A/N: Beta'd by Mac214. I'm embarrassed by the grammar fail this was before she fixed it. Thank Jeebus for super betas like mac and jkane180! This chapter is dedicated to Browns because I was a douche and forgot she was reading it. Love me anyway?
Facebook Status: Who the fuck do I think I am, Cinderella?
"Do you think it's too random to take up smoking as, like, a conscious choice." I was speaking much too fast, but I was worried that if I didn't stop, something stupid would happen. Honestly, I was not equipped to have a conversation with this boy. He was too fucking perfect. "Really stupid idea, actually. With my luck, I'd lose a lung to cancer by the time I'm twenty. I'm pretty sure my sole reason for existing is to be a cautionary tale. Do you ever feel that way?"
Sex-Hair smiled his crooked smile, and the light from the midday sun sparkled off his teeth like God was shining a fucking spotlight on him. He was one of those beautiful people I was supposed to despise on principle for being perfect when I couldn't be. I didn't despise him at all. I kinda wanted to lick him a little...well, a lot.
"What did my sister say to upset you?" he asked simply and plucked a piece of lint off my t-shirt, like touching me was the most natural thing in the world. He rubbed the lint onto his pant leg, only a couple of inches away from the seam of his crotch. What a lucky fucking piece of lint.
"Oh, nothing really. I couldn't possibly take her seriously...she's too, er, short."
My breath caught in my throat. It occurred to me I was still staring south of his equator, and so help me, I could make out the outline of his dick through the denim. I wonder if he's a grower or a shower... I dragged my eyes to his face, hopefully before he could realize that I was a depraved hornball.
Edward's face broke out into a wicked grin, and I noticed that his teeth weren't actually that perfect at all. If anything, his incisors were a little too pointy, and there was a sesame seed or something lodged between his front teeth. Yeah, unfortunately, this only made me lust after him harder, and because I was a sick fucking freak, I wanted to dislodge it with my tongue.
"I'll protect you from her wrath." He passed me the registration forms, looking down at my hands when our fingers brushed. "Wow," he said. "A spark. Did you feel it?"
"I have a boyfriend," I blurted like an asshole and thrust the forms back at him for no reason I could think of.
"Electrostatic phenomenon."
"Guh?" My fingers were burning from his touch. Come to think of it, my loins were on fire too. I never really noticed my loins before Edward Cullen touched my hand. I think they were located somewhere in my clit. Yep, my clit was totally twitching, trying to call attention to herself. "Over here," she screamed. "I want to feel the spark too!"
"Static shocks never happen in Forks; it's too damn wet. You must be some sort of demon, Isabella Swan."
"Maybe you're the demon," I challenged.
"Oh, most definitely. I'm having very evil thoughts at the moment. Thoughts that I'm pretty sure your boyfriend wouldn't appreciate." He dragged his finger across my cheekbone, and I swear, I nearly came. I could feel his caress on my face as if his finger was trained on my clit. Oh, fuck, I wanted to take his hand off my stupid face and stuff it in my panties.
"Why?" I squeaked. Fuck, why was I genetically predisposed to being an asshole? Why couldn't I be one of those blessed suave bitches that I hated so much? This whole fucking conversation was positively surreal. Also, I was in love with Jake, and I refused to be a douche by cheating on the only good thing I'd ever known. Despite the voice of reason firmly demanding I back away from the object of my almost violent lust, I found my head tilting forward. Kissing Edward was something I felt compelled to do. Shit, I had no other way of explaining it. His mouth drew me forward like an object pulled toward the singularity of a black hole. My entire universe spun on its axis.
"Bella...I'm a complete schmuck." He turned his face away from me just short of our lips grazing, and I died a little. "I promised my dad I'd leave you alone."
"Okay," I said lamely and covered my mouth with my hand. Everything was still spinning a little, and I could feel my heart hammering in my chest, my body a live wire fed with adrenaline and despair.
"I don't think we should be friends," he added, hammering a stake through the heart. I swallowed thickly and inhaled a strangled gasp, willing myself not to show any emotion. Only seconds ago he was about to kiss me. I was positively reeling.
"Yeah, no worries." There was no way I'd allow myself to cry in front of this asshole. A tear totally slid down my cheek though. "I'm wearing the wrong jeans and stuff. Alice already read me the riot act on my crimes against fashion."
"Oh, god, Bella-no! That's not it at all. Look, will you just trust me when I say I'm not the right kind of friend for you?"
