Pheromones.

(This is rated 'M' for language and certain content mentioned. It's mainly for safety though since there is almost no lemon. It not that much worst than some of my other stories but I wanted to be safe.)

The mailman handed the French man a brown package. He stood on his door step and ripped open the mail package greedily. He had grown restless while waiting a whole week for his internet ordered package and it was finally here. He held his prize between his thumb and for finger.

It was a tiny, plain white spray bottle.

He shook it and heard the small amount of liquid inside slosh around. He grinned deviously before spraying it once on his wrist.

He sniffed it.

He couldn't smell anything.

He sniffed the bottle.

He still couldn't smell anything.

He had a disappointed look on his face. A loud obnoxious voice called out.

"Hey Francis! What the fuck are you doing?" France looked up and saw Prussia grinning and walking up to him cockily with Gilbird nesting on his head.

"Euh, la Prusse. I jus' bought thiz but zit 'az no effect." He said, slightly annoyed at the company that had ripped him off.

"Mein gott! Is that perfume? Ya a chick now or something?" France rolled his eyes. The white haired man sniffed his nose, trying to catch the scent.

"What is it meant to do? Can I smell it?"

"Oui." France sprayed his wrist again and held it up for his friend to smell.

"Nein. Can't smell anything." France sighed while Prussia laughed suddenly. "You've been ripped off! Kesesesesese!" France looked upset. Suddenly a yellow chick began flapping around France. France stepped away surprised and the bird followed him.

"Whoa! What's up with Gilbird!" Prussia yelled despite there being no need.

"I don't know!" France replied panicking as the bird kept diving at him. It felt like he was being attacked by the cute bird. He soon realised what the bird was doing. It was aiming for the hand that France had sprayed. Prussia realised this too.

"What the hell is that stuff anyway?"

"Ze pheromones."

"Kesesesese! Seriously France?"

"Oui!"

"Are you having trouble getting laid or something?" France scowled a bit.

He wasn't having any difficulty. Sure he might be in a bit of a dry streak but that was by choice! He was just trying to tempt the slightly less willing. Even whores get boring after a while.

Prussia laughed harder. "I can't believe you bought pheromones and they only work on animals! Kesesesesese!"

France stomped inside and slammed the door on Prussia. How embarrassing! That Prussia was probably going to put this on his blog as well. His phone buzzed and he opened it to find a text.

'France, World Wide Meeting in a week so meh and me other broths will have ta be there. Wannae gah drinkin' aftawards? Scottie'

France thought it was strange that the text had the Scottish accent but he couldn't complain. All his texts had the French accent….

Worldwide meeting were rare. ALL countries, states, islands and any other places that were personified had to be there even if they don't go to the regular world meetings or any other meetings.

It was a huge event for everyone and kind of over-crowded and annoying. At least he got to hang out with Scotland at the meetings and molest new people. He texted back a reply saying yes.

He placed the bottle on a table and sighed. He had bought pheromones that only work on animals. Animals were the only ones who could smell them properly so humans were unaffected. Unless they had the same sense of smell as an animal.

A sudden realisation hit him.

If a human had the same sense of smell as an animal then the pheromones would affect him or her. Luckily he knew some people like that. In fact he knew exactly five brothers like that and they would all be going to a meeting next week.

A week later at the Worldwide Meeting...

The meeting was going to start in about 15 minutes. The room was busy with hundreds of people of varying size, gender, nationality and age. Most sat at tables as they were regulars at other meetings and had seats laid out for them. The others had to stand with a sitting country that they were most related to.

Four British brothers and one Irish brother were standing out as they argued above the already noisy crowd.

"Tha's unfair Ireland!" A standing auburn haired man whined like a child, pulling gently on another auburn man.

"NAR, IT ISNAE!" The sitting one screamed back angrily. He seemed like the sort of person to always be angry. Sitting on his desk was a name plate saying 'Republic of Ireland'.

"Aye it is! Why dee ye git ta sit doon?"

"'CAUSE I'M AN INDEPENDENT COUNTRY! Ye want a desk at tha meetin', gah become independent and start coming tah tha regular meetings!"

"Ireland! Stop giving North Ireland ideas!" A blonde yelled at him before turning back to a redhead who was leaning back in a chair.

"And Scotland! Get out of my chair!"

"It nae yer chair. I donnae see yer name on it." He replied lazily.

"It does though!" He pointed angrily at the name plate that read 'United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland' in tiny lettering do it fitted. The red head raised a thick eyebrow.

"Aye?" He turned to look over his shoulder at another blonde who was trying to be as quiet as possible. "Oi Wales. Is England tha only one apar' of tha UK or am I also part of it?" Wales sighed heavily.

