A/N: Whew! Exams are pretty much over. That was intense. Normal service resumes. Probably. :D Sorry!

Chapter 7 - Without the Doctor

The Doctor and Rose were back in the infirmary the next day.

Rose had gone to deal with Sol while the Doctor was busy changing Chris' bandages. The Time Lord kept an eye on his companion, wary of anyone coming in and out of the door.

"My Mum died and I couldn't keep up the house repayments," Chris was explaining as the Doctor worked. "Saw an ad for the regular Celestial Army and thought why not? I had nothing and no one left."

The Doctor nodded, glancing up at the door again when he thought he heard something. Nothing there. "So you're fairly new?" he directed at Chris.

Chris nodded. "About a month ago now. Just my luck to get captured on my first mission out."

The Doctor nodded. "Yeah. So what do you think so far?"

"Dunno," Chris confessed. "No one talks much. This is the longest conversation I've had since I joined."

The Doctor smiled. "Glad to be a part of it."

"How long until I can fight again?"

"You're healing well," the Doctor told him, checking his arm with the PortX. "Shouldn't be long now. Are you desperate to fight again?"

Chris scoffed. "Of course, else I'll lose my wage."

The Doctor nodded slowly, setting Chris' arm gently back down again just as the door opened. The Doctor turned quickly, seeing Jack strolling in. Jack spotted him and walked over.

"Hey Ken, where's Barbie?"

"Over there, sir," he said promptly, pointing towards Sol.

"Thanks, Ken," he said, and without another word strolled over to meet Rose.

The Doctor paused in what he was doing, his hand hovering over Chris' arm.

"Alright?" Chris wondered.

"Lemme listen," the Doctor urged, glancing up at Jack moving to Rose. Chris obediently silenced, listening too.

"Barbie!" Jack greeted Rose. "You're in luck. We've got another mission. Pack up, we leave at thirteen hundred hours."

"Wait, what?" Rose asked quickly, standing up in a panic. "Me?"

The Doctor stood up immediately. Rose's eyes connected with his across the room, wide and panicked. Jack was already leaving, seemingly completely oblivious to their reaction.

The Doctor quickly hopped to meet him at the door. "Captain, permission to speak," the Time Lord said urgently.

Jack smiled at that, and nodded. "Granted."

"Privately?" the Doctor added, nodding around the room filled with intently listening people.

Jack rolled his eyes and beckoned the Time Lord through the main room and into his room, sealing the door behind them. "What?"

"Take me too, please, sir."

Jack snorted with laughter at this. "You? Really?" He pointed at the Doctor's leg in indication. "You're compromised, soldier. We need medical and you'll get nowhere with that leg."

"I'll keep up, I promise," the Doctor insisted, before hastily adding, "sir."

"No. I'm not hanging around for you. She did good work last time, she's capable and we need medical."

"Sir…" the Doctor murmured, swallowing nervously. "Last time she caused a soldier to be attacked by an Ex..."

"I'm well aware of that, but otherwise she did good work."

"No, you don't understand," the Doctor persisted urgently. "The man had a brother in this unit."

Jack's eyebrows lowered. "I know, Lieutenant."

"I think he might be trying to kill her."

"Well, obviously," Jack said, blasé, "but that's her problem, not mine."

"Please, sir." He hated sounding so desperate, but now was not time for his pride. "I'm asking you to please take me too, I'll keep up, I need to make sure she's okay."

"My god," Jack drawled, gazing at him with a smirk on his face. "You're such a husband."

"Sir, I don't care what you think of me, please take me."

"No, Lieutenant," Jack spat, clearly now irritated. "You won't be able to keep up. She comes. Now get out."

"Sir…"

"Get out!" Jack snapped, opening the door and practically shoving him out with enough force to knock him over. The door slammed shut behind him, and the Doctor found himself lying on the grating outside his door, groaning in pain as his leg expressed its discomfort at the rough treatment.

The soldiers laughed and jeered at him. For a moment he could do nothing but lie there, his eyes closed, trying to manage the pain.

"Shut up you ponces," someone suddenly shouted, and the soldiers immediately stopped laughing. The Doctor felt a tap on his shoulder and he looked up to see John, the man Rose had been talking to yesterday. He was offering a hand up. The Doctor took it, struggling upright as Rose joined them.

"What happened?" she asked anxiously.

The Doctor indicated the listening surrounding soldiers with a glance. Both she and John took the hint and helped him to the medical office, the door shutting behind them.

"He won't let me with you," the Doctor said as they helped him sit on the bed.

Rose glanced at John warily. "But… I'm not properly trained."

"He doesn't care," the Doctor muttered. "I can't go because of my leg."

"But I can't," Rose moaned.

The Doctor reached up to her shoulder, gazing at her. "You did it before," he told her firmly. "You can do it again. You've got better equipment this time too and you know how to use it."

