A/N: Happy Holidays. Have some angst?

There were a lot of reasons Bella didn't like talking about Mike, not the least of which being that thinking about him brought back the bad dreams.

Even two years later, Bella's mind was a chaotic, confused mess when she tried to sort out how she'd let Mike happen to her. She knew all the reasons her therapists had repeated often enough. She'd been starved for attention and affection. Having not received it from her parents, she'd sought it where she could get it. Then, she had fallen victim to conditioning and his manipulation.

It all seemed so stupid when his attention creeped her out from the get go. But each time, at each step, she convinced herself it was only inexperience that made her cringe. No one had ever called her sexy and looked at her with hungry eyes. No one had ever kissed her. No one had ever…

Well.

Mike never missed a chance to remind her how young and immature she was. He told her constantly how lucky she was that he was so patient, so willing to teach her about pleasing a man and love her despite her irritating habits.

He had been kind to her in many ways. He'd cuddled her and whispered sweet things when she needed to hear them. He told her that her mother was an asshole for letting her stepfather convince her to send Bella away and that Charlie was neglectful. Mike told her not to worry, that he'd take care of her.

That was what he said so often. "I'm trying to take care of you, baby." It was what he said when he brought her flowers and spoiled her with jewelry.

It was also invariably what he said after he hit her. The first few times he slapped her, he'd immediately sunk to his knees and put his arms around her waist. "I'm sorry. God, I'm so sorry. You just drive me so crazy sometimes. I'm trying to take care of you. Why do you make it so hard? Don't you see, Bella? No one could love you like I do. You're so difficult, but I love you anyway."

At the time, it had made an aching kind of sense. She was difficult-stubborn and a little stupid. Every time it happened, she could see how she'd pushed his buttons. And those slaps, like the first one, hadn't hurt so much. It was like Karen Newton had said-he was just showing off. It made sense. Renee had told her often enough that a woman had to let a man believe he was right. You had to preserve their male pride. Bella was just very bad at that. It was all just posturing on Mike's part. He didn't mean to hurt her, and really, he hadn't.

Even when she lay in her hospital bed, half out of her mind with confusion and pain, some small voice in Bella's head was still whispering that he hadn't meant to hurt her. They were fighting and he'd shoved her, but he hadn't meant to throw her down the stairs. That was an accident. Otherwise, he wouldn't have called the ambulance. He wouldn't have been there, holding her hand as she woke up from the surgery. He didn't want to hurt her.

But he had, another voice argued. Before he'd shoved her away from him, he'd hit her. Really hit her. Not a slap but a punch that had caught her in the stomach, leaving her bewildered and breathless. He'd punched her, then he'd caught her by the shoulders, shaking her violently as he screamed, and when he'd shoved her away, he'd pushed too hard. She'd gone tumbling down with such force her falling body had shattered the banister, dropping her hard on the wood floor from halfway up the stairs.

That wasn't okay. It couldn't be okay.

Bella came awake with a start. She sat up in bed, looking around wildly, disconcerted and befuddled. The panic of the nightmare still had her, and she searched through the confusion and terror in her mind, trying to remember the threat.

Her eyes fell on a form propped up against the door, his head lolled to one side in sleep. Bella blinked, trying to figure out if this was real. It was, she realized after a few moments. She was in Edward's house, in his bed, and he was curled up on the floor of his bedroom. Why…

She had vague memories of waking from the grips of nightmare once before to the sound of his voice calling her name. "Bella? Wake up. You're okay. No one is going to hurt you. I swear I won't let anyone hurt you."

Still mostly asleep, her thoughts were concrete but a tangle of emotions. Blinking at him in the semi-darkness, she recalled an intense neediness. Since she found out she was pregnant, she'd pushed back the desperate feeling of loneliness. Other things, her indecision and anxiety, took priority. But when she woke up that night, already left defenseless from fighting past battles, the emotion wouldn't be ignored. It was the worst feeling in the world to be so alone when she was surrounded by people. But Edward. Edward had to be the only other person on the planet whose life had been shaken. Like her, he was scared and helpless.

