Chapter 2: The Letter
A/N: Thanks to a sprained ankle, there is nothing better to do this weekend than polish up this story and post another chapter. I suppose my loss of mobility is your gain, right?
This chapter was the hardest to write because it will drive the plot in the next few chapters. I hope I pulled it off. If not, I can assure everyone things will begin to make more sense as the story progresses.
I appreciate the reviews thus far! This chapter may open the floodgates a little on discussion...we'll see. The sad mood will begin to change in the next chapter. I don't want anyone on Prozac before finishing the story!
Enjoy!
Sarah's letter contained only a few lines on how to find a safety deposit box under Chuck's name in a London bank.
The letter began with, "Chuck, don't freak out."
During the 8 hour flight from Dulles to Heathrow, Chuck tried to put the pieces of this bizarre puzzle together. He concluded that, even in death, the mysterious spy he knew as Sarah Walker was still full of surprises.
Chuck arrived to a cold, damp London morning. He managed to catch a few hours of sleep on the long flight, but didn't eat much.
After clearing Customs, Chuck managed to locate an information desk and obtained a map of the London Underground and bus system. He was standing in line to purchase a transportation ticket when he felt a tap on his shoulder.
Turning to meet the source of the tap, Chuck thought Sarah was now playing a cruel joke on him.
Chuck turned to greet Agent Cole Barker.
"Hello, Chuck. It's been a long time."
Chuck steadied himself and held out his hand. "Hello, Cole. It's good to see you again. How did you know I was in London?"
"Casey phoned and said you were on your way. He asked that I send a car to fetch you around, but I decided to greet an old friend in person." Cole paused and put a hand on Chuck's shoulder. "You have my deepest condolences. Sarah was…an amazing woman."
Chuck lowered his head in sadness. "Thank you, Cole."
"Come on. Let's get you to, uh, where exactly are we going?"
"Oh, right! Apparently there is a bank on Baker Street. How crazy is that anyway? A bank on the same street Sherlock Holmes lived…not that he really lived…but seriously, how cool is that?"
Cole smiled at his nerd friend. "Actually, there is a 221-B Baker Street and it contains the Sherlock Holmes museum."
"Makes sense. Maybe I'll pay it a visit if I have time." Chuck paused and cast a saddened gaze to nowhere in particular. "I always wanted to visit London, just not like this."
Cole gave Chuck a moment to compose himself. "Oh, here, I brought you a trench coat. English weather this time of year is rather dreary."
"Thanks, Cole. For everything."
"My pleasure."
Cole led Chuck to his Aston Martin DBS. Chuck shook his head in glee. "You're kidding me, right?"
Cole rolled his eyes. "Well, let's just say some stereotypes are accurate, shall we?"
A little over an hour later, Chuck and Cole arrived at the bank on Baker Street. It wasn't fancy, but it did house safety deposit boxes.
Chuck presented the key to the teller. Minutes later, the large box was placed before Chuck. Chuck opened the box and removed a large manila envelope and a letter in Sarah's handwriting. Chuck placed the envelope and the letter in his messenger bag and left the bank.
Cole dropped Chuck off at a hotel and offered to take Chuck to dinner later that evening. They agreed to meet at 6:00PM.
Chuck entered his room and immediately opened the letter.
Chuck,
I want to start off by saying what I never said to you in person.
I love you.
I have many regrets, but the biggest one of all is not saying those words to you in person.
Inside the manila envelope is my file. My real file. It is the life of the woman you knew as Sarah. The spy you met so long ago in Burbank is a ghost. A CIA NOC with no name and no history.
My file will not be pleasant. Please don't let anything you read about the things that I've done hurt you. I was no longer that person after meeting you. My life began the day I arrived in Burbank, thanks to a wonderful man who taught me how to live. The government made me a weapon, but you reminded me I am a woman. Thank you for that.
Please remember me. Otherwise, I never will have existed.
My real first and middle name is Samantha Lisa. I don't know my real last name. I have had many aliases since my birth. The whereabouts of my real birth certificate remains a mystery. I haven't even been able to locate it using CIA resources. According to my mom, I was born July 30, 1982 in Fresno, California. My father, the man you know as Jack Burton, is the son of a Polish survivor of the Holocaust. My grandfather immigrated to the US after World War II, and worked as a steamfitter. My dad, as you well know, is a con artist. My mother was an alcoholic and left when I was 7. I lived with my grandmother for a few years after my mom left.
