Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia or its characters. I thank Himaruya Hidekaz for letting me play with his characters.
Acknowledgements: Thank you to all those who have reviewed, alerted, favourited: Hakatori, Irishmaid, psychokittenterror, Celtic Nasctha, I am Sweden, Elizablue, Cathrag, Arkanhari, ScarheartofDarkclan, xxcatxx, NightshadeHetalia, Becky999, .me.1, fire hores is awesome, Lani Carmine, xxEu-chan, ChubbyCubby23, AFreezingFlame, Animechic420, White eyed fox, Furret the Sparrowsong, rubyredroses1, PhantomPrussia, Art and Soul, Starchacer296, GirlLoki, FiresCreek, JustAGirlWithAPen, SchrapnelGirl, GermanyIsAwesome-NotPrussia, iTorchic, kakashailuckyblackcat, , Xou, alexf801, chattie98, Myrna Maeve (and Romania!), ThatPurplyThing, Forever Halfa, WinterLake 25, Frustration, Ankhasia Riddle, Kitty the Dinosquirrel, envysfangirl, PikoPiko-Chan, Silver FoxWolf, citrine sunflower, Canyon's Rose, chickenkitty, ZeroLuver567, Lady Sandra of Sealand, Tamarutaca, 101Icestormxx, VengefulCat (my beta reader) and all my anonymous readers.
Warnings: Fluff all the way, Russ-Lat fluff, some innuendo (France), swearing, stupidity – all a nice change after the angst of the past chapters
Chapter 34 – Good Vibrations
The tremor all the Nations of the earth felt was so deep that geologists and seismologists of the day concluded that it was a 'deep' earthquake way below the earth's crust and therefore causing no damage – only a slight jarring of the earth's rotation.
Russia, being the largest of the Nations and therefore, feeling it the most, plonked himself down where he was – in Austria's driveway - as he felt his country tremble. Everyone looked around dazedly.
"What the fuck was that?" Prussia asked, in his own inimitable style.
"Has your Government been letting off massive bombs again, Braginski?" Poland asked, straightening his skirt, he then added, "Liet, has my mascara run?"
Toris shook his head, the queasiness overtook him and he leaned against the taxi.
"Nyet, I don't know what it is..." Russia answered.
"I feel ... different..." Estonia said, leaning against Denmark.
"Dude little Baltic!" Den exclaimed.
Both Latvia and Lithuania turned around.
"You're not sexy any more!" Den said to Estonia.
Estonia tried to swish his hair... nothing. He also had to put his glasses back on – and so was geeky once more. He opened his mouth... but no honhonhons would come.
"I'm not sexy anymore!" he said – with a little regret. However, he had found that being sexy had been more trouble than it was worth.
Vienna Police Station
"Dude!" America yelled, "That was totally awesome! Man, you rock!" He added as the bars of the cell shimmered and shook and... were gone.
Belgium ran in and flung her arms around America, "Ooooh, Alfie!" she said against his chest, having a crafty feel of his pecs while she did so.
France spun around, his hair was back to being its luxuriant burnished gold, he swished it experimentally and twirled it between his fingers. He slouched up and down sexily, his blue eyes shining, "Honhonhon!" he said seductively. "My superpowers are back! Je t'adore, Angleterre!"
Austria's Mansion
"Ve, Germany! I'm not Germany!" Italy said, incomprehensibly.
"Oooh Italy..." Germany said and pulled the smaller Nation into his arms, "Gott sei Dank! I'm me again," the large blond Nation said and then hurriedly dropped the sleepy-eyed Italian on the floor, "...And I did not just pull you into my arms to kiss you... definitely not..."
"Oooh Luddy..."
Vienna Hospital
"I'm going to kill him!" the Swiss Nation, the paragon of neutrality, suddenly sat up, his normally straight blond hair stuck up on end, his green eyes were wild with rage. He attempted to jump out of bed, but was stopped by a nurse.
"Erm, Herr Zwingli? You must take it easy... you've had a shock..."
Switzerland ignored her, "My little sister is in grave danger and about to be taken away by a psychopathic sadistic, bloodthirsty monster..." he ranted.
The nurse shook her head and administered the sedative.
Austria's Mansion
The 'psychopathic sadistic, bloodthirsty monster' was currently sat on the floor in the dining room trying to blow up a flat air bed.
