A/N: To my Angel is a Centerfold readers, thank you for your continued patience. It's very important to me to get the next part of the story right. Since that particular story took me in a few directions I wasn't expecting, I'm trying to plot ahead accordingly-which takes more time than I want. GAH.

~Early July, 11 Years Ago~

That first week, Edward and Kate hardly left their bedroom.

Xavier, getting over the ill effects of this first attack, slept a lot. Mostly, his heartbroken parents brought him to their bed and watched him. Edward pressed his chest to Kate's back, resting his head on her shoulder, tracing his finger down the underside of his baby's foot.

Kate, crying off and on, sniffled and broke the long silence. "I've been thinking I don't want him to miss anything."

Edward stiffened.

Since Xavier's diagnosis, Edward had been equal parts bereft and angry. It was his bitterness that soaked into his tone now. "Kate, he's going to miss everything."

She rolled over onto her back so he was leaning over her. "I mean I don't want him to miss things we can still give him." She reached up, trailing her finger along his jawline. Her words shook as she spoke. "He might not make it to Christmas. Why do we have to wait for December? Let's give him Christmas now. We can give him that much. "

"Christmas in July." His voice sounded dead to his own ears. Christmas in July could never be Christmas. Wrong atmosphere. Wrong everything. And it was nothing Xavier could appreciate. Like any parent, Edward was sure he had a brilliant baby, but Xavier would be as happy with presents and Christmas carols as he was with every other thing in his everyday life.

Edward closed his eyes against the ache of that thought. Xavier was one hundred and forty-two days old. How many days did he have left? His eyes stung, and he squeezed them tighter shut. He didn't want to cry. Not yet. If he started, he wasn't ever going stop.

"Okay," he said, though not for Xavier's benefit. No, he understood what this was. No one could do anything to save his baby. They could manage his pain and keep him comfortable, but there was nothing else. Kate, his parents, his siblings... they needed to feel like they were doing something. "We'll give him Christmas."

~0~

Christmas came in July to Carlisle and Esme's house.

They hired another Santa and took pictures of Xavier cradled in his arms. They chopped down a tree and decorated the house. Since peppermint bark wouldn't be in stores for months, Esme made her own.

All their family traditions were upheld. They had an obnoxiously big meal on "Christmas Eve" with the whole family. Edward supposed the fact his son was dying trumped any other drama. All of Emmett's baby mommas agreed to let the kids come. Angela even joined them. She'd made an effort to be close to the family despite the drama between she and Emmett. Rosalie, Emmett's current girlfriend, was there. Jasper, Alice's fiance, rounded out the party.

They ate, or at least Edward pretended to. He really just soaked up as much of his boy as he could. He smiled when Xavier got more sweet potato in his golden hair than in his mouth. He tried not to let the words 'Baby's First Christmas' sink in when he knew this half-assed Christmas was likely going to be the only one his baby ever got.

The Cullens always opened presents as close to midnight on Christmas Eve as the kids-whichever ones were present at the time-would allow. Then they exchanged gifts from youngest to oldest.

This was the image he'd wished for over a decade ago, Edward realized. He held his son in his lap while Xavier cooed and giggled as his cousins helped him rip up wrapping paper.

Not like this.

Edward forced the thought away. He tried not to notice there was no fire in the hearth and no one was in a ridiculous Christmas sweater. He tried not to notice how there weren't Christmas cards from all their far away relatives on the mantle. He tried not to think about what this year's real Christmas would look like, and if his baby boy would be cold in the ground by then. He tried not to think about how most of what Xavier got weren't items he would grow into in the coming year as happened with most baby presents. They were all things he could use now. Edward tried to concentrate instead on his son's happy gurgles as he tried to stuff the wrapping paper into his mouth.

After gifts, everyone slept over, and Emmett woke everyone up early the next morning to see what Santa had brought.

The kids all got into it, even sullen teenager Aiden. Edward wanted to enjoy it. He wanted to appreciate this one chance he had to share his love of Christmas with his son.

But it wasn't Christmas, and there would be no miracle.

That night, back in his own home, he stood over his son's crib, watching him sleep, counting his precious breaths.

