I want to send a baskets of porn to my betas jkane180 and mac214. Also, big buttercream cocks to browns and wordslinger for pre-reading me.
It was my birthday on Monday and a shitload of all y'all got together to make an awesome birthday site for me. I'm going to link it on my profile. If you're over eighteen, check it out! This chapter is dedicated to my friends Jess, Candace, Kari and Althea for putting together that amazing blog! Also, a co-dedication to SnowyHedwig for my fave review of chapter seven. Mwah!
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I really, really like Dr. Cullen, like, so much! I mean, who the fuck gives away Percocet for free? A fucking guardian angel, that's who! I feel so good right now. I don't even care that Jake is looking at me like I'm some sort of mental reject. I don't care at all... actually, I'd like to suck his dick. Oh my god, I could totally be sucking his dick right now! Why am I not sucking his dick?
In point of fact, upon closer inspection I noticed I didn't feel as good as I thought. My back was itchy, and I was full of nervous energy compounded with unfocused lust.
"Jake," I slurred, writhing like a bitch in heat in his ridiculously small bed. "Oooh, why is it so fucking hot in here?" Beads of sweat slid down my brow and into my eyes, blurring my vision and stinging me. My sweat was salty.
Ocean water was leaking out of my pores.
Not really. Tears were made of salt. That was kind of ridiculous when I thought about it... the way the body secretes salt around delicate mucus membranes.
Pouring salt over wounds.
"Jake," I repeated, squinting through the fog. The way he was looking at me... he was raw need. It was wrong for him to love me. He was sweet and soft and apt to cut himself on my sharp, unpolished edges.
What if I hurt Jake? Could I live with myself? I needed him so fucking much, though. I'd be cutting his heart open while simultaneously crying salt into his wounds.
"Stay under the covers, Bella. Your fever's breaking." He tried to bunch an itchy old blanket around me, and I swatted at his hands.
"Stop it! I have a question." I really liked the way his cheek bones jutted out of his face. I wished I had cheek bones too, but alas, my entire face was still covered in what Renee liked to call 'baby fat'.
"What's your question?"
"I'm going to suck your cock. Take your pants off."
But Jacob morphed into a shadow, and the room filled with steam from an unseen source. Also, suddenly and without warning, Alex Trebek materialized in front of me.
"I'm sorry, Bella," Alex Trebek crooned. "You didn't answer Jacob in the form of a question."
Um, what the fuck?
Why was Alex Trebek in the room? "Why's Alex Trebek in the room?"
"Because it's time for Double Jeopardy, Bella. Do you know how to play?"
Wow, this was way trippy. I swear to Microsoft that Alex stood in front of me, plain as day, that Jake's stuffy closet of a bedroom suddenly morphed into a massive sound stage. Spotlights poured down from the ceiling, shining hotly and brightly against the top of my head. The searing heat from what could only be a ten billion watt bulb was burning the skin off my forehead.
"Cool, but could you dim the lights?"
"Bella?" I could hear Jake's voice in the distance, but I wasn't paying attention. I had a game to play.
Alex Trebek no longer had a mustache, which just irked me to no end. A true quiz show host should be mustachioed. Nevertheless...
"Yeah, I know how to play." A canned soundtrack filled the room with staggered cheering and an overwhelming applause. I bowed deeply in response. This was so exciting! I fucking loved game shows.
"Pick a category, Bella," Alex's conspicuously naked mouth demanded.
I squinted but only could see one topic.
"I'll take 'My Stepfather Fucked Me' for $1,000, Alex."
The studio audience erupted into boos and hisses.
"No, no, no!" I screamed. "Shut the fuck up!"
All sound cut off. The silence was so thick it echoed.
"Isabella?"
"Bella," I said automatically and turned my head, meeting a pair of emerald eyes I wasn't expecting. "Dr. Cullen?"
"Jacob, I'd like you to leave the room, please." His voice was even and urgent, all at once.
"I... Bella, do you want me to leave?"
"What happened to Jeopardy?" I asked softly.
"There's no TV in the room," Jacob replied, not to me but to Dr. Cullen.
"Yeah, I think you both should get the fuck out." I was feeling uncharacteristically snarky, and they were harshing my delirium. "I'd like some more Percs, though, from Sex-Hair's father."
"Who's Sex-Hair?"Jacob snapped.
I wanted my quiz show porn back.
"I need to get to the hospital, Bella. I'd like you to come with me," Dr. Cullen said carefully, smoothing down his dark blond hair as it threatened to misbehave as badly as his son's did. "Her fever is broken," he explained to Jake. "She's just a little confused."
"Um… yeah, no. I just want to go home." I chewed mercilessly at my lower lip in a way that could be described as thoughtful, but really, it was a disgusting compulsive tendency. "I don't want to talk about it."
"Talk about what?" His eyes made me think of Edward, and suddenly I wanted to cry for reasons I didn't understand. Even though I totally didn't mean to, I thought about Edward's mouth and the way the left side rose higher than the right when he smiled. Actually, he didn't smile - he smirked...no, that wasn't right, either. The corner of his lip formed a hook. and his face was the bait. His cock, the fishing rod... oops, the good doctor probably was waiting for me to speak, you know, since my mouth was already open.
"That shit you're gonna try to get me to talk about." I looked quickly at Jake, and thank fuck he remained stoic, uncomfortably so. Don't speak, I attempted to communicate telepathically.
"What shit?"
"Don't use your Jedi mind tricks on me. I don't want to talk about the thing I don't want to talk about it. Get it? Not talking."
He sighed. "I'm not a bad guy, Bella. If you don't want to talk to me, there're other people, counsellors, available for you to chat with."
"No," I snapped.
"Alright." His voice was resigned. "I'm going to take you home."
"Wait," Jake interjected. "I'm coming with her."
