A/N: Quick note to the readers of my other fics-I've been pretty sick since Tuesday. I'm finally feeling human today, and I wasn't about to argue with whatever my fingers wanted to write (I can't STAND not writing for a day, let alone DAYS on end, ack!). Now that this is out of my system, I'll get my other little duckies in a row. Promise!

Before they left, Edward's family all hugged Bella, and his parents thanked her. She didn't understand what for. All she knew was Edward was hurting worse than ever, and she couldn't help but feel it was partially her fault.

Esme hugged her again. "He's finding his way back to us. He's not a living ghost anymore. Life hurts. He'll heal. We can help him heal if he's here with us again. So thank you for that chance."

Bella wanted to tell them all she'd done was get pregnant.

Now, she woke up alone again, and again she knew exactly where to find Edward. That morning, the door to the spare room was open, and she didn't know what to expect as she walked toward it. What she did find broke her heart, as anticlimactic as it should have been.

Edward was sitting cross-legged in the middle of the now-empty room. He was just sitting. Not crying, just staring blankly with a look that suggested he wasn't really seeing anything. Bella leaned against the door jamb, wondering if she should leave him alone. She wondered if this was how it began for his family-them watching him, not knowing whether to push or leave him alone to process.

"Do you want me to leave?" she asked.

If he was surprised to hear her voice, he didn't show it. He also didn't answer, but after a long moment, he raised his hand toward her without looking up. When Bella took it, he pulled her toward him and stretched out his legs, helping her sit between them. Bella closed her eyes, not knowing whether she should feel relieved when he wrapped his arms around her and rested his head on her shoulder.

It was still a full two minutes before he spoke and even then it was in a whisper against her ear. "Please don't ask me to talk yet. There are things in my head I don't want you to hear." His hands found hers, and he began to play with her fingers. "I promise I'm trying."

Bella snuggled back against him, hoping he knew his silence was fine by her. She understood that kind of silence, when there were things in her head too terrible to voice to anyone. Bella found she always had words to explain the twisted way she was feeling, even at her darkest moments. The trouble was, those words didn't make sense in the rational world. They only made sense in the warped world that was only her reality.

So she turned her head to kiss his hair and let him hold her.

"Can I make you breakfast?" she asked after a long time. "Maybe oatmeal with brown sugar and bananas." Morning comfort food. Something warm to stick to his cold insides.

He hummed his assent but tightened his arms around her, swaying them a few more times before he let her go.

~0~

The silence wasn't awkward. In fact, as days turned into a week, Bella got used to interacting quietly. After all, Edward never tried to push her away. He texted her when he was at work to make sure she was okay with his mother or whatever she was up to that day. They took turns making dinner and watched TV together. More often than not, when he went to sit in the bare room that used to belong to his son, Bella sat with him.

It was late morning on a Saturday. Bella was laying on the floor of the spare room, staring up at the ceiling. She was running the tips of her fingers in light motions over her belly, feeling the occasional flutter of the baby moving. School was going to start again soon. Time passed like nothing.

Bella was startled when Edward, who had been a virtual statue for almost half an hour, got up and all but bolted out of the room. She only hesitated a few seconds before she followed him. He wasn't difficult to find. She heard a crash and walked faster down the hallway to his room.

"Edward?"

He was in his closet, balanced on one of the small shelves that probably wasn't designed to hold a full grown man, rummaging around the top shelf. He tossed things down, grunting in frustration.

"Edward?"

"There it is." He jumped back down, clutching something to his chest.

He looked down at it, turning it over several times in his hands. His eyebrows were knitted, and Bella heard the hitch in his breath. She stepped carefully to his side and put a hand to the small of his back, waiting.

She didn't have to wait long. He slung an arm around her waist and sighed. They walked together to his bed and sat with a thin album in his lap. It was decorated in a rocking horse and rubber ducky pattern, as though Bella needed more evidence of what it was.

It took Edward several tries before he could find the words. "I know my mother has shown you pictures of Xavier, but…"

"These are yours."

"My favorites." Edward ran his fingers over the cover. "And Kate's."

Bella reached out to hold his free hand. "No one knew him like you two."

He swallowed a few more times, his fingers shaking only a little as he opened the album.

The first photo took Bella by surprise. Not because of the content, but because of the jealous emotion that tugged at her. It was a ridiculous fantasy, of course. After Mike, when she imagined what her life could be, she imagined exactly this photo.

It was a picture of Edward and Kate. She looked to be about as far along as Bella was now. She was standing, looking down with love and adoration. Edward was on his knees, his ear against her bare belly, staring up with the same expression.

Sometimes Bella wished with everything in her that this baby had been conceived just as Xavier had been-by two parents who were in love and committed and trying to get pregnant. But that wasn't her baby's reality, and this wasn't about her baby.

So she listened.

For almost two weeks.

