so sleepy~ lol played some good ol' fashioned Kingdom Hearts today XD

on another note ...25 reviews! you guys make me the happiest author in teh whole wide world! QuQ

Kismet

Chapter Thirty-One: From A Friend

Lovino awoke the next morning, sick to his stomach. He threw up the bile in his stomach and made his way downstairs to the kitchen.

They'd arrived at the beach house mid evening, but Lovino was too tired to do anything but sleep. Femke had made him a simple breakfast and left a note saying she was heading into the market to buy more food and something they would need. He ate all of it and went to lay on the sofa. Without Ray, he wasn't sure how he was going to survive the labor, or at the very least, the pregnancy.

He could probably message Lukas for help, which was probably a good idea since he needed a spare green potion anyway. Femke had expressed her worry of his decision, but he let her know that if his mom could raise a child alone, so could he.

Days began to slip by and he and Femke spent a few days on the beach, but he mostly stayed locked up in his room. Femke brought him food, but he barely ate, only doing so to keep a little bit of food going into his system for his baby.

He clutched him still flat belly and let the tears fall. It was only a week into his solitude, as much as he hated that bastard for breaking his heart, he couldn't will the pain away and make himself stop missing him. Lovino growled through his tears and punched his pillow. Ariana flew to him and yanked a lock of his hair in her beak. He stopped his assault on the pillow and she let go of his hair, making a strangled sad noise.

Lovino gave her a soft smile, "I miss him … but I never want to see him again. I love him still, but I hate him so much. Why can't I just let him go?" she squawked and looked down at his wrist.

The red mark taunted him, telling him he could never escape that bastard. He sighed and grabbed a knife. He took it and started slicing a strip from the blanket and wrapping it around his wrist, "There, now I don't have to fucking look at it."

Ariana nuzzled his cheek and settled elsewhere to sleep, so that her master could get some rest as well.

Lovino laid down and listened to the thunder outside. It had just started storming the night before and he let the rain sooth his thoughts and allow him to sleep. He awoken the next morning to Femke bringing him some food.

His stomach churned, but he kept it settled long enough to eat a little bit of his food. It was all in vain because it came right back up a short while later.

"I hate this, Femke," he groaned, sitting with her on the bed. She was writing a letter to Tessa and Lovino held his stomach.

"What?" she asked, looking up.

"This morning sickness thing … I really hate it … I want it to go away." he let his eyes close. Femke smiled lightly and took her legs off of his lap, "Come here." she set the parchment down and outstretched her hands. Lovino sighed and fell into them.

"It probably does suck pretty bad, but you've been through much worse than a bit of nausea~ besides, isn't it going to be over soon enough anyway?"

Lovino shrugged. If his calculations were correct based on the last time he took the test before he got pregnant and what one of the village medics told him, he was about two months along. Female pregnancies lasted nine months and Lukas had told him it would be the same for him, maybe a little bit less, but that was only under a certain circumstance.

She rubbed his shoulder, "Are you sure you're going to do this alone? I know you have me to help, but are you ever going to tell him?"

"I'm never going back to him. Ever. My child will never know about him and I'll do fine." his voice cracked.

Femke sighed and kissed the top on his head, "Lovi, I trust in you and know you'll make a wonderful father."

He smiled, "Thank you."

"You're welcome~ now come on, we need to go to the market and pick up some things."

Both of them dressed up and took a carriage ride through the rain and into the village. Femke kept Lovino's mind off of that bastard by talking about names for the baby.

Lovino hadn't given it much thought, but if it were a girl he'd want her to be named Romana, after his mother and his middle name. But he hadn't given any thought to any boy names. He could always name him after his brother, but that made it seem like he believed his brother was actually dead.

They sat down to eat a small lunch, "I think Romana is a beautiful name."

Femke grinned, "Romana Vargas?"

He nodded, placing a hand on his belly, excitement bubbling inside him. He already loved the child with all his heart and no one could even guess that he was pregnant yet.

After picking up a few little things of fabric, the two headed back to the beach house. Femke sat down on the sofa with Lovino, while she started cutting fabric, he pulled out his journal.

I miss him. More than I can stand. Having Femke here with me helps, but I feel so utterly alone at night. I hate him for making those plans without talking to me, but maybe if I'd told him my plans earlier …

I thought about baby names today. Me and Femke decided Romana, after my mother, if it's a girl and maybe Alessandro if it's a boy. She told me it was cute. The Sverran equal to that would be Alejandro or something, but I don't want him to know his lineage.

As soon as we can, I'm going to be moving as far up north as I can, hopefully we'll find Daan and we can live with him.

I had a weird dream last night. I think being pregnant is messing with my mind. I won't go into detail because I think Femke is going insane. She keeps holding up a piece of fabric to my stomach and nodding.

