SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG BUT THIS BIT IS LONG TOO SO IT ALL WORKS OUT OK IN THE END! ITS SO LONG THAT I HAD TO MAKE IT IN TWO PARTS LICK DEADLY HALOS OR BREAKING DAWN (OMG BELLA IS A VAMPIE?)
EXCEPT HIS WILL BE EVEN BETTER THAN HARRY POTTER AND TWILIGHT PUT TOGETHER COS IT WILL HAVE THREE PARTS COS I CANT EXPLAIN EVERYTHING OTHERWISE! IT WILL BE SUPER LONG SO GET A CUP OF TEA OR COUGHY OR HOT CHOC OR HOT WATER AND SIT IN A BIG ARMCHAIR WITH A FIRE AND A RAVEN AND SOME SHIT LIKE THAT AND ENJOY!
In England it was the past. Watari (he was the britishy dude remember! He had guns and a helicopter in the future but its not the future yet so HOLD YOURE HORSES SHEESH) was a lad (british for kid!) and he was walking all over the place cos the car was not invented yet. The queen went passed in a huge coach with wheels made of diamond and horses made of robot parts and doors that were actually peeps she paid to stand in the door hole and block the wind which was full of rain and snow and sleet and hail and all that wet stuff. The wheels hit a puddle and went SPLOOOSH and brown stinky water went everywhere and hit watari and got him all wet.
"GOR BLIMY THAT IS THE RUDDY LASTEST STRAW!" he bellowed jumping on his hat. "IM SO SODDING ANGRY NOW! THIS DAY COULD NOT GET ANY BLASTFOUNDED WORSE."
BUT THE QUEEN HEARD HIM.
She pushed the door open by which I mean she pushed the door dude off and he fell in the puddle and went SPLOOSH also and made Watari even wetter.
"Watari Bumblesnoot The Third (AN: DOES WATARI HAVE A LAST NAME? IF NOT I WILL MAKE IT BUMBLESNOOT)!" she roared smacking him upside the head with her big royal stick. "You should have more respect to your own mother!"
"YOUR NOT MY MOM OK?" Watari screamed so loud that even dudes in the future could hear him. "GOD I WISH YOUD NEVER ADOPTED ME. WHEN I AM OLDER I WILL TAKE MY REVENGING AND THE WHOLE ARSING WORLD WILL FEAR THE NAME WATARI BUMBLESNOOT."
The queen slapped him again and he fell in the puddle and got all wet. She road away on the wet muddy road spattering all the peeps who stopped to bow to her.
Watari walked away mumbling britishy swearwords like "GIT" and "DUFFER" and "DOOSHBAG" as loud as he could. Then there was a spat behind him.
He looked over... and there was a BOOK ONT THE FLOOR?
WHAT THE HECK DOES THAT MEAN? I HOPE ITS NOT A BOOK THAT KILLS DUDES WHOS NAMES ARE WRITTEN IN IT! ;) ;) ;)
MEANWHILE IN JAPAN
Nothing was happening right now but...
IN FUTURE JAPAN
A guy was in his apartment watching animes. His whole apartment was made of candy and there was more candy in the fridge and a mountain dew.
"Even though i am the smartest dude in America" the guy said "I am glad that i am not a detective because that means i can watch my animes in piece!" he laughed as a guy blasted another guy with magic powers. "Yes it is a good thing that all crime was wiped out a thousand years ago by that mysterious ANCIENT KIRA that legend talks off!"
There was a nock on the door. The dude realised he was naked and super fat cos all he did was watch tv and eat sugar and there were bees in the walls making honey so if he ate a wall they just made it again from honey! He put a tshirt and some jeans on and karate chopped his way to the door (HE HAS TO KARATE CHOP TO GET ALL THE BEES OUT OF THE WAY).
At the door was an old man with glasses and a moustache. He walked in and got bit by all the bees so he had to start karate chopping. They didn't stop karate chopping so just remember that they are karate chopping for all the rest of this scene OK!
"Konnycheewar!" the not-naked dude said in Japanish (IT MEANS HELLO).
"Yo" the moustache man karate chopped. "I need you to help me FIGHT CRIME"
"But there is no such thing as krime ikadaymasu!" the fat dude said munching up his washing machine (it was also made of candy so it melted if you put water in it so it was useless for anything other than eating!)
