Random voice in the distance: Piggy.

Ralph: DON'T MAKE A SOUND.

Piggy: You just-

Ralph: SHUT UP. SUCKS TO YOUR ASSMAR. JUST BE QUIET.

Random voice in the distance: Come out here, Piggy. Piggy.

While the first voice in the distance was high and beautiful, this one's deep and creepy: WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU, PIGGY. WE'RE GOING TO BASH YOUR HEAD IN WITH A ROCK-

Jack: Roger. Shut up, he'll know it's you.

Savages: *laugh maniacally and ATTACK*

Samneric: WE HAVE WEAK DEFENSES. AH. STOP CRAWLING OVER US, THIS IS UNCOMFORTABLE.

Ralph: I HIT YOU.

Piggy: Ahhh!

Samoreric: A BRANCH JUST FELL ON MY HEAD.

Samorericormayberalph: Look at me, brave enough to attack a random - ow! Ow! Let go of my head!

Jack and Random Savages: *run away*

Jack: You've got them. Awesome. Now I'm going to pretend to be Piggy. Piggy apparently walks funny.

Other Savages: *find this IMMENSELY funny*

THEY ARE GETTING BETTER AT THE SCENE CHANGES

Random non-savages: *are walking down the beach*

Ralph: Don't worry you guys... I've got the conch... sigh...

Piggy: I can walk pretty well without having my glasses. I haven't run into anything yet.

Samneric: CLOTHES ARE FOR THE WEAK.

Random little boy walking like a model: TRUE DAT.

Piggy: I took the conch away from a depressed Ralph to say this - I am completely blind.

Samneric: Who cares. We don't have clothing on.

Piggy: I need them back. So. What're we going to do?

Samneric: ...Get them back.

ABRUPT SCENE CHANGE

Random savages: *are wearing more clothes than non-savages*

Samneric: WE HAVE FOUND OUR PANTS.

The alarm: *is some kid going WOO. WOO*

Roger: HEY. MY FACE PAINT IS MESSED UP. BUT ANYWAY. WOW. MY VOICE IS KINDA DEEP FOR A TWELVE YEAR OLD. WHO GOES THERE.

Ralph: SHUT UP. YOU KNOW WHO I AM. THERE IS ONLY ONE CONCH, ONE FAT KID, AND ONE TWINS. WHO ELSE WOULD I BE.

Roger: ...Point taken.

Ralph: *blows the conch* I'M CALLING AN ASSEMBLY.

The response: *is an automatic BOOOO*

Roger: When in doubt, throw rocks at people! :D *hits Ralph with one*

Ralph: OW. YOU WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO ACTUALLY HIT ME.

Roger: THE BOOK SAYS I THROW ROCKS. I CHOOSE TO THROW ROCKS AT YOU.

That-Harold-Kid: ...what happened to the majority of my hair.

Jack: I hear booing! What's going on!

Piggy: Nooo! Don't leave me!

Ralph: DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO. Because you said that, I'm going to give you something to hold on to when you're already half falling off, and then I'm going to leave you. So, HA.

Jack: Seriously, dude, I was busy. Make it quick.

Roger: I'm going to nonchalantly slide this stick underneath this large rock here...

Jack: Go away Ralph. I don't like you. Stay over on your side. This is my tribe, leave us alone.

Ralph: You took my new best friend's specs!

Piggy: Wasn't I always your best friend?

Ralph: No. Jack, you have to give them back.

Jack: Who says?

Ralph: Me!

Jack: Psh, you don't matter.

Ralph: You're a thief!

Jack: What did you just say?

Ralph: THIEF.

Jack: Who's a thief?

Ralph: ARE YOU DEAF. YOU ARE. *grabs onto Jack's spear and pushes him backward*

Piggy: RALPH. WHERE ARE YOU. I CAN'T SEE YOU. REMEMBER TO GRAB MY GLASSES.

Ralph: I AM SLIGHTLY INSANE-LOOKING. There could be a ship, or plane!

Jack: I look completely composed, but that could just be the fricking leaf that's covering up my face. Anyway, GRAB THE TWINS. WE WANT TWINS.

Samneric: AHHHH!

Jack: They do whatever I want. And it's totally not because I've got a sadist that will kill them if they do anything out of line.

Roger: Hi!

Ralph: YOU'RE A BEAST AND A SWINE AND A BLOODY BLOODY THIEF.

