p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"strongspan style="font-size: 14pt; font-family: Georgia;"A/N: /span/strongspan style="font-size: 14pt; font-family: Georgia;"Hey guys! So, this chapter is pretty drama-filled as well... but there's SOME good stuff in it./span/p
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p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-size: 14pt; font-family: Georgia;"If you don't already know, you can get updates and sneak peeks on future chapters by following me on Instagram (tiggermom023) and Twitter (tigger_mom023). I've also started a blog on Tumblr called Quotes on Pretty Paper where I write a quote each day on a piece of scrapbook paper that I have, snap a picture, and post it along with whatever I choose to say (which usually isn't much) for that particular day. You can find that at Tumblr dot com / blog / quotesonprettypaper (take out the spaces and replace the dot with an actual period and you'll be good!). I do quote Divergent among other things… and I also take quote requests here and there./span/p
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p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-size: 14pt; font-family: Georgia;"Anyway, hope you like this chapter! Have fun reading! xo/span/p
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p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"strongspan style="font-size: 14pt; font-family: Georgia;"Chapter Fifteen – Paparazzi/span/strong/p
p style="margin: 5pt 0in; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;"Kayla/span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;"Over the next few weeks, Jai spent all his free time reconnecting with me. Once I stopped bleeding from the miscarriage we started swimming again, we took walks, and we even started to reconnect in the bedroom. It was great, but there were times that I still felt depressed. I still felt sad over the loss of the child, even though I was freaked out about being pregnant to begin with because Jai and I had only been together a year and we weren't in the 'discussion of children' stage yet. But, he started going with me to therapy sessions when I told him I was feeling depressed and participated at every chance he had. We were able to communicate openly, with no barriers. I felt like I was beginning to heal. My therapist even encouraged us to go to an open field with two balloons, one pink and one blue since we didn't know whether the baby was a boy or a girl, and let them go to float up to the sky and Heaven in memory of the baby we lost. That was actually what we were going to do. Jai was driving and I held the two balloons. When we got to the field, he helped me out of the car and put his arm around me as we walked up to a hill. I handed him the pink balloon and held the blue balloon myself./span/p
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p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;""One," he looked at me, beginning to count to three./span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;" /span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;""Two," I said./span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;" /span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;""Three." we both said at the same time and then let go of the balloons simultaneously, watching them float up to the sky. He put his arm around me and held me close, and I wiped a tear from my eye as we watched the balloons go until they were out of sight. Jai turned to me, looking into my eyes for a moment before he gently placed a kiss on my forehead./span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;" /span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;""I love you, you know that right?" he asked me. I smiled, tears in my eyes threatening to fall as I nodded my head. I couldn't speak due to a lump forming in my throat. "I don't want you to feel like this baby's death was your fault at all." he smiled sweetly at me as if he knew that I was guilt-ridden about losing a baby we weren't even ready to have. Knowing he cared this much and showed me in my time of weakness made me feel wonderful, but it still didn't replace the pain I felt losing a child./span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;""Babe," he said to me. I looked up at him. I couldn't say a word because nothing that would come out of my mouth was able to be said without my voice cracking or me crying./span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;""You don't have to stay strong," he put his hands on my shoulders and looked deep into my eyes. "I'm right here to catch every tear you let fall. I know you're not okay. It's okay to show that. You can break down. I've got you." I didn't know how to respond. He'd seen right through my facade. He emknew/em. Overwhelmed with emotion, I fell apart. I cried in his arms like I had after we fought and I'd told him about the miscarriage. When I calmed down, he carried me back to the car and drove us home./span/p
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p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;"We spent the rest of the night together. Keleigh was out with some of her friends, and Miles had gone out for a while on his own so we had the house to ourselves. We laid on the couch and watched movies, snuggled up together. During one of the movies, Jai could tell I found the lead actor in it attractive, and he made it known./span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;" /span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;""Damn, do I need to leave you alone for a little while?" he joked with a grin. I playfully slapped his arm and snuggled into him farther, as if I could get any closer to him. If I could have then we'd probably have mushed into one person./span/p
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p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;""You are such a butt sometimes." I joked back with a grin./span/p