Morning sickness still sucks, but I'm hoping it'll go away on it's own. Lukas is supposed to be sending me a list of Tino's symptoms so I know some of the things to expect and when I should expect them.

He set the journal away and looked over at Femke. She had pieced together the outfit and Lovino felt his heart skip a beat. It was a small dress and little pants for the baby.

"Femke …?" she looked at him and smiled, "If you're going to raise this child, he or she can't run around naked! I'm making the baby his or her first outfit~! He or she will look so cute!"

Lovino rubbed him stomach and smiled, "Yeah, but only because he or she will be related to me! I'm the handsomest thing to walk the land in all of time!"

Femke laughed, "Well, I'm sure I've got you beat."

"In your dreams." they laughed and Femke was glad to see a genuine smile of Lovino's face for the first time in days.

After dinner, he went to bed and she stayed up. Ariana had just left a while ago to take a message to Tessa, so she would have to wait to send this next message. She sighed and looked out at the stormy sea. She wondered how Antonio was taking the loss of Lovino.

Antonio sat in his study, his head on the desk. He was avoiding everyone and everything. The court was now pestering him to go through with the surrogate, but he couldn't possibly hurt Lovi like that. Besides, he had an heir, he just needed to bring his Lovi back home, but finding him was becoming impossible. He was no where around the castle or market and he had his soldiers looking out to the north for him, but no luck.

He looked down and his wrist and clenched his hand tightly, staring at the beautiful red mark. Lovi's choker was tied around the wrist and he let out a deep breath. He hadn't even been back in his room since, afraid to face the emptiness. If he did, it would make it that much more real that his Lovi was gone. He gripped his hair and felt tears prick his eyes. Antonio laughed bitterly, thinking that he'd dried up all his tears in the passed two weeks Lovi was gone.

It was the middle of August and he'd received no word from his beloved. The medic told him Lovino was a special case and needed to be near a medic at all time in case something went wrong. He also said Lovi was about two months along, almost three. One third of the pregnancy was already passed and Antonio hated himself for missing any of it.

He closed his eyes and heard a tapping at his office window. He turned to see a hawk, the one that had been stolen the day Lovi left. His heart fluttered with hope and he let him in. A letter was strapped to his leg, so Antonio pulled it off and opened it.

Beach house- a friend

The king threw the letter into his pocket and hurried down to the carriages and grabbed one of the horses and saddled it up. Why hadn't he thought of the beach house before? It was the perfect place for him to hide out. He kicked his leg into the horses side, willing him to run just a little bit faster, "I'm coming, Lovi …"

Lovino stuffed the piece of bread in his mouth and stood up from his seat in the kitchen, lifting his tunic to expose his belly. It wasn't much, but he could see the small bulge now, "Hey, Femke!" he said, partially muffled by the chunk of bread hanging out of his mouth, "Wook! You can see my behwee!"

She stuck her head in front the other room and squealed, "You can!" her hand reached out and ran over the bump.

He bit off the bite and set the bread down, "I can't believe it … the baby's getting so big!"

"Just wait! He'll get even bigger before you know it!" she laughed. Lovino nodded and ran his fingers over the small bump.

Sadness crept in and he let the lose tunic fall down around his waist again. He grabbed the belt and tied it on lightly, "I'm … I'm going to go for a walk."

Femke sighed, "Okay, but be careful … I mean it. Don't go too far."

Lovino nodded and left the house. A storm brewed all around him as he made his way down to the beach. On less rainy days, he liked to sit on the beach and rub his stomach, just talking to the unborn child about everything.

He sat down on the bench and looked out to the choppy waters. Rain began falling, but he didn't budge. His mind wandered to that bastard … the one he missed terribly. How was he doing? What would he have done if Lovino had shown him the bump. Lovino's hand subconsciously touched his belly. Would he have been happy, excited, joyous?

Tears mixed with the rain and Lovino let his eyes slip close. He wanted to forget all of this ever happened and just go back home, but his stupid pride wouldn't let him. Antonio had hurt him and it didn't matter anymore. The king probably had a baby on the way himself and was rejoicing over his heir, while the child he had created with his own husband was going to never be known by his father.

Lovino's heart skipped a beat painfully and more tears fell, "Don't worry, Roma," he muttered the small nickname and he looked down, "I'll always be there for you. Your mama promises to take care of you." he blushed lightly.

The ocean waves lapped at the sand, filling Lovino with a sense of calm, despite the dull ache he felt in his chest every day and night. He longed to just hold his baby in his arms and hopefully fill the void Antonio left in his heart.

"Lovi?" ice ran through his veins and his heart skipped a beat, then sped up. He slowly turned on the bench until he was facing Antonio. Longing, anger, fear, hate, love … he felt them all and was being ripped apart by his want to rip the man apart or taking him into his arms and thanking the gods he came after him.

TBC

~Lady Pyrien