This was a nightmare. It had to be. There was no way this was really happening. The last two days had been nonsense because Xavier was going to have a real Christmas. He was going to have a lot of real Christmases.

Edward pinched the fleshy palm of his hand. "Please wake up. Wake up. Wake up. Wake up." He pinched hard enough to draw blood.

When he opened his eyes, nothing had changed.

~Early July, Present Day~

Edward didn't like his birthday. He didn't like any celebration that his son should have been a part of, but his birthday marked the anniversary of the beginning of the end. It was the last blissfully ignorant celebration his little family was ever to have.

When Bella called him to let him know she was home safe, she made him promise again to let his family be with him for his birthday. As a result of his procrastinating, only his parents and Alice's family were able to make it.

But since then, his family seemed to take it as an invitation to drop by at random or invite him over for lunch, dinner, or breakfast. It had been a couple of weeks, and Edward didn't have the energy to fight it off. He was too worried.

His siblings, including Jasper, were currently lounging in his living room. Edward was physically there, but he was replaying the last conversation he'd had with Bella over and over in his head.

Emmett snapped his fingers in front of Edward's face. "You have horrible hosting skills, little brother."

"You have water."

"I wanted beer."

"I have whiskey."

"Okay." Alice sat on the couch between them. "I have a baby to get home to. We're not getting drunk."

"My youngest kid is twelve, and she's with her mother this week," Emmett said. "You do what you want, little sister. Let us big boys get our drink on."

Alice rolled her eyes and looked to Edward. "Something is wrong."

Edward quirked an eyebrow. "You need a list?"

"God, I'd forgotten how annoying you two could be when you gang up like this. Did Bella tell her father?"

"No. That's not it." He rubbed his chin. "In fact, she saw her regular doctor a couple of days ago for her check up. She figured her mother won't get the itemized statement for another month anyway."

"That's good," Jasper said. "It's like she's giving herself a deadline to tell her mother."

"So what's the problem?" Alice asked.

"I don't really know," Edward said after a moment's pause. "She's getting more distant. We talked a lot the first few days."

Emmett's eyes went wide. "You talked on the phone with someone for more than two minutes?"

"Who uses phones anymore? No. Mostly we talk on the computer."

"How the hell can you tell someone's distant over the computer?"

Edward frowned. It was a valid question, and one he'd been asking himself the worse this niggling concern got. "I don't know," he admitted. "Something feels different. Something feels wrong, but she only tells me that she's fine. Bored but fine."

"I understand your concern. I looked up that town, and she might actually die of boredom," Alice said.

"I know. I'm probably overreacting."

"You'd know her best at this point," Jasper said. Then he smirked. "Trust your instincts, Luke."

Edward might have smiled, but if he trusted his instincts, he wouldn't be able to shake the idea Bella was in trouble. "I feel very protective of her," he said, processing out loud.

"Who wouldn't be? It's hard not to be protective of the mother of your child," Emmett said. "Jessica was the biggest drama queen about being pregnant. I knew that, but every time she swore up and down something was really wrong, I almost went out of my mind until the doctor told us it was nothing."

Edward hummed an acknowledgment. Bella wasn't the drama queen type. If anything, he strongly suspected she downplayed every ailment. It was one of his million worries-that if something was wrong, Bella wouldn't tell anyone.

After another hour or so, his siblings were finally ready to give him some peace and quiet. He grabbed Emmett's arm, stopping him from leaving.

"Is Rosalie avoiding me?"

Emmett raised an eyebrow. "You noticed that."

"I've noticed she's never at Mom and Dad's when I am. And she never comes here."

"I'm not arguing. I'm just surprised you actually know which of us is here."

Edward had to work to hard to keep the wounded look off his face. He knew damn well he deserved that. "Will you tell me what her problem is?"

Emmett's huff was wry. "Yeah, Edward, pick a reason. She really never forgave you for hurting my kids. Mom and Dad. Me and Alice. She can forgive all that. But you hurt the kids when you started ignoring us, and that she can't forgive. Or maybe she could get past that. After all, she loves being an aunt to Damien almost as much as she likes being a stepmom. She's going to love your kid. She already loves your kid, and that's why she's not here."

Edward searched his brother's eyes, taken aback by the tirade.