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p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;""No... but if you wanna see me be a butt..." he leaned to me and started nibbling my neck as he slid his hand under the blanket we were under, placing his hand on my thigh. I took a sharp breath when I felt him doing these things and knew he was trying to arouse me./span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;" /span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;""No baby, emthat/em makes you a troublemaker. And if you want to do emthat/em-" I said, putting my hand on his traveling hand, that was headed for my crotch. "we need to go to the bedroom."/span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;" /span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;""Why? We're the only one's home." he grinned mischievously. I had to give him that one, and instead of mentioning the bedroom again, I pulled him to me and kissed him, sliding my hand down his chest and under the waistband of his shorts. As soon as I touched his member, I felt him shiver and mumble "oh, baby" with a grin on his face before kissing me again as I stroked him. When I saw a good opportunity, I got on top of him, straddling him. I could tell he had no idea what I was going to do as I slid myself down onto the living room floor, positioning myself between his legs. I slid his shorts and briefs off a little bit, revealing his rock-hard penis sticking up like a flag pole. I looked up at him and I /"What are you do- oh. Oemh/em. Wow." he let out a soft moan as I took him in my mouth and moved up and down his shaft, swirling my tongue around it as I moved. I could tell he was speechless as he took several deep, sharp breaths and released moan after moan as I continued./span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;""Babe, you gotta stop or I'm gonna cum. As much as I love you doing that, this is not how I want to get off." he stopped me. I licked him once more, feeling him shudder and I released a giggle./span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;" /span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;""Then how emwould/em you like to get off?" I asked sweetly. He kissed my lips before grasping the waistband of my sweatpants and looked into my eyes, a grin apparent on his face./span/p
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p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;""Like this." he pulled my pants off and hovered over me, sliding his pants and briefs farther down until he could kick them off his legs completely. He grabbed my panties and pulled them off before inserting a finger inside me. I let out a loud moan as he moved his finger in and out. Once I was good and wet, he pulled his finger out and positioned himself at my entrance before pushing in gently. He moved in and out a few more times before picking up speed. By this time I was moaning pretty loud since we were the only ones home. I was beginning to feel close to an orgasm when the front door came open./span/p
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p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;""Jai? Kayla, are you guys h- OH MY GOD MY EYES!" Jai grabbed the blanket from off the couch and covered both me and himself as he turned around to look at Miles. I was so embarrassed, but I couldn't stop laughing./span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;" /span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;""What the fuck are you doing home, man? I thought you weren't going to be home until later." Jai said, flushing a bright pink color on his face./span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;" /span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;""I got bored so I was gonna come home and play some music or something. What the fuck are you guys doing fucking on the living room floor?" I cracked up laughing and both of them stared at me./span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;" /span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;""No one was home, so we-" Jai hesitated trying to figure out how to word the answer./span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;" /span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;""No one was home so we decided to break in the living room" I joked, a playful grin on my face. Miles slapped his hands over his face trying to hide the red color he was sporting from blushing and muttered something about going upstairs before leaving us to our naked selves. Jai looked over at me./span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;""What?" I asked him./span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;" /span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;""You are something else." he laughed before kissing my lips. "C'mon, let's take this up to the bedroom before Keleigh walks in too." I giggled and ran up the stairs – butt naked./span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;" /span/p
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p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;"The next few days were quite calm and relaxing. We went to the therapy session we had scheduled for that morning and everything was coming together. Jai and I were remaining connected, I was beginning to feel a little better, and life was beginning to get back to normal. We got into the car and headed home. When we got there, Miles and Keleigh were sitting on the couch in the living room. Keleigh sniffled, and I could tell she'd been crying, and Miles looked pissed off and upset at the same time./span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;" /span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;""What's wrong?" I asked./span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;" /span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;""I don't know how they found out, but they've been calling here all morning trying to get a statement about the miscarriage." Miles looked from me to Jai as he spoke./span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;" /span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;""Who?" I asked./span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;" /span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;""The press," Jai said in sorrow. "How the hell did could they have found this out?" he asked Miles./span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;" /span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;""I have no idea, man," he replied and we were all silenced by the phone ringing./span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;" /span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;""Hello?" Jai picked it up. "Yes, this is him... No, we have no comment about it," he said before hanging up the phone./span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;" /span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;""Jai, sooner or later we're going to have to talk about it," I said, staring at the floor./span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;" /span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;""No, we're not. Not with them. We only have another month or two of filming, then we can go back to LA and we don't have to talk to them about it. This is far too personal for them to know details and any other information." Jai told me defensively./span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;" /span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;""Babe, I understand your need to be protective here, but I'm not entirely sure we can hide from them about this forever. It's bound to come up in an interview you do to promote the movie." I pointed out. He put his arms around me and exhaled, planting a kiss on my forehead./span/p