She looked at him, absolutely begging him not to put her through this. He couldn't bring himself to meet her eye.

"We'll work it out," was all he could say.

Her gaze fell to the floor. He could see she was on the verge of tears. He didn't see her cry often.

"'Scuse me," she said suddenly, and ran off into the bathroom. Seconds later the shower started up, probably to disguise the sound of her crying. He felt compelled to follow her in and talk to her, but he knew that would do no good. He couldn't exactly reassure her.

It wasn't fair to force her to do this.

John sat down beside him, slightly closer than was acceptable distance. "Y'know, that man had a brother," he suddenly said out of nowhere.

The Doctor looked up at him. "Pardon?" he asked, a little stunned.

"The man she got infected," John continued, "had a brother."

"You know?"

"Oh, I'm very thorough," John assured him. "I'd be pretty worried about that too."

The Doctor fell silent, staring at the floor.

"I'm on the same mission," John told him. "I'll keep an eye on her."

The Doctor looked back up. "Why would you do that?"

"Because call me cynical, but she's clearly not supposed to be here and she's not a soldier. And neither are you. Not anymore. Am I right? Who am I kidding? I'm always right."

The Doctor maintained his gaze. "She's in training."

"Of course," John replied, not sounding convinced. "Silly me."

The Doctor didn't bother answering that. "Look after her," he finally said, resigning to it.

John smiled. It didn't feel genuine to the Doctor.

"Catch you later," John said, and left to the door.

"John," the Doctor suddenly muttered. John turned back. "Look after her," the Time Lord stated again firmly. "Or I'll find you."

"I'll look forward to it, sexy," John said with a wink and a grin before he left, the door shutting behind him.

Rose had left ten minutes previously and the Doctor had been anxiously waiting in the medical office ever since, lying on the bed staring at the ceiling with his hands clutched together on his chest.

Seconds went by so very slowly.

Helplessness wasn't an emotion he was used to feeling, but right now as he lied there inside the dim, small medical office with his leg propped up on a pillow he couldn't help but realise how pathetic he was in this.

Rose was currently out there in amongst a patchwork quilt of limbs, heads and guts with a crowd of selfish soldiers - one of them possibly looking to kill her - and he could do nothing by lie here and wave her off. He'd definitely lost control of the situation a very long time ago.

We should have left.

The thought stuck with such ferocity in his head. They could have just left. But that would have meant abandoning the injured soldiers and undoubtedly leaving them to die under the draconian regime. Sol, Chris, all of them.

But that wasn't him, was it? That wasn't the Doctor.

No, he didn't need to leave, it was Rose that needed to leave, he quickly told himself. There was no doubt she'd suffer for what she'd been through here.

But... there was a reason he didn't want to go to sleep.

His conscience definitely wasn't up to this much taxation.

He groaned, covered his head with his hands and resisted the urge to sleep.

Rose was starting to get used to not having the Doctor around during particularly dire situations. He'd been unusually quiet when she'd left, hugging her for just a tad longer than they were used to. He'd once again made sure she knew what to do, and gave her the order that she should run at any sign of any danger. She knew he was finding this painful. She didn't suppose too many of his companions had been forced into savage warfare of this magnitude without him around. For once, the Doctor had lost his control, and that was terrifying not only to him but also to her.

They were halfway across the wasteland now. They were supposed to infiltrate the Ex base and dismantle a biological weapon that was about to launch, but the nature of the operation meant that for the most part it was disturbingly close to a suicide mission.

John had been with her most of the way, metaphorically holding her hand. She liked him. He was charismatic like future Jack, good looking and had a great smile. Not only that, but he was also strong and had a particularly large gun, which made her feel a bit better. He was also chatting casually, as though they were just strolling down a perfectly normal street.

"I've been in worse," he was telling her as they walked. "I once got pinned down by two Valkilax in this sleazy bar on Jaskar Minor, ever been?"

"No…?"

"Ah, you should. Cute little place, plenty of night life," he said, giving her a wink. She couldn't help but blush a little. "Anyway, there I was, at gunpoint, arms in the air, eyes closed and suddenly boom! Off goes this bomb. Still can't work out where it came from, but off I went, running with my pigtails flapping until I got out of the building and got in range of the proton accelerator and got out of there."

She laughed. "Really? With the armour?"

"Oh yeah," he replied, smiling that charming smile. "Mind you, I did have to hop the last twenty metres."

She laughed again. "Thanks," she said.

"For what?" he wondered.

"Makin' me laugh."

"The Doctor not doing that for you? What is it with you and him?"

Rose sighed, readjusting her backpack. "He… It's complicated."

"'Love him' sort of complicated?" he wondered.

