a fairytale, but that being said, you should at least have some facts."

She watched his Adam's apple bob as he swallowed several times, obviously struggling. Still, his tone was sincere when he spoke. "After Xavier, I needed a lot of distractions. I threw myself into my job." She thought she saw bitterness cross his features, but his voice remained steady. "The long and short of it is, I'm paid very well for what I do. I have more than enough to support a family, and I haven't had a family to spend it on. If you want to keep the baby, I can and will support you so you can finish school."

For a few seconds, Bella was sure she'd heard him wrong. "That's insane."

"It's not." He seemed to sway where he stood, his face about as pale as hers. "Look. We can both agree that one way or another, this is going to be hard."

"Impossible," she muttered.

He nodded, rubbing his hands together in a fitful gesture. "I can't promise you a happily-ever-after. You'd know I was lying, for one thing, and I don't know. I don't know how...and if…" He closed his eyes and tried again. "But some things are just fact. There are a lot of things to worry about, but money doesn't have to be one of them."

Bella looked away, trying to figure out what the hell to think. He was right. There was so much to worry about. She screwed her eyes up tight and wished with everything in her that she had all the answers. Would the stress of having a baby after the trauma of losing his son turn Edward back into the monster she'd already glimpsed? Was he misleading her or manipulating her in some way she hadn't figured?

Could he love a baby the way every child deserved to be loved?

Could she?

Both he and the doctor had mentioned her mental health, and she understood what they meant. The loss of control had already sent her into a tailspin. What would this pregnancy do to her? She'd already hit rock bottom once in her life. Was it possible to fall further than that?

She knew better than to think she could ask any of those questions out loud. He wouldn't have been able to answer honestly any more than she could. They didn't know. Neither of them knew if they could handle this.

Yet what they hadn't spoken about, what Bella had been turning over and over in her head since she found out she was pregnant, was if either of them could handle the alternative.

In a matter of days, Bella could just be not pregnant. She could go back to her old life.

Every time she thought of it, her heart twisted so hard she thought it would shatter in her chest.

How often, when she was piecing herself together again after Mike, had she sat and thought about the children she would have some day? Her parents had made so many mistakes, so many choices that had left her vulnerable. She thought about the right and wrong ways her parents had loved her, and she had dreamed about the day she could break the cycle.

Maybe it was those daydreams that made the idea of losing this baby so terrible.

But…

If…

Jesus Christ. She shouldn't have to be this completely aware that she was making a decision that would last the rest of her life. That was too big. She was still so fucked up.

How could...

And when…

Breathing hard, Bella whirled and opened her car door. She scrambled inside, reaching for the envelope she'd put to the side before she got out. Her hands shook horribly as she got ahold of it.

"I'm really sorry," the doctor said when she informed Bella she would have to have an ultrasound. "If you choose to keep the pregnancy, we would perform an ultrasound at this stage anyway. But if you choose to abort, by Arizona law, we have to perform an ultrasound anyway. You don't have to look at it, but I do have to give it to you."

Bella sniffled as she turned back to Edward. "I didn't want to look. Not if I was going to…" As she spoke, she'd been trying to get the envelope open. She ended up ripping it somewhat savagely. "Um. So this is our kid."

The words sounded awkward-so strange. But as she said them, at least some part of her lightened in relief, as though she'd found the calm eye of the storm. Yes, painful uncertainty and terrible fear still raged around her, but she'd found some peace in the decision at least.

She didn't look at the image. Neither did Edward. He was white as a sheet, and she could see he was trembling just as badly as she was. His nostrils flared as he took unsteady breaths in and out, holding her gaze in a moment so intense, she nearly choked on it. Slowly, he cast his eyes down, and she followed suit.

They both stared. After a moment, Edward lifted his hand and brushed his fingers briefly over the blob. That's all it was-a blob bouncing around inside a really big bean. But for all it didn't really look like anything yet, it was so much. Too much. Sorrow and fear. Rage that it had to happen this way. But also protectiveness and hope.

She wanted so much to hope.

"Bella?"

Hearing the strangled way he said her name, Bella gasped, realizing she hadn't breathed in a while. Her head spun, and she had to brace herself against the car. "What?" The word was a whisper.

Beside her, Edward too seemed to be struggling to breathe. "Can I hug you?"

A hug. Yes. She needed a hug. She didn't answer out loud. Instead she took one step to the side, wrapped her arms around his waist, image still clutched in her hand, and buried her head against his chest.

She didn't cry. She didn't want to cry. She was too overwhelmed to do anything but shake. But she knew without having to ask that Edward was on the same page-overwhelmed and unsure and scared out of his mind. Pressed up against him, she could feel the tremors that wracked his body. They swayed, but they didn't let each other go.

For a few minutes, they held each other up.

A/N: Ahhh. I finished this at three in the morning last night and sent a quick note to my betas saying hhhheeeeeyyy if you can spare a minute away from your families.

They did! I am so spoiled. And very thankful for songster, jessypt, and barburella. And Mina who made me a gorgeous banner for this story. I've uploaded it to my photobucket. The link is on my profile. LOVE IT.

Love you. So how are we feeling? A bit of hope for Thanksgiving?