"Donnae drag meh intah this please…." Scotland waited a few minutes before the blonde sighed again and turned to England. "Technically he's right. If it said jus' 'England' then it would just be yer seat but it says tha full name of oor country."

Wales nearly always picked Scotland over England. "See! OOR country! This is meh seat as much as yers!" England crossed his arms annoyed. Scotland lit a cigarette lazily.

"Wanker." The red head said with a smirk. England grabbed his arm suddenly, losing his temper.

"GET OUT OF MY SEAT, YOU STUPID GINGER!"

"Whoa! IGGY SNAPPED!" North Ireland screamed. Ireland jumped at the English man.

"GER OOF OF ALBA, YE BASSA!" Wales stepped back and out of the way of the raging auburn man. Ireland was trying to pull off England who was trying to pull off Scotland who was gripping the table and smoking while North Ireland stole Ireland's chair.

The table was now moving slowly along the floor as the men fought over it by tugging at it as hard as they could. The left out blonde sighed. He hated being ignored but with loud, annoying brothers like this, it was impossible to stand out.

Canada suddenly appeared, along with Germany, and together they dragged off Ireland and England. Without a third person for Scotland, he remained sitting with a victorious smile. England stopped struggling in Canada's arms but the Canadian held on. He was quite a volatile person with his brothers around.

Ireland on the other hand was kicking and screaming in Germany's strong arms.

"LEMME GAH! I WANNAE PUMMEL HIM!"

"Nein! Ve are about to start a meeting and you vill behave accordingly!"

"But he attacked Alba!"

"NEIN!" That quietened Ireland and all the other nearby countries who turned to stare at them.

"Nov, Vhat is the problem?"

"He stole my seat!" England accused loudly.

"He attacked Scotland!" Ireland talked angrily.

Scotland shrugged like he was just an innocent bystander. "I was jus' sittin' here."

Germany sighed. "You vill all calm down this instant!"

England nodded and crossed his arms. Ireland was red in the face with rage by eventually nodded. Scotland took a puff of his cigarette.

"Aye but I'm nae movin' fer tha spoilt bairne." England gritted his teeth and Canada tightened his grip.

"Uncle Scotland! Try and not provoke England s'il vous plaît!" Scotland grinned.

"Awww. But it's so damn fun."

"Uncle Scotland!"

"Ahh fine… Ye ken I cannae resist me favourite nephew, Mattie." The fight between those three seemed strangely resolved. Scotland was still sitting but England was too afraid of Germany to argue any more.

However with 5 brothers, just because one fight has been resolved does not mean there is any peace. Canada and Germany had both released their charges; England went to stand by Wales while Ireland went to his seat. Unfortunately it was no longer empty.

"Paddy! Move it!" He said gruffly, still annoyed.

"Nae." North Ireland smiled brightly up at the towering green eyed man.

"Tha's MY seat! NOW BUDGE!" North Ireland looked cheerful despite being threatened by his older brother.

"Nee way!" The second most common fighting (the most common being between England and Scotland) were between the two Irish brothers. They were complete opposites but also the most similar. It was clear where this was going.

Germany and Canada tried to calm them down before it became violent but it only seemed to rile Ireland up more. Being told what to do what one of his pet hates.

Scotland ignored the fighting, preferring to continue smoking quietly until the meeting began. A blonde suddenly interrupted the escalading fight between North Ireland and Ireland.

"Have no fear! The Hero is here!" He made a peace sign and grinned widely. The two Irish brothers paused a moment before yelling at each other again.

America huffed. He didn't like being ignored. He saw England looking moody beside… England? The second England looked uncomfortable, slightly annoyed and kind of quiet.

He also noticed Scotland smoking his cigarette and had an idea.

The red head was staring absently into space. The meeting was meant to begin in five minutes. He disliked meetings, they were boring, long and seemingly pointless, but he had to come to this one. If it wasn't for the fact he was allowed to smoke during them, he would probably snap in the middle.

A cold squirt of water sprayed him in the face. His cigarette went out and became useless. He glared at the American in front of him with a hand water gun. He recognised it as Sealand's.

"Ye betta hav' a bloody gud reason fer doin' tha'!" He threatened.

"I was just saving these good people from your deadly cancer stick's smoke 'cause…. I'M THE HERO!"

"And heroes die young!" Scotland stood up angrily, knocking the chair back. He was just about to leap over the desk at America when two large arms wrapped around him from behind.

"Scotland!" A cheerful Russian hugged him. "You are cute today, da."

"Uh… Cheers?" Scotland squirmed uncomfortably.

