Chapter 2

That weekend Louise came by. Louise didn't live at home anymore. She was nineteen, and studied to become a nurse at a local university, and she lived at campus. Lily and Louise got along much better after she'd left the house. When she still lived at home, there could sometimes be tension between them, but being separated made them realize how much they actually love each other. Andrea and Leon weren't home, but Lily was.
'Hello Lily! How are you? Still with your head in the clouds?' Louise asked, grinning. Lily smiled.
'No, actually. The book I'm reading now is not about clouds. In fact, it doesn't even have a sky, as the story takes place underground.' Louise rolled her eyes.
'I will never understand how you can read so many books. When I buy one, I'm good for a whole month at least. You read one every hour.' Lily smiled sweetly.
'There are a lot of things about you I don't understand either. That haircut for example.' Lily had to move real fast to avoid her sister's hands. 'Kidding!' Lily grinned, and Louise looked at her warily.
'My hair's just fine, and you know it!' Lily laughed.
'It looks great, I was just teasing.' Louise stuck out her tongue. Then her eyes got an extra sparkle, and a sly smile spread across her face.
'Yeah, I heard you're really good at that, teasing. Why don't you just put that boy out of his misery and go out with him, already?' Lily sighed. She was talking about Jacob, a boy she knew from high school. He went out to the library several times a week, even though Lily distinctively remembered him shouting at a teacher that he hated books, and that they were only good for making fires and wiping arses. Everyone was sure he came there to see her, but Lily hoped they were wrong.
'I don't want to go out with him. I mean, it's not like he's not a nice guy, -'
'And don't forgot the abs on him or made of steel!'
'- but I just don't like him in that way. We have too little in common.' Louise snorted.
'You don't have to have things in common to make it work. Or have a good time,' she added, while moving her eyebrows is a meaningful way. Lily rolled her eyes.
'College life has been good to you, hasn't it?' Louise grinned.
'I'm not sharing anything more with you than this: very good.' They both took a cup of tea, and sat down at the kitchen table.
'Talking about the good life, how's your job, besides the stalkerdude?' Louise asked Lily.
'Good, good. Perfectly fine,' Lily answered, but the feeling of uneasiness she had had for a while now had only grown. And apparently Louise noticed something was bothering her, cause she frowned and said:
'What's that? You're not in love with the dusty books, anymore?'
'Oh, I am! It's just...' Could she share this with her sister? Going on 'adventures' had always been a sensitive subject in this family.
'Go on. It's just what?'
'It's just... getting a little boring.' Louise raised her eyebrows.
'Boring. Books. You. Nah, that's impossible.' Lily looked at her tea, very uncomfortable.
'That's not what I meant. Books are still fantastic and beautiful and everything good. Or the good ones are, at least.'
'Then what is it?'
'Well...'
'Oh, go on, just say it. What's boring, Lily?'
'My life. I mean, it's great, and I am living in a good house, I have a good job and a great family.'
'And don't you forget I'm a fantastic sister! But I don't get it. You like your life, but it's boring?'
'Exactly.' Louise only looked more confused.
'I don't have a clue what you're talking about. That's the most confusing thing I've heard all week, and you can hear some weird things on a campus!'
'I like my life, but it's just... missing something.'
'What?'
'Excitement.' Louise stared. 'There aren't any exciting things in my life. And I miss that.'
'Then what do you want to do about that?'
Lily said nothing, and just stared at her tea. She could hear the wheels in Louise's head turning, and come to a stop as it hit her.
'No. You can not be saying what I think your saying!' Lily remained quiet, not daring to look at her sister. 'No! How can you even think of doing that to us?! To mom!'
'I can't help that I want it, Louise! I didn't say I was gonna do it!'
'But you still want it! After all we've been through, after what happened to...' Louise stopped, tears in her eyes. She had been older than Lily when it happened, and remembered a lot more. Lily felt powerless. It had hurt Louise more than she'd thought. But nobody ever spoke about it, so how could she have known?
'I know what happened to Anthony –'
'Dad.'
'To Dad. Or actually, I don't, 'cause no one knows what happened. And I have tried everything to quench my thirst for adventure. Why do you think I read so much? But lately, I have been feeling it's not enough. Not anymore.'
'Well, make it enough!'
'I can't just flick my finger and make that feeling go away, Louise! If I could, I would have done that years ago, you know that!' Louise was quiet. She stood up and went to stare out of the window. Lily sat frozen on her chair.
What was she gonna do about this? She couldn't explain what she felt to Louise. She wouldn't understand. Louise suddenly turned around.
'How about going to college? You could be my roommate, and you could study literature or something? That also some kind of... adventure.' Lily smiled weakly.
'That's a good idea, but it's not the same. I think you know that.' Then a thought hit her. 'Is that why you went to college? As your own safe adventure?' Louise looked away.
'Sort of. I never really felt the urge to actually, you know, go out there, but I wasn't satisfied with my life. College was the best decision of my life.' She looked Lily in the eyes and grabbed her hands. 'And it can be for you. Just promise me you'll think about it. Don't leave. Please.' Lily felt tears stabbing behind her eyes. But she wouldn't cry.
'I promise. I'm not going anywhere.' Louise sighed relieved, and hugged her sister.
'Thank you.' It was quiet for a couple of minutes, both sisters deep in thought. Then Louise broke the silence:
'You can never tell mom this. It would kill her if she knew.'
'If I knew what?'

Uh-oh. Lily and Louise stared at their mother, who was standing in the doorway.
