Greetings readers!

Apologies for the late update, you may blame my friend who has introduced me to a new show of late, and it has consumed more time than I thought possible.

I warned her that when I start a new show, I go crazy, I am a slight fan addict...

Anyway! I told myself I could watch the season one finale, and then I would get some well overdue writing done, so here I am.

Alright! So I'm thinking I'll skip through a lot of the Districts, since I want to focus mainly on the Capitol visit, and then I'll be doing some time jumps.

I want to partially feature Mag's first year as mentor, and then I'll skip a few years into the future to set certain things in motion.

I believe we're a little more than halfway through this story, but I'm not exactly sure :P

Once I finish this story, I will be postponing the next HG fanfic featuring Finn and Annie's son, until I finish my "Sherlock" story, because, in all honesty, I created too much work for myself. Five stories that require updating regularly? Plus writing a full length novel? Yeah, too much to handle.

So! I'll keep you all posted on that, if you are interested in checking out my original work, I can be found on "Wattpad" under the same name as here.

Chapter Fourteen: Crumbling.

District Ten was one of the hardest.

One side of the stage was empty, the closest thing Steel had to family had been Melinda's. I could barely finish my speech, having to force my eyes not to wander down to the small gaunt faces of Melinda's little sisters.

Dash had noticed I was in trouble, and cut the speech short. Once we were back on the train, I broke down and told him everything about Steel and Melinda. I've been told a lot of our conversations in the arena had been muted due to the topics we were discussing. The Capitol can't afford to be shown the harsh reality that most of the Districts live in.

I had explained my promise to Steel, that I would do everything I could to look after Melinda's family.

"Is there anything I can do?"

He gently wiped my tears off with his thumb, and gave me a small smile.

"I'll see what I can do."

After we left, he told me that he had arranged a certain amount of money to be sent to them once a month, enough to live off. He told me not to worry about it anymore, the transaction was highly secretive, and only a very few trusted people knew about it.

I had felt better after that, and asked if he could do the same for all the tribute's families that needed the help. He promised that he would arrange it, and I felt a weight lift off my shoulders.

But it came crushing back down when we reached District Eight.

Standing on the platform, looking out over the stony faces, meeting the eyes of Lola's father is my breaking point. I try to fight the tears but it's useless. I failed him, I failed Lola and Will, I promised him I would look out for her, and now her father had lost his little girl, because I couldn't save her. I couldn't save anyone, survival is my curse.

"I'm sorry."

I sob, looking at Lola's father with tear blurred eyes. I feel a peacekeeper's hand on my shoulder as I try to step forward.

"I'm sorry I couldn't save her."

I choke out, pulling my shoulder away from the peacekeeper and stepping closer to the edge of the stage. I'm sure that they've cut the camera's off by now, probably blaming it on technical difficulties. Victors can't afford to be shown as they are. Broken.

"I tried, but she still died and it was my fault."

My voice rises as my chest constricts with sobs. I feel a rough hand grab my arm and jerk me back towards the justice building. I struggle and try to pull free, crying out in pain as the grip tightens. Dash is there in a second, wrenching the man's hand off my arm and shoving him away. He stares the man down, daring him to make a move.

"I'll get her."
He says coldly. The peacekeeper nods and backs away. I stare with wide eyes at Dash and shake my head.

"Please don't make me go back."

His jaw flexes as he grits his teeth.

"I'm sorry Mags."

I turn and try to run, but before I can take a single step, his strong arms wrap around my waist tightly.

"No!"

As he starts to pull me away, I look back at the crowd.

"Don't let them do this, don't let them kill your children!"

Dash's hand clamps over my mouth before I can say anything else, and he whispers harshly in my ear.

"Shut up, Mags!"

As my eyes land on the train, a fresh wave of panic hits me, and my vision blurs, I'm back in District Four, boarding the train with Will. I see him standing by the doors, about to step inside.

"No! Will, don't go in please!"

I scream, struggling to escape Dash's arms and pull Will away from the train, away from death.

"NO!"

His bloody body burns across my vision, and suddenly I'm in District Four again, being pulled away from Felix the day I left for this damned tour. Dash, he's always the one pulling me away from the ones I love. Pulling me away from everything. Will, my home, Felix, everything.

"Let go of me!"

I shriek, struggling violently.

"I will sedate you!"

