Ralph: Back to the original topic. What if stuff was watching us? Like, stuff other than Simon, who will conveniently come up in a little bit.

Simon: I call you Chief Ralph. :3

Simon fangirls: SO ADORABLE.

Ralph: Holyfreakingshizwho'sthere?

Simon: Iiiiiit's Simon! :D

Random children: Some of us got distracted in the water! :D

Piggy: I wish my auntie was here! Though she's probably obese, too, from owning a candy shop, and they'd all probably kill her.

Ralph: Shut up about your auntie.

Piggy: But... but grownups could tell us things. They know things.

ABRUPT SCENE CHANGE

Samneric: *are now Samneric. Except when Eric's talking about Roger. Sam refuses to be a part of that*

Samneric: Aw, we're still wearing our shoes! But no socks. SOCKS ARE FOR THE WEAK.

Nightkill: Oh god, they're adorable, too.

Samoreric: The fire's out. This upsets me greatly. Let's just poke it... and stuff... poke poke poke poke poke.

Samoreric: There's no use poking it. Why don't we have Piggy's glasses up here?

Samoreric: Because we were supposed to WATCH it and make sure it didn't go out. But SOMEONE couldn't pull an all-nighter.

Samoreric: That was you.

Samoreric: Oh yeah. Well, at least I don't talk in my sleep!

Samoreric: Oh, you do.

Samoreric: At least I don't talk in my sleep about DEMONS FROM HELL.

Samoreric: I don't talk about demons from Hell! I talk in my sleep about... um, what do I talk in my sleep about?

Samoreric: Roger.

Samoreric: Oh. Yeah. Demons from Hell. You were right.

Samoreric: Are we going to get on with the movie, or are we going to just sit here and discuss for another hundred or so words?

Samoreric: I suppose we PROBABLY should get on with the movie.

Samoreric: I'm going to blow on this fire and glance at you for approval...

Samoreric: You must be Eric- no, wait, you talk about... who cares. I'm gonna go wander off, presumably to get more firewood, but I could just be sick of you, who knows. Hey! I'm Eric. Saaaam!

Sam: Whatsa matter?

Nightkill: SUCH AN ADORABLE VOICE. SERIOUSLY. WHY ARE ALL OF THESE CHILDREN ADORABLE.

Eric: Shut up and come over here!

Samneric: We are almost creepier than Roger. Why the frownyface all the time?

Nightkill: Still adorable.

Samneric: Time to run away in half-assed panic.

Random child thirty-five: Why am I sleeping in the middle of camp, not in a shelter? Do they shun me or something?

Samoreric: It was furry and moving and-

Samoreric: No! No, it was slimy and zombie-like-

Samoreric: FURRY AND ZOMBIE-LIKE.

Samneric: Yeah. Furry and zombie-like. Anyway, we kind of wandered down, it wasn't actually that terrifying, but I think it almost got us. Even though it was only zombie-like and kind of slow. We ran into things though, we're still half-asleep.

Nightkill: Creepy look ten...

Samneric: AND HE CAUGHT ME AND MY AMAZINGLY DASHINGLY HANDSOME TWIN BROTHER SAVED ME.

Ralph: Please tell me you're joking.

Samoreric: *seems much more into the shaking of the head than Samoreric*

Jack: LET'S GO KILL SOME BEASTS! Who wants to come! :D

Everyone: *wants to come*

Ralph: *points out incredibly logical fact*

Jack: Psh, you think I care about logic?

Ralph: Don't be silly!

Jack: Aww, is wittle Ralphy scared?

Ralph: Yep.

Jack: Oh. You're actually supposed to disagree, and then be all, 'I'M NOT SCARED' and come with us, and be all 'AHH! I'M SCARED' when we find the beast, and then I'll be amazingly dashingly handsome and kill the beast and then you'll be like 'MY HERO' and swoon at my feet and-

Ralph: I'm going to interrupt your creepy little fantasy now.

Jack: Let's go!

Random child thirty-six: Littleuns?

Ralph: Piggy.

Random child thirty-six: Makes sense. He's fat and useless anyway.

Jack: I ask this question again: Are you and Piggy in a gay relationship? Because if you aren't, I'll be happy to step in.

