Ignite Me

Chapter 4: "Losing Sanity"

I hate training.

I hate how weird Adam is acting around me.

I hate how Kenji can make me laugh even if I don't want to.

I hate how much I'm relying on the twins to help me find a way to contact Aaron.

I hate how I haven't received a letter from Aaron yet.

I hate how I am slowly losing my sanity the more I'm away from him.

~oOo~

Sometimes love can make you more insane than you are now. My sanity is slowly slipping away from my grasp the more I think about the boy I love. Has he read the note I left or is he looking for me now? What's happening to him I hope his father doesn't shoot him I don't want that monster to even touch him.

I hate it I hate it I hate how love can do this to me. I want to see him, I want to feel his skin against mine and his lips on mine. I want so many things but I just can't because he's not here he's not here and if he is then he'll be shot the moment he steps foot into this place.

Sonya and Sara promised to me that they'd never tell Castle about where I really was and what happened to me before unless they needed to. They also told me that they would try to find a way to contact Aaron. So while they try their hardest to give me a sense of hope, here I am doing nothing but train train train.

Castle wanted me to enhance my ability and learn how to control it more, which I don't understand because it is impossible to control my power—you can't control if you kill someone or not if killing is the only thing your power can do. I tried reasoning with him, of course. I told him I'm still emotional after what happened to me the past week. He looked at me with incredulous eyes. I could tell he's thinking, "You're always emotional." Whether he really was, he doesn't say it.

"You need to learn to harness your energy, to control the Energy you're releasing." He says, and I'm thinking, Ah yes, I have to control my power like it's just some simple destruction meter. Press 2 if you want to die a slow and painful death and press 9 if you want to feel as if you're being burnt to ashes. Seeing as I feel like all I've ever actually done is sulk inside my room, I accept the offer. I don't actually think I have a choice.

The day after I talked to Castle, Kenji told me to meet him in the training room to start. I was still uncomfortable about Kenji being my trainer after what happened last time—when I thought I had killed him if Aaron didn't tell me otherwise. I hated how much I was relieved to find that it wasn't me who hurt Kenji.

But guilt always comes after relief.

I was guilty because it was Aaron who did it, not me. Also because he was there for me, even when I threw so many painful insults at him. He didn't protest; just held me in his arms until I finished crying. When I started to think about it, Adam never even comforted me like that. Maybe it was because we were both so broken that we didn't know how to fix each other, but with Aaron... He may be broken, but he's trying to fix me—not wanting me to end up ruined like him. He's trying, he's really trying, and it made me love him even more.

I didn't even notice that I was already at the training room until a loud thud sound echoed throughout the halls and my forehead felt like it was hit by a hammer. Stifling a curse, I pretend to fix my hair casually, hoping no one saw that, as I stepped in front of the set of glass doors. Detecting my presence, it beeps twice—the small light on the wall turning green—and slides open.

It's only six in the morning and only a couple of lights are turned on. I could see two matching silhouettes on the far side of the room, unmoving, but seconds later I could see them walking toward me. My eyes widen in surprise.

"Sonya? Sara?"

"Hi." They chirp in unison, two huge grins on their faces.

"What happened? Where's Kenji?" I turn to look around. Seeing no signs of Kenji, I return my attention to the twins. "What happened? Oh my God is he—"

"Don't worry, he's fine." Sara says. "Although I don't think I ever want to mess with Kenji early in the morning ever again. He's cranky when woken up."

"We told him that you guys could train later. We need to talk to you first."

A mixture of emotions cross my face when I realize what they want to talk about, both scaring and exciting me. It's Aaron. It's Aaron! "Is it Aaron? Did you hear anything from him?" Please let him be okay please please please.

"He's doing fine." Sonya says softly. "He says he's fine, but his appearance tells a different story, though. He said he was slightly going insane, but he can still manage somehow."

I could feel my heart beating against my chest now, as if hearing that has finally brought it back to life. Well at least he can still keep himself together, while with me I could actually feel it slip away from me like the sand in an hour glass. That sand is my sanity, falling falling falling to the other side until it's so close to being empty. "Where is he now? Is he okay?"

They nod. "Tate-the guy who met and talked to him a few hours ago-said that he looked, and I quote, 'like hell'." Sara says, making air quotes with her fingers. Whoever this Tate guy is, I already like him for being brave enough to go to Aaron even if he knows he's most likely to be killed. Not too many people are fond with someone who has enough power to shoot a soldier without any remorse. But I know that what those people think are wrong. I know him better than they do.