"THERE WILL BE MY CLEVERLY CHUM THERE WILL BE!"
And with that HE VANISHED!
The sweety dude was shocked and ate his whole apartment to make sure that the moustache dude wasn't hiding BUT HE WAS GONE.
IN THE NINETYS
It was the ninetys in America. Everyone was watching Friends and lissening to Nirvana and Backseat Boys on records and driving motorbikes and wearing lever jackets everywhere and being all slick and watching flims like Goastbusters and Lord of the rings! There was no thing as the internet yet so peeps had to download stuff from their TV instead.
A time machine appeared and stopped in the middle of the road! A car crashed into it and smashed through and ended up in the past!
IN THE PAST (WE WILL LEAERN MORE ABOUT THE TIME MACHINE IN THE FUTRUE BUT NOW ITS THE PAST AGAIN SOZ DUDES)
"GOR BLIMY THAT IS THE SECOND RUDDY LASTEST STRAW!" Watari bellowed again jumping on his hat again. "IM SO SODDING ANGRY NOW AGAIN! THIS DAY COULD NOT GET ANY BLASTFOUNDED WORSE AGAIN."
Then the car landed and hit the piddle and splashed him AGAIN. Dock Brown (HE HAS THE SAME NAME AS THE WHITE HAIR GUY FROM BACK TO THE FUTURE AND HE LOOKS LICK HIM BUT ITS NOT HIM IT WAS JUST A COINCIDENCE) got out. Little did he no his car had just been turned into a TIME CAR.
"Great scot!" he said cos he was in Scotland (GET IT!) "Sorry! You can have my car to make up for it!" he said giving Watari the keys.
Watari looked at the guy but he was too busy reading his book to see him. There was nothing writ in it but he was reading it anyway just to make sure. Then he saw the cover! It said "THE HUMAN WHO'S NAME IS WRIT IN THIS BOOK WILL DIE"
"RUDDY WHAT?" watari bellowed. His shout was even louder this time and he became a man. "I AM SO SODDING ANGRY THAT I WANT TO BLASTED KILL YOU! TELL ME GOOD SIR! WHAT IS YOUR BLOODENATING NAME?"
"I am Dock Brown!" the guy said and Watari writ it in the book with a feather cos it was the past and the guy died!
"I SEE IT WORKS" watari panted stealing the dudes car and getting the keys. "NOW TO BECOME... ANCIENT KIRA"
BACK IN THE NINTEYS
"What the bothering fiddlesticks was that" Samanther who was now called Lights Mom cos she was lights mom. She had three happy babbys: Light Dark and Night who were all happy but their diapers were stinky.
"I do not know my loved wif!" Soichiro (REALLY DARK REMEMBER! BUT HE DOESNT COS BLUD WIPPED HIS BRAIN) "But this is a nice plaice! Lets live here!" so they bought a house with all Soichiros police money and settled down and Soichiro got a job as a policeman and Lights mom won baking competions and got millions of dollars.
Then one day the doorbell said "DING DONG" and they opened it to find a man with a moustache.
"What do you want?" Soichiro spat in the guys face cos he was dead angry cos he had been sexing with Samanther and she was the sexyest not-lesbean woman on the planet. Samanther new the dude was watari but she could not tell soichiro cos of the brain bomb.
"GOODEST OF DAYS TO YOU MINE FINEST OF SIRS" he britished up so hard that all the grass in the garden went into a british flag and the birds started signing GOD SAVE THE QUEEN. "I AM THE HEADMARSTER OF A SHINY NEW BOREDING SCOOL IN THE AREA AND I WANT YOUR THREE LADS TO BECOME MY APPRENTISES!"
"Oh sorry dude" Soichiro said mashing a towel into Wataris face to mop away the spit. "Yes that sounds like a good idea. What are your moneys?"
"A HUNDRED POUNDS A YEAR"
"British money! I cannot afoured that!" soichiro said back sadly. "I used spent all my cash on this house!"
"WELL THEN WHO IS YOUR STUPIDEST KID?"
"Light." Soichrio said back straight away. "He is a thick dude and tried to marry the TV this one time and another time he drew his face on the toilet and called it Fart Yagami."
