Listen while you read: "Let him go" by Birdy or type youtube and add /watch?v=QfIdq12Tj4k
Chapter 19
Fili lay beside his slumbering wife in her chambers, moving his fingers along her shoulder and wondering how he'd never noticed just how soft her skin was before. With every new discovery of her, he was more and more enthralled.
She slept soundly, her short hair tucked behind her ear, and her shallow breathing making almost no sound while she lay on her stomach. Nur's hand was resting in his while he lay sideways, taking in the sight of her, knowing how precious that memory would be when he left in a few days. His fingers unconsciously moved to brush past one of the red lines on her bicep, a tribute to Gren's torture, when she startled awake with a shriek.
Fili had barely begun to react when she wailed and grabbed her face, clutching it harshly as though trying to hide it from sight. He called her name, causing her eyes to fly open. She squinted at him and panted.
"I'm sorry," he soothed, trying to hold her close, but meeting resistance from her. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you…"
She shook her head for a moment, clasping for his hand and staring at it. "Ten," she whimpered breathlessly.
Fili nodded. "Ten fingers."
He'd begun to recite that to her every time she wore that look of confusion and it had become a mantra of reassurance to her.
She relented and scooted herself closer to his body, pulling her knees into her and compressing herself so that he could enfold her like a protective shield. He pulled the covers around their mass, tucking her into a cocoon of body and blanket, and kissing whatever skin he could reach. She whimpered a little into his side and he caressed her face.
"Hush, you're safe. Just sleep." He hummed with his chin resting against her ear.
The morning came for Fili to depart and the air seemed thick while the excited chatter of his companions moved about them. The overcast sky threatened rain and the mountain appeared a dreary, sickly grey—mimicking the mood of a certain Princess.
Nur stood with her arms crossed before her chest, standing straight and tall, after having said to Fili with a little smile that she expected that they would see each other within the year.
It was an optimistic outlook, one that Fili was happy to hear, but he did not entirely believe her act. Still, he made play that he believed it, if only to applaud her efforts to put on such a front. And while she stood steady, she reveled in the last moments with her secretly-wed husband, his forehead against hers with his hands resting on her shoulders.
While Fili carefully guarded the secret of his union with Nur, he did not hesitate to show her affection in front of his companions—he knew they were all aware of the two being together and did not bother with masking it, as all but Kili were completely unaware of the marriage two weeks earlier.
It had been an undiscussed rule for the travelers that none would interrupt the solemn moment between Fili and Nur, though they must at some point depart. And that time was now.
Nur's breathing increased and her chest heaved with small strains of panic, her disguise of strength wavering, and Fili kissed her to steady her, whispering that they would see each other again.
She nodded, but would not meet his eyes, inwardly screaming at her body to stop trembling. Ripping himself away, he strode towards his pony, intending to mount.
But he never made it.
He felt a tug on his heart and pulling his hands away from his saddle, he strode right back to his wife and embraced her in a strong hug. The action caught her so off-guard that her eyes erupted into streams of tears.
"Tell me you'll be well." He pleaded.
"I'll be well." She repeated.
"Tell me you'll get better."
"I won't wither while you're gone, I'll be strong. I promise."
He pulled her fiercely for one last kiss, relishing in the taste of her mouth, marking his memory of her and the fleshy edges of her lips.
She grasped a handful of his wavy, blonde hair, prolonging their kiss, but then he strode away again and this time mounted.
Nur did not bother to wave, did not even want to stand there and watch him ride away, though she could not bring herself to move her feet.
"Kili!" She called out suddenly.
Fili turned, thinking she might have said his name, but glanced at his brother when Kili turned his horse in her direction, his brother saying, "I'll watch after him," trying to anticipate her thoughts.
But Nur shook her head and forced a laugh. "I was going to tell him to keep watch after you!"
"My mum beat you to it." Kili rolled his eyes. "And I'll still watch after him, even if you don't have any confidence in me."
She walked toward his horse and stood on her tip-toes while he leaned over his saddle to let her reach up and kiss his cheek. "I have all the confidence of Middle-earth in you."