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p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;""I just don't want to see you get hurt any more than you already are," he confessed. "You've been through so much already, and them finding out about this and pressing us to talk about it could make that worse on you. The pressure is not an easy thing to deal with for anyone. Even experienced actors falter with them at times." I heard the vibrations of his words on his chest. I slid my arms around his waist and looked up at him, resting my chin on his chest./span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;" /span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;""If I start to feel worse I will tell you, okay? I promise." I reassured./span/p
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p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;""We at least need to call our families first to let them know before it ends up in magazines everywhere and all over the internet." he pointed out. I nodded and he walked me to the couch, sitting down together. I dialed my parents and we spoke to my mom. I told her about my relationship, and that we had gotten pregnant but lost the baby. She was so sympathetic and told Jai to take good care of me. It was so sweet to hear her voice, and it made me miss her so very much. Next, we called his parents. His mom said she'd already heard about it, but wasn't sure if it was true or not. After we told her it was, she said she was sorry to hear that we'd suffered such a loss and that if we ever needed some time to rest and relax that her and his dad would be happy to have us there at the house. Jai told them we were grateful, and that we needed to get off the phone so that we could handle some of the calls we were getting about the miscarriage before it got out of hand, and with that, we got off the phone./span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;" /span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;""That seemed rather easy." I smiled lightly at him./span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;" /span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;""Don't get so comfortable yet. The hard part is coming," he warned with care. When the next call came in from the press, Jai answered it. I kept quiet as he spoke. He said we were both heartbroken over the loss, and that it was unexpected but still saddened us as much as it would have if we'd been trying to have a baby. They asked him how long we'd been together and he told them a year and going strong, even through the struggles we face. It wasn't long before he'd gotten off the phone and placed a sweet kiss on my /"I want you to do something for me," he paused./span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;" /span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;""Anything." I smiled./span/p
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p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;""I want you to brace yourself for everything that is going to come our way from this. People are going to be mean, and there will be sympathetic people but there will also be unfeeling people who will mercilessly try to break you down and shatter you so they can tear you to shreds. No matter what they say, do emnot/em take it to heart. I know it's going to be hard to do, but I will be right here the entire time. Right by your side." he looked into my eyes with such concern as he spoke. It made me feel good knowing he cared so much./span/p
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p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;"The next few months passed by and we were back in LA. Miles and Keleigh helped us move into our new place after we picked one. We decided not to stay where Jai had been living by himself simply to start over, together. My depression had gotten worse, so I was on medicine and seeing my therapist twice a week. Jai was there every step of the way, and I was very thankful. It was easier for him to be there for almost every break down now that the movie was done filming. Just as I'd predicted, he was being asked about the miscarriage in interviews at times, and he answered with such care. They'd also ask him how I was taking it, and he told them I was still struggling, but that we were doing everything we could to help me cope. Unfortunately, there were some paparazzi who, whenever we went out somewhere, were relentless about it. They'd constantly ask us questions and follow us. It was getting hard to even want to leave the house. I'd hear all kinds of things from, "was this baby a ploy to keep you two together because you were actually struggling?" to "are you sure it was an accidental miscarriage?". A few times I'd even heard, "was she really even pregnant?" from people. Every single question was starting to get to me, even though I told Jai I'd try not to let it get to me – it was. I couldn't stop it, and it bothered me more that I couldn't keep their words from getting to me. Jai could tell it was beginning to get to me, too. When he saw it, he started trying to distance himself a little bit after realizing he couldn't make me feel better. One evening, I was sitting on the bed thinking about all of it when he stormed in./span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;" /span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;""Stop being like this!" he yelled at me, making me jump at the tone of his voice./span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;" /span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;""What are you talking about?" I asked./span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;" /span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;""You're always depressed, and it's not even about the baby anymore. It's about what the press and paparazzi are saying! And don't tell me it's not because I emknow/em it is. It doesn't take a genius to figure it out." he snapped./span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;" /span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;""You act like I can emcontrol/em it! I can't help that it hurts me so bad to see them say nasty things about me!" I defended myself. If no one else was going to, then I sure as hell was./span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;" /span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;""You emcan/em control it! Stop letting them get to you. Stop reading it, stop listening to them, whatever you have to do! Just emstop/em!"