"THAT IS MEGA SODDING DAFT (AN: BRITISH FOR STUPID)" watari screeched back. "WE DONT WANT HIM COS HE WOULD JUST STINK UP THE PLACE."
"Ok I can send the other two"
"EXCELLENT" he Mr Burnsed. "THERE IS JUST CONDISHUN"
"Anything!" Lights Mom gasped. She had never seen Watari when he was this yung and he was an incredibly hansom dude without his super ageyness. She writ his name down in her sex note which wasn't a real Sex Note but just a book of dudes to have sex with. Until now it had JUST ONE NAME IN IT: DARK YAGAMI! Whcih she had to cross out and write soichiro instead.
"YOU HAVE TO NOT TELL LIGHT JUST IN CASE HE BECOMES EVIL OR SOMETHING"
"Will do!" soichiro saluted like a police dude. "Come along kiddies!" he Gave Dark and Night to Watari who grabbed them and stuffed them in a box named "BORING STUFF DO NOT X-RAY".
"Where are Dark and Night goin daddy?" Light who was still a baby asked trying to punch himself in the mirror.
"To a magic school son!"
"IS IT HOGWARTS DAD?"
Soichiro looked at Watari.
"Is your school Hogwarts?"
"ITS NOT F-CKING HOGWARTS" he screeched back.
"Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan I don't care then" light said and started biting the mirror in case he was a mirror vampire.
They went to airport. The airport men were suspicious because a strange boy who spoke old timey had said that there would be an old man with some kiddies and he was EVIL.
"Are you the evil man?" they asked watari. They didn't know it was him cos it was the ninetys and he wasn't old yet so he fooled them!
"NO MY GORDENBENNET!" watari said back.
"Are there kids in your box?" all the security dudes said at the same time cos they all had the same idea and it smelled of babys.
"NO ITS A CHEST OF BEFOULED NAPPIES (AN: BRITISH FOR DAIPERS)"
They all said ew and decided not to look in cos diapers were gross.
The plane went woosh in the air and then woosh down again at Whales Internation Airport. They got out and watari went to his house. There were a bunch of kids there and heres there deets!
MELLO: he was eating chocolate and he sometimes put on a dress and called himself lady gaga and he was world famous as the best signer who ever sang a song about poker faces and his papa who is called Ratzy cos he was actually a rat with a human brain.
KHAOS: he had a bunch of robot girlfriends who were all called Karen and katasha and Kloey and Kim and all that lick the kardashians cos one day they would get super famous for something and be on tv or something. He owned Ratzy and this meant mello was his slave!
SAMANTHER: she would grow up to be lights mom but right now she was just a kid and she solved really hard maths puzzles like E=mc2 and Sudoku and piethagoras.
COOL DUDE: at the moment he was called UNCOOL DUDE cos he had spots and dint know how to spell "COOL" yet and kept writing "UNCOOL" instead.
MATT: cos it was the ninetys he was playing pokemon red on his genesis and got a highscore and court mewtwo.
NEAR: everyone hated him so he was tied in the corner and gagged and he kept trying to shout but all he said was "M MM MMMMMM MMMMMM. MMMM MMMM MM MMM MMMM MMM MMMMMMM MMMMMM MMMM MM MM MMMM MM MM MMMM MMMM!"
BEYOND BIRTHDAY: it was never his birthday so he was sad.
ROGER: he was not a kid but he was the caretaker and all he said was "I HATE CHILDREN" all the time and laughed like an evil man and didn't give them some more at meal times and did creepy things with his dog (SEE THE OTHER STORY I FORGET WHICH FOR THE DEETS).
"WELCOME TO YOUR NEW HOME" they all sang like happy birthday (except Birthday who cried at the birthday and Near who sang "MMMMMMM MM MMMM MMM MMMM"
"Very interesting" Dark said making his eyes look all evil. "Now what will happen next..."
FIND OUT SOON! DISCOVER HOW DARK BECAME KIRA AND WHY EVERYONE HATES NEAR AND THE STRANGE OREGONS OF WATARI BUMBLESNOOT. THE DEATH NOTE UNIVERSE HAS NEVER BEAN THIS REEL! IF YOU FORGOT WHO THESE DUDES WHERE CHECK OUT MY TWITTER REALDARKYAGAMI WHICH EXPLAINS IT ALL. THEN READ IT AGAIN COS ITS SO GOOD!