Roger: WHY DOES NOBODY LOVE ME?

Eric: I don't, but I think you're sexy! :D

Roger: I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO YOU ARE.

Ralph: Even random child thirty-six knows that Piggy's fat and useless! Of course he can't help us hunt the beast!

Jack: He could be a sacrifice!

Several random children led by Bill: *run ahead. How do they know where they're going?*

Bill: I AM... UM... SMART.

Everyone in the history of forever: Who's Bill?

Ralph: So, anywhere you haven't been?

Jack: No, no- OF COURSE! That one place, you know, with the boulders conveniently placed so they could drop on someone's head!

Roger: I'm kind of creeping on your conversation, and also I'm adorably super-short. Like, I come up to Ralph's shoulder. BASK IN MY CREEPY CUTENESS.

ABRUPT SCENE CHANGE

Random littleun: *is bawling*

Piggy: *stares ahead blankly*

ABRUPT SCENE CHANGE

Creepy music: *is played*

Ralph and Jack: *somehow got ahead of Bill and his little group of random children. Either that or Bill and random children went somewhere else*

Ralph: I'm chief, so I must be the protagonist, so I shall be all... hero-y and go on alone. The rest of you... wait here. No, no, go hide. No... oh, whatever, go drown each other, I don't care.

Everyone: Okay.

Ralph: I reeeeally wanna ask you to come with me, but that would make me look bad, so pick up my hint, okay? Okay. So... are you superly sure that it's here? I mean, that's a REALLY DARK CAVE...

Jack: Yep.

Ralph: Okay. Sadface.

Simon: *comes up out of nowhere* I... I don't believe in the... the beast.

Simon fangirls: THE ONLY SENSIBLE PERSON.

Ralph: ...that was random. Okay. I don't really care about your opinion, but whatevs.

Jack: Aww, you can even see that I'm following him from here! I NOW UNDERSTAND JACK X RALPH!

Nightkill: I don't. D: (Actually, I do at this point. But that doesn't mean I have to like it.)

Ralph: I hear random rock noises - oh god that big rock just fell.

Roger: DAMN ME AND MY BAD AIM.

Creepy cave-place: *looks like an incredibly fun place to play in. I understand the kids that wanted to make a fort there*

Ralph: FOOTSTEPS! AHH! IT'S ROGER COMING TO EAT MY IMMORTAL SOUL- oh, hi Jack.

Jack: I seem to be panting. I probably climbed really really fast to catch up with you.

Nightkill: And this is where my best friend begins to check out Jack's chest...

TWO WEEKS EARLIER

Nightkill: *is obsessively watching Lord of the Flies*

Nightkill's friend: *glances over from Tumblr* He's got a really nice chest.

Nightkill: He's like twelve.

BACK TO MOVIE

Jack: I'm being all cool and stuff while Ralph's just standing up. Idiot.

The water: *makes creepy, beast-like sounds*

Jack: THIS WOULD BE AN AWESOME FORT.

Nightkill: EXACTLY.

Ralph: Okay, let's just go back, even though we've only explored a little tiny bit, I'm PRETTY sure the beast isn't here or it would've eaten us or something, so-

Jack: ECHO!

Echo: *is not made*

Jack: Sadface.

ABRUPT SCENE CHANGE

Piggy: I stared at the deep-voiced boy, taken aback, but he was looking away toward the dark forest behind us. He'd said that the Cullens didn't come here, but his tone had implied something more—that they weren't allowed; they were prohibited. His manner left a strange impression on me, and I tried to ignore it without success.

Littleuns: OH GOD WHY.

Piggy: YOU INTERRUPTED ME. WE WERE GETTING TO THE GOOD PART.

Littleuns: We seem to have really decreased in number.

ABRUPT SCENE CHANGE

Everybody except Piggy&about six littleuns: We're climbing the mountain... climbing the mountain...

Ralph: I don't think we should leave Piggy all alone with the littleuns. They might eat him.

Jack: We mustn't let anything happen to Piggy, must we?

Slash fans: RALPH X PIGGY FOREVER.

Ralph: We should send someone to go tell him that we won't be back until after dark...

Simon: I'm compared to Jesus, so I'll go!

