If he gives they will take away
His passion, his pain, his grace;
He exhales,
A thousand black flowers explode
Into butterflies as they're away
The Theft; Atreyu
Chapter Three – Whimsical
VI
[Two weeks after]
As he walked the path to the division he passed his beloved cherry blossom trees. It was fresh spring this season, and the gold of aurora shimmered before his eyes in the Seireitei. Engaging light, forever beauty and yet -
It did nothing for him anymore. The lively colours of the petite flowers and dark trees no longer brought him the peace it once had. A restlessness he detested seemed to settle over his soul such like that of lifelessness. Devoid; the empty listless form eating at his soul captivating him in his grasp, in his chokehold so that once again, the noble man could never sing away the decadence.
Two weeks had passed. By now Byakuya focused almost primarily on the smooth running of the division, he didn't wish to think of how he only did it as a distraction from his ordeal, something he tried not to think about at all times. The incident seemed to suck the joy out of whatever invigorated him before; peace eluded him increasingly and sometimes in the dark he thought he could still see the drops of crimson liquid on his pale fingers. He dreamed about it. Mirror-mirror eyes again on him, settling onto the water, still as ever and it was pouring the poison of his deeds even harder in his eyes. The water was the mirror and fairest wasn't him thus being a compelling scene of duty: kill the one who was. His reflection. There he stared at himself in the glassy surface for eternity that took just one breath to diminish. The blood would drop then, into the mirror like a symphony of the act of dying, a few drops more. Just a little more and then: the wicked fall.
The water settling onto his being, engulfing him in its deadly vice, often forcefully jerked him out from a disturbed slumber.
(Mirror-mirror; watch your fall.)
And it still uncharacteristically jerked him into reality and he once again took in his surroundings of delusions. Of delusions: of delicate flowers on the path; the ripening fruits seeking to brush against his hair; the white and blue birds twirling around each other. A beatified presence of serenity lost on him. The peace that he kept trying to chase forever was running from him; a lover wishing to be whimsical and he, the fool to keep chasing her, couldn't bear to settle with that he had.
He had tried many things to soothe his mind to no avail. Calligraphy held no release of that tension it once had and the long walks during the cool and peace of nighttime he used to enjoy did nothing but force him to think more of what he thought he had seen. He was slowly unravelling. He was a shell of his former self. What a mess.
Those nightmares…
There were other issues also.
Renji.
Renji was still dubious of his declaration. Renji knew enough to say something might have happened despite that there had not been any visible harm on the noble, and the uncharacteristic actions of the captain was what brought about that judgement. Byakuya knew, but also didn't know how to release the knowledge of what occurred or what he felt occurred. It was simply that what made him tight lipped at that time, not to mention wanting to protect his pride as well as the protection of others.
By now he was not even sure of what actually occurred. It was such that it seemed he had come out of a trance, finally seeing reality for himself and now, after tasting the real thing, forgot the intimate details of before.
After all, what could have happened? Nothing, just that Senbonzakura had appeared at his bedside the next morning. What did those actions indicate? That there was just one dream surely? Was there even a dream? More than the memories he remembered the feelings. The mental state possessing so much fear, wariness, detachment - it sickened him. He was utterly helpless and frustrated with himself, his memories. He wanted to know the truth of that strange night, but deep inside an instilled fear and self-preservation kept him from going back to the tea house. Perhaps he was waiting for something, Byakuya mused as he turned right to another path.
But what?
The captain of the fifth division appeared then, walking by the noble all the while as he bellowed loudly into a mobile phone. Even with the practice of making violent hand gestures he threw in a small two-fingered wave in the noble's direction while flashing his regular shiteating grin as a greeting. Byakuya nodded back politely and watched as Captain Hirako passed him by.
Nothing.
Still nothing.
He walked on.
VII
[Five weeks after]
A loud sneeze broke the silence.
A leaf had fluttered and came to a rest atop a small nose and instantly small dainty fingers furiously brushed away at the offending piece of nature. She scowled.
Rukia was not technically hiding - she was merely trying to be invisible for the day - at least it was what she told herself. Indeed, she wished it was so.
It's all Ichigo's fault! Ever since Ichigo had come to visit them in Soul Society, things had been gently spiraling out of control. Of course she could never forget her best friend Renji's involvement in her current unfortunate predicament either! Neither was at fault truly, but their knowledge concerning a certain topic was and therefore they were wanted. Desperately.
