College, just college.
Disclaimer: not mine
The ride back to the castle was quiet as Severus held the still trembling Hermione. One arm wrapped around her torso while his other hand stroked her hair that tumbled over his chest as she rested her forehead upon his shoulder. She had not said another word about the flashback and Severus did not pry. He only wondered where he was when it happened. She had said before that in the future he had protected her from many dangers so why hadn't he protected her from this? What else had he failed to shield her from? But there were more pressing questions like what to tell the Malfoys, they knew she had some fractured ribs but that didn't explain her pain as it obviously wasn't connected. Maybe the head injury could explain it? It'll have to do but what about next time? They were bound to be invited back to the Manor and the drawing room could not be avoided forever not to mention what else may have happened to her in that house. Severus shuddered to think of the possibilities and became furious as he thought of the implications. She was tortured in his friend's house, nothing happened on those grounds without Lucius' knowledge.
The fury took a back seat as he heard Hermione make a small noise indicating that he was holding her too tightly and he loosened his embrace. When they arrived at the steps of Hogwarts, Severus took her immediately to Madame Pomfrey. The nurse rushed to Hermione's side as Severus set her down on a cot.
"What happened to her? Was it those Malfoys?"
"No, at least not yet. Hermione had a flashback in the Manor, she said it had to do with the scar on her arm. She didn't say anything else but she seems to be in real pain," the young wizard replied angrily.
"She is reliving the memory, I'll give her a calming draught. Hopefully that'll bring her back to the present." It required an unusually large dosage but eventually the calming draught was able to help. At this point an elf had been sent to McGonagall and the Headmaster who had both arrived. The former interrogated the medi-witch for every detail while the later took a reluctant Severus to the side.
"It seems that her education in Occlumency grows in importance every day."
"I will see that she learns," Severus hissed through his teeth.
"Remember that it is not only her emotions that must be controlled," Dumbledore cautioned, "I understand your anger, your attachment to Miss Granger is obviously very strong but you cannot let that affect your decisions or your friendship with the Malfoys. They will be strong allies for you in this task and will help you gain Voldemort's favor."
The young Slytherin crossed his arms across his chest, "I am aware but I believe that I am allowed to express some anger."
"For now perhaps but as you get deeper into this mission that will cease to be an option, your emotions and true thoughts will have to be heavily guarded within your mind to prevent any slip ups."
XXXXXXX
Hermione recovered from her flashback by dinner. She refused to talk or think about the subject again for the rest of the night and insisted that occlumency lessons could be pushed back. Severus didn't agree but she was begging and he didn't want to cause her anymore pain.
At dinner Severus received an owl from Narcissa asking after Hermione's health and Severus told her the story he and Hermione agreed upon about her head injury not being truly healed and that she felt better now after medical attention.
Hermione was in her room for the first time since her accident and was determined to enjoy it before the rest of the student body returned from their holidays in two days. She tried to relax and enjoy some light reading but her mind wandered without her consent to her arm and bad memories. Finally she gave in and took the dreamless sleep that Madame Pomfrey had finally deemed safe for her consumption.
The next day was filled with rigorous training both mental and physical, or as rigorous as Pomfrey would allow as she insisted on supervising this last session before term began. Surprisingly she did allow Hermione to go all the way to her limit but no further. At the end of it she sent Hermione straight to bed forbidding staying up for any heavy reading, an order Hermione would not follow once she was on her own, and asked Severus to stay behind.
"What did you want to talk about Madame?" the Slytherin asked politely, well as politely as he ever was.
"Don't be so serious all the time, Severus. Come, sit," she asked patting a chair beside her, "I just want to talk about you."
"What a pleasant subject," he whispered under his breathe.
"Oh hush and sit already, now how are things with Miss Granger?"
"You just saw us practice…"
"That is not what I meant and you know it. You don't have to be embarrassed or try to keep it a secret. This is a good thing, I do not think I can think of anyone who makes you as happy as she does."
Severus turned his head and said to himself, "She's way too good for me." But the medi-witch did hear him.
"Don't you say that, she is perfect for you and you for her. You compliment each other so well, you two have just the right balance of differences and similarities. It is not enough just for opposites to attract or to share every interest, there must be balance like with everything else in life. Now I know you Severus Snape and I know that tomorrow you are going to withdraw from her as everyone returns, I have one piece of advice for you: don't. All you'll accomplish with that is pain for both yourself and Miss Granger. You don't have to flaunt your affection like most young couples, in fact I advise against that, just do what feels natural. Sit close to her in class, hold her hand in the hall if you ever feel inclined, let her hug you even if people are around. You'll be teased, I won't deny that, but the teasing will fade especially since the Marauders seem to have backed off."
"I doubt they will stay silent after this."
"Severus they pick on you because you provide a reaction. Ignore their words and block any spells they may throw at you, then just walk away. That is the best thing you can do."
"You said that before," he pointed out.
"And you didn't listen," she replied, "But now you have Miss Granger to think of too and I think you are mature enough to listen now for her sake."
Severus didn't say anything and Madame Pomfrey knew he was thinking about what she had said. "I'm going to go get ready for tomorrow, I suggest you do the same. Goodnight."
"Good night," Severus responded absent mindedly.
XXXXXXX
The next morning everything was ready for the students to arrive that evening. Hermione was sitting in the room of requirement reading a book on occlumency trying to find some way to hide some of her stronger memories. As much as she wanted to remember it seemed to be doing more harm than good and made her more vulnerable to Voldemort.
Next to her was a letter from Narcissa that Hermione had received that morning inquiring after her health and expressing her wish to get together soon and go shopping. She would have to respond to that but after a few minutes of no idea of how to start her letter Hermione resorted to reading.
Hermione was preparing her mind for an occlumency exercise when Severus came in.
