Chapter 11: Meltdown

As Reid drove to the crime scene, he could feel his anger creeping up on him again. For this to happen again was so unfair. Why on earth was it so hard to get through a night with Michael without some sort of interruption? He knew he was being selfish, he knew he was being irrational, he knew it was the job, but he couldn't help it; the more this happened, the more entitled he felt to be that way. He felt cheated. And what an asshole, Reid thought to himself of Morgan. "I bet he loved interrupting my night, again." He sighed as he drove on, simply wishing none of this had ever happened. I wouldn't have put myself in this mess. Things would be normal again. He was mad at Michael for seeking him out and he was mad at Morgan for being a jealous prick, but most of all, he was mad at himself for allowing things to get so bad.

When he parked down the street from the crime scene, he promptly shut his car off. Next, he lifted his jacket off the right front seat, grabbed his satchel that was beneath it and checked inside to make sure he had some rubber gloves on him. His eyes kept reverting to the pizza, but he wouldn't let himself stop and eat even though his gut was growling. It had already been twenty minutes since Morgan had called him.

He flashed his badge at a local cop who let him pass underneath the caution tape and he was able to see Morgan standing in the living room as he stepped into the home. He braced himself a bit; taking a deep breath after feeling another bout of tension hit his chest.

"What happened here?" Reid's eyes searched the living room of the home and he wasn't seeing anything out of the ordinary. Nothing appeared broken or out of place. The area was tidy except for a pile of papers and mail next to the coffee table.

"You're late," Morgan scolded him as Hotch walked into the room from a hallway to join them.

"Fuck off," Reid said under his breath as he leaned forward and began sifting through the stack of papers, not even bothering himself to make eye contact with Morgan.

"Both of you go home."

"What?" Reid asked as he turned around, surprised. He had to have heard Hotch incorrectly.

Morgan stood still while he fixed his eyes on their team leader; Hotch looked exhausted and bothered.

"I don't know what's happening between the two of you, but I will not have it play out on my crime scene."

"You can't be serious," Morgan told him. He felt like he was being treated like a child.

"Hotch, I'm sorry, I promise-" Reid started, only apologizing in an effort to persuade Hotch change his mind.

"I'll see you both Monday and I'll catch you up then." He turned his back and called on Rossi to get his attention.

Hotch's word was final and although they stared at each other in disbelief, Morgan and Reid knew well enough not to argue with him more than they had. Morgan nodded once toward the door prompting their feet to start moving. Neither spoke to one another as they crossed the yard and stepped under the caution tape. Reid instantly picked up the pace back to his car. He was beyond pissed and he didn't want to have a confrontation with Morgan right now.

But Morgan was right in tow. "Hey, thanks a lot for that."

The very sound of Morgan's voice raked against Reid's last nerve. He stopped hard and turned around to face Morgan and defend himself. "How was that any of my fault!?" he shouted in Morgan's face as he pointed toward the house.

"Oh, I don't know… Maybe telling me to 'fuck off' right in front of Hotch?!" Morgan raised the volume of his voice to match Reid's.

"Maybe he overheard you with your attitude as soon as I stepped foot in there!"

Hotch could see Morgan and Reid yelling at each other in the street from the porch of the house and shook his head. He stepped back inside the house knowing his decision was a solid one.

Morgan could feel how sharp and focused Reid's anger was. "Why are you mad at me?! Do you think you were the only one that got interrupted tonight?! Don't you think we were all busy doing something else?!"

Reid refused to acknowledge his point and only bore a hole into Morgan with his hard stare.

Morgan started and stopped a few times, having so much to say and not finding the right words until he finally raised his arms and shrugged a bit. He realized this wasn't a professional inconvenience for Reid, he took this as personal as personal gets and Morgan just couldn't compete with that anymore. "Reid, I don't know what else to do here. There's nowhere for me to go from here." His words didn't faze Reid. The expression on Morgan's face softened as he thought about what his next move needed to be even though the clarity of it came to him so suddenly that it felt like an ice pick into his heart. "Either you don't get it or you don't care…" Reid still didn't respond to him, but his pupils were the size of silver dollars as he stared at Morgan. And he wasn't blinking. It wasn't hard to see that he was 110% on edge. Morgan swallowed and pressed his lips together, looking downward before meeting Reid's eyes again. "You've got nothin' to say, do you?"

"No, but you do, don't you?"

What a cocky bastard, Morgan thought. He'd held out so much hope and now he just felt like a fool. Is this how things are gonna end? Reid was right… We're just gonna end up hurting each other again.

"SAY IT!" Reid suddenly screamed at Morgan. His voice echoed down the steet.