She didn't know where Ichigo was at the moment either, but she was almost guaranteed one thing: he was hiding as well. Rukia wondered if she would find him again today and instead of pondering much on the topic she concentrated her efforts to getting to safety: her home. She knew hiding where she currently was would not hinder the members of the SWA much - if at all - she was sure they would soon find her location. Getting to the Kuchiki mansion would provide at least some protection. The guards situated around the parameters of the beautifully designed area knew to never allow SWA members (she didn't count) in.
While she knew there were exceptions - Kusajishi-fukutaicho, for one - the guards only let her in because for unknown reasons Nii-sama seemed to secretly tolerate her bring there if even only slightly. Rukia suspected that while her brother was severely irritated by the young lieutenant, he secretly held a soft spot for her. That also meant that even if the little lieutenant happened to be on Kuchiki property, Rukia could still escape and would at least be partially certain the rest of the camera-hoarding girls would not make it inside long enough to spy her.
As she stood from her secret spot, Rukia tried very hard to stay hidden behind the bushes and trees leading right up to the Thirteenth Division. No one would suspect her to be there, so close to her work area, or so she hoped.
"Kuchiki!" the confusion in the voice evident before her even saw her captain's expression. She yelped and jumped in terrible surprise, fighting the instinct that told her run, and then quickly turned around to face Captain Ukitake.
"Kuchiki, why are you hiding?" There was bemusement in the fatherly tone he took with her.
"Umm… you see, Taicho…" she decided the truth was the best way to go about this already embarrassing encounter. "The SWA," as if it seemed to explain everything. And it did. Ukitake-Taicho's expression turned to sympathetically understanding at once and even without the warranted specifics for explanation involving her previous hiding position he nodded. Truly he would know. He had been victim of the Shinigami Woman's Society before, not in the least bit harmless. Rukia remembered the cover the SWA issued with her captain pinned to a tree by sharp dagger embedded to his clothing to hold him down. The SWA had finally managed to capture a captain.
"Kuchiki-fukutaicho, I'll try my best to help. Where is it you need to go?"
Her overwhelming admiration for her captain grew, never mind that she was forced to take a small part of that unfortunate plan, he a wonderful captain.
"Nii-sama's house. They will have a harder time finding me there I believe, Taicho." I hope, she added in her head.
"Come this way, Kuchiki"
He led Rukia around his secluded living establishments' minutes away from the division, and walked with her around the blue-green lake.
"Is this anything to do with Ichigo-kun visiting?"
"Yes… and Renji is now involved in it as well."
"Ahh."
"Congratulation is in order first! I believe I haven't said that yet!"
Rukia smiled brightly, although feeling a little shy and uncomfortable with the matter, "Thank you!"
"It's about time he popped the question - you've been weaving around each other for years now." Ukitake smiled at the thought. He was very proud of the newly engaged couple.
"So? Have you decided on any wedding plans? Byakuya would probably want it to be here instead of the World of the Living…"
"Um... Kind of. Nii-sama did say that, as per clan expectations and such, but we're not sure. We want it to be in the living world, where all our other friends and his family are. It will probably be both… Nii-sama said it could be there, just that there will have to be a wedding here afterwards, just for show."
"You'll have plenty of time to decide, don't stress it!"
Rukia chuckled in an unusually shy manner – she wasn't used to so much attention on herself or on of the matter of herself with Ichigo and he knew it. Still, he had been her captain for too long to be distant toward her; the fact that he held Rukia in no small amount of paternal affection did not escape either of their notice, although professionally maintained. His previous lieutenant – Kaien, the one who he held in similar affections - had truly helped in building her growth as a fearless and admired shinigami. Ukitake was happy for her, the large smile showing teeth, almost a teasing one, showed as much.
"What did Abarai-fukutaicho do now?"
"Permission to speak freely, sir?" she asked with sparkling eyes and he chuckled and replied with an, "Of course, Kuckiki. Always given."
"Not much – just that aside from being one of our closest friends, he was actually in the living world when Ichigo proposed so he apparently knows, ahh, the details according to the Shinigami Woman's Association. Not that he wasn't there, but Chad, Inoue, Ishida were also there!"
"I see. I believe the SWA believes Abarai will cave to them since he's a friend to many of the girls, particular Matsumoto-fukutaicho."
"Exactly!"
