18. Breathe In, Breathe Out – Rachel Stevens

The first day back at school was beyond difficult. Until then, Ryou had been able to hide in his apartment and pretend the rest of the world didn't exist. A thousand times over, he thanked whoever invented internet shopping, and also the inventor of cream puffs. He'd never eaten so many of the things in his life. Even when Amane and his mother died his father saw his son's disturbing comfort eating habit and pulled himself from his research long enough to stop Ryou eating until he puked.

But Mr. Bakura wasn't there anymore. He'd distanced himself from his son, and had no idea what he was going through this time. He thought Ryou was toddling along merrily in Domino City, making friends and living a normal teenaged life of school, bad TV and illicit parties.

By the first day of school after Egypt, Ryou felt like he'd gained about twenty pounds, although his uniform still fitted and when he looked in the mirror he couldn't spot any extra chins. His complexion was also completely clear despite all the sugar. He stared at his reflection for a long time, searching his own eyes for a hint of someone else behind them. When he bumped his forehead on the glass he pulled back and shook his head.

Don't be ridiculous.

He still ran all the way from his home to the gates of Domino High.

At roll-call he answered his name but kept his eyes fixed on his desk. He worked diligently at his English translation and his History questions until lunch, when he darted into the boys' lavatories and sat with the lid down, his feet braced against the door and his face in his hands. He felt sick, though today he hadn't eaten any cream puffs. He hadn't eaten anything, his stomach too slurpy to tolerate more than water without bringing it back up.

Everything reminded him of the spirit. Every corner, every wall, every second in this place where he should've felt safe made him wonder whether this was all just another illusion. He'd felt safe before, after Duellist Kingdom when he thought the Millennium Ring was gone. He was wrong then. What was to say he wasn't wrong again? What touchable proof did he have that his life wasn't about to be ripped out from under him again? He felt violated, helpless, and so, so vulnerable.

And alone. Most of all, no matter where he was, he felt alone. At home he'd left the television or the radio blaring at all hours of the day and night, trying to fool himself that he wasn't. After all, he was the one hiding from the rest of the world. His choice to keep people safe by keeping away from them. But even at school, with classmates babbling around him, he wasn't fooled. The spirit had made him different in a terrible way he couldn't share with his peers.

When the bell rang and he went back to class his eyes and throat felt dry, though he hadn't been crying. Weirdly, he hadn't cried once during this whole ordeal. He promised himself after Amane's death that he'd never cry again, though now he couldn't remember why he made that promise. Was he trying to pay penance for not being able to protect his baby sister?

What kind of penance did you pay when your hands had been used to murder people without your knowledge? Was ignorance really an excuse?

He was so lost in his own thoughts that he didn't hear someone call his name, and jumped when they touched his shoulder. Her nearly fell out of his seat, and was only stopped by several pairs of hands hoisting him back into it.

"Hey, Bakura," said Yuugi.

Ryou blinked at him. "Uh …"

"We saw you, um …" Yuugi looked uncomfortable, glancing at the others with him for help.

Ryou looked at the other four faces – Jounouchi, Honda, Anzu and Otogi, all people who'd helped Yuugi in his quest in some way or another. Yuugi had his support network to help him deal with being possessed by an ancient spirit, although he'd been upset when his yami left him. Evidently their bond was better than the domination visited upon Ryou by the Spirit of the Ring.

"Can I help you with something?" Ryou asked, wishing the teacher would hurry up and get there to start afternoon lessons. These people understood, to a degree, what he was coping with. Or at least they could sympathise.

But what if this was still a lie-life? They'd be in danger if they were near him and the spirit erupted again.

"No, but you can let us help you," Jounouchi said bluntly.

"What?"

"You haven't been answering your phone," Anzu said in a kinder voice, glaring at Jounouchi. "Or your door. We were worried about you."

"I'm fine."

"Dude," Honda laid a friendly hand on Ryou's shoulder, "it's okay. You don't have to handle things alone."

"Not anymore," Yuugi added. "We're your friends, Bakura. We're here for you if you need us."

Ryou shook his head. "I don't -"

"And wanting us around isn't the same as needing us," Otogi broke in, stabbing one long finger down on Ryou's desk.

Ryou stared at them again, and something inside him … unclenched. Part of his brain still wailed that this was a bad decision, and that he wasn't much of a friend putting them in danger just so he didn't have to feel alone anymore. However, his heart was more grateful than that, and drowned it out. "Thank you," he said sincerely.

The shadows on Yuugi's face cleared. "Would you like to come over to my house after school? We're all doing our homework together."

"Because English translation is a bitch," grumbled Jounouchi. "But you're from England, right? So you could just give us all the answers - ow! Anzu!"

"Stop taking advantage. And don't use such horrible language."

"So, Bakura, are you interested?"

Ryou met Yuugi's eyes. They were clear and totally his own, and Ryou could see himself reflected back in them. "Um, yes. Please. But … but please call me Ryou." He took a breath. "You've known me long enough now to drop the formality, I think."

When Yuugi Mutou smiled, Ryou Bakura's chest felt less like it was about to explode with tension.

He had his own support network too, and it wasn't just a legion of cream puffs.

A/N: According to the YGO Encyclopaedia, cream puffs are Ryou Bakura's absolute favourite food.