/span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;" /span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;""Seriously?" I yelled. "What about you mister 'I'm right here'? You've been distant since my mood started going downhill and you don't even emtry/em to help anymore! You don't even try to understand!"/span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;" /span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;""Because it's always the same thing over and over again!" he defended himself./span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;" /span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;""Bullshit! I find myself upset every single day that I miscarried. To the point of tears! Having to wake up and remember every damn day that I lost a child kills me!"/span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;" /span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;""But you don't even act like it's because of that! You act like it's because of everything people are saying!"/span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;" /span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;""Jai, the shit they say isn't helping me feel better at all! And neither is this little outburst of yours!"/span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;" /span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;""I wouldn't be having this little outburst if you'd stop moping and being so depressed all the time!" that was the last straw. I decided to pack a bag. "What are you doing?" he asked./span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;" /span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;""I'm going to my mom's. I'm not dealing with this shit, Jai." I finished packing and started going downstairs. Before I reached the door, I turned around to look at him. "I am depressed because I miscarried emour/em child! The mean things people say are hurtful, yes... but I cannot forgive myself for losing that baby despite it being unintentional. Even if you do." I walked out the door, slamming it behind me./span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;" /span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;"When I knew I was out of sight of the door, I stopped and sat down. I was now without child, and possibly without a boyfriend. What the hell has my life turned into? Why was I being put through so much heartbreak? I wasn't quite sure what was going to happen next, but I knew that when I got to my mom's I could figure it out./span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"strongspan style="font-size: 14pt; font-family: Georgia;" /span/strong/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-size: 14pt; font-family: Georgia;"If you don't already know, you can get updates and sneak peeks on future chapters by following me on Instagram (tiggermom023) and Twitter (tigger_mom023). I've also started a blog on Tumblr called Quotes on Pretty Paper where I write a quote each day on a piece of scrapbook paper that I have, snap a picture, and post it along with whatever I choose to say (which usually isn't much) for that particular day. You can find that at Tumblr dot com / blog / quotesonprettypaper (take out the spaces and replace the dot with an actual period and you'll be good!). I do quote Divergent among other things… and I also take quote requests here and there./span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-size: 14pt; font-family: Georgia;" /span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-size: 14pt; font-family: Georgia;"Anyway, hope you like this chapter! Have fun reading! xo/span/p
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p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"strongspan style="font-size: 14pt; font-family: Georgia;"Chapter Fifteen – Paparazzi/span/strong/p
p style="margin: 5pt 0in; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;"Kayla/span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;"Over the next few weeks, Jai spent all his free time reconnecting with me. Once I stopped bleeding from the miscarriage we started swimming again, we took walks, and we even started to reconnect in the bedroom. It was great, but there were times that I still felt depressed. I still felt sad over the loss of the child, even though I was freaked out about being pregnant to begin with because Jai and I had only been together a year and we weren't in the 'discussion of children' stage yet. But, he started going with me to therapy sessions when I told him I was feeling depressed and participated at every chance he had. We were able to communicate openly, with no barriers. I felt like I was beginning to heal. My therapist even encouraged us to go to an open field with two balloons, one pink and one blue since we didn't know whether the baby was a boy or a girl, and let them go to float up to the sky and Heaven in memory of the baby we lost. That was actually what we were going to do. Jai was driving and I held the two balloons. When we got to the field, he helped me out of the car and put his arm around me as we walked up to a hill. I handed him the pink balloon and held the blue balloon myself./span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;" /span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;""One," he looked at me, beginning to count to three./span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;" /span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;""Two," I said./span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;" /span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;""Three." we both said at the same time and then let go of the balloons simultaneously, watching them float up to the sky. He put his arm around me and