"Those damn shinigami kept chasing me even when I said I didn't want to be interviewed with them! They even roped Hisagi-fukutaicho to being writer for the article. And when I told them no, they tried to tie me to the chair with Matsumoto's pink scarf and kido! We both ran, but Ichigo ran in the other direction so we'd lose them faster. I've been looking for him, but when I spotted the SWA again, I hid here!"
She watched with concerned, intense eyes as her captain broke into a coughing fit through the laughter. "Taicho, are you alright?" she asked heatedly and watched as he pulled out a white handkerchief to press against his mouth. At least there's no blood this time, she thought a little sadly, once again growing demure.
Still panting from the coughing fit, he managed a gentle smile to try to put her at ease.
Her concerned brow deepened further but she made no other sound.
"My, the SWA are very stubborn. I'm not surprised. But I know if anyone can stop them it will be Byakuya." He smiled and Rukia watched him with faith yet apprehensively thought about the numerous times her brother had caught the SWA, sans Rukia, in the mansion.
"I should get going then, Ukitake Taicho."
"Yes, Kuckiki, I'll walk you along. I'm headed somewhere near that direction myself, just a while past it to visit a friend and his wife before the captains meeting later." The petite shinigami nodded once and met the mischievous eyes of her captain and had to hide a laugh.
"Actually, Kuckiki, you might want to come with me. I think you'll quiet like the couple! At least no one will ever suspect you to be there! They're old friends."
"What do you say, Kuchiki?"
A smile threatened to break out on her face and she couldn't help but nod at the happy proposition.
"Good! Because they make the best fruit cakes!"
VIII
Byakuya's mind wandered and he allowed it. He had tried to concentrate on his current affair but his mind slipped so subtly onto other unwanted topics he noticed too late each time. It was the atmosphere, he had concluded. The candles illuminated around the room well enough, but brought back unwanted recollections to the forefront of his notice. Yellow and white: the candles burned.
It brought shadows to life. The darkness had a way of giving life to inanimate objects, creating souls that shouldn't exist, souls that were artificial. Imaginary. It made eyes see what they wanted and Truth was concealed evermore for those few hours. It was host for the perfect game of illusionary pretence. Satan's whisper came all the stronger.
The captain's meeting simply was taking forever. Hours of standing and listening were not too harsh, but to listen to expendable-worthy words and mundane reports from each division was grating on his already fatigued mind. His mind constantly thinking was not a new concept, it was enough of a normal, healthy occurrence that Byakuya had sometimes problems with reaching for calm enough state of mind rest for slumber in his stressful days. The pressure under his scalp helped greatly in indicating to him just how internally troubled he was which consequently proved how rampant his thoughts were prone to flow about these days without leeway of peace; instead, it was a clear indication of how badly he suffered these last few weeks. In his state, he was not deluding himself that he wasn't suffering adverse effects of…
He was always prone to headaches, but none as harsh as the ones whipping him during desperate, unchangeable situations. Byakuya was reminded of that time many years ago, but so clear in his memory he automatically felt his pulse react along to it, when Rukia was doomed to her fate of death. The helplessness of the dilemma he suffered then could not be compared, because it was his sister, his beloved's sister, but the similar discipline gracing the body was breaking down to the notice of only himself. Perhaps also to Abarai this time.
"…number of hollows spotted in the Rukongai has increased exponentially without any known reason. They emerge and seem to have a similar thought process seen in the Arrancar… but their outward appearance remains the same. They are far more cautious and… Mark my words, captains that we seem to have a new threat looming over Soul Society."
At Hitsugaya-taicho's report the whole room seemed to come alive. The yawn Hirako-taicho currently was in the midst of stopped short. Zaraki-taicho's head shot up instantly with a small snap from his light sleep and without intention meeting smoky eyes with noticeably darker circles under them than usual. Byakuya looked back for a second then turned his head coolly. Shunsui's long hidden face emerged partially from under his straw hat and the sake cup in his hand tightened baring sharper knuckles. Soifon's focused eyes narrowed further.
"What are your thoughts on this matter? From your looks I gather no one noticed this before." Byakuya could speak for himself that Hitsugaya's thoughts were accurate. His division were holding administrative practices these last few weeks and less of active duty around Soul Society.
Sou-taicho looked up with a barely concealed worried glint in his sunken features. The lines on his face seemed to become deeper; the light playing over his head cast the man's shadow blue and vast, unnaturally distorted.
