Roger: Did I like, touch you while you were jumping? Seriously, why is my hand up?
Jack: I saw something! And there was a funny noise!
Roger: I'm not going to mention that it might be a giant frog, because that would be stupid.
ABRUPT SCENE CHANGE
Random children: WE ARE SCARED.
ABRUPT SCENE CHANGE
Roger: ...I actually seem to be in the lead, how did I get way behind?
TIMESKIP
RalphJackRoger: *are now at the top of the mountain*
Jack: Don't let it see you! It could eat you! Maybe that's why those littleuns went missing!
Roger: No. No, that's not why those littleuns went missing.
Ralph: I look very sad.
Jack: *creeps into view*
Roger: And this is the creepiest look I will ever give the camera, INCLUDING the one right before Piggy dies.
Nightkill: Creepy look eleven...
Roger: Imma put my hand on Jack's shoulder here...
Jack: NO! *slaps Roger's hand away*
Roger: Okay. *holds Jack's stick*
Dead parachuter: FEAR ME.
RalphJackRoger: *run away screaming*
ABRUPT SCENE CHANGE
Jack: *apparently fell down a lot while running away screaming* Mmkay, so there's a beast. We went really close. Then Roger tried to rape me, but that's irrelevant. But, anyway, it sat up and looked at us.
Ralph: It's only about the size of an adult human, I doubt a group of a few dozen boys could take it down. This is really random, but we wouldn't be able to fight a tiger, either. We'd all hide. Even Jack.
Roger: I would trip a bunch of littleuns and climb a really tall tree...
Everyone: We've learned it's best to ignore Roger.
Jack: My hunters could take it down. WE HAVE SPEARS.
Ralph: *cough*Sticks that are kinda sharpened. Which is really too bad for Simon*cough*
Jack: Okay then, time for Plan B - say why I'm soooosososo much better than Ralph! :D He's not a hunter, therefore he sucks. He's never gotten meat for us.
Random child forty-one: *is raising up his spear like he's going to throw it at Ralph*
Jack: He just gives orders and stuff.
Ralph: Isn't that what a leader does?
Jack: STOP WITH YOUR LOGIC. He's like Piggy, and if he sits around much longer, he'll be as fat as Piggy, too!
Nightkill: One of my little brother's friends looks like the Piggy in this movie. It's my greatest dream for him to come over so I can throw rocks at him. TEAM ROGER FOR LIFE.
Jack: He's a coward! It's time to blatantly lie! Me and Roger went up the mountain alone.
Roger: I wish...
Jack: He stayed behind.
Ralph: *has a fairly gorilla-like stance* I went too!
Jack: Yeah... um... after.
Ralph: ME WENT TOO. YOU RAN AWAY. WE ALL DID. SCREAMING FAIRLY GIRLISH SCREAMS.
Jack: We're, what, eleven? We can get away with that.
Ralph: Shut up, I'm trying to make a point.
Jack: Back to original point. You call me a coward? All this is just talk. I say... BATTLE TO THE DEATH! :D
Ralph: Talk, talk, talk- wait a minute, what did you just say?
Jack: Right! I'm going to leave! Time to be a lovely evil person! Yay! I'm leaving! Who wants to come?
Roger: Maybe I was lying. Maybe this is the creepiest look I give the camera.
Nightkill: That's number twelve...
Jack: I'm going to go have fun. Anyone who wants that's not Piggy or Ralph or Simon because I feel like discriminating against him because he's not pure evil can come too.
Nobody follows except Ralph.
Piggy: Well this is a twist in the plot- oh, he's just trying to get him to come back. All right then.
Ralph: JAAAACK!
Roger: I would've gone, but I'm going to get to stare at Simon in a little bit, so just wait a bit. Then I'll be away from these annoyingly moral people.
Jack: *is super-adorable. Aww, look, he's going to cry! :D So cuteee*
Piggy: I already said, even though I actually didn't, it must have been off-camera, we could do without He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, and hey, we can!
Ralph: ...He's been gone for five seconds. By the way, what am I writing in the sand? It looks like I'm writing Jack, but like I did it backwards... oh, who cares, anyway? Maybe I wrote my name.
Piggy: *keeps rambling on*
Ralph: No, no, that's a v... Screw this.
Piggy: RALPH. PAY ATTENTION. I HAS THE CONCH.
Ralph: Oh, what? I was ignoring you.
Piggy: Well, we can't have a fire on the mountain, so what if we have a fire down here where littleuns could fall in and possibly get roasted-
Roger: Even though I'm only here to stare at Simon a bit, ROGER APPROVES.
Simon: *is wearing no shirt*
Ralph: That's a great idea! We can build it right between the shelters, so that they might catch on fire!
Roger: LET THE STARING BEGIN.
Nightkill: Number thirteen...
Simon: I... feel violated. And... I think we ought to climb the mountain.
Piggy: Psh, why?
Roger: STARE AT SHIRTLESS SIMON.
Nightkill: You know, now I kind of get where the Roger x Simon peoples are coming from. But they go about it all wrong.
Simon: *looks completely and utterly dejected* Okay. My soul has been crushed. Again. And tonight it shall be my body- not like that, Ralph, get your mind out of the gutter.
Ralph: *giggles* Sorry.
Simon: But... um... what else could we do?
Roger: I'm getting a little uncomfortable, I'm going to adjust my staring position.
Ralph: Well, we could build the fire that we were talking about, or track down the littleuns that went missing, or set up a proper guard to make sure people don't run in and steal stuff, or teach everyone about the importance of caring about human life-
Roger: This and the absolute sexiness of Jack Merridew is why I leave you people.
Piggy: *gasps* You said his name!