Little by little, story by story, Edward told her about Xavier.

He told her about what it was like to be twenty-four, in love, and on top of the world. They wanted everything, and they had no reason to think they wouldn't get it.

"We got pregnant the second month Kate was off birth control," he said with a huff. "We led charmed lives."

While Kate was pregnant, they discussed everything they thought could come up. They talked about what they would do if their baby had some kind of disability. If it was an intersexed child. Had a cleft lip. They talked about what they would do if their little girl wanted to dress up as Spiderman or their little boy wanted to wear princess dresses.

And they dreamed endlessly about all the things they would get to show their baby.

Edward told Bella about the day he was born and the blur of weeks afterward. How he couldn't get over the way the baby fit, his head and tiny bottom cupped in Edward's hands. He remembered being so tired and yet so over the moon in love with his baby boy.

He talked about watching his baby grow, begin to hit milestones. There were so many pictures of Xavier after he started smiling-he had Edward's gorgeous smile. He lifted his head. He pushed up from the playmat during tummy time. He rolled over. He sat up on his own.

Then his diagnosis and milestones stopped being important. He would be too weak to do things like walk and throw a ball and fit a square peg in a square hole all his life.

The change in the pictures was profound. In them, Xavier went from being a chubby baby with pink cheeks, vivacious even in a still image, to a sickly, withering thing almost always laying sleepily in someone's arms. There were still smiles, still pictures where he reached out with curious, grabby hands to explore something, but there wasn't any energy in his tired face.

And with his decline, Bella could actually see the light drain from Edward's eyes. It was painful to watch, even in pictures, but Bella stayed mostly quiet, letting Edward talk. Good memories. Great ones. Beautiful moments. And with them, all the maddening, terrifying, heartbreaking moments that came along with watching a sick child die, taking the bright hopes and dreams of a bright life with him.

When most parents wanted to give their children everything, could there be a worse helplessness than that of a parent who couldn't even give their child a day without pain and struggle?

The last photo in the album was Edward and Xavier. They were both asleep in Edward's bed, the baby curled on his chest. The way Edward had his arms around his baby boy suggested if he could, he'd tuck him under his skin where he would be safe forever.

"That was the last photo anyone took of Xavier," Edward said, tapping a finger restlessly on the page. "No one felt like taking a photo those last few days. He wasn't himself." He took a shaky breath. "That might seem like a stupid thing to say. He was a baby."

"No," Bella said, tightening her arm around him, stroking his side. "That's not what you told me. He was bright and strong and adventurous and sweet. He loved his Ma, his Da, and his baby blue blanket."

Edward closed his eyes. "I buried my baby," he said, his voice low and rough. "Nothing should be harder than that." The tears that had gathered at the corners streaked down his cheeks, and Bella brushed them away with gentle strokes. She ran her fingers through his hair and rubbed his back. He tried and failed to keep his emotions in check, instead turning to cry quietly against her shoulder. Bella didn't even try to think she could say anything. She understood loss and pain, but not like this.

She hoped she could never understand this kind of torment.

But she could be strong enough for both of them for a few minutes.

Edward didn't break down. It was just an excess of emotion. He needed a few minutes to collect himself. He was calm again quickly, but he didn't pull away. He did lift his head, and when he did, she took his face in her hands, wiping away the remnants of his tears.

When Bella met his eyes, she was struck by the expression there. Yes, she saw what she expected to see-the remnants of the agony of his memories-but there was something else there as well, something she didn't know how to read. He ran his fingers from her hairline, down the line of her cheek, to her neck. She wondered if he could feel the quickened pace of her pulse.

He leaned in and kissed her. It was a soft kiss, so tender. He pulled back, looking at her again, and there was something so needy in his eyes. His next kiss was seeking, begging really, but his touch was reverent as his fingers traced the lines of her body.

Bella thought she understood what he was asking. It made sense. She wasn't oblivious to what these last three weeks had meant, what Edward was doing. He was trying to heal, trying to let go of his grief. He was trying to live again, and after so long of merely surviving, it must have been the most terrifying thing in the world. He wanted the comfort of arms around him, skin against his, and the permission to disappear into something not so overwhelming.

Because she loved him and because she knew he would never take what he wanted without her permission, Bella was willing. More than willing. Edward had slept with her, always had an excuse to touch her, had held her, but he'd been so far away these last three weeks. She wanted him close, wanted him with her.

She would deal with her own fright about that later.

Kissing him, she cupped a hand around his neck, and brought him down with her on the bed. She let him lead, let him kiss her as long as he wanted, let him feel the lines of her body. They took off their shirts and kissed, traded more kisses as they unbuttoned and unzipped and tugged and pulled until they were both out of their clothes.

Edward supported his weight, bearing down on her slowly, waiting for her to tell him if she was uncomfortable. She wasn't. She pulled him closer until all his weight was on her and she could feel every line of him as he moved inside her.

