chapter three: the great mistake

"I'll see you later, Tee. I gotta run," my best friend, Jaime Beaumont said, grabbing me in a quick hug before jogging off to her car on the far side of the mall parking lot. I waved at her shrinking figure with a smile, letting both my smile and my hand drop the moment she was out of sight. It was graduating year. College was coming up fast, and it was getting harder and harder to keep up my facade of normality while still having a friend as close as Jaime. I had her completely fooled; she didn't suspect a thing. I didn't want it to be that way, though. It was getting harder and harder to keep myself from spilling everything, and although she and I had talked of trying to get into the same colleges, had even filled out and sent away the applications together, I knew I would never be able to stay with her and keep my secret at the same time, so I had secretly sent away an application of my own.

The Paralegal Studies program at Miami Dade College.

I amused myself with the irony of my choice in studies. It was fairly suitable, though, I thought, because I already knew a fair bit about law (and moreso, how to evade it) due to my uncle's teachings. I could use something somewhat familiar, I felt, as I was going to the opposite side of the country from where I was. All the way from mild-weathered Flagstaff, Arizona, to hot and humid Miami, Florida. I looked forward to moving to a bigger center, though. After all, besides the fact that there would be over two thousand miles of road between me and my uncle's watchful eye, there was just something about the anonymity that came from living in such a big city that appealed to me.

A fresh start-a clean slate, as it were.

It was nice to think about the promises that my not-so-distant future held. Nice to get my mind off of the perpetual thoughts of violence that my uncle had engrained in me for fourteen years now. I exhaled slowly at that thought, rubbing my forehead at the feeling of an impending headache and turning to start the walk home, realizing I had been standing in the same spot Jaime had left me in, lost in thought. Had it really been fourteen years already since the first time I held a knife in my hand for the sole purpose of killing? Granted, it may not have been a person I was killing until six years ago, but at four years old, even killing an animal was enough to mess me up for good. I had always been an animal person anyway, even as a kid. I just seemed to understand them better than people. I think I had been angrier at my uncle when he made me kill animals than I was when he made me kill people.

Like I said, I was really messed up. Not that I felt I could change that though. Until I got away from my uncle for college, anyway.

I worried the inside of my cheek as I walked, still deep in thought about Miami and how I could possibly do a bait-and-switch to make my uncle think I was enrolling into classes at someplace other than Miami. I couldn't do it in any legal way, that much was for sure, or else he'd be able to find me in a matter of minutes. The internet was handy sometimes, but at other times, I felt like it was more of a physical net than an informational one. I stuck my hands deep in my jacket pockets, running my thumb along the outline of the butterfly knife in my right pocket. I could enrol in one place with my real name, put a first month's payment on an apartment, while simultaneously enrolling at Miami Dade under a false name and creating an alias there to live under...

A hand landed roughly on my shoulder. Having been so deep in thought, I acted out of pure instinct, flipping out the butterfly knife and stabbing behind me to where my attacker's stomach should have been given the angle of their arm. I whipped around to aim a slice at their neck, my arm already in mid-swing when my brain belatedly recognized the person standing in front of me.

It was Russell Garrity, Jaime's recent ex-boyfriend.

My eyes widened in surprise, my breath hitched in panic, as I watched him stumble back, eyes wide like mine, clutching at the clean slice in his neck, trying to keep himself from bleeding out. Needless to say, due to my proficiency, he failed miserably. Not two seconds later, he was on the ground. I quickly hopped back, keeping out of the blood pool. I inspected myself quickly. Even in the dark, my instincts were impeccable. The arterial blood spray had been directed away from me. I grimaced as I came to a realization.

I would have to tell my uncle about this.

I could feel the emotions. This hadn't been a pre-meditated murder. It was not done in cold blood; it was done out of instinctual self-preservation. I regretted it, I loathed myself, and I felt like throwing up all at the same time. It was...overwhelming, to say the least. Usually I had time to deal with the fact that I had killed someone before I was bombarded with emotions like this. Usually, I knew what I was getting into before it happened. This time, I had no time to mentally prepare myself.

This time, it was also someone that I knew.

I quickly inspected myself, finding that a few drops of blood had gotten on my shirt and jacket. I fumbled to do up the snaps on my jacket, seeing as the red splotches stood out against the white material of my shirt, but not so much on my black jacket. I tucked the knife in the hidden zipper pocket inside my jacket, not wanting to risk being seen with it, or risk it falling out of my other, non-zippered pockets. I restrained the urge to run, instead walking briskly down a less traveled road, knowing that if someone were to see me by chance that they would find it a lot more suspicious if I was running. I wasn't one of the known joggers in town, and one of the downsides to living in a smaller city was that everyone in the neighborhood knew everyone's schedules and hobbies pretty well, especially the old biddies that had nothing better to do but watch out their windows. I let out a string of expletives through clenched teeth, my hands forming fists in my pockets.

This murder would not go unnoticed by the police.

"What were you thinking?" My uncle roared, his face appearing a shade somewhere between fluorescent pink and dark purple. It would have been almost comical if it weren't for the fact that I honestly feared for my life with how angry he was. He was pacing so violently that I had the distant thought that he might wear a hole through the cement of the detached garage. Couldn't have my dear aunt hearing us discuss murder, after all. "No, wait, don't answer that," he said, backing off a bit, his face changing to a solid red. "You weren't. And I know you know better than this. Even if you don't get caught, and that is a very big if, you are drawing attention on not only yourself, but this entire family!" He took a deep breath and drew himself up tall, stopping in front of me and staring straight into my eyes.

