Chapter 12 Axel the mom-to-be-without-a-clue-as-to-who-are-his-kids
Everybody knows that Axel is knowledgeable. Especially to two certain nobodies. Although there are times that his knowledge is at its weakest.
"Say Axel?" Xion asks walking into the living room
Axel, pausing his game of Titan Fall, turns around to see her. Storm also turns around, drinking his glass of water.
"What's up?" Axel asks smiling.
"What's sex?" Xion asks as Storm spits out his drink. He then stares at it, confused.
"Why am I here?" Storm asks as Axel's face becomes blank.
"W-Why do you…..you know…ask?" Axel asks as awkward as the conversation.
"Well, I heard Roxas talking about it with Vanille," Xion says as Axel quickly runs upstairs.
Storm looks at her while pointing to the stairs." Does he live here?"
Xion shrugs.
"So I was thinking that you could come over and we-" Roxas says lying on his bed on the phone with Vanille.
"ROXAS!" Axel shouts banging on the door." OPEN UP!"
"I'M TALKING TO MY GIRL YOU IDIOT!" Roxas shouts.
Suddenly, Axel phases into fire then moves underneath the small opening. Somewhere in the world Demyx shudders, feeling that he has been copied.
"WHAT THE-" Roxas begins when Axel turns back into his solid state.
"YEAH SHIT JUST GOT REAL!" Axel shouts quickly lunging at Roxas and grabbing his phone.
Axel throws it out the window, but the window is closed and it bounces off, hitting him in the stomach.
"THAT'S IT!" Axel shouts stomping on the phone in front of him.
As he takes a breather words appear on the phone's screen.
That all you got, Holmes!? It reads.
"I'LL SHOW YOU!" Axel shouts summoning his chakras and using them on the phone.
But it still doesn't do anything to the phone that begins to show signs of artificial intelligence. It begins to laugh. Axel creates a sledgehammer out of fire, and starts hitting it.
No! I was supposed to be the connection for intercourse!
Axel smashes the phone while heaving.
"I destroy sex!" Axel shouts pointing at Roxas who is in shock.
"And my phone you ditzy ginger!" Roxas shouts walking up to Axel and getting in his face.
"Ditzy!? Man, you're the crazy one!" Axel shouts.
"Me!? How am I crazy!?"
"Talking about sex in front of a woman-Xion no less!"
"Well she was supposed to know."
"I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE HER FIRST!?"
Roxas stares at him blankly while Axel blushes.
"I MEAN I WAS SUPPOESD TO BE THE FIRST ONE TO TELL HER ABOUT THAT! I'M THE FATHER!"
"BITCH YOU AIN'T NO FATHER!?"
"STOP ACTING LIKE A DIFFERENT RACE!"
"YOU STOP BEING AXEL, THEN! GETTING LAID BY A DOG!"
"OKAY THAT BITCH CAME ONTO ME! HORNY LITTLE THING!"
"YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE LIKE THAT! PUTTING YOUR THING IN THAT SMALL BITCH'S VAJJ!"
"LARXENE WANTED IT!"
Roxas becomes confused again." I THOUGHT YOU HAD SEX WITH AN ACTUAL DOG!"
"HELL NO! I AM NOT THAT SICK! DUDE, THAT'S GROSS!"
"DUDE WHY ARE WE HAVING THIS CONVERSATION!?"
"DUDE, I DON'T KNOW, DUDE!"
"Just kiss already!" Namine shouts within the confines of her room.
The two look at each other, then shake their heads.
"SO WHAT DO WE DO!?" Roxas shouts as he cannot stop.
"I HAVE A PLAN!" Axel shouts.
"Look, Axel, I really think that we should spend some time together, but what are we doing!?" Storm shouts sitting in a circle in the middle of the living room floor.
"Yeah!" Sora shouts playing Re:coded with his toes." This makes no sense!"
"Thank the lord," Demyx says somehow in the circle," FOR ALL THAT I HAVE RECEIVED!"
Everyone looks at him as he looks at everyone else. He is holding Storm's hand on one side, Namine on the other.
"How'd you get in?" Roxas asks.
After that he moves out of the circle, and walks out the house. The two close the gap, and hold hands while Namine blushes like Axels' hair color.
"Let us let go of our hands and begin," Axel says as everyone lets go except Namine. Storm seems not to notice.
"Anyway, I brought ya'll here today so we can have a talk," Axel explains.
"Does it involve gangbanging?" Riku asks as Storm gives him a look.
"No…I don't…think?" Axel replies confused." Wait why-never mind. No a special talk about the sexes."
The opposite sexes groan accordingly.
"And I know some of you are oblivious to the making of the opposite sex!"
Someone coughs Sora as everyone laughs.
"This is no laughing matter! We have to have this talk, so you can tell your children!"
"Well, what do we talk about?" Riku asks as Xion raises her hand.
"Um what is sex?" Xion asks as Storm chokes on something.
"WHY!?" Storm shouts at the ceiling.
"Well sex is-" Axel begins.
"A desert!?" Sora shouts in excitement.
"Not really it's-" Axel begins.
"A magical place where love blossoms!" Kairi blurts out.
"NO! STOP INTERUPTING YOU WHORE!"
"What's a whore?" Xion asks.
Axel sighs as Storm looks at the ceiling.
"Okay this could be M-rated considering the language use," Storm mutters.
"A whore is a girl who dresses loosely. They have no respect for themselves and screw every guy in sight."
"What does screw mean?"
"Screwing a screw, duh!" Sora shouts. He then points at her." This one."
"No it can mean having sex with a guy."
"Then what's sex?"
"Why are you asking SO many questions?" Kairi groans lying on her back with her legs in the air.
"Sex is when…..um is when…..you know," Axel says at a loss for words.
"The F.U.N song!?" Sora gasps.
"No, it's when a male has an erection-" Axel begins.
"What's an erection?" Xion asks.
"It's when you get horny-"
"What does horny mean?"
"A horn," Storm says making a horn gesture on his forehead," and a knee." He slaps his knee." Humor me."
"It's when you get a sexual thought and your privates become….wet for women, and for boys their penis' grow in length."
"Wh-"
"A male's we-wee."
"Oh, then what is sex?"
Axel pinches the bridge of his nose. I am not going to go crazy…again, Axel thinks.
"It's when a male puts his…..thing inside of a woman's …..hole. Like this."
Axel holds up a finger, and makes a circle with his other hand. He puts the finger through the hole many times. Xion and Sora are the only ones….excited as they know nothing of it.
"Then what happens?" Sora asks curious.
"Then the male releases a fluid that is milky."
"Then what?" Xion asks as Axel sighs.
"Then it shoots up her vagina where it meets a seed."
"What's the seed?"
Axel sighs." That's a question to save for later. "Any others?"
"Well I bleed out of my thing," Xion says as Axel faints.
"Sex is a wonderful thing!" Stor, shouts while grining.