Simon fangirls: SIMON IS JESUS.

Roger: I WATCH SIMON LEAVE CREEPILY. Hey, maybe there is something to this Roger x Simon bullshit.

ABRUPT TIME CHANGE. IT IS NOW NIGHT

Ralph: I'm apparently scared of the dark. First the cave, now this... we should just do this tomorrow...

Jack: Scardey-cat...

Ralph: ...Fine then, who wants to go now?

Random child thirty-seven: *takes a step forward*

Ralph: See? Everyone's scared.

Jack: Well, I'm going! Do you want to come?

Ralph: I don't mind...

Jack: If you don't mind of course.

Ralph: NOT AT ALL.

Nightkill: I have never understood that exchange.

Ralph: I'm scared to go up with only Jack, because he might rape me or something. So... anyone wanna come?

Roger: Hey, my eyes look like bottomless pits of... um, blackness!

Jack: Okay... fine... come on, Roger.

Roger: :D

Jack and Ralph: *are way ahead of Roger*

Jack: I'll go by myself, if you want.

Roger: NO! WAIT FOR ME! I SHALL PROTECT YOU FROM THE BEAST!

Ralph: Okay! We'll wait.

Roger: DO NOT SPEAK FOR ME.

Random child thirty-eight: This was an abrupt scene change, so see me all depressed! I don't even know who or where I am! I look kind of like Henry! Hooray! I might be someone!

BACK TO ROGER AND RALPH

Roger: I seem to leaning against Ralph's leg while bashing this stick against some rocks.

Slash fans: EVIDENCE!

Ralph: I'm sick of this! *leans over Roger and grabs onto his stick. Oh lord, that sounds wrong* SHUT UP.

Roger: Fine then. *turns to watch Jack or something. Or maybe he's just turning away from Ralph*

ABRUPT SCENE CHANGE

Random children thirty-nine and forty: We're creepy.

ABRUPT SCENE CHANGE

Jack: FLYING ENTRANCE!

ROGERFROMLOTFOBSESSOR~

Roger: I was dark in the book, too. At least they kept us matched. It's weird, because me and Simon symbolize the natural good in humans and the natural 'evil' in humans, and we look similar in both the book and the movie. Of course, the 90's movie ruins that-

Ralph: SHUT UP. MY MOM SAYS I'M BEAUTIFUL.

Percival: I'm the most adorable child ever. And also I was the only professional actor in this film. :D At least that's what Nightkill read on my website. Maybe I just went on to be a professional actor…

Simon: *faints*

PRINCESASOFIA~

Simon: And we've got someone wanting to be president of Simon fangirls! Anyone want to challenge her?

MEGAN777~

Maurice: Nightkill's under the impression that I'm actually just like Roger, except I hide it better. She even wrote a oneshot about it, and it kind of explains why I hang out with Roger sometimes. Of course, he could have just convinced me to go kill sandcastles with him, but that's no fun to think, is it?

Jack: DON'T JOIN CHOIR? WHAT KIND OF IDIOT ARE YOU? CHOIR IS LIKE GOD.

HAMMSTERS~

Percival: Thank you. :3

Roger: I was already awesome. Except I think the movie actually fits me in better than the books, because in the books I've got a line here and there, and then there's the whole killing sandcastles thing, but in the movie we've got like eighty three-second shots of me. And stuff. Yeah.

Maurice: We can share him! How about I get him on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Saturdays, and you can have him the other days of the week? Does that work? We could do that! :D Good doing business with you. Ah, damn, you get him today-

SEERSTELLA~

Jack: *shoves curler behind conveniently placed rock* N-no! What are you talking about?

Roger: I'll help you! I can be a Jack fangirl! Anyone else want to join us?

ALLTHEGOODNONESAREGONE~

Percival: It did hurt.

Camera Man: Well, we can't focus on Jack and Ralph all the time. Plus these kids are adorable. HAVE YOU SEEN THEM?

Random children: Yeah, we don't really know what was happening there.

Piggy: SHUT UP.

And here we go! Also, my birthday's on Monday, and that doesn't really affect the story, but, whatever, just a random tidbit of information. I'll be fifteen. :D That's happy. I believe.

But, whatever. See you next week!