Rose felt her ears burn a little. "No, don't be stupid," she said, flicking back her hair.

John's smile widened. "He's not a local, is he?"

"What?" she asked, stunned.

"Not your regular human," he emphasised.

"Err… No, he's human," she said, flicking her hair again.

"That's adorable."

"What?"

"When you lie you flick your hair."

Rose stared at him, stopping dead in her tracks. "I'm not lyin'."

"Oh, come on, don't treat me like I'm stupid," he insisted. "So what if he's not human? It's not illegal not to be human. Some of the celestial army's best fighters aren't human. Having eyes in the back of your head does help, though."

Rose could feel her ears burning. She didn't know what to say to that.

"So has he got eyes in the back of his head?" John wondered.

Rose sighed. She knew when she was defeated. "No, he hasn't."

"So what species is he?"

"He's… Gallifreyan," she ended up saying. She supposed that was going to garner a bit less attention, and it wasn't exactly lying.

"Hmm," John mused. "So how do a 21st century human woman and an alien from Gallifrey meet?"

"Me?"

"Yeah, you in the vintage clothes and bleached hair."

"I just like the style," she said defensively, being careful not to flick her hair this time.

"Oh, sure," John concluded, not sounding convinced. "Oh, we've lost the crowd," he suddenly added, looking up.

Rose followed his gaze, and immediately froze. "Oh my god, we fell behind!" she realised, seeing the group ahead of them as specks in the distance.

"Relax," he crooned. "Less likely to get shot at now. Fewer targets."

She swallowed nervously, adjusting her backpack again. "C'mon, the quicker we do this the quicker we get back."

"Yes, ma'am," he replied with a mock salute, and they resumed walking again at double pace. The others were going into the tunnel now, so Rose increased her pace even more until she reached the opening, leaving John in the dust, checking her watch as she did.

Suddenly the man who'd been staring at her in the café jumped out, holding a gun straight at her head.

"You killed Tommy!" he spat, his expression full of hatred and anger.

Rose gasped, backing away with her hands in the air, desperately looking for help, but she'd left John behind and the others had moved on… "I'm sorry, I didn't…"

"You fucking bitch!" he spat, levelled his gun…

"Stop! Please!" she begged.

But there was no begging for her life here, she could tell. His eyes were narrow, his expression hard, his teeth gritted with his brow creased in deep, angry lines.

He was going to shoot her. There was no doubt about that.

"No," she squeaked ever so slightly, slamming her eyes closed. Immediately her mum's face flooded her head, kind and smiling, looking down at her from above. Her face was so big it flooded her entire head. Then givijng her mum a Mother's Day card she's done for her at school. Her mum telling her how her Dad had died. Then she was in school, getting told off for carving I love Leo on the desk with the point of her compass. Then winning bronze at the gymnastics contest. Then her first kiss. It had been Trevor from the estate. Good-looking boy. He'd gone to Oxford in the end.

Then there was Jimmy and losing her virginity. Dropping out of school. Then he'd been arrested and she'd gone back to her mum, crying her eyes out. Then she was on the dole, before finally getting the job at Henriks and getting together with Mickey.

Then there was the Doctor, his old face filling her hand as he stretched out his hand to her, his blue eyes bright and wide. Run! He'd said. Then they were running, to the end of the world, back to Dickens, the Slitheen, protecting the Dalek, meeting Jack and everything in-between flashing through so fast she couldn't process them all...

Then his new face with the big brown eyes and huge brown hair she always had an overwhelming urge to run her fingers through. Accusing him of being a Slitheen. Christmas, Cassandra, the Werewolf, Sarah Jane, the Cybermen, ancient Rome… Everything they'd done, so fast and blazingly lit, blinding but so beautiful and brilliant all at the same time…

Then he was in fully in her head, holding her so tightly. She loved his hugs.

Her entire life, flashing before her eyes.

It felt like it should have been a bit longer.

Bang!

For a moment Rose stood there frozen, thinking she was already dead and her body just hadn't realised it yet. It took quite a few, long seconds until she dared to open her eyes, and found the man lying in front of her staring blankly up at the stars, a bullet hole right through the centre of his forehead.

"All right?" a cheery voice asked from behind her, and she turned, stunned to find John standing there, his gun smoking slightly.

"Did you…?"

"Threatening a superior officer," John explained casually, shrugging. "Shall we catch up?"

Rose could only stare at the supine body of the private as John strolled off, realising with a sick feeling that the sight of the dead and now bloody man wasn't even disturbing her anymore.

She finally checked her watch again to properly take in the time. The entire thing had only taken six seconds.

She swallowed, gathered her wits, and followed John.

A/N: You have no idea how long I've been trying to break the Doctor's spirit. I think this is finally the fic he's going to shatter. We'll get there! :D

Review reply! Cos it's been so long :o