Roger: That wasn't very nice... oh, you were talking to Jack. Whatever, then. I'll go back to planning my killing of the fat one.

Ralph: BATTLE TO THE DEATH BEGINS...

Jack: NOW!

Piggy: What is going on?

Ralph: *is kind of failing* I can't deal with this anymore. I PUSH YOUR LEG, SIR.

Piggy: I'm under the delusion that the conch still works. Let me speak! I have the conch!

Roger: Psh, the conch. The conch will be broken when I'm done with it... I see fat little Piggy, down below...

Piggy: Savages or sensible?

Roger: *thinks for a second and brushes hair out of his eyes*

Piggy: Rules and agree or hunt and kill?

Roger: Oh, I don't even have to think about this one. SAVAGERY HUNT KILL PIGGY NOW CREEPY GRIN DIE FAT KID.

Piggy: My eyesight is so bad I can't see that gigantic rock that is about three times my size. Oh, there it is. AHHHHH

Ralph: What was- oh god. PIGGY! NOOOOO!

Samneric: We don't look as shocked as we should. I mean, someone's head just got smashed open, shouldn't we look a little more than mildly disturbed?

Jack: Even I look more disturbed than the twins.

The Savages: Us too.

That-Harold-Kid: Seriously, where is the rest of my hair?

Roger: Yay! I killed him! Where's the applause? Why is nobody happy about this but me? Wow, even I look more disturbed than the twins, and I'm the one who killed him.

Piggy's-Dead-Body: *gets carried away by the waves. Also looks suspiciously like a bag of flour*

Ralph: I apparently ran away from Jack after Piggy got killed... right where he got hit by the rock... they're murderers... hold on... *one of the only times Ralph is smart and runs away*

THIS ISN'T TOO BAD OF A SCENE CHANGE!

Samneric: We're not sure if we're wearing pants or not. Maybe loincloths?

Ralph: Oh! Look! Samneric! The traitors! Maybe they'll help me! Yo! Samneric!

Samneric: *are now wearing savage paint*

Ralph: It's me! The one that you're probably ordered to kill! So, are they ordered to kill me?

Samoreric: Well... Roger sharpened a stick at both ends, if that means anything to you.

Samoreric: Shut up, we know what it means. Stop being vague. They're going to hurt you tomorrow.

Ralph: *just stares at them*

Samoreric: We've got to give signals, like this. OHOHOHOHH. But louder.

Ralph: Why am I smiling?

Samoreric: You should leave.

Ralph: Come with me? :D I mean, if someone showed up, three of us could maybe kill him- I mean trap him so we could get away.

THE SIGNAL IS HEARD

Samneric: *stand up and turn around* Go away!

Ralph: I'm going to tell you exactly where to find me!

Samoreric: WHO IS IT? SHOULD WE BE AFRAID?

Roger: ATTENTION!

Sam: Eric, it's Roger!

Eric: Yay! I mean, um, noooo.

Samoreric: *grabs a piece of meat or fruit or something that was conveniently laying near them* Take this. I'm still nice. :)

Roger: ATTENTION!

SCENE CHANGE

Ralph: Wow, that was a weird dream-

Jack: Come here.

Ralph: Whoa, this is a weird reality.

Jack: Have you got Piggy's specs?

Ralph: What is going on out there?

Jack: We'll start a fire.

Ralph: Oh, good, for a second there I was getting worried. For all he talks about me and Piggy in a gay relationship... I thought he was doing something with Roger...

Jack: He must be in here somewhere...

Ralph: Oh god, they're going to kill me.

Jack: You go around that way. We'll smoke him out.

Ralph: I should probably get out of here, huh?

Jack: Be quiet! Nobody's talking to me! Something just moved! Roger, come here.

Ralph: OH GOD SOMETHING WEIRD IS HAPPENING.

Jack: Got the stick?

Ralph: O.O

Roger: *is jabbing the stick into the bushes where Ralph is*

Ralph: *shoves the stick away and runs*

Jack: *sounds weirdly like a voiceover* I told you, he's dangerous.

Ralph: DAMN THESE CREEPER THINGS.

THE SIGNAL IS HEARD AGAIN. AND AGAIN. AND AGAIN. WE GET IT. YOU SEE RALPH.

Ralph: I'm actually pretty smart to wait to rest until the signal wasn't being heard anymore! Well, I better keep going - oh crap fire.