That's my biggest secret, Chuck. I don't know my real name. But thanks to you, I know who I really am. Sarah is the woman who fell in love with a wonderful man named Chuck Bartowski, and the woman I chose to be from that point on. You changed me, Chuck. You made me a better person.
When I was 9, I left my grandmother's home and began working cons with my father until he was arrested when I was 15. At the time, I was enrolled as Jenny Burton at James Buchanan High School in San Diego. When my dad was arrested, I was recruited into the CIA by Langston Graham. So, at the age of 15, my life as a spy began.
Sarah Walker was a cover I used while assigned to Langley in between missions. I even attended Harvard and The Farm under different aliases. The only name I was known by in the intelligence community was the Wild Card Enforcer.
For a long time, I was an instrument of death. I was trained to complete my mission by any means necessary. I showed no mercy or compassion to my enemies. My entire existence revolved around the next mission.
Then one day, I received a phone call from Graham to report to Burbank, California immediately and await further instructions. Upon my arrival, I was briefed that a Top Secret program containing all the government's secrets had been compromised by my former partner, and sent to a civilian. My orders were to approach you and ascertain the whereabouts of the Intersect. The moment I walked into the Buy More, you were nothing more than a mark to me. I even arrogantly said after seeing your picture, "Piece of cake." I thought you were going to be easy to control.
As I approached you, I had every intention of flirting my way into your confidence, to throw you off balance. A father approached you in a state of panic because he failed to record his daughter's ballet recital. I watched in shock as you politely brushed me off to help the father. You rallied everyone who worked in that store to help a little girl preserve a memory of her childhood. You even calmed her nerves and brought a smile to her face. You even made me smile. Then, it hit me. You did all these things with no other intention other than you genuinely enjoy helping people. Chuck, instead of me throwing you off balance, you threw me off balance. I had to leave the store in order to regain my composure.
I had never met anyone like you. My experience of the world when I walked in the Buy More, was intrigue, manipulation, power, money, and death. By the time I left Burbank two years later, my view of the world changed dramatically. Words like friendship, trust, compassion, bravery, and yes, Chuck, even love were part of me. You showed me there is still good left in this world, and some things are worth fighting for.
I was jaded when I arrived at your doorstep, and reborn when I left.
I fell for you after knowing you for only a few days. I didn't know what I was feeling at that time, and thought I was incapable of feeling. As time passed, and the more I got to know you, the more I fell in love with you. In the beginning, I tried to fight my feelings for you. Spies are trained not to fall in love, but I did. It terrified me.
As time passed, and the closer we grew, the more I longed to be with you. I found myself daydreaming of a life with you. All the time I thought these things, I hid behind my insecurities, and of course the "cover."
I was so protective of you. I wanted to keep the ugliness that comes with being a spy away from you. I didn't want you to become like me. I didn't want you tainted by the spy life. You are a good person and deserve a normal life. The government turned your life upside down, but instead of letting it destroy you, you bravely entered the spy world and made the best of it. You had no training, but you always found a way to do the right thing. I consider you the bravest man I have ever met.
And then, your father removed the Intersect and my mission was over. I know we talked before I left, but I'll say it again. I didn't choose Bryce over you. I love you, Chuck, and it tore my heart out leaving you. I wanted nothing more than to stay, but I had something important to take care of before leaving the CIA behind for good. I promise you, in due time, you will know why. Leaving you was the hardest decision I ever made.
I will never forget our last night together after Ellie's wedding. That was the most romantic night of my life. You were so loving and treated me like a princess. I have daydreamed about that night so many times since. I play our final kiss goodbye over and over in my mind. You looked so brave in that moment. Thank you for my last memory of you being your wonderful smile. A smile so full of love and life.
Bryce died nine months after I left Burbank. The Intersect in his head was a complete failure. The government abandonded the project after his death. I wanted so badly to visit you, but I was immediately assigned my next mission.
I know you have traveled far at this point, but I am asking you to travel a little further. There is a safe house I keep as a last resort in Italy. Please go to the safe house. There is one more thing I want you to do. I left the location and a key inside the manila envelope.
I have also left a Swiss bank account in your name. I want you to take what I left for you and follow your dreams. I won't take no for an answer. Don't make me visit you as a ghost and kick your ass! It's only money, Chuck. It doesn't compare to what I feel I owe you for making me so happy. Yes, Chuck. You made me very happy.
Chuck, I love you with all my heart.
Sarah
Chuck stopped reading the letter several times as he cried out in anguish. The reality and sadness of the situation now hitting him full force. Chuck buried his head in a pillow and sobbed.
Chuck never felt more alone than he did at that moment.