Wales carefully took the water pistol away from America while he was distracted. America laughed as England suddenly realised what Russia was doing and tried to stop it….

By yelling….

North Ireland and Ireland were yelling at each other, Scotland was insulting America openly while he tried to insult him back, England was trying to ward off Russia from Scotland who looked ready to murder and at one point China had mistaken Wales for England and was currently demanding that the confused blonde man should pay him back England's debt.

Germany and Canada were trying to stop them while the Italian brothers watched fearfully from a distance. At least no one was punching anyone yet.

This is when France entered the room.

Of course it was easy to spot the huge pile of yelling, arguing thick eye browed men. France took out the small perfume bottle and sprayed it once on each wrist and on his hair and neck. It was only a small tester amount so he could see if his theory was true.

He twirled up to them and flicked his hair, sending a small gush of the pheromones towards.

"Bonjour, mon amis." The reaction was nearly instant. All the green eyed men became silent and frozen as they all stared at France.

France smiled.

That was a good first reaction. He could see the men trying to hide it but the immediate reaction and surprise were too much to hide. The ones who looked the most affected were Ireland, North Ireland and Scotland. England looked the least effected and Wales was somewhere in the middle. But it was clear that the pheromones affected them all.

Canada, Germany, China, Russia and America looked shocked. France had mysteriously stopped all of them from fighting at once with one sentence.

Scotland walked over to France and leaned in. He took a quick sniff before pulling away quickly. A light pink blush dotted his cheeks and ears. The redhead called out suddenly at the other four who were still standing, staring at France.

"Family meeting! If yer nae family then beat it."

The five miraculously huddled together without trying to rip each other's throats out and began to talk quietly and quickly amongst themselves.

Everyone stared at them. Many did not actually know who these people were, only that they were related to England and they argued too much, so this was surprising. It was even more shocking to the people that actually knew them.

"Maple…"

"Dude… Am I hallucinating?..."

"Aiyaa! I don't know, aru!"

"They are not fighting, da?"

"Something about this image is seriously wrong and disturbing!"

"Ja…." They turned to France who was feigning innocence.

"Papa. Qu'aves-tu fait?"

"Nothing, mon petit cher."

"Papa!..." Canada said sternly. France just fanned his hands at the only partially visible blonde.

"I 'ave done nothing wrong." Obviously no one believed him but with no other evidence to say otherwise, they had to trust him for now. The brothers were talking frantically together though.

"….It smells like…. vanilla, …lilies, ….melted chocolate and …something else….." Wales said quietly. North Ireland nodded, with a worried smile.

"Aye. I cannae tell what the other thing is either but it smelled really good….. Really, really good…."

"….Wha' was tha' smell France had anyway, Alba?..."

"It's probably pheromones."

"Pheromones?" England choked out.

"Tha' damn Frog!"

"How the hell did that bloody Frog get fucking pheromones?"

"Doesnae matter! He's git them and he's usin' them!"

"Calm doon Ireland! England!" Scotland snapped.

"We cannae let him ken that we canne smell them oor he'll keep usin' them!"

"I suspect he alreedy kens."

"Geez. I cannae believe yer friends with him Alba… Yer still blushing…."

"Shut it! Yer blushing tah!" All five of the brothers had a tinge of pink on their cheeks, though England was barely blushing at all.

"What should we do for now?"

"I dinnae ken. I recognised the smell 'cause the Fae tried tah use it once but it backfired."

"Backfired?"

"Only animals or humans with a strong sense of smell canne smell and are affected by them. Fairies spend alotta time aroond them so when they used tha pheromones, all tha animals went crazy tah." They fell silent for a moment before North Ireland spoke.

"We hafta dee something… I really wannae kiss him when he smells like this…" Everyone squirmed uncomfortably. Wales whispered.

"Meh tah…" Ireland spoke gruffly.

"Ditto…."

"Aye…."

"I regret saying this but me too…. Just a little though…" There was another silence but this one was very awkward. Ireland spoke angrily.

"Lemme jus' cream him! Tha'll stop him!"

"Nee! He may be a perverted bassa but he's still meh friend!"

"But why!"

"I ainnae tha smartest when it comes tah choices! Especially friends! Enuff said!"

"Let's just try to ignore it for now. It is only one meeting."

"Aye."

"Fine."

"Fuckin' hell!"

"…."

"Stop fightin' tae. Strong emotions and adrenaline will make tha effect worse." Scotland added quickly before they broke the huddle.

Ireland and England sat down at their desks while the others fetched chairs from other places. They all sat down stiffly, trying to ignore the tantalising smell that called them towards it. France moved his desk to right beside them. He took every possible opportunity to flip his hair during the meeting and send a blast of the pheromones in their direction.

