A/N: Hello, gorgeous. Yeah, I'm talking to you.

Bella knew she couldn't stay in Forks. In the almost-four weeks she'd been there before Edward showed up, she knew she was deteriorating. Lauren knew she was pregnant, and who knew how she was going to spin that story. In a town of 3,000 people, it would have been impossible to go anywhere without people she barely knew deciding they knew everything about her life. At the very best, she would get pitying looks. At worst they would talk to her like Mike's father did-like she was trouble for any man who even looked her way.

No, staying in Forks when she had another option was a bad idea. It was a rational decision to leave when Edward gave her the chance.

On the other hand, going home with Edward wasn't exactly ideal. This wasn't what she wanted. This was how she'd gotten trapped with Mike, wasn't it? Her father's house didn't feel right, and Mike wanted to take care of her.

Bella had intended to tell Edward they could sleep in his bed together as they had before-chastely-until he could figure out the situation with the spare room. They were both adults, and it wasn't like they hadn't slept in the same bed before. The closer they got to home, though, anxiety began to creep over her. Things were changing between them. She'd kissed him, and told him she maybe, might have, possibly loved him. They were more than friends, but less than...what?

It was too close to history repeating itself-going from her father's house to her boyfriend's house with no ability to take care of herself. Charlie wasn't happy.

When they got home, Bella was quiet, on edge. If Edward noticed, he didn't comment. He took her suitcase up to his bedroom, got a change of clothes, and told her he'd be downstairs if she needed him. Then, to her immense relief, he left her alone.

"Tell me I didn't make a mistake, Em," Bella said when she called Emily a minute later.

"Do you think you're making a mistake?"

"I didn't think Mike was a mistake. My opinion doesn't count." Bella rubbed her temples. "It's too much fucking déjà vu, man. Charlie's upset. I'm living with a guy again."

"For a month and a half."

"The point is, I have no choice. It's Edward or it's my dad. I'm dependent on Edward now, and what if...what if…"

"You have to trust-"

"Don't tell me I have to trust myself. I don't trust myself. Not right now. Because I thought I was doing what was right for me when I let Mike talk me into staying with him and now I've been kissing Edward. I don't know what that means. I don't know what he'll think that means, and if I owe him-"

"Calm down," Emily said. "You don't owe him jack shit. Not like that."

Bella closed her eyes and blew out a breath. She curled up on the bed, her legs drawn up and her free hand over her belly. "Please, Em. I'll trust my own instincts later. I need you to tell me. No bullshit, I need you to tell me I made the right choice. I promise I'll believe you."

"Okay, okay." Emily sighed. "You're not indebted to him, Bella. Push comes to shove, me, your dad, I bet even that Jacob kid-we'd figure out a way to get you on your feet, away from Forks. If that's what you want, you only have to ask. Know that up front, okay?

"But as for your question...You know I had my doubts about him after what he did to you. You put marks on my friend, and you don't get a second chance as far as I'm concerned. You know that. But this fucker worked his ass off to earn a second chance. He could have let you go, but he didn't. He did everything he could to do right by you."

Bella sniffed, calming slightly. "Yeah. Yeah, he did."

"Yeah. Here's the thing, Bella. I get what you're saying. You want to say you can walk out the door, and you don't need anyone. You can't. Most twenty-year-olds can't, but I get why it's worse for you, especially now that you have a kid on the way. You want to be able to say you can take the kid and support the both of you if everything else goes to hell. Well, the way you do that is you get through school. Right now, Edward wants to help you do that. What's more, he actually has the means.

"It doesn't mean you owe him anything. He's offering you your own space, and as far as I can tell, he's letting you lead, right?"

"Yeah." She'd been the one to instigate every kiss.

"You do what you need to do to get to the point where you can support you and the kid. You do trust him, right?"

Bella sighed. "I do. I really do." It was herself she didn't trust.

"And you trust me. I trust Edward too. He put this damn kid in you, and that makes him responsible. There's nothing wrong with that."

"You're right." Bella took a deep breath, letting some of the tension drain away. She even felt a bit silly. It had been some kind of anxiety attack. Of course she was safe with Edward.

"Okay, good," Emily said. "If that's settled, I have a request."

"What's that?"

"Can we go back to the part where you kissed him, because that, my friend, is a new development."

"Oh, hell."

~0~

That Monday morning, Bella made them breakfast before Edward had to go to work. When he asked if she had any plans for the day, she offered to get a head start on cleaning out the spare room. The idea of him sleeping on the couch in his own house bothered her.

