Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, or anything to do with it, however the OC's are all my own. The concept of Jasper being the 'God of War' is something that I've read in a few fics, but I don't know where it originates, so I'm sorry for not giving credit where credit's due! Plus, I have no idea what Louisianna, or Wisconsin are like - I'm from England, so please, forgive any mistakes. Have a great day, and I love you guys!
Jasper POV
October 2020
Madison, Wisconsin
Ever since I held that fuckin' girl in my arms, my entire body had started tingling and it was distracting as hell.
Her gray eyes sparkled, they fuckin' sparkled, even while it was fuckin' raining, damn it. Her nose was so fuckin' cute, twitching all the Goddamn time, and her smile - sweet Jesus her smile was fuckin' perfect.
She barely brushed the middle of my chest, she was that fuckin' tiny, but her skin was so unbelievably soft under my fingers. I knew I shouldn't have, but I couldn't help it; I grabbed her arm, and even though she had a sweater on, I could feel the suppleness of her skin, and I nearly rolled my eyes into the back of my skull when she pressed her chest against mine.
Well, okay, she ain't 'press' herself, per se, but she was so fuckin' warm, and soft, and jus' so fuckin' perfect and it was giving me a headache. Probably Edward, too, if I were bein' honest.
He growled at me, once more, and I shrugged, noncommittally, as he waltzed off to gym, with the rest of the juniors.
My emotions were on an all time high, and a small part of me was questionin' why a regular old human could get me so fired up, even though I knew the answer, deep inside, anyway. I jus' couldn't admit it to myself, let alone anyone else. Lord, how would I ever be able to live that down?
You wont, dumbass, the Major droned, Look, jus' go find your girl, and tell her what you wanna tell her.
I shoved him to the back of my mind, quickly, making sure to double up the strength behind the wall in my mind so I wouldn't have to deal wit' his horseshit right now. I was in too much of a good-fuckin'-mood to let him get me down. I walked into AP Music, knowin' full well that I was gonna do nothin' but play my guitar until I couldn't even think in anythin' but chords.
-0-
Meeting up with the rest of my family at lunch was a tremulous affair, simply because Clyde, Alice's new boyfriend, was set on edge, and it was causing me to teeter on the edge.
"What's wrong, Clyde?" Alice asked, glancing up at him, clearly because he was nearly double her size, and he sighed, cracking his knuckles, nervously, "Cam's in the nurse's office, she got hit in gym, and I jus' wanna know if she's okay."
My skin prickled at his words, my stomach falling to my toes, and my mouth felt dry at the thought of her being hurt, and I found myself scanning the faces of all of the people in the cafeteria, and upon not finding her pretty little face, I growled, catching the unwanted attention of my family, who all gave me covert glances and I felt their subsequent confusion at my action. I didn't feel the need to explain myself to them, so I didn't, plus Clyde was here, so there wasn't any reason for me to talk out of turn around him.
Just as I was giving up hope, I heard the familiar sound of her pounding, very much alive heartbeat, and the sight that greeted me was one that I'd never forget.
Camilla, her eyes a little red and puffy, bein' held up by that fuckin' idiot, Daniel, his hands all over her, trailing her back and touching her face. The sudden flare of jealousy that overtook me wasn't my own, at least not entirely, anyway. Half of the school population wanted to murder her with their eyes, because Daniel was a wanted guy. Not quite like us, but still, by human's standards, he was attractive.
And it pissed me off beyond belief to know that he was over there, touching my girl.
Wait.. Since when did she become my girl? She's never been mine to hold on to, really, but the aching inside my chest only amplified as I overheard their conversation. I felt bad that she was hurt, I felt guilty that she sounded so sad and alone, but as soon as the little fucker actually had the balls to ask her out on a date, I felt absolutely murderous.
Peter, once again, the sneaky fucker, had to hold me in a tight yet stealthy grip, to stop me from tearing the human's fuckin' throat out. The worst thing about it was his emotions were all sincere, and it made me sick. He wanted to treat her well, he did, there wasn't an ounce of malice in his entire aura, and it made me angry. There was no real reason for me to hate this kid, but I did anyway, and the thought of them dating had me gritting my teeth so tightly that if I were human, I wouldn't have any left.
"Hey, man," Em asked, concerned, "You okay?"
Turning away from glaring a hole in the table we were sitting at, I nodded, stiffly, even though it was clear I wasn't. Pete took the initiative, thank God, and said, "Jazz, maybe we should go home."