held me close, and I wiped a tear from my eye as we watched the balloons go until they were out of sight. Jai turned to me, looking into my eyes for a moment before he gently placed a kiss on my forehead./span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;" /span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;""I love you, you know that right?" he asked me. I smiled, tears in my eyes threatening to fall as I nodded my head. I couldn't speak due to a lump forming in my throat. "I don't want you to feel like this baby's death was your fault at all." he smiled sweetly at me as if he knew that I was guilt-ridden about losing a baby we weren't even ready to have. Knowing he cared this much and showed me in my time of weakness made me feel wonderful, but it still didn't replace the pain I felt losing a child./span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;""Babe," he said to me. I looked up at him. I couldn't say a word because nothing that would come out of my mouth was able to be said without my voice cracking or me crying./span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;""You don't have to stay strong," he put his hands on my shoulders and looked deep into my eyes. "I'm right here to catch every tear you let fall. I know you're not okay. It's okay to show that. You can break down. I've got you." I didn't know how to respond. He'd seen right through my facade. He emknew/em. Overwhelmed with emotion, I fell apart. I cried in his arms like I had after we fought and I'd told him about the miscarriage. When I calmed down, he carried me back to the car and drove us home./span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;" /span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;"We spent the rest of the night together. Keleigh was out with some of her friends, and Miles had gone out for a while on his own so we had the house to ourselves. We laid on the couch and watched movies, snuggled up together. During one of the movies, Jai could tell I found the lead actor in it attractive, and he made it known./span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;" /span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;""Damn, do I need to leave you alone for a little while?" he joked with a grin. I playfully slapped his arm and snuggled into him farther, as if I could get any closer to him. If I could have then we'd probably have mushed into one person./span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;" /span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;""You are such a butt sometimes." I joked back with a grin./span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;" /span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;""No... but if you wanna see me be a butt..." he leaned to me and started nibbling my neck as he slid his hand under the blanket we were under, placing his hand on my thigh. I took a sharp breath when I felt him doing these things and knew he was trying to arouse me./span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;" /span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;""No baby, emthat/em makes you a troublemaker. And if you want to do emthat/em-" I said, putting my hand on his traveling hand, that was headed for my crotch. "we need to go to the bedroom."/span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;" /span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;""Why? We're the only one's home." he grinned mischievously. I had to give him that one, and instead of mentioning the bedroom again, I pulled him to me and kissed him, sliding my hand down his chest and under the waistband of his shorts. As soon as I touched his member, I felt him shiver and mumble "oh, baby" with a grin on his face before kissing me again as I stroked him. When I saw a good opportunity, I got on top of him, straddling him. I could tell he had no idea what I was going to do as I slid myself down onto the living room floor, positioning myself between his legs. I slid his shorts and briefs off a little bit, revealing his rock-hard penis sticking up like a flag pole. I looked up at him and I /"What are you do- oh. Oemh/em. Wow." he let out a soft moan as I took him in my mouth and moved up and down his shaft, swirling my tongue around it as I moved. I could tell he was speechless as he took several deep, sharp breaths and released moan after moan as I continued./span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;""Babe, you gotta stop or I'm gonna cum. As much as I love you doing that, this is not how I want to get off." he stopped me. I licked him once more, feeling him shudder and I released a giggle./span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;" /span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;""Then how emwould/em you like to get off?" I asked sweetly. He kissed my lips before grasping the waistband of my sweatpants and looked into my eyes, a grin apparent on his face./span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;" /span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;""Like this." he pulled my pants off and hovered over me, sliding his pants and briefs farther down until he could kick them off his legs completely. He grabbed my panties and pulled them off before inserting a finger inside me. I let out a loud moan as he moved his finger in and out. Once I was good and wet, he pulled his finger out and positioned himself at my entrance before pushing in gently. He moved in and out a few more times before picking up speed. By this time I was moaning pretty loud since we were the only ones home. I was beginning to feel close to an orgasm when the front door came open./span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;" /span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;""Jai? Kayla, are you guys h- OH MY GOD MY EYES!" Jai grabbed the blanket from off the couch and covered both me and himself as he turned around to look at Miles. I was so embarrassed, but I couldn't stop laughing./span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;" /span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;""What the fuck are you doing home, man? I thought you weren't going to be home until later." Jai said, flushing a bright pink color on his face./span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;" /span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;""I got bored so I was gonna come home and play some music or something. What the fuck are you guys doing fucking on the living room floor?" I cracked up laughing