Dash threatens as my elbow comes in contact with his ribs. He releases me and grabs me again, this time pinning my arms to my sides.

"Let me go! Dash! I can't take it anymore! Let me go please!"

He lifts me off the ground and pulls me into the train, the doors sliding shut, locking me in once again. My prison.

"No..."

I say weakly, slumping in his arms as I stare at the doors.

"No, I can't go back. I can't, I can't go back...I can't."

I repeat this over and over as Dash's grip loosens on me, sliding his hands to my shoulders and turning me to face him.

"Mags, you need to snap out of this."

I laugh, and lift my hands.

"I have snapped!"

I draw circles in the air around my temples.

"Don't you get it? I've been going mad for a while now, it's about time I lost it."

I start giggling crazily, feeling drunk, someone else has control over me now.

"I thought I could do it, thought I could go back to the Capitol."

I suddenly grow angry and step closer to him, our faces just inches apart. I lower my voice savagely.

"But I won't. I can't. I won't step one foot into the nest of snakes."

Dash is growing more and more concerned as I lower my voice confidentially.

"They're demons. All of them. I thought the arena was hell, but no."

I shake my head.

"No the Capitol is hell. And if I'm going to be forced back into hell, I'll walk through the gates insane."

I see stars and the left side of my face lights up with stinging pain. I hold a hand to my cheek and stagger back a step.

"What the hell?"
I scream, my eyes watering with the pain. Dash stands with his hand still raised, observing me carefully.

"What the hell, Dash?!"

I repeat, rubbing my cheek slightly.

"How do you feel?"

I glare at him in disbelieve.

"Not to damn well since you freaking slapped me! What the hell did you do that for?"

He blinks several times, and shift from one foot to the other.

"You...I..."

He stammers. I suddenly look around, frowning as I try to remember what just happened. I remember being on the stage...and then I started to cry...and then Dash slapped me.

"What...what happened?"

His face grows concerned.

"You don't remember?"

I slowly shake my head.

"I, uh...you..."

He clears his throat and laughs nervously.

"You scared me so bad."

My stinging face is forgotten as I lower my hand and ask apprehensively.

"What happened?"

He shakes his head.

"I don't know. You just sort of...snapped."

Memories crowd into my brain and I gasp.

"I...did I say those things? I thought...I didn't know it was real..."

I bite my lip and stare into space.

"What's wrong with me?"

Dash's arms wrap around me and pull me against his chest, holding me protectively.

"You're a victor."

I start to cry again, curling up against his chest.

"What's going to happen to me?"

"Nothing. You're going to be fine."
I shake my head.

"No, I'm not. I'm not fine. Its like I wasn't in control of my body at all."

Dash rubs my back soothingly.

"Hey, it wasn't your fault. It was just too much."

My shoulders are trembling and my voice shakes as I say.

"Its too much. How am I supposed to finish the tour? We're not even halfway through and I already can't take it."

Dash pulls away and meets my eyes.

"It's going to be okay."

I sniff and shrug slightly.

"How?"

"Because I won't let anything happen to you."

I wipe my face off with my sleeve and sniff.

"You can't save me from myself."

He takes both of my hands in his, and looks directly into my eyes.

"Mags, I will always be there to save you. Even if it's from yourself."

I sigh and rest my forehead against his chest briefly, taking a deep breath and straightening back up.

"I don't think I can go through with the rest of the tour..."

I blinked several times and gave him a tight smile.

"I think I'm going to go rest before the dinner tonight."

I could see the hesitation in his eyes, unwilling to leave me alone, but also wanting to give me space. Finally he nods and briefly smoothed my hair down.

"Alright, I'll see you tonight."

Once I've escaped to my room, I soak in a hot shower for a little over an hour, trying to wash away the stress and tension tightening my muscles. Wrapped in a towel, I survey myself in the mirror, and void of any makeup, the effects of the tour are plain to see.

Redness ringing my eyes, the lose of weight and paler tone of skin. It's almost as bad as when I first was pulled out of the arena.

I look down at the scars covering my body, my wrists, arms, torso and legs are all covered in white flaws, marking my wounds. As I look at my scars, I notice that it looks as if my skin was torn apart and then pieced back together. Just like my mind.