It was good and slow and life-affirming, and Bella felt warm as she lay beside him. He kept her in the circle of his arms, tucking her hair back behind her ear. He was watching her with that same expression as before, the one she couldn't read. It was the kind of look that left her breathless, but not in a bad way. It was-

"I love you," he said.

Oh.

Oh.

That was what it looked like when a man looked on her with love, with true adoration.

He traced the pad of his thumb over her cheeks, her lips. "Thank you for being so patient with me. I'm trying to figure this all out, Bella. I am."

She scratched the skin behind his ear, smiling because she was just as out of sorts as he was. "I know," she said. "I'm here."

~0~

"We should go to the Grand Canyon this weekend," Edward said as they washed dishes together one evening. "Not necessarily for the big hole in the ground."

"Oh, yeah. The big hole in the ground is probably not the main attraction there."

"I'm not saying I wouldn't enjoy it. It's a beautiful place. But I've had a craving for Navajo Fry Bread."

She laughed. "This is Flagstaff. You can get fry bread practically whenever you want."

"I know, but the best fry bread is at this place not too far from the Desert View Tower viewpoint, which makes my top ten favorite places of Arizona list."

"Sounds like a worthwhile trip. Fry bread and nice vi-agh!" Stepping in soapy water, Bella's feet slid forward out of her control. She scrambled, her arms flailing wildly, but she lost that battle and fell to the floor hard on her back.

"Bella." Edward was kneeling at her side in an instant, his voice and expression frantic. "Bella, shit, are you okay?" He looked terrified when Bella could only wheeze. "Can you breathe?"

"I, uh…" She took a deep breath, waving a hand to get his attention. "I'm fine. Just got the breath knocked out of me."

"Are you sure? Do you hurt anywhere?"

"Well, yeah, but you know, just the whole impact with the floor kind of hurt. Nothing stabby."

"Are you sure?"

She caught his hand as he checked her over. "I'm okay," she said, catching his eyes.

That seemed to calm him down. He looked a little sheepish as he helped her to a sitting position. He sat too, his back against the counter, and brought her to lean against him. "Just sit a minute. Catch your breath."

That sounded like a great idea, so Bella didn't argue. She rested against his chest, her eyes closed as her breath slowed, and enjoyed the feel of his soothing hands massaging the small of her back.

She sucked in a sharp breath and felt the jolt that went through his body. "Bella? Are you-"

"I'm fine," she said with a laugh before he could panic again. "Just the baby must have had a rush of adrenaline too. She's moving like crazy all of a sudden."

Edward didn't say anything at first. Close as he was, she could hear the thick way he swallowed. "Show me," he said, bringing his hand around cup her belly.

Often, especially since they'd begun sharing a bed, Bella had wondered if Edward could feel it when the baby moved. She didn't want to push him, and if he felt it, he'd never said.

She took his hand and moved it to where their baby, their daughter, seemed to be kicking up a storm. She pressed both her hands down over his, not realizing how badly she wanted him to feel this with her until that moment.

His chest rose and fell beneath her back. She could feel his heartbeat.

After a few moments, Edward began to move his hands. He caressed her through her shirt at first but soon enough pulled her shirt up so he could feel the bump skin to skin. He touched her like she touched herself sometimes-as though he found the taut protrusion fascinating and beautiful. Always his hands returned to where the fluttering kicks were, and Bella dared to hope.

Bella was startled when Edward broke the silence that had come over them. "After Xavier died, Kate…" He breathed in and out slowly. "I told you once that we divorced because I wasn't a very good husband for her and she wasn't a very good wife for me. Well, what she did… It was two months after Xavier was gone that she told me she wanted another baby. She said it wasn't about replacing him. Nothing could do that. She said there was a hole inside her, and that wasn't ever going to be filled. But her arms also felt empty, and that she could do something about. We'd just started trying for a second baby when we found out Xavier was sick. He was always supposed to have a younger brother or sister."

He was quiet for another minute, his hands still roaming her bump, cupping their daughter through Bella's skin. Bella closed her eyes and waited.

"But all those things Xavier never got to do… I didn't want to do those things with another baby."

Bella's breath caught in her throat, and she felt tears spring to her eyes. There was no part of her that wanted to hear this conversation.

Edward didn't let her go. He got up, helping her to her feet as well, but he kept her anchored when she tried to step away. He kept his hands at her waist and his head tilted against her forehead, his breath as uneven as hers. Bella pressed her lips into a thin line and waited, afraid to say anything.

Edward didn't speak. Instead, he sunk to his knees again. To her everlasting surprise, he laid his head against her belly, his arms circling her waist. He hugged her, hugged both of them, and then he lifted his head, kissing her belly and their daughter for the first time.

A/N: Many thanks to the lovely ladies who support me and put up with my impatience.

*blows kisses at you*