Kili's rebuttal to this ushered a small laugh from his brother, but Nur didn't hear it as they trotted away down the main road. She clutched her hands together on her chest and watched them as they galloped and disappeared.
Sighing and turning back toward the gates, Nur chanted in her head that she had promised Fili she would get well, that she would be strong. She'd made a promise to her beloved and she was going to keep it—even if it meant adopting the motto of facing her terrors and standing firm.
It would not be until they met again that Fili would understand how strong of a grip she had on fulfilling those sentiments she'd left him with, how far she was willing to go. And it would astound him when he understood her determination and the literal meaning of those words…
That wraps it up for this story! I know the last chapter seemed a little short and I know I didn't go over the wedding, but all for good reasons- we will be seeing those things in the next series: Gold and Fire! This series will be a run-along with the Hobbit movies "An Unexpected Journey" and "The Desolation of Smaug" (and when it comes out, "The Battle of Five Armies"). I will be releasing one chapter a week, every Friday! Here is a preview of Gold and Fire:
"What news from the meeting in Ered Luin?" Balin asked. Thorin was sipping from his spoon and savored the thick broth while he ducked his eyes for a moment. Anyone who knew the dwarf intimately would understand from his expression that he was irritated by something, though those who knew him less deemed his scowl to be his general bearing. He did not speak at first and the little hobbit-hole dining room seemed anxious with waiting, though only a short moment had passed.
"Did they all come?" Balin further asked, judging that Thorin's answer might be less than satisfactory.
"Aye," Thorin finally answered, delaying the answer to the real question, "…all seven kingdoms."
Cheers were heard, but it only served to show Thorin their ignorance to past circumstances. He had made attempt after attempt to gather reconnaissance and mark plans for the mountain, to the point where his allies had become wearied—while they wished him well, they were beginning to decline in their offers to assist. Thus the numbers around Bilbo's little table were the meager few who were still hopeful…
"What do the dwarves of the Iron Hills say?" Dwalin ventured. He glanced cautiously at Thorin, scrutinizing the kingly dwarf's face. He knew of Thorin's previous quest—the disaster with the trading post—and understood that no sooner had that company returned before they had been called away again, straining Thorin's relationship with their host king, of whom Dwalin added, "Is Dain with us?"
Thorin looked down and sighed heavily. He wanted to be careful with his words without betraying the sentiment of the council he'd just returned from, and so he steadied himself and kept his eyes focused on Dwalin.
"They will not come."
A myriad of groans and grumbles were murmured from the bodies surrounding the wooden table and Fili felt his heart in his throat. Kili's hand squeezed Fili's elbow from beneath the table, hoping to reassure his brother, though this news was not wholly unexpected.
Fili's heartbeat quickened while he scanned Thorin's eyes, silently asking a question he could never hope to utter in front of the other dwarves, comrades or not. He wished his uncle would meet his glance, but he also hoped he didn't, nervous tension gripping him.
"They say this quest is ours," Thorin spoke again, and this time his gaze finally rose to meet his heir's. Fili felt his blood halt to a stop. "And ours alone."
He knows.
Fili understood it with that look. Thorin had somehow been made aware of Fili's marriage to Nur. It was a relief to look around and realize that none of their other companions had an inkling of what transpired between him and his uncle, but the question that plagued Fili's mind now was whether or not the King of the Iron Hills knew that his daughter had secretly wed the blonde prince Fili, heir to the Erebor throne. Certainly, he must, Fili marveled, if my uncle does, but there was that small hope that perhaps Nur had relayed it in hushed tones to Thorin while he met with the other kingdoms in the Blue Mountains. But Fili shook his head. Nur had not been well enough to travel from the Iron Hills when Fili had left for the Shire, she couldn't have been well enough to make for Ered Luin with her father, the King…
Fili took this logic as a confirmation that Dain had chosen to withhold his support for their cause on the grounds that he was offended with his daughter's secret alliance. And it sank Fili's heart. He had cost Thorin resources that might have helped him to succeed, sending a wave of guilt through him…