Ignite Me

Chapter 5: "Entries"

Entry 1, dated 06/09/xxxx

Juliette,

If that is you, then I must have either given you some sort of clue or you found it on your own. But why would you even go to this place and search for something you don't need? I suppose it's the first choice then. And if it is the first choice, then you must have already forgiven me for what I did—or, while I was writing this, what I plan to do.

It's simple, actually: Escape Omega Point, return to base and think about all the things I could do to apologize to you for everything I've done.

You will never know how much I regret doing that to you, Juliette. Not because I kissed you but because I did it thinking that you loved me back. It's hilarious how delusional people become when they fall in love. You are my biggest downfall love, and my previously wounded arm would agree with that.

But you know what? I like it.

I like knowing that I have some sort of weakness. That I could at least call myself someone who has some human attribute. And you're the kind of weakness that I will never forget.

If you're reading this now, then I want to tell you that I am sorry. I am sorry for kissing you. I am sorry for torturing you. I am sorry for entering your life...

Yet I can never apologize to you for falling in love with you. That is something that I can never change, and I am sorry for that.

Entry 2, dated 06/10/xxxx

The moment I woke up I knew that there was something different. I was healed. I was clean. I was thrown inside some sort of room full of things that's doing little to keep me company. What I hated the most though was the fact that I felt a small amount of hopelessness inside that room. That, when I tried to look at things from your perspective when you were locked up, I knew how it felt like at least to be locked up. But I will not compare myself to you; you've been through worse.

I hated that you had to go through all this, and that there are actually people—excluding my father— who are cruel enough to send you to that place; to give you a twisted reward that you never deserved in the first place.

You probably already know that I have seen your files and also the complaint sheets and medical sheets your parents filled up. And what they wrote there was complete, excuse me love, bullshit. They were false accounts, different from how I see you and how I know you.

You're different, Juliette. You may feel as if the powers you have is a curse, but it's not. It could possibly be the only thing that can save everyone. I've never believed in a chance for a better future, a chance for change, until I met you. I'm hoping I'm right.

Also, I'm sorry for stealing your notebook. I'll tell you where I've left it when I finish all my letters to you. If I finish it. I don't suppose it's impossible for people to change their minds about killing me.

Entry 3, dated 06/11/xxxx

As much as I love you, Juliette, I think it'd be a good idea if you don't go walking around inside a person's room and staring at them while they're half-naked. It almost gave me a heart attack. Though I'm not saying that you shouldn't do it again. Just not with any other half-naked people.

You asked me back then inside this room what my tattoo meant. The word IGNITE.

Sometimes not all words can have a literal meaning. This word right here isn't simply a word. It's a code I live by, and more importantly, it's something that will remind me every time I forget who I am and what I've become. It's the truth.

I Grieve Nothing

I Take Everything

You might not understand how much these words mean to me, but I hope that you agree with these words. I'm a selfish, heartless bastard.

I didn't want to tell you this at first. But when I thought about it I realized that you might not care anyway if I tell you or not.

The scars on my back are also another painful reminder. One that I don't dare write on paper. One that, if I'm still alive, you have to ask me personally. Because telling what these meant will be like stripping off everything that I ever had, giving out every secret that had never left my lips, and I don't think I'm ready to give it to someone who does not care about me.

Sometimes I wonder if you're keeping a secret too. One that you've never told Kent.

Oh wait, you are. You're keeping me a secret from him because you don't want him to know that he's not so special anymore. That he's not the only one who could touch you.

Honestly, I never wanted to tell Castle in the first place. But then I had no choice. How? You'll have to ask me personally with that one too.

I have so many things to tell you. But I'll tell you the biggest secret later.

Entry 4, dated 06/13/xxxx

I can't change who I am, love.

As much as I want to, it's too late. Nineteen years too late.

Sometimes I wished that you came into my life years before, when it was still possible. When I told myself to not give up.

The fact that I have some sort of power doesn't make the slightest difference. Now I know that I am one of you, and what now? What happens to me? Do you actually think that the people of Omega Point would still welcome me with open arms, acting as if I just didn't kill one of their family members or tortured them in some way? I knew you've never thought of life being easy, but what you don't know that it's not just that; living is the hardest thing that we encounter everyday.

So do you really think I can change?

I may be hopeless, but you're not. And maybe you can still change me.

Entry 5, dated 06/14/xxxx

Sometimes I wonder why you have to waste your precious feelings on Kent. He doesn't deserve your love. No one does. Because Kent is someone who I do not want to meddle with.

Not because I hate him. But because I owe him. I owe him a life. My life.

Let me tell you a story that happened a few years ago, long before you and Kent were born.