At her suggestion, Edward choked on his coffee. He coughed, and when he looked up at her, she thought she saw something akin to panic on his features. "No. No, um." Fist to his lips, he coughed again. "That's really something I should do."

"There's got to be something I can do to help. It's not like I have anything planned today."

He still didn't look comfortable, but his tone was a lot more even when he spoke again. "I spoke with my mother last night. She's mostly retired, but she does work on restoring historic homes. It's nothing too strenuous. Mostly she works in an advisory capacity and helps the owners find the right kind of wood, wallpaper, things like that. She'd like to spend time with you, and she could use an assistant."

The surge of eagerness that went through Bella surprised her. It was the bone-deep longing of a child yearning for her mother. It wasn't a conscious thought but a feeling, an urge that was probably, like so many other things, amplified by her erratic hormones. She wanted a mother's hug-to be petted and cuddled. She wanted Esme Cullen's warm presence. "She wants me to help?"

"Don't feel obligated. If you want to take it easy, that's fine. She just thought you might like the distraction. The house is in Sedona. I don't know if you've had much occasion to see Sedona, but it's beautiful out there. Very peaceful."

"Emily and I kept talking about going, but then things got crazy."

He reached across the table to give her hand a brief squeeze. "No pressure."

"No, I'd like to go."

That seemed to please him. "Good. She'll pick you up in about an hour. Is that okay?"

"Sounds good."

~0~

A week passed. On the weekend, Edward again put off emptying out the spare room. He worked overtime on Saturday, and then he took her to visit with his family on Sunday.

That was nice. They weren't as intimidating now that Bella knew what to expect. Alice and Angela-mother of Emmett's eldest-ambushed her, but only to commiserate about the joys of pregnancy. It was nice to have someone to gab with.

Angela especially had such great insights. She was very open about the fact her pregnancy had been traumatic and, if she'd had the choice, even though she loved her son now, she wouldn't have gone through with it. It was an immense relief to Bella, who'd often been confused about the duality of an unexpected, unwanted pregnancy. Yes, she was awed by her growing bump and the fluttering she felt now and again. Yes, she was hopeful about the future, and she was curious about her baby. But there were days when she loathed that she was pregnant, especially this way. There were days when her fear was crippling. Was this the final nail in her coffin? Was her life always destined to be one mess after another?

It was nice to have permission to acknowledge her life would be not only simpler but, in many ways, better if Edward had never come near her.

The women offered to take Bella out shopping. She needed at least a few maternity pants, and they wanted to pamper her too-whatever that meant.

"All other things aside, the Cullens are a good family to be adopted into," Angela said.

As for Bella and Edward-things were strange between them. Not bad but strange.

Bella wasn't sure if Edward was, as always, letting her lead or if he'd sensed her need for distance. The first few days, every time he was near her, she was on edge. It was odd, because part of her ached for him, missed his touch, but on the other hand, she needed the distance. The sense of déjà vu hadn't left her, and it made her jumpy.

Maybe some day the world would stop spinning long enough for her to figure out what she was supposed to be doing. Until then, her tangled up thoughts sought an outlet. For the first time since the night she'd met Edward, she started to write again. She wrote about the baby and her desperate fear that she was walking into her own destruction. She wrote about hope and how bittersweet it was to experience the first stirrings of desire when everything was so confusing.

She wrote, and wrote, and wrote about Edward, crossing out line after line, scribbling random words in the margins until her fingers were smudged with ink.

It was rough, but they were the first poems she'd written since she met Edward months before.

~0~

Edward had lied, and it was making Bella nervous.

They'd been home for nearly three weeks, and he had consistently put off cleaning out the spare room. She believed he was comfortable on the couch, but the master bedroom was still unquestionably his space.

Really, though, what disturbed Bella was the idea they were playing a game with rules only Edward understood. When she pushed him, no matter how gently, and tried not to let him make excuses, he got irritated. Not angry, but definitely irritated.

It was muscle memory to be on high alert, because she could feel the tension even though Edward never spoke the words. It had been like that with Mike. Flashbacks attacked her at random. She remembered him coming home stressed out day after day. She did everything she could. She massaged his shoulders and listened to him bitch about this or that stupid customer. She worked hard not to ask stupid questions. Something was wrong, and it was always her fault, somehow. It always ended up being her fault.

Bella rolled her eyes at a stupid joke Edward made, and it all unraveled. He happened to step in her direction, his hand raised because they were doing the dishes together and he was trying to put a bowl away. That wasn't what she saw, though. No, she remembered rolling her eyes at Mike once when she knew he was tense, and she knew he was angry. He'd shoved her hard so she clipped her side against the counter and fell to the floor with him towering over her, fists clenched.