THAT'S EITHER A PIG OR SOMEONE REALLY FAILING AT THE SIGNAL

SIGNAL

Ralph: I'm going to just stand here, nevermind the crackling fire and the screaming savages coming at me - oh, yeah, I should probably run. *the greatest trip in the history of tripping*

Ralph: Why did I have to fall into mud?

Savages: KILL THE PIG. SLIT HER THROAT. BASH HER IN. RALPH'S A GUY. WE DON'T CARE. KILL THE PIG. SLIT HER THROAT. BASH HER IN. KILL THE PIG. SLIT HER THROAT. BASH HER IN.

Random child sixty-two: AHHHHH!

A creepy laugh: *is heard*

Ralph: I'm going to rest here, and see if I can see an escape route... hey, is that the beach? I don't care, I'm going there anyway.

Savage sounds: *are heard*

Ralph: THEY'RE GETTING CLOSE AGAIN. TIME TO RUN IN A RANDOM DIRECTION.

The Savages: KILL THE PIG. SLIT HER THROAT. BASH HER IN.

Ralph: This really isn't the best place to rest.

The Savages: KILL THE PIG. SLIT HER THROAT. BASH HER IN.

Ralph: HALLELUJAH! THE BEACH!

Random Savage: HE'S AT THE BEACH!

Ralph: ...fuck. Well, super-speed crawling time!

The Savages: KILL THE PIG SLIT HER THROAT BASH HER IN.

Random Savage: BASH HER IN!

The Savages: KILL THE BIG SLIT HER THROAT BASH HER IN.

Random Savage: BASH HER IN!

Ralph: I'm going to stop crawling conveniently right in front of these adult feet.

The Savages: KILL THE PIG-

ALL NOISE CEASES

Random Adult: What is going on?

The Savages: KILL THE PIG, YEAH! WOW, WE WERE EVERYWHERE!

Percival: I... I'm cute. And... and I'm gonna poke you. Poke you in the tummy. I think I might have forgotten my name.

Random Adult: Cute kid. *pats head*

Percival: ...That was weird.

Jack: I am glaring at you with unmasked hate. BE AFRAID. Also, where'd Roger go? And that boat is not going to fit all of us.

Ralph: I am crying. For a true, wise friend called Piggy.

More Random Adults: We're gay for each other.

The Island: *is burning*

Jack: Seriously, where did Roger go?

...it's friday, friday, gotta get down on friday...

SEERSTELLA~

Simon: I know, it's kinda weird. But at least it didn't make Nightkill's classmates physically ill like the other one.

Nightkill: Haha, yeah I heard that. Cx

Bill: Yes! I've been here the entire time, but nobody ever notices me.

Robert: I HAVE A FUTURE.

PRINCESSESOPHIE~

Roger: …wut.

Ralph: Fine then! I try to be all nice and heroic and TOTALLY AWESOME, but apparently I'm still a jerk.

Jack: I'M HEAD BOY.

KSBG~

Nightkill: Yep! Actually, the first chapter of the 1990 movie will be posted next Saturday.

Simon: Oh, you didn't have to do that… I wouldn't want to be the cause of anyone's death…

DRAGONWRITERZZ~

Roger: Of course. It's the only kind of look I can give people. Although near the end they lean more on the 'adorable' side.

Ralph: Thank you! :D Nobody ever likes the protagonist…

Piggy: I'M SORRY.

WINDSURFERGIRL~

Nightkill: Ah, thank you. :) It'll be up next Saturday – first chapter, anyway. Unless something's going on.

Simon: I wish I didn't have to die, either.

Jack: MWAHAHAHAHA.

HAMMSTERS~

Roger: I'm always in the background, creepily staring at things. It's quite fun.

ALLTHEGOODNONESARETAKEN~

Simon: I'm glad you're enjoying this. :)

ROGERFROMLOTFOBSESSOR~

Roger: Smart person. Always like the killer, not the killed.

Ralph: I RESENT THAT.

Simon: Thank you for believing in me. :)

TOTAL RANDOM CHILDREN: 62. A REMARKABLE FEAT SINCE THERE WERE ABOUT HALF THAT MANY WHO DID THE MOVIE OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

TOTAL CREEPY LOOKS: SEVENTEEN. WOW. HOLY CRAP. TEAM ROGER.

Also, if you didn't stalk all of the review replies, the first chapter of the 1990 version will be posted on Saturday. Next Saturday. Not this Saturday. And the review replies from this one will be put on there. :D With the (probably) last appearance of our lovely 1963 characters.