"I'm sure you're still sleepy, seeing as it's only five in the morning," Sonya says, smiling apologetically. I return the gesture, but mine is saying that it's okay, that I couldn't actually sleep ever since I got here, and if I do, I am always haunted by nightmares of Anderson and his gun. "We really are sorry. We have to go to the Medical Wing soon and we might not have been able to tell you until then. If you need to send something to Warner, then don't hesitate to call us or Tate." They tell me his room number and his work station.

"Oh! And here." Sara pulls out a folded piece of paper from her white medical gown and hands it to me. I take it, both curious and excited to know what's written inside it. One thing I do know is that this is from him. He wrote this. My heart feels like it's going to pour out of my chest any second now, but I tell it to calm down.

We talk about a few other things before we say or goodbyes, but before they're close to the door I call out their names. They both turn around.

"Thank you!" I call out. For me, these words aren't enough, but right now, with what they did, I believe that this will satisfy. I am indebted to them. To these people who went their way to talk to him just for me. "I know that you guys are saying that you owe Aaron, and that's why you're doing this, but I really wish I could do something to repay you."

"Our debt is not yet paid. It takes more than just one favor to give to be able to repay the person who saved us from being killed." They spoke in unison and I'm starting to wonder what actually happened when they were kidnapped. Maybe Anderson did something horrible to them and Aaron saved them. As much as I want to ask, I don't bother. They can tell me their own story at their own pace, and I'm fine with that.

"And we're not doing this because we owe him, Juliette. We're doing this because we trust him—and, most of all, we trust you. He's changed because of you, and we know that it's a good thing." I want to hug them so badly right now. Instead, I thank them again as I watch the twins exit the room.

I love my friends.

~oOo~

Kenji came immediately after the twins had left, looking both pissed and amused at the same time when he spotted me in the training room. At first I thought he knew something about what happened, but when he asked me what the twins wanted from me, I told him, "They said they wanted to repay me." He didn't push anymore questions, but I could tell he wasn't contented with my answer.

We finished three hours later and I've never felt so tired before. Kenji tells me that he couldn't train me tomorrow because he has to do some duties with Adam.

Adam. I haven't seen him since yesterday, and we only had the chance to talk for a few minutes. And he was weird then. He kept smiling at me the whole time we talked and he even pulled me in for a hug after. My shoulders tensed, but I decided to let him hug me.

I really should tell him about everything soon. About Aaron, about Anderson. About what I plan to do. But I don't think I have the courage to tell him yet. I just hope that I can before my plan becomes set.

I told Kenji that it was okay and that I have to do some other things tomorrow-which was nothing-and we parted then.

As soon as I finish showering and changing into a white shirt and shorts, I sit on the edge of my bed to open the letter, not knowing what to expect. Just thinking about what this letter contains scare me. I close my eyes, praying he's still safe, and open the letter.

~oOo~

Hello, love.

I'm so sorry if it took me a while to write you this, but I didn't actually think that you'd find this. If you do receive this, then I'll start with this:

I am dying without you here.

I hadn't left my normal routine-I really had no choice, seeing as I am the leader of Sector 45-but every time I get home I always expect you there, waiting for me by the door, and when I realize that you're not there...well, let's just say some of the things in this house needs to be replaced...and repaired...

About Kent... I still have many things to discuss with you about him. Things that you should know not because you have to, but because you need to. I don't want you to think that I'm going to hide all my secrets forever.

Honestly though, it's not Kent whom I trust; it's you. I trust you, and that, I think, is the most I can give to you for now and for me, trusting others isn't really in my list of habits. (I still don't like Kent. Don't get me wrong. And if he ever touches you I swear to God I will—)

My father postponed the war; it wasn't canceled. I was surprised to hear the news that I had to come up to him and ask him myself. He said that it wasn't over yet, and when I asked him why he had to do this, he ridiculed me and told me not to pry into his plans. It was unusual for him not to share things that involved me…unless there's something he's hiding something.

After contemplating about it, I came to the belief that his intentions were more than just to kill those who are gifted. Whatever secret plan it is he's hiding, I am positive that it is a very crucial part to everything. And he doesn't want anyone to know until he had done it on the spot. It was his specialty: surprising in the worst way possible. But I do think that his intentions are more personal than just despising or even envying us, and one thing that I am sure about is that I will find what that reason is. But here is what I think:

I think that he knows Castle. Or that he himself has some sort of power. There might be a chance that having these gifts is genetic. If the answer is yes, then I hope that he never finds that out.

Enough about him.

I want to know what's happening to you now. One of my soldiers came to me, asking if I've read the letter and would like to leave a reply (his name is Tate Emerson). You should've seen the surprise on my face and the fear in his. He thought I was going to shoot him on the spot because I found out he was a traitor. In truth, I was close to hugging the poor man, just like how I've been thanking Dilaleu often lately. He almost collapsed in front of me when I promoted him. I think you're the reason why I'm turning like this. And I can't wait to thank you when you get back...