Hermione looked up and gave him a small smile, "Morning."
"Morning," he returned as he sat down next to her. He had spent all night thinking about what Madame Pomfrey had said and decided he would try and fight off his natural urge to retreat but he was still unsure about how far he should push his luck once classes started. For now he contented himself with wrapping his arm around her shoulders. "What are you reading?"
"Occlumency, I need to block my flashbacks."
"There is a way to do that," Severus began hesitantly. "It won't be pleasant though, in fact it will be rather painful but it will help you confront and isolate your memories."
"Is it the only solution?"
"It is the best solution particularly given our circumstances, we don't have time to do this the easy way."
Hermione took a deep breath, "Of course we don't, so what is it?"
"It involves a pensieve, you'll have to pull out each individual memory and relive them." Severus paused as Hermione's face gave away her feelings for this plan. "This way you'll be less shocked if they pop up suddenly and you'll be able to identify them so you can guard them. Or if you'd rather we could obliviate your memories after."
"No!" Hermione shouted, "No obliviation, I can't… I just can't…"
"Calm down, it was just a suggestion, I'm not going to obliviate you against your will." Severus had originally suggested it because he thought it would comfort Hermione to know the pain could end, how stupid of him not to realize she would want to cling onto any memory she had. "Look we'll talk about it later, let's relax today until the hooligans and idiots arrive."
"Speaking of which, how long do you think the Marauder's truce will last now that they are back?"
"I'm not holding my breath."
XXXXXXX
Even up in the Room of Requirement the noise of returning students reached the young couple's ears. In their time alone the letter to Narcissa was finished and well not much more productivity happened after. When Severus realized their activities had to come to an end a scowl reminiscent of his future self marred his face.
"We don't have to leave right now," the witch leaning against him reminded him with a kiss.
"True but we will soon."
Hermione sighed, "Always the pessimist."
"Well tell me what is so sunny about their return?"
"First you don't have to deal with me all day anymore," Hermione joked.
"No instead I'll be dealing with fools."
"We can focus on things other than training now like class."
"Which will slow down our progress."
"Oh I give up," the witch conceded.
"Good now let's pretend that annoying interruption didn't happen," Severus suggested, pulling her closer to him.
XXXXXXX
Eventually time ran out and the two had to emerge from their secret room and head downstairs to the Great Hall. During the break they had become lax about not being seen together up on this floor because they practically never ran into anybody. Because of this only a quick sweep of the hall was taken to give the all clear and the two decided to walk a ways together before casting a notice me not charm on Severus. But they never cast the charm as they got caught rather early on.
Lily had popped seemingly out of nowhere and saw the two together. "Hermione, there you are, I could not find you in the tower." She paused as she realized the two had been walking quite close to one another before jumping back at the sound of her voice. It only took a second for the look of realization to dawn her face. "Oh um well, Remus wants to say hi to you Hermione and well I wanted to talk to Sev-Snape anyway so…"
Hermione glanced at Severus who gave her a nod saying that it was okay if she left. Hermione reluctantly did so and went to the tower to find Remus.
Severus and Lily watched her leave before turning back to face one another. "So you two…"
"Yes, not that it is any of your business," Severus snapped, he wanted this conversation over with.
"I knew it would happen eventually," the redhead said a matter of factly, "So did you receive my letter?" she asked more seriously.
He responded curtly, "Yes."
"Then why didn't you write back?"
"Lily, I've already made my decision." Lily looked disappointed and disgusted, of course assuming the worse. Severus would have loved to correct her, tell her the truth but he couldn't, not yet. "And I've realized that your friendship means less to me than I thought if you are going to be so fickle."
"Does Hermione know about this?" Lily asked hotly.
"Yes she does and she understands why I am doing what I am doing." Lily was about to explode in her fiery Gryffindor temper but Severus stopped. "I know you'll never talk to me again but do me one favor, you may hate me now but I was once your best friend. Once you graduate you will be a major target, do me this one thing. Run and hide, don't let yourself be killed." And with that Severus left before Lily could respond.
XXXXXXX
Hermione had found Remus fairly quickly by following the noise caused by his companions. She waved hello and they silently decided to talk after dinner by the fireplace like they usually did.
Soon the whole of the tower's population made its way to the Great Hall and everything was as it was before the break. Everyone took their normal seats and Hermione felt odd not sitting next to Severus as she had the entire break. Her thoughts were slightly occupied though with Lily's not so subtle glare in her direction. She could only imagine how the redhead responded when Severus confirmed they were together. Well he'd better have confirmed they were together otherwise he'd have a ticked Hermione on his hands.
After dinner was over Hermione had some time on her hands before the common room was empty enough for her to talk to Remus. Or so she thought. She had gone up to her room to grab a book when Lily blocked her way out.
"Not this again," Hermione thought.
"Hermione, we need to talk."
"No Lily, Severus and I are dating and you do not have a say in that."
"Yeah well I have a hard time believing you would be dating him if you knew what he was doing. Even you should know better than to go out with a Death Eater."
"He isn't a Death Eater," Hermione defended hotly, "There is so much going on here that you don't understand. I hope to Merlin one day you'll learn the truth but for now you'll have to stay in the dark. Perhaps if you were a more loyal friend you would know the truth by now!"
Lily clenched her fists in anger, "What on earth did he do to you over the break? What truth could possibly make what he plans on doing ever okay?"
"You don't have enough facts right now for us to have an intelligent conversation about this, get out of my way."
"Stooping to insults against my intelligence now are you?"
Just then Penny came into the room and froze in the tense atmosphere. Hermione took advantage of the situation and left the room but not before turning to Lily, "I can't wait for you to mature and learn that not everything is black and white. There are so many shades of gray in this world."
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