She remembered grasping at his hands, squeezing them tightly. "Don't leave me alone," she said. No matter that she knew he was broken and aching with a pain she couldn't begin to understand, she would die if he left her alone in this. At that moment she was certain of it.

"I won't," he'd said. "I'm right here. I won't leave."

True to his word, he hadn't. He was still there, like a sentry, guarding the door so no one could hurt her.

Bella climbed out of his bed, wondering if she would ever lose this lingering feeling that she was a silly little girl, unprepared for life. She hated that the mere mention of Mike's name, the hint of what had happened to her, had sent her into a tailspin like this. She loathed that he still had that much power over her, and that it had affected Edward now, too.

"Edward?" She called his name softly, nudging his leg with the tip of her toe.

"Hmm?" He hummed but didn't wake.

She knelt by his side, giving his shoulders a little shake, and his eyes opened. He winced, a hand going to his neck, and Bella grimaced. "I'm sorry," she said. "Get up. It can't be comfortable to sleep like that."

He blinked a few more times, looking adorably confused as he allowed her to pull him to his feet. "Didn't mean to fall asleep," he mumbled.

"It's really late. Or early. You should be asleep. Come on. Get in bed." She tried to pull him over to his bed, but he stopped.

"I was going to go back to the couch when I was sure you wouldn't wake up again," Edward said. "I can do that."

"It's okay. I've been enough of a pain in the ass."

He looked at her, his eyes still half-hooded from sleep. "I wish you would stop that."

"What?"

"Putting yourself down, like you're some burden to me." He sighed, and gave her one of those small, almost painful smiles. "There's not much I can do to make things easier on you, but I'll do anything I can. I want to do anything I can."

Bella opened her mouth to tell him she didn't need to be taken care of, but she quickly shut it again, realizing it wasn't the truth. She didn't want to be taken care of. After Mike, all she wanted in the world was to be strong and stand on her own two feet. But the truth of the matter was, she needed Edward. She'd been right, in her desperate flailing the night before. He was the only one who understood the depth of the chasm they were teetering on the edge of, and they needed each other.

Right then, he needed her to let him take care of her just a little bit. Bella understood that. Wasn't it the same reason she'd made sure he agreed to go to lunch at his parents' that weekend? Bella wanted to go to see Esme. She would have gladly clung to Esme's skirts like a child; she needed a mother that much, but the rest of the family overwhelmed her. Emmett and his sons were intimidating-loud and big. Angela and Heidi were too knowing and pitying. Alice was...energetic to say the least. None of them were unkind, though Rosalie had been a little cold, but the idea of being amidst all that chaos again was slightly unnerving.

Still, Bella had prodded Edward to go because she wanted to take care of him. He was so broken, and she could see the strain this whole situation was putting on him. She was hopelessly out of her depth and couldn't understand why he wasn't turning to a family who so obviously wanted to take him back. So she'd agreed to go, not for her sake but for his. She'd used her certainty that he wouldn't refuse if he thought she wanted to go.

Bella swallowed hard, looking up at Edward. "How about a compromise, then?" She tried her best to smile. "We can both sleep in the bed."

His eyes widened before he controlled his expression. "I don't want to make you uncomfortable."

"I don't think I'll be uncomfortable." Whatever hold Mike had on her had passed for the moment, and she was back in control of her actions and reactions.

Whatever it had cost them, Bella's choice to take Edward to her bed retained its intended effect; it had proved to her Mike didn't have power over her choices anymore. She could choose to sleep beside Edward without it being a problem. Probably. "I'll keep my hands to myself," she said, smiling more readily now.

At that, he burst out laughing; a deep chuckle that brought a blush to her cheeks and made her smile.

"I'm sorry," he said. "It was just the mental picture of you as the villain trying to lure me into bed to steal my virtue."

His lopsided grin was beautiful, but he wiped a hand over his mouth, as though wiping it away, and smiled at her more sheepishly. "Sorry," he said again.

"No, it's funny." The smile that had so briefly lit his face had sparked life in his eyes, if only for a few seconds. She didn't want to lose the lightness of the moment. "Too bad I don't have a moustache to twirl."

His lips quirked and he sighed, looking at her more seriously. "Are you sure you'd be okay, Bella? I'm fine on the couch."