Roger: Come on, this isn't Harry Potter, I'm not calling him The Dark Lord.
Simon: I- no, that's stupid. *hits himself. Actually, he's probably just killing a bug*
ABRUPT SCENE CHANGE
Jack: Ready... aim... fire! *throws spear* I shall now proceed to attack this tree with my spear. And then sharpen my spear, because, not only does that sound wrong, but it got all messed up. GOD I'M SO LONELY.
Roger: *has a really good arm. He also managed to hit the spot that Jack hit while standing far away* This is the only genuine smile you will get from me! I am happy! Alone with Jack at last! *grins*
Nightkill: Aw... that's not a creepy look, that's just cute~
Eric: JOIN ME.
Jack: I HAVE FRIEND!
Roger: Fuck, it's hard to move in all these things. So, how's it going?
Jack: I AM OVERWHELMED WITH HAPPINESS.
Roger: This is really weird. I don't know if I can stand being this happy for much longer. Oh, I'll be cute some more and flick this random piece of tree off of Jack's shoulder.
Jack: BFFS FOREVER.
Nightkill: Or something more... *proceeds to clog Lord of the Flies fanfiction archive with multiple Jack x Roger stories* Come on, where are my slash fan friends at a time like this?
Slash fans: ...Nah, not enough material.
Nightkill: WHY DOES NO-ONE SEE THE AMAZINGNESS OF JACK X ROGER?
ABRUPT SCENE CHANGE-wait a minute, not really. The camera's just looking down on them, and they are rather close. :D
NOW ABRUPT SCENE CHANGE
Ralph: I hate this. Piggy, Y U NO WORK?
Piggy: I'm going to just order everyone around. Yay me! Put some dry leaves on over there... no, no over there! OVER THERE YOU IDIOT.
Random child forty-two: ...I hate my life.
ABRUPT SCENE CHANGE
Bill - or, if they've joined Jack already, it might be Roger: *throws sticks over random choirboy's head*
Random choirboys: WE HAVE BROMANCE.
Jack: THIS WAY.
Nightkill: Seriously. Why must Bill and Roger walk beside each other. Why must they both be blonde. MOVIE. Y U NO ACCURATE. SIMON NEEDS TO BE TAN AND BLACK-HAIRED. ROGER NEEDS TO HAVE BLACK HAIR, TOO. EXPLICITLY STATED BY THE BOOK. Though I will admit I love these versions, they're adorable.
ABRUPT SCENE CHANGE
Ralph: I'm apparently drawing in the sand with this random kid.
Random child forty-three: I HAVE A FRIEND! :D
Simon: I'm going to leave now. With no shirt. And halfway there I'm going to remember Roger's creepy stares and put on a shirt. Yay inconsistencies! :D
ABRUPT SCENE CHANGE
Roger: Oh look, I already have some of my extremely creepy face paint on. But later, after we kill the pig, there will just be some white stuff on my cheeks where it wasn't before, and all the black stuff will be gone.
Jack: Shut up about inconsistencies and come on.
Roger: I apparently already am second in command. I wave my hand and everyone follows. I could get used to this.
Jack: Well don't. I'm chief.
Roger: They think you're Voldemort, you know.
Jack: NOW.
We don't actually see them killing a pig. We just see a whole bunch of kids throw spears and rocks down, and Jack leaps down with his knife. A bunch of squealing is heard. It's probably a good thing they don't show it, considering this was a 'rape' scene in the book. Roger and the lodgement for his point. xP
Simon: BEHOLD. A SHIRT. And I am sad for the loss of Mrs. Piggy, killed in my lovely little candle-flower place. WOE IS ME.
Jack: *is laying on the pig*
Roger: I CAN TOUCH YOU. *touches Jack's shoulder* Oh, and I have no idea who says the 'right up the ass' line, but yes, I did shove a spear up a pig's ass. Though, in the book that makes no sense unless I stole a spear from someone else, because it says one of the piglets squealed dementedly and ran away with my spear. But enough of what the book thinks. This is the movie. And the blood on this spear is kind of gross, considering it came from a pig's ass.
Nightkill: Creepy look fourteen.
Jack: *finds blood somewhere and smears it on random choirboy's face. It looks like that Harold kid* Sharpen a stick AT BOTH ENDS.
Roger: Yes, O Ominous-sounding One. *sharpens a stick. AT BOTH ENDS. And shoves it into the ground without being told, so apparently he can mind-read*
Nightkill: Wait… wait… that's not Roger! I see dark hair! MY LIFE IS A LIE.
Gross noises: *are made*
Maurice: *looks kind of grossed out*
Jack: This head is for the beast. And at the end of this movie, we're going to do the same to Ralph!
Random choirboys: *cheer*
Jack: It's a present, so that the beast will like us.
THE LORD OF THE FLIES: I was actually a pretty cute pig.
ABRUPT SCENE CHANGE
ROGERFROMLOTFOBSESSOR~
Roger: …Shut up. It's not my fault I'm short.
Piggy: I am totally team Edward. Vampires are, like, the most amazing thing evar.
HAMMSTERS~
Slash fans: Don't like slash? *faints*
SEERSTELLA~
Jack: …Fine.
Ralph: NO. I WILL NEVER TAKE OFF MY SHIRT. IT IS THE MARK OF CIVILIZATION TO WEAR SHIRTS. SO I WILL NEVER TAKE IT OFF. MWAHAHAHAHAHA.
Jack: Uh… older than eleven, at the oldest fourteen or so? Just a guess…
Nightkill: Haha, thank you. :3
Piggy: NEVER! Next week we're starting New Moon!
Once again, thank you all for your reviews and whatnot. :D