Latvia should really have interrupted and told him that it just wasn't going to inflate whilst his 200 pound weight was sat on it. However, she was quiet enjoying watching the muscles of his back rippling (he'd taken off his sweater and wrapped it around her as she'd said she was cold) and the corded muscles of his chest straining as he puffed in and out. "Hmmm..." Latvia murmured. She had also gasped at the sight of the many bruises on his back and chest from the fights he'd been in.
"Wut?" Russia asked. He felt a little embarrassed to be bare-chested, blushing about his numerous scars - although he hadn't taken off his scarf.
"Nothing... keep blowing," Latvia answered, leaning back against some cushions to watch the 'show'.
Vienna Police Station
"Can you do anything else with that thing?" America asked.
Arthur considered this, there were several places he'd like to stick his sword. Particularly as France was now prancing around 'honhoning'. However, he didn't answer, but led them out of the police station. Although his 'armour' and 'crown' had disappeared, his noble countenance remained, and the police officers all cleared a path for him, his fellow Nations followed – temporarily – and only temporarily, silenced.
An ordinary Austrian household, Vienna:
"Papa!"
"What's wrong little Hans?"
"This new toy doesn't work."
"But we only bought it today!"
"I know, but it only sings in Spanish..."
"Where are the instructions?"
"It didn't come with them..."
"Hola! Mi nombre es Antonio!"
"Oooh he has nice... erm packaging."
"Mama! The batteries don't go in there!"
"We'll take him... it... him back to the store tomorrow and get a refund."
"Oh, I think we should keep him..."
"Ah, Signora, can I use your bathroom, per favore?"
"Mama, where are you taking him?"
"He says he needs the bathroom..."
Austria's Mansion
"So that sword thingy is magical, is it?" America asked for the umpteenth time.
"Yes!" Belarus, France and England all answered him – for the umpteenth time - as they strode down the driveway.
France scattered rose petals as he went, Belarus clung to England's arm, Belgium held America's hand.
"So what's it done, then?" America asked. He'd expected loads of sparks, glowing things, or at least some big awesome demon dude to come out of the floor – but hopefully not Russian-shape. What he'd got were some vibrations and... that was it. Granted, the cell door had disappeared and all the police had stepped back as if some awesome power of pure awesomeness (like the total quantity of the awesome trio x 100 had walked past) but nothing and he felt quite deflated.
"What's it done? What's it done?" England spun around and all but screamed. The sword had by now been put away in its scabbard. Magic like that should not be used willy-nilly, England had explained to Belarus.
"It's sorted everything out, you ignoramus!" England yelled at America.
Belgium sighed, yes America may be an ignoramus, slightly stupid (sometimes), mis-pronounced words, was over-enthusiastic, forever thinking about his stomach (he was moaning at that moment that he was hungry and talking about visiting MacDonalds) and saying 'dude' and 'awesome', but he had a six-pack, gorgeous blue eyes, was fairly reliable in a large fluffy Labrador dog type of way and... the father of her unborn child.
"Alfie... I've got something to tell you..." she began.
"I know, right? That MacDonalds in the centre of Vienna has Star Wars toys on offer with every happy meal... I only need the Obi Wan Kenobi and I've got the full set."
Belgium sighed and just followed England, Belarus and France into the house.
"This isn't going up!" Russia said sadly.
"Well... perhaps if you didn't sit on it..." Latvia suggested.
"Hmm, I will try some more, but we might have to make do with what we have..."
"Give it to me, I'll try..." Latvia said with a sigh.
France, who was stood outside the door, was in ecstasy, "Ah l'amour! Monsieur Russia and leetle Mademoiselle Latvia ... zay need the help of le grande France!" he yelled and shoved open the door.
France's filthy mind could not really take in the scene in front of him – Russia and Latvia were not in any compromising position at all (to Latvia's regret), although Russia was bare-chested, but both were trying to blow up an airbed.
Russia growled, stood up and chased France back out.
France laughed heartily. He had his sexiness back, his innuendo was back, and he was on the prowl. "Oooh lala, mes amies!" he simpered at Prussia and Denmark, who were rooting on their hands and knees in Austria's kitchen, trying to extract the Austrian's stash of wine out of the under-sink cupboard.
"I like to see a man on his knees! Oh yes!" Francis swaggered across to them.
Prussia and Denmark were often called fools, but this time they had the sense to jump to their feet and place their backs to the wall. "Dude! That ain't nice..." Gilbert exclaimed.
"I had lost my sexiness... young Estonia had it... but he did not use it very much... so it has now returned to me as good as new! Oh yes..."