"God dammit, Bella," he screamed in her memories. "I work my ass off every day for you, and you give me less respect than those stupid assholes who think they can walk all over me."

In real time, Bella threw herself backward. She cowered in the corner with her hands thrown up over her head. "I'm sorry. That was rude. I know it. It was stupid. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Please. Please. Don't."

"Bella. Bella, I'm over here, okay? I'm not going to hurt you."

Bella whimpered. Her legs gave out, and she slid down, her arms still folded over her head, her body curled inward. It took her a full minute to realize she was whispering the word, "please," over and over again in a scratchy chant.

"It's okay. No one's going to hurt you, Bella."

She gasped for breath, her heart hammering. Tears welled and fell down her cheeks. She wasn't crying hysterically, and though she shook with residual fear, she wasn't sobbing in terror. Her tears were an excess of emotion, because she was feeling too many things for her body to handle them all at once.

When she heard Edward take a few steps forward, she raised a hand. "Don't. Not yet."

"Okay," he said, voice calm and soothing. "Can you tell me what happened?"

"You!" She raised her head, glaring at Edward with with a fury she had no idea was lurking beneath the surface of everything. "You have me fucking obsessing over that damn room. You promised me that room, and I know something's wrong. I know that, but I can't take this...this... tension. Whatever's bothering you, I can't deal with this, Edward. It makes me crazy."

He looked stricken, and with her outburst, Bella's fury left her. She groaned and rested her head on her knees, rocking a bit to self-soothe. "I'm sorry. I'm not trying to be an ungrateful brat. It's just that you didn't do what you said."

"You're not a brat, and I don't think you're being ungrateful," he said, voice rough now. "I'm the one who should be sorry. I had no idea you were upset."

Bella let some of the tension drain from her posture. She sniffled "I really hate that you're sleeping on the couch," she said, because that was easier than explaining about Mike.

"Okay," he said, accepting without arguing. "Can I sit down?"

Unwinding herself a bit more, Bella nodded. While he walked toward her, moving with exaggerated slowness, she swiped at her eyes, brushing the stupid tears away. He sat on the floor with his back against the counter, facing her.

After a few minutes of companionable silence, Bella had enough composure to explain her headspace. She spoke in halting words about the tension she felt rolling off Edward, and how it had reminded her too much of the constant struggle to figure out what she'd done wrong.

"I was always making him mad. I could see it. He got irritated with me over things when I was trying so hard not to be so stupid." She sniffled, rubbing at her eyes again. "And you were irritated with me. When I pushed about the room. I know it bothered you, and I keep thinking it bothers you that I'm in here. I'm in your space, and I'm a burden."

"That's not true. Bella, you're not a burden. At all." He reached out with his foot, bumping hers gently. "Come on. All the breakfasts and dinners. I've never been so well fed in my life. If anything, that makes me a burden to you."

She huffed and then laughed-a soft, wry sound. "You're so full of shit, you know that?" she asked without heat.

He hummed. "Possibly, but so are you. You know you're not a burden."

She chafed her arms, trying to ward off the cold. "That's what I feel like."

He pushed off the counter, crawled to her slowly, as though giving her time to protest and sat beside her. Bella leaned in automatically, and he put his arm around her, pulling her close to his warmth. His breath shook, and he tilted his head to rest against hers. "I'm sorry, Bella. For everything. You know I wouldn't have wanted to make you feel like that." He rubbed his eyes with his free hand. "I've been an ass."

"You haven't."

"I have." He turned to her, brushing the backs of his knuckles down her cheek, his expression tortured but tender. "You've been so honest with me about the horrible things that have happened to you, and I haven't given you anything." He sighed. "Why do you put up with me, Bella?"

She blinked at him, not sure what to say to that.

He sighed again. "Saturday, okay? Two days, and I promise on Saturday, I'll clean the room out."

It was obvious those words were very difficult to say. Bella could guess why. She wasn't an idiot. She knew this was about Xavier, and she still couldn't imagine what kind of pain he was in over all this.

Would he finally give her a chance to understand?

"Bella? Is that okay?"

"Yeah. That would be great."

"Okay." He brushed her hair back away from her face. "I'm really sorry, Bella. I really want you to feel comfortable here. I'm sorry you've had to be so patient with me."

She looked back at him, perplexed.

Too tired to figure him out right then, Bella wrapped her arms around him, giving him a hug for once.

A/N: Packy 2.0 is my sunshine. Barburella is my sweetheart, and I adore the hell out of songster.

You kids...You're saving me. So thank you.