If you're coming back...

Love, please come back.

I'll be waiting, trying to keep myself together, for you,

Aaron Warner

I love you too, Juliette. I don't think that's something that could ever change, even after a lifetime. I'm hoping that you remember that.

~oOo~

I place my hands on my chest, the paper clenched in my fist. He trusts me. He loves me. He's changing because of me and I'm just wishing that I could teleport myself to where he is right now and hold him like there's no more tomorrow and he's the only one I want to save in this world because he is my world.

But

my thoughts linger on what he said. The Supreme knows Castle? Or he's a Gifted? And then I'm silently praying, begging, that what Aaron thinks isn't true. There's another reason for this because he doesn't deserve to have powers.

he's a monster

he's like me. And he doesn't deserve those kinds of things. This is too cruel, I tell the world. Making monsters isn't a joke. And I think I've already had enough with your jokes.

Making monsters. Monsters like me.

The bed groans lightly as I stand up. I've never felt so relieved yet so lost in my life. I don't know what to do now what do I do now what do I-

Then something catches my attention.

There's something written at the back of the letter. I unfold the paper again. It's been crossed out with black ink, but I couldn't tell if he wanted me to actually read it or not. I try to make out the words and add ones of my own to fill in the spaces.

Have. Seen. Paper. Vacation. Room.

Have seen paper vacation room

Have you Seen the Paper during my Vacation inside the Room.

Snatching the jacket I brought with me when I came back here, I bolt out of the room and ran to where Aaron was once held hostage as a plan to persuade the Supreme to surrender. He told me before that this—being held hostage— was like vacation to him. That he actually preferred being here rather than being there outside.

People along the halls keep asking me why I'm in such a rush when I run pass them. In response, I just smile and wave at them. I don't think they want to know that I'm looking for something the person who was held captive before had left, who was the same person whom I loved.

When I reach the room where Aaron stayed in, I looked around, checking if someone was actually guarding these empty rooms. Finding no signs of them, I push the green button beside the doors. With a beep and click, the doors slide open.

It was left the same way I last saw it.

1, 2, 4 white walls

1 white ceiling

1 white mattress that is the only thing left in this room.

1, 2, 7 times I keep figuring out how Aaron wasn't able to lose his mind inside this place.

While scanning the room for any cracks or dents that could contain the "have seen paper vacation room" Aaron mentioned, bittersweet memories started to fill my thoughts. Though this room still makes me shiver, and not because of the cold wind, I couldn't stop but reminisce about when I had to visit Aaron here.

When he told me he wanted to be my friend. When he told me to prepare for war. When he told me he won't give my notebook (and he still hasn't). His tattoo and battle scars. All the memories come raining down on me that it starts to hurt both my head and my heart.

I think I need to sit down.

Pushing down all those memories of us in this room, I sit down on the only piece of furniture in this room. He wasn't kidding when my bed felt more comfortable.

Then,

I hear something crackle, like the sound of crumpling paper. Hope starts to fill me. Maybe he did leave something here after all. While sitting, I turned around, looking for where it could have possibly came from, but it gave no hints as the sound ensued. When I stopped searching, so did the crumpling.

Slowly, I looked behind me. And there it was. Right behind me was a small hole on the mattress, as if slashed on purpose. It was indeed small enough to hide something that could be found by someone who knew where to look, who was given hints on where it was located.

I reached out and inserted my hand inside the hole, digging through the foam inside. My hand froze when I felt something sharp poke my index finger. I grab hold of it and immediately pull my hand out along with the paper.

One thing I knew was that whatever this paper contained, it was before I told him I loved him. This was something he did not want me to read, but how could I actually resist? Whether it contained something that could hurt me or not, it will be my own fault because I searched for it in the first place. Nothing will change when I read it; I still love him.

Though I am slowly struck by terror as I unfold the piece of paper in my hands, showing words and sentences that are written like whoever wrote it was hurrying, panicking, as this was being written down.

When my eyes glance at its contents, I knew that there were some things that were really kept as a secret. But one word that caught my attention the most was the word "brother"

And I'm thinking that maybe he knows.

Maybe he knew all along that Adam and James were his brothers.

There is only one way to find out. So I start reading it from the very beginning.

This is, by far, the most boring chapter I have ever written (in my perspective. I don't know if you guys liked it) So anyway... The next chapter will be about what Warner wrote in that letter/note/something. Then after that we'll finally have some Warnette-stuff! Yay!

Oh, I also wrote another extra, but it's more of an AU type of story. I don't know whether I should post it here or in a "new story" though. It's still Warner x Juliette, but it's not Ignite Me anymore.

So to sum it all up, I'll be posting 3 chapters this month, including this chapter~