He enjoyed watching them blush, glanced at him then looked away embarrassed, squirm and generally being affected by the strange perfume. When the break came, they all stood suddenly and walked out of the door quickly.

"Dude. What's with them? They're acting strange… stranger than usual!" America complained.

"Ve~ They are all running from big brother France." Italy pointed out cheerfully.

"Ohonhonhonhon. Zat is not possible, Ita-chan."

"Papa. You are hiding something from us."

"Non."

"You're lying papa. What are you doing to Uncle Scotland and his brothers?"

"I zwear zit's nothing!" Before Canada could ask any more questions, France ducked out of the room.

Once in the hallway, France took out the small bottle. He sprayed a lot more of the pheromones. In fact he almost finished the tiny bottle.

He walked into the room again, looking to see if the brothers were back yet. Only North Ireland was there. He looked like he was writing or doodling. It seems he was told to wait and take notes if the meeting restarted without the others.

Time to test the large excess of pheromone that now covered him completely. A couple of sprays had an obvious effect so he was excited to what nearly the whole bottle would do. He walked over and leaned on the desk. North Ireland looked up confused before his eyes widened. His face turned a deep scarlet instantly. France grinned and opened his mouth but before he could talk, the Irish country jumped over the desk and grabbed onto France's head.

He pulled the blonde forward and gave a huge heavy lick from chin to forehead up one side of his face before snogging him.

France gasped for air. This was too sudden and too much of a reaction.

Everyone in the room turned as France was attacked by the auburn's man lips. Hungary squealed happily while Japan began taking photos. Two arms grabbed North Ireland and heaved him off of France.

France was gasping for air, after having such a long continuous kiss, and looked up at an angry Scotland who was wearing two black nose plugs. North Ireland was panting heavily, bright red and still trying to reach France. Ireland appeared, looking equally as angry and with nose plugs as well.

"Geez! We leave ya fer 5 god damn minutes tah git nose plugs and ye attack France!"

"I…I… I-I need…F-Fr…. ance… F-France!"

"Fuck! He's like a bloody dog on heat!" Ireland said angrily, glaring at France who had regained his breath but was frozen in shock. "Yer dead afta this, Frog!"

"Come on Paddy. If ye dinnae calm ye doon, we hafta treat ye like a dog on heat."

"That means ye either git fixed or git a bitch and I'm nae payin' fer a fucking prostitute fer ye!" The red head began dragging him away while he squirmed and clawed hopelessly, still trying to reach France.

He managed to wrestle his way partially from Scotland, enough to grab Ireland by the chest. He pulled the shocked older brother towards him and planted a kiss on his lips. A couple of whistles sounded and Hungary squealed again.

Scotland pulled him back again, looking absolutely shocked.

Ireland looked traumatised though, as he stumbled back. He bumped into France, knocking his nose plugs out and the small white bottle of pheromones from France's pocket.

Scotland grabbed his brother's nose with one hand, while having his other arm wrapped around North Ireland's waist. Ireland wiggled in pain but if Scotland let go of his nose, he would detect the pheromones and end up like his younger brother.

France snapped out of his frozen state.

That was an amazing kiss. A bit rough and very desperate but still a very good kiss.

He wanted more!

A lot more!

Like a harem full, with five thick eye browed men all desperate to shag him!

It felt like the pheromones were beginning to work on him too or something. (A/N – France is being affected by pheromones that North Ireland is beginning to release. When animals want sex they begin to release pheromones too. Since North Ireland is horny because of France's pheromones, he is making pheromones himself, making France horny…. Or would it be hornier? He's always a bit horny…)

He looked and saw that Ireland's nose plugs were on the floor and Scotland was trapped, trying to hold one horny brother down and stop Ireland from smelling the heavy air of pheromones. He couldn't use his hands to defend himself from France, if he decided to just remove the two nose plugs he had.

"Oh L'Ecosse!~ Let big brother take thoze ennoying nez plugz!"

"France, I'm aulder! And git away from meh!"

"Ohonhonhon!" He reached up for the nose plugs when another man yelled.

"FROGFACE!"

Splash! A bucket of freezing water crashed into the blonde.

England grinned widely with a victorious look on his face.

"That was bloody fun."

"Aye. Fucking dandy! Now help meh!" Wales and England also had nose plugs. Scotland released Ireland's nose and removed his own nose plugs in relief. Not being able to smell unsettled him deeply.

The two dragged North Ireland away. The cold bucket of water had washed away the heavy smell of pheromones that France had. They came back less than 10 minutes later without the red faced country.