Once upon a time, a woman gave birth to a son. He was destined to be a great leader, his father declared, he would one day be one of the few who will own The Reestablishment. That boy's sole purpose was to continue his father's plan of retaining order in the world. But that didn't mean his father wanted peace.

But when the baby's mother found out about it she had decided to leave him. She loved the boy's father, but his father was already too blinded by power and wealth that he had changed into a man with the wrong intentions. So she knew she had to leave, no matter how much she loved him.

They say that love can conquer anything. They were wrong.

When love is too weak, evil takes over (spell it backwards and it says "evol". My mom used to tell me that.) and that was something she didn't want.

Guess what the Supreme Commander did to stop her from leaving? No idea? Then I'll tell you:

He had injected some sort of drug that made her grow weaker as time passes by. He did it while she was sleeping, the baby nestled beside her.

She won't even reach the age of 60 by the time the drug controls her.

Because of this the mother can no longer carry her own child, and she rarely left her bed, so the Supreme had to raise his own son. Taught him how to be the greatest soldier in his army. A puppet for his show.

And did you know what was worse than that? Not only did he drug his wife, he also betrayed her.

She found out from one of her former soldiers—she used to be the Supreme's assistant—that he was cheating on her with another woman. But what could she actually do to stop it? She'd always get beaten up whenever she tried to level herself with him, and he would always threaten to kill his own son if she continued doing it.

One year after his first son was born, there was a new baby. And his name was Adam Kent, son of Annabel Kent and Eric Anderson.

And this is where worse comes to worst.

Father knew who Kent was, which is why he appointed the boy as one of my men. I had no choice, he threatened to kill my mother if I disagreed.

Sadly my own brother didn't know me. Turns out he never told Kent that he had an older brother, and that brother was his boss. We both became soldiers at a very young age.

Then things changed when I turned 14.

My father was going to return to his base, and he wanted to take my mother with him. I didn't want him to. I begged him, even when he started to whip me. In the end he grew tired of me very quickly and agreed. But there was a condition.

Leila can stay with me if I kill Kent's mother.

I know you'd hate me even more if I say that I did kill her. Which is why I won't. But, please, try to to understand why I had to do it.

Leila's the only person who had the heart to forgive not only my father, but also me, and I don't want to loose her. She's found hope in a boy who's hopeless. She found kindness in a boy who's cruel. she found love in a boy who was full of hate. She's all I've got left to fight for before I met you.

So yes. I killed Kent's mother. I had to murder their mother when her sons were asleep just so I could save mine.

I know you want to ask me how I knew that Adam and James Kent were my brothers. Father told me, of course. "You can kill any of your men for fun," He told me. "Except for Adam Kent." At first I was confused. Why didn't he want me to kill him? But when I looked at his fact sheet I saw it. Proof that he is my brother. I didn't even think about killing him despite my anger towards his mother. Ah, but I was so close to cutting his head out when I found that he had betrayed me. And that you had falling for him, of all people.

To this day I still think about Kent, about his mother who died because of me, because of my selfishness, childish behavior and mother complex.

After everything is over I want you to tell him that I apologize for what I did. A thousand apologies can never bring her back, but I just want to get the huge amount of baggage off my back for a second.

I blink and blink and blink until my eyes are no longer filled with tears.

Then I start reading again.

Entry 6

I thought you could actually love me for who I am. I thought you had finally opened your eyes and realized that, maybe, things can change. I sworn I saw the love and forgiveness in your eyes. I felt you heart beating erratically, your fingers eagerly wanting to run through my hair. I felt you breath go faster, your skin grow hotter. I saw you open your lips to say my name before you crushed my heart, for Christ's sake. But I suppose I was wrong. So, so terribly wrong.

You finally let me in. You loved me. I gave you my heart and you held it, kept it and saved it until you were tired of it all too quickly. You let it die and rot in that room of yours. I told you to shoot me but you didn't. Why did you have to wait? Why did you have to play with me instead of killing me, which is better than...than this?

I hate to tell you... But you're a monster, Juliette. Not because of your power but because of what you do to me. What you make me feel. I gave you everything I had to offer but you turned it down, crumpled it and burned it into ashes.

I Give Nothing

I Take Everything

I tried so hard, love. I tried so hard to change it.

I gave you everything and I took nothing from you. But what's it worth when the only person you loved and could change your ways breaks not only your heart, but also your trust.

I'm extremely tired and terribly broken.

You could've shot me sooner. You should have shot me back then, when you had the chance.

I don't hate you and I can't come to do that. I want to hate you. But my love for you is stronger than you will ever know, and that's the most painful part.

I really am sorry for falling in love with you, Juliette.

Goodbye.