and both of them stared at me./span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;" /span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;""No one was home, so we-" Jai hesitated trying to figure out how to word the answer./span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;" /span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;""No one was home so we decided to break in the living room" I joked, a playful grin on my face. Miles slapped his hands over his face trying to hide the red color he was sporting from blushing and muttered something about going upstairs before leaving us to our naked selves. Jai looked over at me./span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;""What?" I asked him./span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;" /span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;""You are something else." he laughed before kissing my lips. "C'mon, let's take this up to the bedroom before Keleigh walks in too." I giggled and ran up the stairs – butt naked./span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;" /span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;" /span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;"The next few days were quite calm and relaxing. We went to the therapy session we had scheduled for that morning and everything was coming together. Jai and I were remaining connected, I was beginning to feel a little better, and life was beginning to get back to normal. We got into the car and headed home. When we got there, Miles and Keleigh were sitting on the couch in the living room. Keleigh sniffled, and I could tell she'd been crying, and Miles looked pissed off and upset at the same time./span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;" /span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;""What's wrong?" I asked./span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;" /span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;""I don't know how they found out, but they've been calling here all morning trying to get a statement about the miscarriage." Miles looked from me to Jai as he spoke./span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;" /span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;""Who?" I asked./span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;" /span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;""The press," Jai said in sorrow. "How the hell did could they have found this out?" he asked Miles./span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;" /span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;""I have no idea, man," he replied and we were all silenced by the phone ringing./span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;" /span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;""Hello?" Jai picked it up. "Yes, this is him... No, we have no comment about it," he said before hanging up the phone./span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;" /span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;""Jai, sooner or later we're going to have to talk about it," I said, staring at the floor./span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;" /span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;""No, we're not. Not with them. We only have another month or two of filming, then we can go back to LA and we don't have to talk to them about it. This is far too personal for them to know details and any other information." Jai told me defensively./span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;" /span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;""Babe, I understand your need to be protective here, but I'm not entirely sure we can hide from them about this forever. It's bound to come up in an interview you do to promote the movie." I pointed out. He put his arms around me and exhaled, planting a kiss on my forehead./span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;" /span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;""I just don't want to see you get hurt any more than you already are," he confessed. "You've been through so much already, and them finding out about this and pressing us to talk about it could make that worse on you. The pressure is not an easy thing to deal with for anyone. Even experienced actors falter with them at times." I heard the vibrations of his words on his chest. I slid my arms around his waist and looked up at him, resting my chin on his chest./span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;" /span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;""If I start to feel worse I will tell you, okay? I promise." I reassured./span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;" /span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;""We at least need to call our families first to let them know before it ends up in magazines everywhere and all over the internet." he pointed out. I nodded and he walked me to the couch, sitting down together. I dialed my parents and we spoke to my mom. I told her about my relationship, and that we had gotten pregnant but lost the baby. She was so sympathetic and told Jai to take good care of me. It was so sweet to hear her voice, and it made me miss her so very much. Next, we called his parents. His mom said she'd already heard about it, but wasn't sure if it was true or not. After we told her it was, she said she was sorry to hear that we'd suffered such a loss and that if we ever needed some time to rest and relax that her and his dad would be happy to have us there at the house. Jai told them we were grateful, and that we needed to get off the phone so that we could handle some of the calls we were getting about the miscarriage before it got out of hand, and with that, we got off the phone./span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;" /span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;""That seemed rather easy." I smiled lightly at him./span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;" /span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;""Don't get so comfortable yet. The hard part is coming," he warned with care. When the next call came in from the press, Jai answered it. I kept quiet as he spoke. He said we were both heartbroken over the loss, and that it was unexpected but still saddened us as much as it would have if we'd been trying to have a baby. They asked him how long we'd been together and he told them a year and going strong, even through the struggles we face. It wasn't