1.
"Will you marry me?"
Amy took it all in. They were eating outside at a sweet little cafe. The patio was decorated with pots of flowers in all different colors. Their food had been delicious, the sun was shining bright overhead, and now everyone was watching them with bright smiles. Jake knelt in front of her, holding a velvet box. It took her a moment to find her voice, but finally she said,
"...What the hell is happening right now?"
Jake only grinned wider, "Well, I know this is a surprise, Lilly, but I just cannot wait to spend the rest of our lives together." He nodded behind her, not letting the smile flicker.
She took a deep breath. She didn't risk turning around but knew the face she would find. A certain large, bald man currently wanted in relation to gang activity. "I-I was just so surprised! Yes, yes… St-Stichael, of course I'll marry you!"
He stood and gave her a quick kiss before they sat down again.
The other patrons applauded and slowly turned away.
"Stichael?" he whispered, leaning forward.
"I panicked," she whispered back. "I was going to say Sting before I corrected myself. And anyway, you could have given me a head's up. And what's with the box? You didn't even open it!"
"Oh, like I'm going to bring a real ring on a stakeout!"
She caught sight of something in her glass. "He's moving, he's moving!"
"Right." Jake stood up and said loudly, "Well, we better get out of here so that we can get a ring that fits! I guess your last engagement ring didn't fit either. That's what I used for the sizing."
She rolled her eyes. "Well, at least this is better than the time your proposed to me drunk with a ring-pop!"
"Well, maybe if you hadn't- okay, this is getting ridiculous he's been gone for like a minute."
"Come on!" Amy yelled, grabbing Jake by the hand and running out of the cafe. She pulled her gun out of her bag as they went. "I am sodivorcing you," she muttered.
2.
The crime scene was fresh. The heavy stench of blood still hung in the air, emanating from the body of a middle-aged man lying on the floor.
Amy stepped next to Jake. "Well," she said. "His wife didn't do it."
"Alibi?" asked Jake, absent-mindedly resting a hand on Amy's shoulder.
"Grocery store. Check-out clerk confirmed it." She continued sadly, "She was going him dinner. He loved cooking, and she wanted to show him she could be supportive of his interests."
He looked back at the crime scene. "Yikes," he said. After a moment, he added, "I hope you're prepared to give up all your hobbies for this relationship."
She laughed. "Cool it, Peralta. We're going to have to be at least engaged before I ever sit through a Die Hard marathon."
"Really? In that case, you want to-"
"Nope."
He nodded, again redirecting his attention to the body. "Yup, good choice. Think you made the right decision there."
3.
"Wow," said Boyle. "I must say, Jake, I'm not usually jealous of Amy, but if I were your lover I would never take that off."
Jake shut the box and slipped it back into his pocket. "Okay, first, what did we decide about using the word "lover?"
Boyle sighed. "Only use it when I'm actually seeing the person. Sorry I keep slipping up."
"No, no, never use the word "lover". But more importantly, you have to keep this a secret. Can you do that?"
"Hmm," Boyle paused. "For how long?"
"Just a few hours. I'm going to propose tonight. But you can't ruin it, okay?"
"Jake!" cried Boyle. "Of course not! I would never ruin something this important. Not for a few more days, at least!"
And luckily, he didn't say a single suspicious thing that day. Terry didn't even think it was that weird when he walked in on their bear-hug a minutes later and Jake mouthed, "Save... me..."
Unfortunately, tragedy struck on the way to the car.
"I'm sorry, Jake," said Amy. Her face was red and she stamped as she walked across the pavement. "Could we just go home? I'm not in the mood for dinner tonight."
"Woah," said Jake, catching hold of her wrist. "Are you okay? What happened?"
Amy grimaced. "My brother just called. My parents are getting a divorce."
4.
"You have ask her," pleaded Boyle.
"I told you," replied Jake. "This situation is a huge mess. She's been on the phone with her family, like, every night this week."
"So? Propose to her anyway! I can't keep this a secret much longer, Jake."
"Well, you're going to have to until I can figure out what to do."
"What, do you expect me to just keep this a secret from everyone? I told my newspaper delivery boy yesterday. What if that had been my mailman?"
"What?"
"Hitchcock and I have the same mailman."
"Oh, okay," replied Jake, digesting this information. "Well, anyway, yes I do expect you to keep it a secret! You're a detective for crying out loud!"
"Yeah, but I'm not going to be the best man for any of the people I arrest."