I didn't even see his hand move before my cheek exploded in pain. I didn't have time to cry out before he had my chin in a vice grip, his face inches from mine.

"Do you know what you're going to do?"

I hesitated before realizing I risked angering him if I didn't answer, even if it was a rhetorical question. He was going to tell me what to do anyway. I shook my head infinitesimally. He let go of my chin and stood back, clasping his hands behind his back as he stared down at me like a disgusting bug beneath his shoe.

"You are going to continue on like nothing happened. Act sad, but not too sad. After all, you weren't that close to him, only vicariously through your...friend," he said, as though the word left a bad taste in his mouth. He never liked the idea of my having friends. The only reason he let me keep any was because it would appear suspicious to outsiders if I didn't have any. "You'll cooperate with the police. Tell them you took a different route home. Keep up the act for a few more weeks until you graduate, then pick whichever university accepted you that's the farthest away from here. Maybe that one in Miami." Great. At least I knew there was nothing sacred when it came to my private things. He didn't have to know that I'd already decided on Miami, though. This way I could let him think that it was all his own brilliant plan. That should serve to keep him off my back, at least for a while. He narrowed his eyes at me. "Nod if you understand, girl."

I nodded. He gave a swift nod of approval in return.

That was that, then.

I killed one of my classmates that would have graduated in six weeks, and now I had to suffer the torment of guilt and suspicion, all the while merely hoping that no one would put all the pieces together.

I sat, uncomfortably warm on the bottom half from the voluminous tulle skirt of my dress, but not warm enough on top due to the fact that I hadn't thought to bring a shawl to wrap around my bare arms. Apparently spaghetti straps didn't do anything to keep you warm, not that I'd realized what the temperature was going to be like in the hall that had been rented for my class's graduation ceremony. I sat, only half-listening, through the speeches being given, watching as the class valedictorian who had beaten my average by point-two of a percent took the mic, carefully keeping my expression neutral, though I really wanted nothing more than to wring his neck. That should have been my place. A shiver ran down my spine, and I realized that these thoughts were dangerous. When had I started to feel such urges outside of my allotted hunting time? I shot a quick glance to my table, where my aunt and uncle sat, along with my grandmother who had flown down from South Dakota to witness my graduation. I gave them a half-smile, though it was aimed entirely at my aunt and grandmother, and only the blank look in my eyes was reserved for my uncle. I felt the muscle in my jaw jump when the emcee called for a moment of silence for our dead classmate, but managed to keep my hands from clenching in my skirt as I respectively bowed my head, mindful to keep a respectfully solemn expression on my face.

Although I had gone through a fair amount of interrogation from the police due to the fact that I had been witnessed out in the town at about the same time as Russell's murder, thankfully they hadn't been able to pin down any evidence as thanks to my extracurricular metalwork courses, I had been able to melt my butterfly knife down and remake it into a vase. Hey presto, murder weapon gone. And of course, the clothes I had been wearing the night of had been burned in the barbecue pit in the backyard. Living outside of town was nice when it came to disposing of things you didn't want people knowing you owned. However, I never wanted to be in such a situation where that was required ever again.

It seemed like an age before the ceremonies were done, and I slipped out of the cool building into the cooler night at the first possible moment, thoroughly exhausted from the social anxiety that I always felt when I was the focal point of so many people's interest. Having been the second highest scoring person in the class (damn that so-called 'genius' boy who beat me to hell), I had been the recipient of a fair number of bursaries and grants, graduating with honors. It aggravated me that so many people wanted to talk to me about it, though. I would have much preferred if people sent me a card that I would read once, acknowledge that they were thinking of me, and then throw the card in the trash. It's a little harder to listen to people talk when you don't care, because you can't just acknowledge that they were thinking of you, then throw them in the trash.

Well, you could. But in that case you would probably have to kill them first, and despite that it didn't bother me quite as much as it used to when I first started, it still bothered me. And it bothered me more that I was getting used to it. Going through the motions, picking out a person to kill and setting it up hardly phased me anymore, I just didn't like having to actually do the deed. Because whenever I did, I slipped into that protective state, that sadistic persona that I had to live with knowing lurked in the depths of my mind.

Rubbing my arms to try and boost the circulation to my chilled limbs, I quickly headed to my car, unlocking the driver's side door and sliding in, tossing my diploma and grants in the passenger seat and tucking my voluminous skirt into the car before closing the door with a slam. I slid my key into the ignition and felt myself relax as the engine rumbled to life. I felt bad, but I was not going to wait around in order to say goodbye to my aunt and grandma. I was headed to Miami. Tonight.

Hello, new life.

A/N: Here, have the chapter a day early, just for those of you who have been reading and adding this story to your watch list. ;) (In other words I just finished the chapter today and want to crank it out le now.) Also, good news... next chapter we will get out first glimpse of Rudy/Brian!

Stay tuned for the next chapter! Updates are still on the first Sunday of the month, even though technically today's is on Saturday.