Agreeing, wholeheartedly, yet not willing to let her out of my sights made me question myself, momentarily. If I went home, I would hunt, takin' my anger out on unsuspecting animals, rather than this cafeteria full of kids, so that was a plus, however I jus' didn't want her alone.. Especially not with him, with what happened last Saturday.
The very thought of those scumbags had my vision tingeing red, and I stood then, suddenly, my hands shaking from the exertion I was putting them through, and swept out of the room, Char and Pete behind me.
-0-
Pummelling another hole in the nearest tree, I sent it flying through the air, and it clattered, loudly, nearly 60 feet away from us. Thankfully there were no other humans around so we didn't have to worry about pissing them off, but that wouldn't have stopped me anyway. I would much rather destroy this wildlife than take away another human life. That would crush me. I spent far too much time and invested too much in this lifestyle to have it ruined by some fuckin' girl.
Hell, Pete and Char have even taken on aspects of my diet, and I would be letting' them down if I didn't do my best, all of the time. Growling, loudly, I heard the conglomeration of birds that had been takin' rest in the nearby forestry take flight, jus' to avoid my fury.
Pete was watching, quiet as he always was, letting me get everythin' out, and I was thankful. I really didn't wanna get into it with him, it wouldn't do me any good fighting with my brother.
Once I was done, I scanned the mossy area around me, and saw the circle of destruction that I created in the last God knows how long, although I felt a little lighter, having imagined every single one of those trunks as Daniel's asshole face. Peter shrugged off of the boulder, composedly, and asked, "You feelin' better, Major?"
Flinching at his even tone, I answered, "Yeah, I'm good," then I ran an hand through my hair, huffing slightly. He knew better than to touch me, especially when I was so wired and could react badly, so he simply stood near me, and asked, nonchalantly, "When are you goin' to tell her?"
Glancing at him, I raised a questioning eyebrow and he scoffed, "She's your mate, right?"
I fought to keep my expression neutral, although my heart clenched, tightly, in my chest. He jeered, with a simple shrug, "What? Did you think I didn't notice? Hell, Jasper, I've known you longer than anyone else.. Do I look stupid?"
"Don't make me answer that, Pete," I said, with a forced smirk.
He sneered, then flipped me off, before asking, "So.. Are you done lyin' to yourself, Major?"
Sighing, I replied, "I don't wanna talk 'bout it, Pete.. Can we jus' go back to the house?"
An unfamiliar thudding was pounding in my ears, and he exhaled, sharply, "Jazz, we're not goin' back to that fuckin' house till you get your head outta your ass and get your shit together - she ain't gonna be around forever, unlike us, she's fuckin' human! You seem to forget that I jus' know shit. I know what she is to you. I know how you felt when that idiot asked her out. You damn near scared Char outta her skin wit' all that growlin', soundin' like you used to. It wasn't nice, Jazz, we're worryin' about you. All of us are!"
Gritting my teeth, my nostrils flaring at the blatant disrespect, and before I realised it, my left hand was wrapped around the front of his neck, and I shoved him into the nearest boulder, looming over him, noticing, with a quiet smugness, the partially controlled fear in his muddy-amber eyes, I smirked.
Even though I probably shouldn't have been, I was revelling in the fear that emitted from him, because it made me feel like, at least here, in the real world, I was given the respect that I needed. Pete knew what I was capable of, probably more than anyone should, and he was right. He knew me better than anyone else. I felt guilty, but smothered the emotion before it could grow into anythin' more. I needed to focus on the problem at hand, and that was a mouthy Peter.
"Listen, you little fucker, I do not have time for this bullshit," I bit out, ruthlessly, "That human, that girl, she means nothin' to me, and you would do well to throw her outta your mind, too. She ain't stickin' around much longer - Alice wont be able to keep Clyde human, its not in our nature, and when that time comes, we will leave. It's jus' a case of waitin' it out."
He blinked at me, not quite here as he was here, and I knew his gift was telling' him somethin' and by that fuckin' smirk on his face, the fucker knew somethin' that I didn't. I released his throat, and he stood, at vampire speed, and brushed off his clothes, before commenting, factually, "We'll see, Major, we shall see"
I clipped him over the back of his head, strongly, and he bowed over, momentarily, before apologising, seriously, "I shouldn't have gotten so mad before, Major," he shrugged, "It's jus' that you're infuriatin' sometimes."
I knew that. It didn't mean I liked hearing it come from his mouth.