Shyly, she extended a hand toward him. "Come on."

His hand warm in hers, they moved to the bed and got in. It was a King-sized bed, and it was easy for them both to lay side by side without touching. Still, it was awkward. Bella's mouth was dry and her heart pounded as she lay on her back, staring up at the ceiling in the darkness. She glanced to the side and, seeing Edward in a similar position with his arms folded chastely on his chest, she had to giggle.

He huffed, and the awkward mood was broken as they glanced at each other. It was rather ridiculous. They'd created a baby, for fuck's sake. This should be nothing.

"Goodnight, Bella," he said, his voice so gentle.

Bella yawned, sleepiness gaining on her quicker than she'd imagined it could-damn pregnancy. "Goodnight," she said and closed her eyes.

~0~

A week and change flew by, and before Bella knew it, the first semester of her college career was over. Bella couldn't help but wonder if it would be her last. Oh, Edward talked a big game, but the truth was, anything could happen. Technically, she wasn't due until after the fall semester ended, and she'd have some time to recover from the birth before spring semester started again.

Bella flexed her hands at her sides. She'd come to Flagstaff and Northern Arizona University in February, looking forward to finally starting her life. How could she have guessed she was going to have a baby before the year was out? Edward could promise all he wanted, but Bella knew damn well life wasn't neat and tidy. Maybe she'd make it back to school, maybe she wouldn't.

She rubbed her eyes, tired all over again. Since figuring out she was pregnant, she'd been following a tactic she'd learned in therapy, to compartmentalize and try not to look at the big picture. Complete one task, then the next, then the next, and by the time you look back at everything you've already accomplished, what lay ahead didn't seem as overwhelming.

Of course, the niggling voice at the back of her mind was exasperated at her naiveté . That was all well and good for most things, but at some point, she was going to have to make huge changes with her life. She was going to have to deal with things like where she was going to live with a baby-her baby. Day care. Whether she could keep her scholarship and raise a kid at the same time. There was no such thing as making small decisions when you were going to have a baby.

But Bella couldn't think about that yet. She kept putting one foot in front of the other, and that had to be enough.

Besides, so many of the decisions she had to make depended greatly on the man sitting across from her. He seemed to be on-board with the whole one thing at a time plan. The current topic of discussion, as he drove her from Flagstaff to Phoenix so she could fly to Washington, was how she was going to tell her father.

"You shouldn't have to do this alone," Edward said, glancing at her as he drove.

Bella sighed, twirling a lock of hair around her finger. "I'm not saying no. I'm saying I don't know when I'm going to tell him. There's no point in ruining the whole summer." She toed off her shoes and pulled her feet up on the seat. "Maybe I'll put it off until I can't button my jeans or something. But still, it's ridiculous for you to think about buying a plane ticket just to have a conversation."

"It's not ridiculous. It's respectful for one thing."

"Oh sure," Bella said, crossing her arms over her chest with a huff. "You have to be a man and take responsibility. It'd be important to apologize to my father."

"That's not it at all. I meant it's respectful to you." His tone softened. "My responsibility is to you, not him. It's important to me because your father's opinion is important to you. I don't want him to think worse of you because I gave him even the chance to say I'm being a coward not facing him directly." He hesitated a moment, tapping on the steering wheel. "And it sounds like maybe you could use the support."

Bella squeezed her knees tighter against her chest and didn't answer at first. It had occurred to her the previous night as she was packing that she wasn't looking forward to going home. It was a chore-something she had to do.

Forks didn't hold a lot of happy for her.

"My dad was the one who got Mike away from me...after the accident, I mean," she said apropos of nothing. She rested her head on her knees, staring out the window as the ponderosa pines began to fade into the shrubbery of the desert. "The doctors and nurses...everyone in that damn little town knew we were together. They didn't even question that Mike was talking for me, and didn't make him leave my room even though we weren't married. But my dad took one look at me, my injuries, and he knew damn well I didn't fall. He got Mike away so I could talk to the doctor alone."

"Bella, I don't know how much it means coming from me, but I'm sorry you had to go through that."

"I know." She sighed. "I just wanted you to know it's not that he didn't try to take care of me. I didn't make it very easy on him."

