Yes, it's been a while I know. But, some part of me was hoping for reviews before I continued on. It seems though such a dream is impossible and I'll continue on in hopes that my reviews will say fifteen instead of fourteen. Until then, enjoy this story. And of course please read and review.
There are no spoilers this time about.
Just Once More
His words rang through her head. They repeated themselves like a scratched CD or a broken record. In her dreams she would see those soon to become hated words. And, in time, she began to believe them. She began to think, as stubborn as she was, that he was right. With time his words rang true and, perhaps to just relieve the pain, she started to follow his words.
'If you're dead he'll be happy. You won't be causing him pain. You won't hurt him'
Such a simple phrase. Yet, it caused Rin so much agony. So much that to relieve the pain, to see if Akito's words were true, she started to cut. Herself that is. At first it was nothing. Just pressing a small blade from a pocket knife against her skin until some redness appeared. But, the red was not blood on the outside. Just the gathering of it on the inside from pressure. Still, that pain, which she barely felt so used to it, was still a relief. Was still a way she could get away from the words that haunted her everyday and every night.
It was no surprise then, that it escalated. Unknown to anyone, Rin would cut just deep enough for blood to drip slowly from her wrist and down her arm. She would watch this show seeming entranced Akito's words always far gone from her mind. So, therefore, he too was far gone. It was better that way. She didn't hurt. The physical pain of the self-inflicted wounds was nothing compared to the wounds inflicted emotionally on her by others. Or, more specifically Akito, and before that, her parents.
'I won't hurt you Haru.' That had been her motto. After she had been blamed for a rampage Akito went on, putting Haru, who hadn't turned black, in the hospital. She had of course been blamed. After all Haru, at the time, had come for Rin. Come to see if, as crazy as it was, he could have Akito bring Rin back to him. Maybe just maybe at the time he had been just a bit of his black self, or perhaps he was more grey then anything else.
Whatever the case she had been blamed. Hurt emotionally rather then physically. But now she was bestowing the physical pain she had been left out of unto herself. No one knew of course. Not Hatori, not Tohru. She hid the forming scars well, wearing long sleeves and such things. Not odd since it was the dead of winter. She also had made a point to stay out of the hospital where she would easily be discovered and rehabilitated. Not that she needed rehabilitation, not in her mind, her healing was this cutting. And to take it away would mean death.
Once again Rid hid in the privacy of her room. She had locked the door so Kagura wouldn't come in and neither would her mother. She didn't need either of them to know of her problems. So, they wouldn't. Besides the both of them were annoying. Kagura who tried to control herself after talking with Kyo some time ago. But, it didn't work all that well and the boar had taken to bugging Rin and, at times almost exploding at the horse. Really, it was hard for even Rin to see they were actually the same age.
Now sitting on her bed Rin took out her pocketknife. With an experienced grace that was disturbing to behold Rin slid the knife along one of the forming scars pressing until blood seeped out calming the violent words buzzing around and in Rin's head. Again she proceeded with this taking the weapon to another place on her wrist and cutting. By no means were the cuts deep, so she wouldn't bleed to death, but it was still bad.
Lost in the hypnotizing effects of the blood Rin thought of what Akito had said. The words overpowered the calming effects induced by the blood. Fear started to shine in Rin's eyes along with pain and sadness. "No." she muttered her hand shaking though she barely noticed this. "You can't effect me now. This is what you wanted of me. What more could I give you"
These words were whispered. Though, if anyone could have heard they would have been shocked cold. To hear such willingness, fear, sadness, pain and shamefulness in Rin's voice, it was not normal. Rin who was so proud and stubborn broken and breaking even more. It was a sad state to be in. But one Akito seemed to be able to induce on anyone given time. Rin was no different. Though she had taken longer them most to break down once, she had, and this time Haru was not here to glue together the pieces.
Breathing hard, almost hyper ventilating, Rin steadied her hand just enough to allow her self to cut a deeper wound then she had throughout. Immediately the voice stopped seeming content now that Rin could bleed profusely with the self inflicted wound.
"Just once more though, just in case." she muttered as she dug the knife into her skin seeming not affected by the pain. She was still used to worse even now.
As Rin sat in her room letting the blood heal emotional scars Haru was being released from the hospital. He had suffered a small concussion, multiple abrasions and bruises but was all and all all right. His bruises had healed for the most part. Really, he had been in the hospital for the concussion hat had left him bedridden lest horrid cases of vertigo be induced on him. Apparently he had, had a seizure, or the symptoms of one, not long after arriving in the hospital. If so, he didn't remember. Along with him as he was wheeled out of the hospital was Tohru, Yuki, Shigure, everyone, even Kyo. Of course Rin, Kureno and Akito were not around but that was to be expected. Still, Haru did feel bad for even Ritsu had made it bringing along some stuff from the hot springs so Haru could enjoy a comforting bath when he wanted.
Needless to say Ritsu hadn't been the only one to give him presents. All in all Haru was calm enough, perhaps happy in his own way though it didn't show. Still, he already planned on going to Kagura's. He didn't care now if he ended up in the hospital again. He just needed to tell Rin it was all right. That he was fine and she could go back to seemingly hating him again. It would be painful, yes, but Haru felt it necessary.
By the time two hours had passed, the time in which Haru had found free time to spare, Rin had regressed. Again and again she would cut deeply causing more blood to drain from her body. But, she wasn't near death. She had let the bleeding stop with extreme pressure for long enough periods of time so that she would stay alive. But now, once again Akito's voice was starting to fill her head. It was as if it had always been there just quietly enjoying Rin's pain. But once it was bored it spoke up again causing Rin all kinds of pain.
This was what was happening now. Rin had switched to her other wrist, her other one starting to get too tender even for her to cut. Still, she could now hear Akito's voice. Telling her to die. Telling her that the pain she caused should be the pain she suffered.
It didn't take long for her to be convinced of this. Soon she figured death to be the only option to completely stop her pain. So, death was what she would induce on herself.
That was why she sat on her bed eyes closes as she drew vertical lines of pain and red on her wrists. She cut deeply, her intent to end her own life. Then there would be no more pain no more suffering, no more voice.
She was unconscious by the time there was knocking on the door.
By the time Haru broke the door down having become Black. But all his anger and frustration was drained as he saw Rin lying on her bed nearly dead.
Heart pounding furiously he rushed to her as pale as a ghost. He could see her breathing shallow breaths but found he was too selfish to leave Rin and get Hatori or a phone. After all he was afraid Rin might pass in that time.
"Why would you do this?" he asked not expecting an answer as he picked up Rin's almost lifeless form and pulled her into himself letting her blood fall on him uncaring. "It...it must be my fault. I...I went to Akito. Made him angry. I wasn't thinking. I was being selfish thinking I could make him make you take me back. It seems in the end he is taking you away"
Letting his head rest on Rin's shoulders he noted something. Somehow he had finally grown taller then her. Surprisingly a smile appeared on his face as a small chuckle came out of his mouth. Cynical in its own way but still somehow true. "Saying such a thing would sound false to me even if its true. Still, I love you Rin. And, I'm sorry that I hurt you"
Hearing a breathy whisper Haru looked surprised as he put his ear closer to Rin's mouth. She had, at some point, gained a semi-consciousness and had heard what Haru said. As it were, her last words were. "Just once more"
Skiergirl-Is it me or does this chapter seem short? Ah well, I guess I've been writing too much or something. Well, I hoped you enjoyed. And I know I didn't warn anyone of character death. I always found giving such a thing away was odd and like giving too much away in a movie preview. Anyway, please read and review. And take to heart the latter part of that phrase.