Edward's mind is a really muddled up place right now… You didn't think that once kiss would change the way he thinks, did you?
47.
Everything changed after the picnic.
I smile almost all the time which makes Tanya and Alice curious as to what brought this change in me.
Masen knows but he hasn't told anyone anything yet. He's told me that he loves to keep secrets. That makes me wonder what Emmett and Rosalie must have kept hidden from me.
Jesus. I think I'm better off not knowing.
Now back to the most recent development in my life.
Love.
A crazy emotion.
An extremely crazy feeling.
One part of me is blissfully happy while the other half doesn't know what to think as Paul Lahote was my friend, client and of course, Bella's boyfriend.
She loved him and it's only been a few months since he died at the age of thirty seven. Twelve whole years older than her.
How can she move on so fast?
How can I betray him in such a way? He's no longer in this world but he used to be and if I was in his place, would I be OK with letting the woman I love move onto another man?
No, I wouldn't.
That may sound incredibly selfish but that's how I feel. I'm possessive when it comes to the people I care for.
I'm selfish on so many different levels. My parents must have wanted me to move forward and try to live a normal life.
If I died, I'd pray for Masen to remain on the right track.
Love is so strange. So damn confusing, intimidating and at the same time, amazing.
Let's take PS: I love you, into consideration. How can that girl Holly fall for someone other than Gerry? That does happen, right? I don't exactly remember as it's been a couple of years since I saw that movie while on a date.
Sure, that chick almost loses her mind but in the end, she does move on.
Life isn't like a movie or a book. In reality, a girl can't forget her boyfriend, fiancé or husband after he dies. She doesn't get to find a different person to share her pain with and live happily ever after.
In real life, not everyone gets a second chance at love.
I've never loved a woman before. I haven't so how can I know that what I feel for Bella is actually love?
She's a good person with a kind heart. She smiles a delicate smile and even though she carries emotional baggage, she doesn't show it out loud.
She hides herself.
Just like I do.
How can you find someone to replace your deceased lover? How do you find the space within you to love another? How can you devote yourself, mind, body and soul to anyone?
Did Bella really love Paul?
This sucks.
Why do I think of these sorta things? Why? One minute, I'm rejoicing over my newfound love and in the next, I'm suffering from a guilt trip. What happened to the Edward that didn't anything to do with Isabella Swan?
Is it possible to love her after knowing her for such a short period of time?
My BlackBerry vibrates and swiftly I take it out my pocket. I have one new text.
Hiii. Can we talk? It's really important.
~Bella
What's this all about?
I type back a reply:
Hi to u too. Should I pick u up? –Edward.
A second later, my phone vibrates once more.
Yes. When can u come? ~B
Get ready. I'm coming –E
A/N: What do you think they're gonna talk about?