"I'm sorry," Emmett said, looking honestly contrite. "I'm not trying to be a dick. It's just been hard for Rosie."

At that, Edward glared. "It's been hard for Rosalie?"

"I know. This is your thing. Never mind that you haven't paid attention to any of our problems for a decade. It's your time again. You're over here, angsting out about how you can't do this; you don't know if you can deal with being a father to someone who isn't Xavier. I get that. Believe it or not, I'm trying to ahhh, what's the word Jasper uses? I'm trying to empathize. The thing is, she's my wife, and this whole situation is hard on her. You've been acting like this baby is the worst thing to happen to you , second only to Xavier dying, and Rosie can't have children of her own. We can never have an accident-how fucking ironic is that? After all the dumb shit things I've done, four kids, and I can't have kids with the woman I actually love.

"So that's why she's staying away from you, because she's afraid she's going to tell you to give us the baby, because we'd love it every minute, no doubt. She's afraid she's going to tell you you're an idiot and an asshole because this baby is a gift."

Edward sat down hard on his stairs, and Emmett sighed. "Fuck. I'm sorry, Edward."

"Can you leave now?"

Edward didn't look up until he heard the soft click of the door closing. He stared forward for a long time, his jaw clenched as he tried to sort out his thoughts.

Before he got very far, his phone rang. "Hello?" he said, putting it to his ear without looking at the screen.

"Hey." The word was shaky, and Edward sat up straighter.

"Bella?"

"Yeah, hi. I'm sorry I'm calling. I hope that's okay."

He could picture her doing that thing where her eyebrows pinched together and she pushed her hand into her hair. "It's fine. You can call me whenever you want. Now what's going on?"

She blew out a long breath. "It's Forks. Nothing goes on here."

If she thought he couldn't hear the forced lightness in her voice, she was greatly mistaken. "You sound…" He searched for the right word. "You don't sound good."

"I'm-"

"Don't say you're fine." When she didn't answer, he went on. "I can start guessing. Is it your dad?"

"No. Dad's just Dad. He goes to work early. He fishes on the weekends. He really likes my cooking." She sighed. "I'm being stupid. I ran into Mike's parents last week."

"Oh."

"It had to be the week they were here checking on the store."

Edward hated the bitterness in her words. "What did they say?"

"Nothing. Really, they didn't say anything I haven't heard. Karen tried to apologize for him again. It's always the same. 'It was stupid of him to be arguing at the top of the stairs, but I know he didn't mean to hurt you, Bella. Every time we visit him in that horrible place, he says it. It was an accident.'"

"That's a bunch of bullshit," Edward said through clenched teeth.

"I said the same thing." She took a shuddering breath, obviously trying to calm herself. "Karen, she tries to be nice, but his dad hates me. Last week, he just glared like he always does, but today…"

"It's okay," Edward said, keeping his tone soothing though he was seething under the surface. "What did he do?"

"God, this is so stupid. I'm so stupid."

"Bella, you're not-"

"No. I am. It's stupid because I'm scared of a man who can't touch me." She huffed. "At least not for another five months."

"He's never going to touch you again." Edward had to stop himself from making the melodramatic promise he'd kill the man if he ever got near Bella again. True though the statement was, he knew better than to think Bella would react well to his protective streak.

"I know. It's just...ugh." She sniffled, and he could imagine she was struggling against the tears she found so frustrating. "This morning I was in the store with Jake. He's a friend of mine. Maybe my best friend, though I don't deserve him.

"See, Jake is kind of an idiot. I mean that affectionately. He's two years younger than I am and cocky. He never made it a secret he had a crush on me. That's what I mean by him being an idiot. I know there's a better word for it, but I can't think of it right now. He didn't mean anything by the way he was. I mean, he wasn't trying to piss Mike off back then. We were just friends, and he knew I didn't feel the same way about him."

"Bella," Edward said, interrupting her tirade. He'd noticed she did this sometimes-went into nervous explanations of things that might be easily misconstrued. He could easily imagine why. "Tell me what happened."