long before he'd gotten off the phone and placed a sweet kiss on my /"I want you to do something for me," he paused./span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;" /span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;""Anything." I smiled./span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;" /span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;""I want you to brace yourself for everything that is going to come our way from this. People are going to be mean, and there will be sympathetic people but there will also be unfeeling people who will mercilessly try to break you down and shatter you so they can tear you to shreds. No matter what they say, do emnot/em take it to heart. I know it's going to be hard to do, but I will be right here the entire time. Right by your side." he looked into my eyes with such concern as he spoke. It made me feel good knowing he cared so much./span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;" /span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;"The next few months passed by and we were back in LA. Miles and Keleigh helped us move into our new place after we picked one. We decided not to stay where Jai had been living by himself simply to start over, together. My depression had gotten worse, so I was on medicine and seeing my therapist twice a week. Jai was there every step of the way, and I was very thankful. It was easier for him to be there for almost every break down now that the movie was done filming. Just as I'd predicted, he was being asked about the miscarriage in interviews at times, and he answered with such care. They'd also ask him how I was taking it, and he told them I was still struggling, but that we were doing everything we could to help me cope. Unfortunately, there were some paparazzi who, whenever we went out somewhere, were relentless about it. They'd constantly ask us questions and follow us. It was getting hard to even want to leave the house. I'd hear all kinds of things from, "was this baby a ploy to keep you two together because you were actually struggling?" to "are you sure it was an accidental miscarriage?". A few times I'd even heard, "was she really even pregnant?" from people. Every single question was starting to get to me, even though I told Jai I'd try not to let it get to me – it was. I couldn't stop it, and it bothered me more that I couldn't keep their words from getting to me. Jai could tell it was beginning to get to me, too. When he saw it, he started trying to distance himself a little bit after realizing he couldn't make me feel better. One evening, I was sitting on the bed thinking about all of it when he stormed in./span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;" /span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;""Stop being like this!" he yelled at me, making me jump at the tone of his voice./span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;" /span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;""What are you talking about?" I asked./span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;" /span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;""You're always depressed, and it's not even about the baby anymore. It's about what the press and paparazzi are saying! And don't tell me it's not because I emknow/em it is. It doesn't take a genius to figure it out." he snapped./span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;" /span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;""You act like I can emcontrol/em it! I can't help that it hurts me so bad to see them say nasty things about me!" I defended myself. If no one else was going to, then I sure as hell was./span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;" /span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;""You emcan/em control it! Stop letting them get to you. Stop reading it, stop listening to them, whatever you have to do! Just emstop/em!"/span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;" /span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;""Seriously?" I yelled. "What about you mister 'I'm right here'? You've been distant since my mood started going downhill and you don't even emtry/em to help anymore! You don't even try to understand!"/span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;" /span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;""Because it's always the same thing over and over again!" he defended himself./span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;" /span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;""Bullshit! I find myself upset every single day that I miscarried. To the point of tears! Having to wake up and remember every damn day that I lost a child kills me!"/span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;" /span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;""But you don't even act like it's because of that! You act like it's because of everything people are saying!"/span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;" /span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;""Jai, the shit they say isn't helping me feel better at all! And neither is this little outburst of yours!"/span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;" /span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;""I wouldn't be having this little outburst if you'd stop moping and being so depressed all the time!" that was the last straw. I decided to pack a bag. "What are you doing?" he asked./span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;" /span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;""I'm going to my mom's. I'm not dealing with this shit, Jai." I finished packing and started going downstairs. Before I reached the door, I turned around to look at him. "I am depressed because I miscarried emour/em child! The mean things people say are hurtful, yes... but I cannot forgive myself for losing that baby despite it being unintentional. Even if you do." I walked out the door, slamming it behind me./span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;" /span/p
p class="Standard" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';"span style="font-family: Georgia;"When I knew I was out of sight of the door, I stopped and sat down. I was now without child, and possibly without a boyfriend. What the hell has my life turned into? Why was I being put through so much heartbreak? I wasn't quite sure what was going to happen next, but I knew that when I got to my mom's I could figure it out./span/p