France was panicking over his hair and expensive silk clothes when he suddenly found himself closely surrounded by four pairs of glaring green eyes. They spoke in angry hushed voices so only France could hear them.

"Euuh…. L'Ecosse! Zis iz zilk! Tu cannot get it wet!"

"Belt up Frog face! Give us a reason why we shouldn't just kill you now, you wanker."

"Uh…"

"First off. Where's tha remaining pheromones?"

"I do not know what tu are tal~"

"France!" Ireland snarled in a very animal and scary way.

France cowered. He reached into his pocket to take out the white bottle. He began to search frantically.

"I don't know! I think I lost it!" Ireland grabbed the blonde's collar angrily.

"Whit de ya mean 'I think I lost it'!" Usually Scotland would intervene and save his friend from any harm but this time, he just watched coldly.

"Ahhhh! Don't hurt me!"

"France! Ye git five seconds to give meh tha' bottle or else."

"L'Ecosse! I'm sorry! Stop him! S'il vous plait!" France was basically begging for his life. Scotland's face softened before the back of his hand collided with the blonde's cheek. France was surprised by the blow so he crumpled to the ground easily. The rest of the brothers stepped forward as if to attack but Scotland's voice stopped them.

"Stop." They turned to him confused. "France isnae lying and he's meh friends so only I hafta right tah take revenge…." England glared at France.

"I have my right too! We are rivals!"

"Tuff! I'm taken revenge fer all of us!"

Wales spoke angrily and quietly. "Aye but we wanne moore than one hit, Alba. He dared to challenge oor family and threaten oor blood!"

Ireland nodded. "Aye. We require moore than a gentle pat tah tha cheek!"

England wasn't surprised by his brother's anger or blood lust. This was almost a taboo in their family. They were usually vicious and vengeful when tempted or angered like this, like wild animals, and it was only made worst by the recently drawn out animal instincts. Only fools made enemies of them. Or France in this case who was desperate to have sex….

"Aye but nae here." France cowered as Scotland glared him down. "France. Ye should be happy tha's it meh!" France flinched but nodded. Scotland had hit him lightly, he knew that, and if it was anyone else, they would have been thumped as hard as he could. He stood up and opened his mouth to speak another apology when Russia's voice distracted them all.

"Is this what France was using on Scotland, da?"

"I wonder what it is, aru?" There was the sound of it being sprayed once.

"Dude. It doesn't smell or anything!"

"Veh~ It's is very strange. Big brother France, what is this?" Italy was holding it out. It seems that the others had been distracted by the white bottle and had missed France being hit.

"Ahh…" France paused and glanced at Scotland and Ireland who were holding their breath. Scotland stepped forward.

"It's a repellent. It smells absolutely horrible to us. We haff quite sensitive noses." He spoke rushed so he could speak before he ran out of breath. Ireland nodded quickly, not risking trying to talk.

"Oh." Italy examined it carefully before spraying it again so it spurted out its last drop of pheromone, much to their relief.

"Really?" He nodded, after quickly running out of air. Wales started speaking instead.

"Canne we hav' that then? We donnae like othas havin' it."

"Si! Ve~" Italy happily handed the small bottle to the blonde.

"Here you go, England."

"Wales."

"Oh right. Sorry, ve~." He passed the bottle to Scotland, who made it disappear somehow.

Scotland eventually had to breathe again. The pheromones attacked his sense again and he started blushing again. He swore under his breath ads he tensed his body to stop himself from doing something he would regret.

Luckily Wales had confiscated Sealand's water gun off of America earlier so he sprayed Scotland in the face quickly. Scotland glared at Wales and wiped his face. It had gotten rid of the smell of pheromones but he still didn't like it.

Ireland had started wearing the plugs again. England was standing threateningly by France, who looked like he was trying to disappear like Canada when the meeting finally resumed.

France was suddenly regretting moving his chair so close to Britain as four glares promised him that this dry sex streak was only the start of his problems...

(A/N - This was my second specific request and it was done by my real life friend who I will call X. X has a slightly perverted mind and begged me to write a story involving France, all five of the bothers and some sort of purfume. I finally relented. I hope you like this X and sorry... I didn't put any actual sex in it despite your demands...

You can thank X for this story.

This story is only rated M for safety. I wasn't really planning any more M storys unless requested. Lemon may be accepted but only if I like the plot suggested. Senseless sex doesn't appeal to me... unless it's between hot guys... hmmm? Does that mean no Hetalia sex is pointless?...

Fine Lemon requests is accepted if I'm in the mood.

Now accepting requests!

REVIEW PLEASE!)