"This indeed seems like an issue we must at least consider. Soifon, have some of your men observe this phenomenon, gather details, the twelfth division will create erudition with your useful information. Kurotsuchi, communicate with Second Division regularly. Report any findings directly to me. We will hold another meeting after this task is complete."
"Any further questions?" No one moved and the looming shadow between their lines seemed to grow blacker.
Yamamoto-sou-taicho's hand extended slightly, grasping the old cane tighter (for once, held only by one hand to his right) and as a result his boundless shadow extended, almost touching Byakuya's feet.
(Don't fall; it will engulf you in its grasp, the tempting allure.)
He had to resist taking a step back.
"Good day." Yamamoto-sou-taicho's nod indicated the adjournment of the long meeting and their dismissal.
Byakuya quickly strode out of the first division hall and burst into shunpu in the attempt to avoid any conversation with his fellow captains. Many of the assembled captains acted similarly perhaps with the same worry of the possible threat looming on their mind.
So much more to worry about.
When he reached the empty sixth division he quickly opened he locked heavy door and wandered the dark halls to reach his office. Picking up the stack of sorted paperwork he was behind on (was he neglecting his work also?) he headed for the mansion.
Normally he walked the distance; this late at night was when he enjoyed walks the most. With a start he realised just how less of what he used to enjoy he did now. Very less, it seemed like the joy and carefreeness he associated with those arts and those walks were still gone. No answer came still. No, it wasn't just that. It was that… while he was despised to admit it, he was afraid of what he would find in those answers. Going back there would give him closure but at what cost? Could what he went through be a thing, still be there? Could it somehow make his delicate mind worsen? What if it was…what if it truly was a dream? Just an illusion created by an overtaxed mind? No...It was real. It had to be.
His final steps were manual and he walked the last part. His concentration was abysmal compared to how it used to be. It had been five weeks since that and he still dreamt of it. It was the worry that perhaps he was slowly becoming insane. Embracing insanity without truly realising it even, those were his ultimate fear.
Renji, how did you get here?
"Abarai-fukutaicho," Renji looked up from his tranquil languish on Byakuya's extra futon in the corner. His arms were still behind his head as he sat up slightly to greet the noble.
Yachiru taught you of the secret tunnels? Or was it Rukia this time? Curiously you've had no preservations of another's space…and I allow this more and more often why?
"I found a way to get in here so stop lookin' a' me like that, Taicho! I'll never lose the habits of a healthy Rukon boy: snooping around and being where one shouldn't be! Though Rukia caught me sneaking in. Whatever, I was here to see her anyway." Eyes and mouth both seemed to smirk simultaneously, "But Rukia, she always seems to know what I'm up to. Che." The light illuminating around the room seemed to reflect off Renji's gleaming eyes.
"I see." Byakuya was unable to stop the one corner of his lip from rising up. Renji's grin became even bigger.
"It's pretty late, you look tired. Did you eat?" Byakuya internally sighed. Another problem. He didn't have much of an appetite lately. He didn't have lunch that day or everyday of last week, but he had to eat something to keep healthy and to maintain appearances. Otherwise people might find out, his paranoia screamed, that he had been on the verge of a mental collapse! He couldn't allow anyone to question his mental or cognitive abilities, he was surely not insane!
"I'll take that as a no. Rukia got back late too, not too long ago. Had a run-in with SWA," the last part was almost darkly muttered under his breath as if recollecting his own unfortunate experience with said group. "She's having a late dinner in ten minutes," Renji's eyes suddenly took on a slightly more serious look, "How'd the meeting go?"
"Not well exactly, it is just that a new form of hollows holding distinctly higher cognitive functions has emerged; it is enough of a problem that the twelfth and the second are to be investigating possible causes and methods of preventions as well as control." So he told Renji the rest of the discussion theories among the captains and looked into Renji's widened auburn orbs.
Renji continued, intrigued, "Sounds like I missed a lot. I've never encountered them, or if I have I didn't notice any difference. Hopefully they'll recover enough evidence.
"Nothing to be done about it now though! Let's go join Rukia and Ichigo for now, Ichigo finally made it back here in one peace. SWA didn't think you'd even allow him inside! Hah! Show's them."
Yes, he had to put something in his protesting stomach. Even little amounts prevented him from feeling the pull of persistent nausea swelling overwhelmingly.
"I shall join you three. For now, please leave so that I may refresh myself and change."
"Sure, Taicho. See ya!" And the redheaded shinigami walked out casually, surely heading to find Rukia, giving the captain much needed space for straitening his crumbling façade.