Whoa, Morgan slowly held his hand up with his palm out. Reid seemed extremely hostile and that in itself was unusual; he had always been good at channeling his emotions to overcome them. But this felt different. Morgan thought he must not be in his right mind because he could sense how out of control Reid's anger was and he knew he had to stay calm or Reid would fucking ignite and explode. He spoke softly… "I know I've been difficult, but I've tried everything to communicate with you, I've tried to be fair, I've tried to give you your space, but all you do is take advantage." Reid's expression still didn't change. Morgan looked deeply into his eyes, stalling before he said what he couldn't believe he was about to say. "I love you so much, Reid…" a hard swallow went down his throat, "but I can't do this anymore. I think it's time you count me out."

Reid was breathing though his nose, each breath more shallow than the one before it. "This is exactly why I haven't ended it with Michael," he told Morgan. "I knew you would do this!"

"Why the fuck are you testing me?! How many times do I have to tell you how I feel and what I want?! My expectations can't be a surprise to you!"

"You just couldn't wait!" Reid screamed.

"Wait for what?! For you to get your dick wet with some other guy?! I don't get it, Reid! Help me understand!"

Reid shook his head and continued to yell, "I knew this would fall apart! And I knew you would give up and run away!" Reid felt like he was watching a movie, like he couldn't stop what was happening. He simply could not control his behavior or anything that was coming out of his mouth.

"I am not running away." Morgan calmed himself again. "What you're offering right now just isn't worth what you're putting me through. I don't deserve it …and neither does Michael, to be honest."

"Don't say his name," Reid instantly demanded.

Morgan glanced at this watch. It wasn't even 8pm yet and this night could not have been more ruined… Everything. Ruined. "Whatever, Reid… Look, when you finally decide you want to be with me and only me, just come say the word, I'll be ready for you... But until that day comes, consider yourself dumped." With that Morgan turned around and headed to his vehicle.

Reid watched Morgan walk away, get into his rig and drive off. He then walked to his car, calmly opened the door, sat down and locked himself inside. Never mind the pressure in his head or the tightness in his chest; the rage he still felt made his hands absolutely tremble. His eyes began to well up, but he forced an angry stop on his tears as his palms gripped the steering wheel. He let out a growl that turned into a scream as he pushed and pulled against the wheel as fast and as hard as he could with everything he had, working himself into a frenzied mess. He panted forcefully through his teeth as his heart rate erratically climbed. Sweat formed a sheen on his face and his hair stick to his skin. He let go of the wheel only to hit his head with his fists, pulling on his hair as he grunted. He couldn't believe he had lost Morgan again. He couldn't believe Morgan had let him go. He couldn't believe any of this was happening.

The knuckles rapping on his door glass scared Reid out of his slumber. It was Hotch knocking. Reid rolled down his window and waited for the scowling man to speak first. His face wore hard lines of disapproval and it freaked Reid out. He had been instructed to go home and hadn't.

"Get out of the car," Hotch gently ordered.

Reid swallowed and unlocked the door, opening it. He stepped out and stood next to Hotch with his shoulders hunched, feeling embarrassment settle in. It had a sobering effect, however. The numbness and the disorientation he was feeling slowly began to fade. He subtly glanced around trying to see if he could tell what time it was because it felt late. It looked like most of the CSI team and police had left for the evening.

Hotch considered Reid's appearance. He could see that Reid's eyes were rimmed with irritation like he had been crying. His eyes, lips, nose and ears were all pink in hue, though that could have been from the cold of the night. But most of all, he just looked absolutely broken and slightly 'out of it'. He took a quick look around them to confirm that Morgan had left, must have hours ago, and deduced the argument didn't go well. Hotch sighed and asked, "Reid, can I offer you some advice?"

Reid frowned and then pursed his lips, but he nodded, "Sure."

"Don't lose your anchor."

Reid raised his head and looked Hotch in the eye, questioning what he meant.

"If you want to stay grounded, don't let the one person who is your constant in this life slip away…" Hotch shook his head slowly and took a deep breath. "I did that with Haley and I can't tell you how lost I felt."

Then the unimaginable happened. Reid looked at Hotch with sorrowful eyes. "Are you talking about Morgan?" Reid couldn't stop his eyes from glossing over. Reid knew he wouldn't survive the heartache if anything ever happened to Morgan.

"No matter what it takes, make things right with him, even if it means just being friends, but if you two are in love…" he didn't finish his thought right away, hesitating, "that's even more reason."

Reid's eyes shifted, but he nodded. And as Michael filtered into his thoughts, he bit at his lower lip before he spoke, "It's just that…" he didn't know how to ask Hotch his question without revealing what he and Morgan were fighting about. "Never mind," he recanted.

"What is it?"