"Esty's sexiness was awesome, man... You should give it him back for a while." Denmark yelled, "When you've got it, it's just disturbing."
"Ah...Danemark... Matthias... what sweet music we made... just here in zis pantry... ah yes..."
"Bloody hell, Den! Tell me you didn't?" Gilbert almost had a fit.
"Well... it was dark... I thought it was little Latvia dude chick..."
"Ah oui! As did I..." France ran his fingers through his gorgeous locks and sauntered out to find other 'prey'.
"That's not going to fit there..." England's voice sounded exasperated.
"Just pull the zip up then..." Belarus answered him.
"It's bloody well stuck..."
"I thought you said that your magic sword could sort out everything?"
"Well not everything... something's are just too minor for it. It's the major issues that are alright now."
"Well, I think this is pretty major..."
"So do I! It eez very bad if it will not fit... or if it eez stuck... you should not pull ze zip back up..." France blurted out, bursting in.
He found England and Belarus struggling to fit together two single sleeping bags into a double, the zip being stuck.
England glared at him and France was chased out – yet again. "Bloody French tart..." England yelled down the corridor at France's retreating back. He went back into the room where Belarus was sat thinking.
"Erm... Arthur... you know, we could..." She smiled and indicated the more plump airbed than her brother had acquired and raised her eyebrows.
"What?" He asked, completely at a loss.
"You know...?" she tried again.
"Of course! You could have one bag and I'll just take the other... sorted!" Arthur said, slapping his hand to his head.
Belarus sighed heavily.
"Right how many pizzas should I order and who's paying?" America decided he had better ensure that the most important issue of the day was settled. His stomach was grumbling and snarling like a caged tiger. He hadn't eaten for at least three hours and he was starting to feel faint.
"How many of us are there?" Italy said, immediately at his side.
"I dunno, dude... 10, 12..."
"Ve... we should order erm 12 pizzas and garlic bread..."
"Okay... but what are you lot eating?" America asked, it didn't seem much to him. But everyone had refused to go to MacDonalds with him. Even fat commie dude who would eat anything was 'busy'.
Prussia ran into the hallway as they picked up the telephone, "I've found Specs' wallet!" he yelled.
Vienna Hospital
At the precise moment that Prussia yelled that he'd found his wallet, Austria's eyes jerked open. The heart monitor gave a little jump, his blood pressure suddenly spiked and he looked around blearily.
"Baking soda... tell England..." he croaked out.
Hungary and Lily, both of whom had fallen asleep in chairs either side of Austria's bedside, jerked awake.
Hungary sat up and grabbed his hand, "Roderich?" she said tentatively.
Lily smiled and reached across and gently took her mother's other hand and squeezed it.
Austria smiled and then lost consciousness again, the heart monitor continuing to 'blip' steadily.
"He's okay! Oh thank you..." Hungary did a little dance and turned and hugged her daughter. "Wait, what did he say?" she asked.
"Something about baking soda and Mr England... I think it's probably the drugs," Lily said. She hugged her mother tightly. Everything was going to be alright. Vash was still sedated but the doctors had reassured her he would be fine in a few days. Her father was going to be alright, they could be one big happy family. She then suddenly remembered something... she'd left Icy still under her bed at home...
Austria's mansion
The phone rang...
"Will somebody answer that? I'm busy!" Toris yelled – automatically, for it was usually he who answered it at Russia's abode.
America leapt into action, "Dude man... are they here yet? I mean come on... 14 pizzas, large meat feast..."
"Honhonhon oh oui, I love a meat feast..." Francis purred, standing uncomfortably close to America.
"Oooh you're not Dominos Pizza? Oh, Hungary... yep, he is... did he...? Baking soda? Arty? Dunno... yep I will..." America hung up.
"Sooooo?" England said, shoving Francis' hands away before they reached his butt.
"It wasn't Dominos... phew I thought the pizzas were going to be late..." America said with a relief sigh.
Italy nodded alongside him. He'd also been seriously worried.
"No, you bloody fool. You said Hungary's name?"
"Oh yes, it was Hungary..."
"And...?"
"Oh yeah, Austria is okay, I think, she said he woke up said something about you and talcum powder or something... dude, that doesn't seem right, but anyway, and then she said the doctors said it looks like he was over the worst or something."
Prussia practically threw himself into the hallway, "What? He's okay? Austria?" he yelled.