"Yeah. Okay." She sniffled again. "Jake testified against Mike, because he witnessed a number of, uh...altercations. Mike hated that I spent any time with him. If he saw us together, he'd, um… He'd grab me and try to drag me away. Jake always made him take his hands off me. Fucking coward. Jake is huge. He didn't look like a fifteen, sixteen-year-old kid. Mike would laugh it off while we were in front of him, but the second we got home…"

Her words cut off in a choke, and her quiet whimper broke his heart. Edward had never felt distance so acutely. The very least he'd been able to offer her was the comfort of his presence, the knowledge she wasn't alone, but right now, she very much was. He wanted nothing in the world at that moment more than he wanted to hold her.

"Anyway," she said before he could speak. Her tone was raw. "I was with Jake in the store. I don't go to the store alone."

Of course she didn't. Forks's only grocery store was attached to Mike's family's store, Edward recalled.

"Mike's dad was there. He saw me with Jake, and he was angry. He said I was a dumbfuck kid who never had any respect for my relationship, and I stole three years of Mike's life because of an accident.

"After that, I couldn't shake the...memories, I guess. It felt like when I used to have to sneak around to see Jake. Like I expected Mike to show up at any minute. I was so nervous, I had to ask Jake to leave. It was so stupid. I'm a horrible friend."

"It's not stupid. I'm sure he understands."

"He does," she said, though she still sounded disgruntled.

Edward tapped his knee in a restless rhythm. "Does he know? About me, I mean. About the baby."

There was a long pause on the other end. "No. He knows something's up, but he doesn't know what. You know, it's just that Jake is probably the only person who never looked down on me throughout that whole thing. Maybe it's because he's younger than me, but he never looked at me like I was an immature little twit for going near Mike in the first place, for letting any of that happen to me.

"I can't seem to find the words to make what happened with you and me make sense. It sounds so bad when I say it out loud. I already know what my dad is going to think. It would just kill me if this is what finally makes Jake look at me like that, too."

"If he's worth his salt at all as a friend, he's not going to make you feel like that."

"I know. It's like a band-aid right? I should just rip it off. It's not like I can stop it. This is all happening, and I can't stop it or slow it down until I'm ready."

She sniffled again and growled in frustration. "God. I'm sorry. I shouldn't be calling you to whine. I just hate this town. I hate it."

Then come home, he almost said but stopped himself just in time. She had nowhere else to go, she'd told him. There was a dorm waiting for her but not until the fall semester began. By the time she'd shaken off the fog of shock at finding herself pregnant, it had been too late for her to sign up for the summer courses that might have kept her in Arizona.

Edward had to fight the impulse to tell her to come stay with him. He didn't want to scare her. He had no guest room, and she wasn't the type to let him sleep on the couch for months on end.

Still, she had to know she had options. "Bella, if you want to come back, we can figure something out."

"I'm fine," she said by rote. "Today sucked, that's all. Tomorrow will be better."

They talked for a few minutes more before she said she had to go. She wanted to make dinner for Charlie.

"Edward?" she said before he hung up.

"Yes?"

"Just… thanks. It's been really good to hear your voice."

At that, a warmth sparked to life at the center of his chest. "Yeah," he said, wishing again that she was in front of him, that he could see her pretty face. He hadn't realized how used to seeing her and talking to her nearly every day he'd gotten until she was a thousand miles away. "You too. You know you can call me any time, right? It doesn't matter what time it is."

He threw in this last because it had worried him that she might be having nightmares. The memory of Mike's touch had thrown her into nightmares twice while Edward was with her. What would it do to her in that town where her memories had to be all too real?

"I know," she said. "I'll talk to you later, okay?"

Edward remained sitting on his stairs long after they'd disconnected the call, warring with himself. He thought about what Jasper had said about trusting his instincts and thought of how very alone Bella had sounded.

What had it taken a person like Bella, who wanted nothing more than the strength to stand on her own two feet, to call him for comfort?

"Fuck this," Edward muttered, standing. He headed toward the living room and his laptop.

His instincts said she needed him regardless of what she said. Though part of him knew it could make things worse-would she consider this forcing her hand?-he also knew he had to be there.

A/N: Many, many, many thanks to my dears. My barburella, songster, jessypt, myonlyheroin, and Packy 2.0.

Happy New Year (belated in some cases) to everyone out there. Thank you so much for making my 2014 so bright with all your love and support. Be safe.