I close my eyes and breathe in. I breathe in every letter, every word he had written. I breathe in all the secrets he had shared. The string inside me has broken, and, this time, "breaking" is a good thing right now. Aaron has been forced to do things—horrible things— for the sake of the only person who's never given up on him. The secret about Adam's mother is not something I want to tell him myself; Aaron at least deserves to tell him, brother-to-brother.

There's more to Aaron that I will never know until I ask him. And I want to ask him now.

I'm leaving, I announce to the world. I'm leaving Omega Point and I'm going back to Aaron's house. This time it isn't a promise, it's a risk.

A risk I'm gladly willing to make.

~oOo~

It doesn't take me that long to find my way out of Omega Point. I only gave myself the allowance of five minutes to prepare my things and change into my gear, just in case. Luckily, there weren't too many guards and some of them were too busy mingling or sleeping. And as much I wanted to visit Brendan and Winston, I suppose I could visit them next time. If there is one.

Despite the jacket—Aaron's jacket—I'm wearing, my body is still shivering from the cold. I rub my hands together and breathe out as I still try to process the things Aaron wrote.

I knew I should be infuriated at Warner for what he did. But how could I when I am just like him? We all tend to do things—stupid things, dangerous things—for the sake of those we love, even if we know it's consequences.

He had to kill Adam's mother to save his mother. He had to do it out of love. For love.

I knew both Aaron and Adam had gone through terrible and traumatic things. But I never knew the extent of how far those things go. And how cruel Anderson really is, ordering his own son to kill the woman he had an affair with.

"You there! Stop!"

My body listens to the order. My feet are frozen to the ground, my shoulders stiff and my heart is beating like a raged animal trying to get out of it's cage. I slowly drop my bag on the floor and raise my hands up. Then I turn around.

I'm surrounded by 8, 10, 12 men, each of them carrying a gun. They all wear the same camouflage attire, a number of badges pinned to their left chest side. They're looking at me like I am a criminal, like I am the biggest threat they have ever met—and it's true. None of them seem familiar, but I do know one thing: these are Aaron's men.

"Explain why you're here after curfews." One of them says. Before they could even give me a chance to state my name, one of the soldiers ask me.

"Aren't you Experiment 5H-A773RM3? Under experimentation of Colonel, Chief Regent, Warner?"

"She does not know what you are talking about, Private Roshikov." The tallest and bulkiest soldier in the group—the leader, I'm guessing—gives me a stern look before raising his hand and pointing two of his fingers to me. "Arrest her."

They tighten their hold on their guns while slowly approaching me, trapping me inside their circle. I see one of them reach out for me and I want to say no, I want to say you can't touch me or else you'll die when suddenly I hear someone say "Halt!"

They stop abruptly, their shoulders stiffened. I hear the leader grumble a choice of four-lettered words. The moment my eyes see who it is, my eyes grow wide.

She's wearing the simplest of clothes. A gray shirt and black hiking shorts, a murky green-colored backpack slung on her right arm. She seems like she's in her mid forties even though she does not look like it. Anyone else would've seen this small woman as a normal resident in this sector. No one would be afraid of this person. But I knew better because I could see everything. I could see the slight twitch in her forced smile, the blond hair tied to a neat ponytail, the deep green eyes.

"Aaron's mother," I whisper. She looks at me and smiles that sweet and charming smile that is oh-so similar to Aaron's.

The leader stomps his right foot, commanding his men to salute to the woman. "Ma'am. We apologize for the inconvinience we have caused you to bring you to this street on an untimely hour. We were given direct orders by the Supreme Commander Anderson that if it is still alive—"

"It," she interrupts, a sudden harshness in her voice. "Has a name and a gender, Private. And you will not listen to my husband's orders. You will listen to mine. Or else I will have to report to Colonel Warner about you and your men's behavior toward her. "

"But ma—"

She raises a clenched fist, silencing the soldier. She tells them something that drains the color on all their faces. Something that makes them look at me in disbelief and horror, backing away from me as fast as possible. She says, "Let me finish, Private.

"You will not lay a finger on this girl unless you want me to report you to Colonel Warner of attempting to kill Juliette Ferrars, my son's girlfriend."

For the entires...I got the idea from Destroy Me, in the last few pages. For those who don't know, the last few pages of the novella contained Juliette's files, the Reestablishment information sheets of Warner, Adam and Kenji, and also Warner's information log. The log contained him writing about Juliette and how she really isn't a monster and...yeah.

I also have a new cover guys! It's pretty cool if you ask me~ It's just amazeballs. Also, have you guys seen the title and cover for book 3? It's so beautiful!

P.S. It's real this time. Warner will definitely appear in Chapter 6 because Juliette is finally going back to his house.

Oh btw, if anyone's wondering why I suck at writing. I just want to say that I am somehow better at writing in third person than first person. But all of my fics are in first person lol. I like to torture myself.

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