"Yeah, mate. Dude Austria woke up and blah blah blah..." America was already bored. Clearly this sword thingy had sorted it out... apart from that painting thingy which he was going to use his super-awesome superpowers to get hold of tomorrow. He would show them. An ancient, mouldy old sword can't do what a superpower can do.
England twatted him around the head, "Grow up!" he said.
"Well, it's about time! Lying there like the Queen of bloody Sheba while we're here bollocking about... France and his bloody sexiness and big fat commie dude wandering around with no shirt on... dude that's not nice... no bloody beer either. It's not right. I haven't done a decent prank since he got himself shot, how inconsiderate is he? I'll bloody prank him double when he comes out. I mean... I'll have to put some superglue on his piano keys again, or put some blue food dye in his shampoo..." Prussia's eyes lit up as he babbled on, clearly much relieved that his No. 1 victim was on the mend.
Denmark put a hand on his shoulder, "Dude..." he said.
It was probably the sheer relief that Austria and Switzerland were over the worst. Or the fact that it had been a long day. Or the fact that Prussia and Denmark had found Austria's secret stash of vintage wine.
Whatever it was, the Nations ate their pizzas, drank the wine and bedded down for the night, in various places around the mansion.
Francis, of course, his sexual hormones now returned to him, in pristine condition (Estonia had barely had any use, truth be told, for sex god powers), caught a taxi into the city with Den and Gil. The latter was still babbling about the pranks he was going to do on 'Specs', the big Dane wandering along because he had been promised beer and girls – he rather hoped in that order. America ran after them, "Wait for me, dudes..."
They stopped. "Aw man... are you sure you're allowed? Did you get a note from England?" Prussia asked sarcastically.
"I don't need a note... not anymore. Can we drop in at MacDonalds and get a chicken nugget happy meal?"
"Non!" Francis said with finality.
Belgium watched him 'sod off out with his idiot friends' as England called it, sighed and went back inside to drown her sorrows with non-alcoholic beverage and confide in someone. As it happened, she found Latvia and Belarus both foraging for food in Austria's kitchen.
Poland and Lithuania were bedded down in Austria's caravan, Estonia was on the rather uncomfortable table-that-turned-into-a-bed, wrapped in a sleeping bag, reading up about child trust funds.
"I'm pregnant, it's Alfred's and he's an idiot... what on earth do I do?" Belgium asked her fellow female Nations.
"Snap!"
"Snap!"
"What? Alfred? Well, the big..."
"No... not Alfred, Vanya..."
"Arthur..."
"Oh..."
"Have you told him?" Latvia asked Belgium.
"No... not yet. I don't know. I really like him, he's cute, funny but... he's so immature. I mean honestly, he's just gone out to get the latest Star Trek toy or whatever," Belgium tried to explain. (As a side note, Alfred would have been horrified that she'd gotten Star Wars and Star Trek mixed up.)
"Hmm, they're all immature really, aren't they?" Belarus said as she took out a knife and started slicing bread.
Latvia eyed the knife nervously, she hadn't forgotten the knife-waving in Babys R Us.
"Why are you dressed in pyjamas that say Vienna Hospital? And is that Vanya's shirt and jumper?" Belarus asked.
Latvia nodded, stepping back, hoping that it wasn't a stabbable offence, "I nearly drowned..." she said quickly.
Belgium looked concerned. Belarus with a suddenness that shocked Latvia, hugged the young Baltic, "You should take care of my little niece or nephew. Remember if it is a girl, you will name it after me?" Belarus said.
Latvia, still eyeing the knife that Belarus held nonchalantly in her hand, nodded quickly. Although she didn't think 'crazy-ass bitch' would go down well as a name.
Belarus smiled softly and carried on making her sandwich.
"I think Alfred's cute... in a young daft kind of way..." Latvia said quietly.
"He has a gorgeous body," Belgium said dreamily, picking at a lump of cheese.
"He seems kind and gentle and he's always laughing," Latvia said helpfully. He did, she thought, even if he did keep calling her Latvina or Lovinia or Lativa the latter sounding like a rap artist.
"I caught Arthur kissing him... but I'm not sure... I think they have an unusual brotherly relationship or something," Belarus said and then pointed her knife at Belgium.
Belgium jumped back, "Er... it wasn't my fault... I'm sure..."
"Do you want a sandwich or not?" Belarus asked her brusquely.
Latvia and Belgium exchanged glances. Belgium nodded hurriedly.
"Arthur is very romantic and such a gentleman..." Belarus told them.
