Greetings,

If you have invaded Russia by force, please refer to Section B of the letter. If you have ascended the throne of power by conventional (read: Non-violent, peaceful) methods, please continue reading.

Greetings again, sir or madam. This letter is specially written for your eyes only. Yes, you. You who now command the biggest nation on Earth, you with the smug smile on your face as you take your place. Pay attention, for I have very important matters to tell you.

Who am I that dare write you a letter on the first day you entered the Kremlin itself? My name is Russia. Yes, the Federation of Russia, or the Russian Federation, whichever you prefer. Ivan is also great, if you want to go for casual.

Please, don't faint now. It'll save me a lot of time picking up after you and apologising to the hospital staff. But if you do faint, at least take comfort in the fact that some people have placed bets on you not fainting when reading this letter and you just made them lose their hard-earned money.

Moving on. Dear sir/madam, you could say that I represent the entire Russian people as a whole. I am a nation, and whatever happens to the Russian people also impacts me. So I trust that you'll take good care of me, right?

International relationships have also improved a lot since the days of the Soviet Union. However, I will be most grateful if you could try and ah, persuade my former Soviet Union friends to be less fearful of me. Contrary to popular belief, I do not bite, though I do hit hard with an iron pipe.

Do not try and even negeotiate with the president of Belarus. Whatever offer he is making, he is making it out of fear owning to the fact that his nation will slit his throat with a knife should he not manage to broker a deal with you involving joint projects between the nations of Belarus and Russia.

As most nations have also included these into their letters, I would also like to add in my own list of dos and dont's when you're around me:

1. The golden rule that many past rulers have trembled before: Do not touch my scarf. I will personally pick you up and throw you to Siberia if you step on it. Yes, I know that you are the president. No, I do not care.

2. Do not invite Belarus to any special functions. If you do, I will not be present and you will be stuck explaining to her about the various reasons why I couldn't attend and let me tell you, that is never a pretty job.

3. I need vodka. Lots of it.

4. I will really appreciate it if you could order Chinese food from time to time. I adore Chinese food, and of course, China himself.

5. America is stupid. England is stupid. France is stupid. You will oppose everything they say unless I say otherwise.

6. Don't worry, we do cooperate sometimes.

7. Do be reminded to change the front doors of the Kremlin monthly. Belarus wears them down by constantly scratching on the surface.

Thank you, and good luck on running the country and the people. You'll need it~

SECTION B: IF YOU HAVE INVADED RUSSIA BY FORCE PLEASE READ HERE

I do not appreciate you invading me. Really, I don't. But since you're here already, I'll just give you a piece of advice.

Get out before something bad happens to you. Avalanches do happen to those unfortunate souls who do not know Russia as much as they think they do.

Thank you, and have a nice day.

Yours sincerely,
Ivan Braginsky
The Russian Federation

So I uploaded another chapter because of the lovely reviews and I thought, hey why not? So this'll just be a side project for me while I work on my other stories.

Thanks to all those who favourited and reviewed! Love you guys! So who do you want next? :D