"No, Jake. I want to be alone." Oh my god, I was such a bitch. The problem was, I was high as a kite and possibly lethally horny.
"Who's gonna take care of you , Bells? Charlie's at work."
"I can take care of myself!" I snarled. Jake raised his eyebrow incredulously. "I can," I insisted.
"I'll call Charlie," Jake said sadly. "You're in no condition to be by yourself."
"Tell him to pick up some more beer on the way home."
-({})-
Dr. Cullen ushered me to his shiny fucking Mercedes, holding my arm like a perfect gentleman. I nearly lost my footing in the overgrowth of Jake's front yard on the short walk from the door to the driveway.
"You need to talk to someone about this, Isabella," he said sternly, opening the passenger side door for me.
"Bella," I corrected harshly.
"Sorry… Bella. What you said in your delirium… it's based on real events." Dr. Cullen wasn't asking a question. He was drawing a conclusion – a correct one.
"Yes," I deadpanned. "Jeopardy is totally real. You should watch it. I bet you'd do well on the sciencey questions."
"I'm talking about your stepfather."
"Nope, I'm so fucking high it's not even funny. That was a complete fabrication... never happened." Briefly, I considered making a run for my truck, but I was pretty sure I'd fall on my face if I attempted it.
"Bella, you're not high, but I'm having trouble believing you. Why don't you try telling me the truth? I want to help you, but I can't do that if you're not honest with me."
"Okay, no disrespect, Dr. Cullen, but seriously?" I pounded my fist against the car door. Truthfully, it wasn't his expensive-looking car I wanted to pound, it was his expensive-looking face. "You know nothing about me at all. I mean, what did I ever do to you or your family?" I swayed, a little wobbly on my feet, and let out an angry growl of Linda Blair proportions. Dr. Cullen tried to steady me by grabbing my arm.
"You're upset with me?" he asked with obvious confusion.
"Yeah-huh."
"How have I offended you?"
"You told Edward to stay away from me," I blurted out. "You think I'm not good enough for your family."
"Isabella—"
"Bella!" I screamed.
"Bella, it's true, I did ask him to stay away from you but not for the reasons you think." His brow furrowed, and he appeared stressed for the first time since I'd met him.
"Why then?"
"I don't want him to hurt you."
I shook my head in confusion. "How is he going to hurt me?"
"I'm sorry, Bella. That's not my secret to tell."
-({})-
It took me nearly a week to get over that stupid flu. The Swans were not a healthy lot, to say the least.
I totally got in shit for drinking the beer.
It was totally worth it.
My punishment was therapy. Nope, I wasn't even kidding. My poor, soft gray matter was about to get an ass raping.
Dr. Cullen, the fucker, gave my father the name of a therapist, and Charlie didn't have the stomach to accompany me to my therapy session, not that I wanted him there. I could only thank holy crows that Cullen didn't spill the beans about Phil.
I sat in Dr. Bert Banner's waiting room (of course he wouldn't have a cool name like Bruce) and typed a crude lemail to the only man I ever fucked.
Phil,
I'm about to speak to a therapist. If you cut the word in two, it spells the rapist.
That's what you are.
I want a Macbook, or at the very least an iPad.
Isabella
I heard muffled voices through the wall, so I pounded my head against it idly. Examining my surroundings, I noted there weren't any reassuring diplomas hanging in the room. Perhaps they were inside his office? I doubted I'd be speaking with an Ivy League doctor of psychotherapy in the no-Starbucks-town of Forks. I was about to unleash the full complexities of my near sociopathic teenage angst on a glorified guidance counsellor.
Fuck, I hated Dr. Banner already, and I hadn't even met him. I hated him because of his chairs. Don't judge, you can tell a lot about a person by their furniture. The chairs in the room were Wal-Mart knock-offs of crap. He forged bad taste.
The door swung open, knocking me ass over tea kettle out of my reverie and onto the floor.
"Bella?"
Oh dear fuck, the voice on the other side of the wall belonged to Sex-Hair. The smirk in his green eyes was gone as he gaped at me.
"Yeah."
"You're...here?"
"So it would seem." He was wearing dark blue jeans, possibly the most beautiful jeans I'd ever seen. "I love your pants," I said lamely. "Wanna go for a smoke?"
"You don't smoke."
"I'm thinking of taking it up. All of the anti-smoking PSAs are making me want to rage against the machine."
"The machine? Like corporate America?"
"Nah, like the government. Tobacco is corporate America."
"I'm pretty sure tobacco is the government too."
"Well, fuck. I'm seventeen, and I want to do something stupid. Do my motives have to be political?"
"Well, no. Only, you brought up politics. We could talk about religion instead?"
I shrugged. "Sure thing. Why are you seeing a shrink?"
Edward took my hand in his, lacing his long fingers through mine. My heart pounded so fiercely I was certain he could feel it through my skin. "Outside, okay?"
"I can't. I have to talk to the therapist. Regretfully, I'll have to decline your offer."
"It was your offer," he reminded me.
"Oh, yeah..." Please fuck me!
"Bella... let's talk after, okay?"
"Will you tell me why you're in therapy?" And possibly fuck me a little?
"Sure, but I'd rather hear your theories. Want to go for dinner with me?"
I wanted to find a really cool word to accept his invitation.
"Irrevocably," I squeaked. Hm, wrong word.
He smiled nevertheless, hooking me once again with the lure of his lips.
Author's Note: I usually save my fic recs for the podcast, but you must read Died and Gone to Heaven» by DoUTrustMe - the funniest, sweetest fic I've read in a long time. Read it! Just trust me. I laughed so hard I cried, and cried so hard I peed. Seriously.
Waiting for my pocket buzz. I love hearing from you guys :) Fave review receives a dedication and a hump via the Twificpimps.