Latvia almost choked on her sandwich at this. Belgium, having known England for many centuries did not answer this remarkable statement, but asked another question, "So what do you think? Should I tell him?"
"Do you love him?" Latvia asked the burning question.
Belgium considered it, "Well... he's gorgeous, kind, funny, he's not the brightest bulb in the pack, but you can't have everything..."
"You don't want a man who's cleverer than you," Belarus said, "They tend to escape."
Latvia raised an eyebrow at this.
"Is he good in bed?" Belarus asked the big question.
Belgium spluttered, "You don't mince words!" she said.
"Well?" Belarus insisted.
Belgium took a bite from her sandwich, "Well... he is actually... when he's not shouting about 'may the force be with you' and all that..." she smiled at the memory.
Belarus nodded solemnly, a very serious look on her face.
Belgium, who was still giggling, asked Belarus, "...And Arthur? Is he any good in bed?"
"You've never...?" Belarus asked.
"No... he's more like a brother to me..." Belgium answered.
Belarus had no answer to this but grinned, "He's wonderful... very masterful... I wasn't sure about the dressing up at first... but it is fun," she said finally.
Dressing up? Latvia was frowning. She was also blushing.
Both Nations then turned to her, with obvious anticipation, "Well... Raivis...?" they both said in unison.
Latvia decided to play stupid, "What?" she said dumbly.
"What's Russia like in bed?" Belgium asked. Belarus raised an eyebrow and turned to listen with interest.
Latvia hummed and harred, she felt distinctly un-nerved, particularly with Russia's little sister there – the one who had the massive obsession with him, "Er... I don't know..."
"Eh?" Belgium said, in obvious confusion.
"We've never actually done it in a bed..." Latvia said hurriedly and then took herself out of the door back to Russia – the Nation, not the country.
She found him sat on a flat airbed, a mouldy sleeping bag around him, reading a pregnancy leaflet that he'd picked up from the hospital.
She flung the door shut and sat down beside him, tucking herself into his side, pulling one of his arms around her.
"It says here that you shouldn't eat raw foods like eggs or seafood..." Russia said.
"I've just eaten a cheese sandwich made by your sister..."
Russia smiled at that, "It also says that you should get plenty of rest," he added.
She nodded and lay down on the airbed and pulled him down with her and snuggled into his side, wrapping an arm around his chest.
He pulled the sleeping bag around them. "I need to get another sweater on..." he said. He was still embarrassed about his bare chest. He wasn't used to exposing so much bare flesh.
"No... leave your shirt off..." Latvia murmured as she stroked the fluffy hairs on his chest, tracing her fingers along his many scars. She then followed her fingers with her lips, tracing his scars softly with her lips.
Russia dropped the leaflet, tipped her face up to meet his and kissed her softly.
"Hmmmmm," they both hummed in unison.
She threaded her fingers through his hair and kissed him back, "Vanya..." she whispered.
"Hmmmm?"
"Why do you smell of seaweed?"
"I fell into the sea..." Russia stopped kissing her and looked regretful, "Do you want me to shower?" he asked.
Latvia stroked his broad shoulders, and then ran her fingers down the muscles of his back, "No... just stay here... as you are..." she whispered.
Russia gulped, wrapped his arms around her, stroking her back gently and carefully adjusted his trousers as they got uncomfortably tight. He didn't want to hurt her or the baby. So he took a deep breath and pulled himself back a bit.
Latvia was having none of this and wrapped one of her legs around his waist, hitching as close as she could, cupped his face in her hands and kissed him deeply.
"I don't want to hurt you..." Russia murmured worriedly, his head spinning (not literally of course).
"... You won't," Latvia reassured him as she started to unbuckle his belt.
He didn't.
Author's Note:
Earthquakes can be classed as deep or shallow – obviously depending on how far below the earth's surface they are. Even a powerful one deep down may cause no damage, whilst a far less powerful but shallow one (as seen in Italy recently) can cause a lot of damage to buildings and deaths. The huge Indian Ocean one of 2004 apparently left the Earth vibrating for a few seconds. (sorry, guys I'm a bit of a geology nerd and took environmental science at Uni).
Of course Excalibur is supposed to be a magical sword and be able to conquer all enemies. The legend of King Arthur goes that he is sleeping somewhere – Glastonbury Tor or somewhere in England and when Britain needs him again, he'll reawaken.
Next Chapters: an auction, a blockbuster movie ending... kind of, awesomeness takes a world tour.