"Really? I thought there was one. Jerry something?"
"Oh, yeah," said Boyle, nodding. "Stranglin' Jerry." He briefly let his mind drift away. "Gee, I wonder what he's up to these days?"
"Hopefully getting his name changed. Look, I'll ask her tonight. Just hang on."
"Shake on it?"
They shook.
"So," said Jake cheerfully, stepping into their shared living room with two glasses of wine. "Since you've been so stressed out with everything, I thought we could take tonight. No phones, no family, just us."
Amy took the glass with a tired smile. "Thanks for being so cool with everything," she said. "I know I've been kind of distant these last few days."
"No problem," he said. He fingered the ring in his jacket pocket. The original proposal had included several aspects he had to jettison - he was most disappointed about the waiter he had planned to have deliver the ring via slingshot into his hand- but this would do.
Amy went on, "They're both just being complete idiots. I mean, it's enough to almost make me swear off marriage completely."
"Yeah," said Jake. "I get that. But if could put that aside for a minute, I-"
Amy's phone beeped. She held up a finger. "I"m really sorry, Jake, can I just check this really fast?"
He paused for a second but said, "Yeah, sure. Whatever you need."
She grabbed her phone from the table. "Oh, come on!" she yelled. "The new plan in my dad moves to Florida to be with his Aunt Lisa, but if he does that Mom won't get to see the fish forever, and he'll probably miss my nephew's graduation."
She began to pace. "What am I going to do, Jake?"
For a split-second he considered saying, "Marry me?", but instead he stood up and gently took her hands. "Hey, we'll figure this out together. And if we can't, we'll move to Canada and tell your family we died in a train crash."
She smiled. "Sounds like a plan to me." She kissed him softly before returning to the hectic world of fish custody.
5.
This time Jake cornered Boyle on his way to the bathroom. He reached out of the closet where he was hiding and tugged him in by his collar.
"Boyle," said Jake. "It's me, Jake. I know the light's burned out in here, so I'm just getting that out of the way in case you were thinking you were about to be mugged."
"Good plan. I was."
"Okay, you haven't told anyone yet, right?"
"No," answered Boyle. "I definitely haven't."
"Okay, good. I was worried there for a-"
"Oh, I can't lie to you, Jake! Amy got me. I cracked like an egg."
"What?" he asked. "Amy knows?"
"I'm sorry Jake. She got it out of me. She said not to let you follow but she went out to the parking lot to think things through."
"Right," replied Jake, already stepping past him. He swung open the door and made a beeline for the parking lot.
Amy was leaning against her car, gazing down at her shoes. She looked up when she heard Jake's footsteps.
"Jake," she said, standing up and tucking her hair behind her ears.
"I'm sorry," he breathed, meeting her in the middle of the parking lot. "I know that you're not ready right now, which is why I didn't do anything, but-"
She stepped toward him. "Shh," she said, smiling and taking his hands. "Jake Peralta," she said. "Do you want to marry me?"
"Well… honestly, yeah. Of course I do, Ames."
"That's all I needed to hear." She looked over Jake's shoulder. "Boyle?"
Jake glanced behind him and saw the other detectives lined up against the building. Boyle was ahead of the others. "On it!" he yelled. He tossed a yellow object through the air.
There was a brief pause as Amy retrieved it from the top of a car a few spaces away, but she quickly returned and began tearing it open.
"Sorry!" called Boyle.
"It's okay," she called back. She slowly knelt on one knee, holding the red ring-pop in one hand. It was slightly melted and not very pretty, but it glistened in the afternoon sun. "Jake Peralta," she said, "will you marry me?"
Jake grinned wider than Amy had ever seen. "You know that I'm going to wear that blue plastic thing forever, right?"
"Is that a yes?"
"Yes. One hundred percent."
They kissed. She ran her hands through Jake's hair and tried not to get the sticky candy into her own. She failed. She didn't care.
They walked back to the precinct. In between congratulations, he asked her, "How'd you know to ask Boyle?"
"I am a detective, you know." She paused before adding, "Plus, after you went to bed last night I had another glass of wine, and saw the price sticker. Fifteen dollars, yo!"
"I'm so excited we're getting married, but you cannot pull of the word "yo"."
"Okay, do you want to stay engaged or not?"
"Yup. I'm done talking."
(Afterwards Jake said it was only because she bribed him with candy. She laughed and whacked him lightly on the shoulder. He took it back. He kept the blue plastic thing forever.)
The end.