Reid frog faced and his eyes rolled side to side as he shifting on his feet, working up the nerve. "How did you know Haley was the one? How did you know you didn't want to be with someone else?"

Hotch studied the curiosity on Reid's face before he answered. "The day I woke up and realized I couldn't imagine my life without her, that's how I knew."

Reid gave Hotch another sympathetic look, because Hotch ultimately was forced to adhere to that reality no matter how much he'd tried to follow his heart throughout their relationship. And now Reid missed Morgan so much it hurt and he closed his eyes as he felt that pain. I've messed this up so badly.

Hotch cleared his throat and Reid's eyes startled open. "It's almost three o'clock. You should go home and get some rest. Call in if you need to."

When he turned around, he cringed. Not only had he had a meltdown, but he couldn't exactly remember the last several hours. He hoped it was because he had fallen asleep at one point or another. Reid nodded, but then he realized, "It's Sunday."

"I'm talking about Monday," Hotch confirmed.

As he got back into his car, Reid watched Hotch walked across the street to his vehicle. Then Hotch called out a goodbye and Reid rolled up his window. He took a deep breath and started his car. After he belted himself in, he rubbed his face and then checked his phone. No messages. He felt that was deserved. He ended up following Hotch out of the neighborhood until they went their separate ways.

On Monday morning Reid couldn't concentrate enough to eat or read the paper. Even as he brushed his teeth, he caught himself staring at the pattern on his robe, stalling his movement to a standstill, thinking about Morgan and Michael.

He was pretty tired, but no more than usual on only a couple hours of sleep. Most of all, he was so remorseful over what happened Saturday night. He had no excuse for the way he acted, but at the time, he couldn't stop it. It was like a runaway train; circumstance after circumstance piling up until something had to give. He groaned as he walked down the very hallway he and Morgan shared their first kiss.

He sat down to finish his coffee and decided he would try to call Morgan. He dialed with twitchy fingers, unsure he should even be chancing this so soon. But as he expected, Morgan's voice mail answered his call. He cleared his throat and squeezed his free hand into fist. "H-hi, Morgan. It's Spencer…" he rolled his eyes. "Um, I know you're probably on your way to work… uhh…" his voice shook and he cringed, landing his palm against his forehead. "I… I just," he paused, "I don't know what happened Saturday night… I-I mean, I know what happened, but… none of what happened should have and I'm really sorry. I didn't mean it…" His words had become slower and quieter as he spoke into his phone. "Any of it…" he was nearly whispering. "So, please… Let's make time to talk today," he finished.

He hung up his phone and took deep breaths. He could feel himself shaking from the inside out. When his phone rang in his hand, he just about came unglued, nearly dropping it. He saw the name on the caller ID, but before his brain could relay that information to his mouth, he answered the call, "Morgan?"

"No… It's Michael," the voice on the other line said.

"Michael, yes. I'm sorry." Reid really felt like he deserved a hot poker shoved into his skull through his eye socket.

"I just wanted to check in on you before I get off my shift. I didn't hear from you yesterday… and you were pretty upset Saturday night."

Reid almost smiled, but then didn't, feeling guilty about a multitude of things. Michael was so thoughtful. He was genuinely such a nice person. "Oh, yeah… I'm sorry I didn't call yesterday like I said I would. I, uhh… I actually ended up sleeping… most of the day," he lied. All he did was mope around. "But about Saturday night… I need to apologize to you. I ended up kinda, um, having a really bad night… and I'm afraid you saw the start of it. I haven't been that upset in a long time. Or ever maybe. I'm really sorry if I took it out on you in any way."

"I'm fine, Dr. Reid. No need to apologize. I called because I was worried about you," he pointed out again.

There was an awkward pause. "Good, good. Yeah, no, I'm fine… I'm good. I am now…" he breathed.

"Good," Michael agreed. Another awkward pause followed.

"Yeah, so… I gotta go," Reid told him. "I need to leave for work." He glanced downward at his robe, reminding himself he still wasn't even dressed yet.

"Alright… Hey, do you want to grab lunch or have dinner? Maya will be gone tonight. No interruptions."

He could hear the hope in Michael's voice, but Reid felt hesitant. He had to force himself to sound interested. "Lunch won't work. We're going to be really busy, but… but maybe dinner will? Can I let you know later?"

"Yeah, just give me a call."

"I will," Reid said a little too quickly, barely waiting for Michael to finish his sentence, rushing to end the phone call.

"Okay, goodbye, Spencer."

"Bye, Michael."

After Reid hung up the phone, he buried his head in his hands. Deep down, he wished Michael would politely disappear.

You guys will get some relief in the next chapter, but a whole new ball starts rolling! See you on the next upload!