"Somehow, that doesn't surprise me," he said in a light tone. "But that didn't make it your fault, either."

"I know," she said, and after another beat, she spoke again. "We were in Charlie's house-Mike and I-when the argument happened."

Edward sucked in a breath. "The same house?"

"Yeah. I lived with him most of the time. With Mike, I mean. Charlie hated that. He told me so often it wasn't right, but I think he was scared I was going to run off if he didn't leave me alone. I don't know. It's all mixed up now." She gave her head a shake, trying not to let the voice in her head start its tirade of what an idiot she'd been back then. If only she'd listened.

"I was at my dad's house because I knew he'd had a rough week. Bad accident, you know? And that kind of stuff always took a lot out of him. So I wanted to do something nice. I went to his house to make him dinner. But Mike had a rough week too, businesswise." She scoffed. "He was a bad businessman. He had a lot of rough weeks." She tightened her arms around her knees. A shiver went down her spine when she remembered how frustrated he would get, and how she had to try so hard not to make him angry. "All he wanted was to see me when he got home, and I wasn't there."

She shook her head again, this time warding off her memories. "Charlie wasn't there either. Still at the station. I wanted to surprise him. Mike was lucky he wasn't there."

Edward blew out a shaky breath, but he reached across the console to tap her knee. "If you're trying to scare me, it's working, but I still want to come up when you're ready to tell him."

Bella rolled her head back to look at him. "Don't worry. I'm not going to let him kill you."

"Well, with you to protect me, I'll feel very safe." He honored her with a small but genuine smile.

An hour later, they were at Sky Harbor airport. Edward pulled up and immediately got out to help her get her luggage out of the trunk.

"Well," he said, turning to her.

He took a hesitant step forward, and Bella was struck by a strong desire to stay. It wasn't a desire linked to how little she wanted to be in Forks or how nervous she was about her father; this feeling was about Edward. After weeks of his showing up almost every day, making sure she ate or had a place to study, Bella found she didn't want to be away from him.

"Promise me something," she said in a rush.

He raised a questioning eyebrow. "Okay."

"Go see your family tomorrow." Tomorrow was his birthday. Too embarrassed to give it to him in person, Bella had hidden a gift for him in his room earlier that morning. She could see his surprise at her request and the way his features became more pinched. "Please do it. I think it would mean a lot to them, and it makes me sad to think of you being alone on your birthday." She made an attempt at a pouting face, trying to play off how ridiculous she felt trying to order around a grown man. "Damn hormones. You know if I get even a little bit sad, I won't stop crying."

He tilted his head, giving her a look, but the pinched expression had eased a bit. "That's blackmail, Swan."

She shrugged, unapologetic, and he sighed. "Okay. I'll see if they're not busy."

Bella brightened, feeling better about that at least. It had concerned her that without her intervention, he wouldn't see his family again until she got back.

Edward took another step forward and raised his arms. Bella was surprised by how naturally she went to him, hugging him tightly.

Somewhere along the way, they'd become friends.

"Please call me when you get there," he said, not letting her go right away.

"I will." She gave him one final squeeze and stepped back.

For a second, just one second, it seemed like something lingered between them. Something confusing in a different way than everything else in this clusterfuck of a situation. Right then, she was affected by his nearness in a way she hadn't been since the night they met, the night this all started. She swayed on her feet, wondering why she wanted him to tell her not to go.

How dumb. It wasn't as though she had anywhere else to be.

Bella cleared her throat. "I'll talk to you soon."

He reached out, as though on impulse, and squeezed her hand. It was a brief touch, and he smiled as he let her go again. "Be safe, Bella."

Then she went toward Sky Harbor's doors, tugging her suitcase behind her, and he got back in his car, looking a lot like she felt-something she was missing, something had gone unsaid.

Strange, she thought again as she turned to the ticketing kiosk, and dismissed it, setting about the business of getting through the airport to her flight.

Barburella/N - Hi, y'all. Merry Christmas. Carry on.

Kris's Note: Lol, I love these girls, for really reals!

Merry Holidays to you and yours, my dears. Thank you for your support and your beautiful words. Be safe.