"I get it, though," he said, before I could respond, "Why you're so against havin' a human mate. It's gotta be dangerous, havin' to look out for her all the time."
Rolling my eyes, I answered, "You're still on that horseshit?"
He replied, seriously, "I told you, you'll see it soon."
Scoffing, I answered, "We should get back to the house - Esme's probably flippin' her shit."
He chuckled, then threw his arm over my shoulder, clapping me once on the back, and I knew we were back to how we were before. It was always like this wit' us. Back when I first left Maria, I was a mess. Both physically, psychologically and emotionally. I was a shell of who I was before. The strong civil servant, Jasper Whitlock, had faded away, and left nothin' but a stewing, guilt-ridden pariah in his wake.
I was a good soldier, Hell, I was a fuckin' brilliant one. I followed my orders, to the letter. I did as I was told - even when I didn't feel they were especially 'right'.
My one discrepancy was Peter. Him and his girl. They were the first mated pair of vampires I had ever met in my entire life, and the love that emitted from them nearly blinded me when they first laid eyes on one another in the Summer of 1886, nearly a hundred and thirty-four years ago, and it was only because of the purity of their love that I let them go that following year.
After that, everythin' that I did for Maria made my skin crawl, and every kill I partook in was enough to make me want to vomit. The emotions that flew from every one of my kills, be they human or a newborn of my kind, was enough to floor me every time.
The anger, the pain, the anxiety, the regret, the utter terror at my being turned me into a monster, and eventually, it became too much for me to handle, so I ran away. My scars, both mental and physical, were too extensive to simply 'fix' and I spent the following forty-three years living with Peter and Char at their ranch, in Austin, Texas - Char's hometown, as a matter of fact.
It was too late, though.
My psyche was undoubtedly broken during my time with Maria; my state of mind was crushed into miniscule, Maria-sized kibble bits, and she had torn me apart, from the inside, out.
It wasn't like I couldn't have tore her in half, and burnt the pieces, if I had wanted to, because I could, and probably would have, but I just.. didn't. I let it happen, because, at the time, I had nowhere else to go, and, she treated me like family. A pretty fucked up family, but still, family nonetheless.
The numbing void that always fell over me, before, during and after I killed, made me afraid of being alone. The silence only left me with my thoughts, and they were too broken and blackened for even me to understand. I didn't like the feelin' of being out of control. It made me feel weak, but I would never share that with anyone. I couldn't. Maria would starve me, for days, weeks, sometimes even months, on end, all to prove a point; she could control me and my actions.
When she felt that I was ready, she would force a human, sometimes a child, sometimes a pregnant woman, and others, like fully-grown men, crying and begging for their lives, and would watch as I tore them apart, unable to stop myself or my urges.
The aching eventually became too much for me, and that was where the God of War grew from. That dark part of myself, the virus that she had injected me with, it was infectious, and soiled every piece of me that it touched. Because I was so afraid of what I could become, I stopped listenin' to the Major's warnin' signs, because, honestly, neither of us wanted him inside of my head.
Whenever he emerged, I would 'come to', having no memory of my actions, covered with blood, having massacred whole cities, surrounded by bodies, piled a mile high, and no inclination of how, or why, I did what I did.
The Major was the soldier in me, Jasper was the scared little human who couldn't fight back hard enough, and the God of War.. Well he was the monster that lived in us all. He didn't jus' think about doin' shit - he did it without any thought behind it, rendering Alice's gift useless.
There was no thinkin', it was all instinct. Plain and simple. There was no black and white - it was all grey. It didn't matter if you were a friend, or a foe, you died anyway. He was always my last option, and most of the time, I would rather die than let him out of his cage, but my cowardice would win and I would concede.
"You okay, there, Jazz?," Peter asked from beside me, and when I turned my now-blackened eyes towards him, he flinched away, momentarily, and said, in a neutral voice, "Let's hunt."
That was what I loved most about my first protege - he didn't ask unnecessary questions. He knew what I needed, sometimes even before I did, and it was a welcomed comfort.
Nodding, once, my eyes trailing away from him, I backtracked and shot in the direction of the nearest animal, nearly 6 miles East of the house.
"Esme's gonna be so pissed at us," Peter joked, the corner of his eyes crinkling in amusement, yet my gift detected a sliver of trepidation as it shot through his system, and I couldn't say I didn't agree with his discomfort.
That little woman was a spitfire of rage when she wanted to be - jus' like a real mother would.
I'M BACK LOVELIES! I HOPE YOU HAD A WONDERFUL HALLOWEEN!