I open the medicine cabinet, and examine the contents. Pulling out a dark purple bottle whose label simply reads: "Bliss"

I pop the lid off, and shake one of the pills into my hand, looking at the enticing oval pills with the violet shine. Bliss...I could really use some of that right now.

I hesitate, before placing the pill onto my tongue. It dissolves instantly, filling my mouth with a delightful sweet taste. I glance up at the mirror, and note that my eyes look slightly glassy, banishing the earlier dulness.

I suddenly smile, feeling giddy and excited. Blowing a kiss at my reflection, I go into my room and start to get dressed. I've just donned my underwear and bra, when there's a knock on the door and my prep team rushes in.

I squeal excitedly and give them all hugs, they seem slightly surprised, but happy that I'm in a good mood. They work quickly and before I know it I'm dressed and styled in light pinks and grays.

Before I exit the room, I retrieve the purple bottle and slip it into my purse. This dinner was going to be fun.

The people at the dinner were nice, the food was good, but that's pretty much all I remember on the way back to the train. Pixie was absent, and I briefly wonder where she was. Dash barely said two words to me on the way to the mayor's house, and disappeared soon after, no doubt on another one of his "dates".

"That was so much fun!" I say, drawing the last word out and giggling as I poke Peggy's pale violet skin. My prep team are all still a bit surprised at my giddy state, but other than that, it doesn't seem to bother them. Twinkle laughs and nudges my side.

"What's gotten you in such a good mood?"

I throw my hands up and declare in what I think to be a mysterious voice.

"Magic, and purple!"

They join in on my laughter and soon I'm in the train, humming a tune as I spin into my bedroom. Once inside, I pull my dress off, and am about to take my hair down from it's perfectly structured up do, when I frown and the song I've been humming registers.

"Oh..."

I say quietly, my former good mood vaporizing as I softly sing the lyrics to myself.

"Over the mountains of life's trials, through the valley of death. Across the river, that flows like time through the day. We watch you depart on your last breath.

Though you are gone, and we are here, we know you are safe, you have nothing to fear. Life is better, where you are, we'll look up and see your soul as a star.

The stars shine bright, every soul is alight, you give us courage, when we see your light. The darkness is never total, there is always a sign, whenever things seem lost, hope will always shine.

So shed no tears, dry your eyes, put on a smile, the sun will rise. And keep me in your heart, through every day, and in the dark, you will find your way."

I blink rapidly, my eyes somehow suddenly filled with tears. Lola's song, the one she sang for Milo.

"Damn it..."
I mutter grumpily, feeling the first few tears stream down my cheeks. I crumple to the ground and hug my knees to my chest, shoulders shaking with sobs as the song remains stuck on replay in my mind.

"Get out of my head!"

I scream, pressing my hands against my temples as I gasp several times. Something registers in my brain, and I scramble for my purse, digging out the bottle and shaking two of the pills into my hand.

"No more tears. Not tonight."

I say determinedly as I pop both pills into my mouth. Within seconds I am feeling light as a feather and twice as giddy as before.

I pull on a silk robe over my underwear and bra, and wander out into the train, dancing through the cars, giggling and singing the whole time. I receive some odd looks from servants, but they just duck their heads and continue with their work. What business is it of theirs what I choose to do? If I want to dance and sing around the train then I'll damn well do it.

Somehow I end up in Dash's room, and I cast a glance at the large king sized bed.

"Its a cloud!"

I squeal joyfully, taking a running start and leaping onto the soft mattress, my weight causing me to sink slightly. I giggle and begin to jump, the springs launching me into the air, letting me fly until the soft mattress embraces me, then throwing me up in the air once again.

I'm not sure how long I've been jumping on the bed when the door suddenly opens. I spin mid air and my eyes land on a very disheveled, very confused looking Dash.

"Mags?"

He says in disbelief, his eyes never leaving me. I bounce to a stop on the bed, and my eyes widen as I grin.

"Dash!"

He looks quite funny with his mouth hanging open, a hand still on the door, one eyebrow pulled up and the other lowered in a perplexed look.

"Mags...what...?"

I jump off the bed, sway slightly, and then skip over to him. He is still in shock, but he glances at the ceiling quickly when he notices what I'm wearing. He clears his throat nervously and a slight flush enters his cheeks.

"Um...Mags, could you, uh, close your robe?"