I hardly knew this guy. How dare he have this kind of power over my emotions? "You egotistical prick!" I spat. "I don't give a fuck about you...and yeah, I totally don't want to be friends with you or whatever." With clumsy fingers, I dug through my backpack for the keys to my truck.
"Wait, Bella. Just hold on a sec so I can explain myself-"
"Fuck you!"
I ran away, and I'm pretty sure he didn't try to follow me. In my haste, I dropped my registration papers. It was totally an accident. Totally.
"Bella, wait! Don't you need this?"
Nope, not turning around. I could find another way to register for school, I reasoned with myself as I heard him collect the papers I dropped.
Honestly, I just wanted Edward to disappear and leave me alone.
Who the fuck was I kidding?
-({})-
"I meant to go shopping, Bells." Charlie frowned at the Pop-Tarts on my plate. He sighed heavily and opened the fridge.
"C'mon, Dad, you can keep looking, but that won't magically put food in there. It's fine. I'm totally used to fending for myself. Can I have a beer?"
"No."
I snorted out my disgust, shooting pastry out of my nose and across the table. "Fucking, ow!" Instantly, my hand shot up to rub the bridge of my nose. Only I could manage to injure myself while eating. "So there're no vegetables in the house but we have a case of Bud?"
"Two cases. Gotta have my priorities straight." He tilted his head back and swallowed the rest of his beer. "I'm going to the Lodge for a bit."
"Cool." Would it be needy of me to call Jake? The evening yawned before me like a gaping chasm. Hm, come to think of it, my gaping chasm was feeling kinda needy too.
"Bella?"
"Yeah?" I could totally tweet him...maybe that wouldn't be as needy as calling. Sex probably wasn't a good idea, but that didn't mean he couldn't make me come a little, did it? I could lure him over with beer and pussy. What kind of guy would say no to an offer like that? I was pretty sure a twitter poll would reveal a pussy-plus-beer-offer would make me a super cool and awesome girlfriend as opposed to a needy twat.
"I've counted the beer bottles, so don't be scheming to get drunk."
"Well, fuck."
"Oh, and by the way, you and Jake aren't fooling anyone."
My entire body jerked in surprise, jostling my plate on the table. Alright, that got my attention. "What do you mean?" I blinked rapidly, feigning innocence.
"Billy and I know you're sweethearts."
I snorted again. Sweethearts?
"Please stop horking Pop-Tarts at me. Yeah, we figured it out. Billy said Jake won't stop yammering about you."
"Really?"
"Yeah." He smirked. "I told him you get all moon-eyed every time I mention anything to do with La Push or fishing or-"
"Oh my god, you didn't! What if Billy tells that to Jake? Dad, don't you know anything? He's going to have the upper hand now!" So I totally sounded like George Costanza, but I had no hand! There was no way I could ask him to come back tonight without losing face.
"Calm down, Bella. The kid is crazy about you. Billy says-"
"I don't want to hear it."
-({})-
"Thirty-two bottles of beer on the wall. Thirty-two bottles of beer," I sang. My pitch was shit, but it didn't really matter since I was naked and drunk and alone. The bed squeaked as I shifted on the mattress and pressed my fingers roughly against my clit. I closed my eyes and picked up the pace, imagining Jake's heavy body rocking on top of me. Moaning, I slid a finger inside myself and pumped it rhythmically, concentrating on summoning to mind the way his muscles rippled as he moved, but I couldn't quite hold on to the image. Jake was blurry around the edges, and I shuddered, anticipating the terror that was sure to follow - the same terror that had robbed me of my orgasm for the last year. I couldn't come when the object of my wank sessions would always be replaced by the face of my nightmares.
But that didn't happen this time: Jake morphed into Edward. I cried out and pushed another finger inside of my pussy, imagining his dick throbbing inside of me.
"Do you feel the spark?" imaginary Edward panted into my ear.
"Fuck, yeah! Oh, fuck, I feel it," I yelled, bearing down on my hand. He groaned out the sexiest sound, which I echoed.
"I just can't stay away from you, Bella. I'm too selfish...I need you."
"Then don't," I pleaded, feeling exhilarated and strangely, a little frightened as a blissful heat spread across my pelvis.
"You're beautiful," dream Edward whispered reverently while releasing into me. In that moment, I even felt kind of pretty. I added a third finger and came around my hand imagining it was Edward's cock.
Well, fuck. It was a perfect fit.
A/N: I owe a fuckton of review replies. I read everything and appreciate every kind word, but I'm a scatterbrain with too much shit going on. If you're reading and not reviewing, I love you anyway! Now that BBS is complete, I hope to update this fic twice a week and catch up on all replies.
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