I look down and notice for the first time that my robe came undone, and that I'm still only dressed in my underwear and bra. I giggle at his blush and hold the robe open slightly, shifting the fabric on my shoulders as I say.

"What? Nothing you haven't seen before."

He takes the fabric from me and ties the robe shut securely, then he meets my gaze, and his eyes narrow as he looks into mine.

"What's wrong with you Mags?"

I frown and reply angrily, turning away and taking several steps towards the bed.

"Nothing's wrong with me. I'm fine."

I turn around as he drops his jacket and shoes onto the floor and takes a step towards me.

"Why are you acting like this?"

I lift my arms in the air and smile innocently.

"Acting like what? Happy?"

He frowns and shakes his head.

"Drugged."

I grin again as realization sets in.

"Yes!"

The concern grows on his face, along with disbelief.

"You took something?"

I glance at him coyly, twisting the silky robe between my hand as I drawl.

"Maybe."

"What did you take?"

I smile and straighten up, turning to face him fully.

"Purple magic! It's shiny and makes you feel all floaty and it tastes like this!"

I skip forward and throw my arms around his neck, planting my lips firmly against his and kissing him heatedly. He hesitates for a moment from shock, and then places his hands on my shoulders, pushing me away.

He's breathless and concerned as he tightens his grip on my shoulders.

"What the hell Mags?"

I giggle.

"Did you taste the purple magic? Its like mermaid tears."

He frowns.

"Purple magic..."

I nod seriously, leaning closer and whispering secretively.

"Don't tell my dad I kissed you, he would probably throw you into the ocean."

I break into another fit of giggles at the image and then almost fall, my knees suddenly giving out. Dash keeps me from falling, and scoops me into his arms. I squeal and cling to his neck, still giggling.

"I'm flying!"

He lets out a sigh and opens the door, carrying me towards Pixie's room. I poke his chest and arm several times.

"You're really strong, like super strong."

I giggle and kick my legs slightly.

"Superman! Superman, superman, superman."

He knocks on Pixie's door and then turns to look at me.

"Would you stop saying that?"

I wrinkle my nose and peck his lips.

"Okay superman."

He looks away quickly, and his voice is irritated when he says.

"And stop kissing me."

I pout, and the door opens. I smile elated, the pout long forgotten as I scramble out of Dash's arms and seize Pixie in a hug.

"Paula! How come you aren't all Capitolish?"

She turns to Dash immediately.

"What happened?"

He glances at me.

"I think she got her hands on some Bliss, she keeps talking about 'purple magic' and how it made her feel better."

I smile brightly.

"Yes! Purple magic. Do you have any? I should go get some more!"

Both Dash and Pixie grab an arm each, halting the return to my room.

"Hey! I'll share if you two want some."

Pixie sighs and opens the door all the way.

"Bring her in, this is going to be a long night. Once the drug wears off she'll crave more, we can't let her out of our sight."

As Dash pulls me into the room, I begin to pout again.

"You guys are no fun."

The next hours are a blur of sweating, crying and having Dash hold my hair back as I lean over the toilet bowl, my body rejecting the drugs and craving them all at once.

Around two o'clock in the morning, I've finally returned to semi normalcy. Dash brought me back to his room, and now I'm lying on his bed, curled up beside him.

"I'm sorry."
I sniff, tears creating a small wet spot on his shirt. He tightens his arms around me briefly.

"It's okay."

I shake my head.

"No it's not. It was stupid. And I'm sorry I kissed you."

He shrugs.

"Its fine."

I sit up and turn to him.

"No, it's not. I wanted to stop hurting you, but it seems no matter how hard I try I'm always hurting someone I care about. Will, Lola, Felix, my dad and Leroy, you, Pixie, I hurt all of them..."

"It's not your fault."

I wipe my face off angrily.

"Yes it is. People I care about get hurt because stupid little Mags can't keep it together."

Dash holds my face in his hands and forces me to look at him.

"This is the Capitol, not you. None of it is your fault."

I sigh and then lay back down.

"Yeah, but I can't punish the Capitol, I can only punish myself."

Dash shifts slightly on the bed, and rests his head against mine.

"Do you know how you can punish the Capitol?"

I shake my head, and he continues.

"Be happy, live your life by your own rules. Don't let them win."

The strain of the evening is wearing down on me, and I feel my eyelids grow heavy as I reply.

"I won the games...not the Capitol."