'If I knew what?' she repeated, crossing her arms in front of her chest. Oh, dear. They had to tell a really good lie if they wanted to get away with this.
'If... you... knew that... I broke the glasses you gave me for Christmas,' Louise said. Andrea frowned.
'They're broken?'
'Yes. Sat on them. Sorry.' Their mother raised an eyebrow.
'Hmm. Now, tell me the truth.'
'She just told you.' Lily said quickly.
'It would kill me if I knew and you tell me so quickly? I didn't think so. Come on, spill it.' Louise and Lily looked at each other uneasily. Louise was right, they couldn't tell her. But mom was always gonna know if it was a lie.
The front door opened.
'Hello, sweethearts! Is that Louise's car out front?' Leon's voice boomed through the house. Lily and Louise didn't try to look too relieved. Hopefully this would distract their mother long enough that she'd let it rest for a while. Then they would have the time to think of a really good lie to tell the next time Andrea asked them for it.
'Hello, darling.' Andrea turned around, and Leon kissed her. He then looked up and said:
'Hello, Louise! Good to see you. And you too of course, Lily. How's campus?' Louise immediately took this opportunity and starting telling about how she and her roommate had painting their dorm room, and about her classes. But Andrea interrupted.
'Sorry, love, but there's something that needs to be handled first.' She smiled at Leon, and then looked at her daughters again. Leon raised his eyebrows, but kept quiet.
Lily and Louise froze. It was impossible. They had to tell her. If they kept lying, she would know, and she would only get more hurt. The sisters looked at each other, and Lily tried to tell Louise what she was thinking with her eyes. Louise stared back, and then nodded, like she had understood and agreed.
'We were talking about our feelings,' Lily said, sighing. 'And then I said something that hurt Louise, and might hurt you.' Their parents frowned.
'How can you hurt someone else with your feelings?' Andrea asked. Lily walked to the coffee machine.
'Coffee?' she asked the rest, and all three of them said yes. Then Louise answered her mother's question. 'Because that someone could be afraid of what the consequences might be.' Lily made the coffee and turned around. Everyone sat down at the kitchen table.
'Then they must be quite impressive feelings,' Leon said. Lily shrugged.
'Depends on how you look at it.' Her mother was looking at her with an examining look.
'Are you gonna tell me what you said?' Lily stared at her coffee.
'Oh, I might as well,' she muttered. 'I expressed my feelings of boredom and desire for excitement.' Louise snorted.
'Yes, that was what you said, yes. But what you meant goes a bit further, don't you think?'
'Louise, let her speak for herself. You can't be sure of someone else's feelings until they express them to you.'
'Yeah, like that's gonna change what she meant,' Louise grumbled. Mom ignored her and looked at Lily.
'Go on. What did you mean?' Lily felt the tears again, stabbing away.
'I meant... I meant that, lately... I've been feeling the urge to... go on a journey. Alone. Travelling.' Nobody said a word. Then her mother broke the silence.
'Is that it? Is that what's gonna kill me?' Lily stared at her mother, who was looking rather... amused.
'But... But mom!' Louise stuttered. 'That would mean leaving us. Going into the wild, catching Pokémon, just like...'
'Just like your father. Yes.' Andrea looked at Lily again. 'It took you a long time. When are you leaving?' Lily could only stare.
'Wha-... What are you saying?' Lily was so confused she felt like crying even more. But crying wouldn't do her any good. But her mother wouldn't be her mother if she hadn't seen her despair.
'Oh, hunny,' she said, and grabbed her hands over the table. 'I saw this coming from miles away. Even before you yourself even suspected it.'
'I don't understand. How could you have seen something I feel? I mean, you just said it yourself, you can't know what someone else is feeling.'
'Oh, I wasn't sure, of course. But I was very confident I was right.' Lily shook her head. This was fantastically weird. Andrea smiled. 'You see, sweetheart, you remind me so much of myself when I was your age. Same red hair, cheekbones, skin, and gorgeous figure, if I may say so myself. Yes, you are the spitting image of me.' Mom smiled, a bit teasing, but loving. 'But inside, you are exactly like your father. You remind of him every day, and I thank the gods for that, 'cause he was and you are a magnificent person. ' Lily now felt tears rolling down her cheeks.
'I'm... I'm like him?'
'Positive. Downright copy, only smarter.'
'Now, now you're exaggerating, mom,' Lily said. Andrea laughed. 'But you never talk about him. I thought you were gonna be sad when I told you.' Lily looked at Louise, and saw she was crying as well. Leon was looking serious. Andrea sighed.
'Yes. I am sad. And I'm terrified. Losing you, or your sister, would kill me, definitely. But, I've seen this before, Lily. You want this. You need this. It's in your nature to go. If you don't go out of fear, or respect, or whatever other reason, you're gonna lose yourself. And that would kill me three times in a row.' Louise was looking at her mother, a thoughtful look on her face, listening. 'I'd rather lose you out there, knowing you did what you loved, and listened to your heart, then lose you in there.' She poked Lily's forehead.
Lily'd stopped crying. So had Louise. They looked at each other.
'I never thought about it that way,' Louise said. 'It... It kinda makes sense. I mean, you'd still leave us, and I hate the thought of it, but if you didn't go... well, you wouldn't really be you, anymore, would you?'
Lily thought about it. What they said made a little sense. But how could she leave her family, to go on a stupid journey? That's rather selfish of her, isn't it?
'No. No I wouldn't be.' She looked at her mother.
'Was it like this when you convinced Dad to go?' she asked her.
'Oh, hunny,' her mother said sighing. She stood up and hugged her daughter. 'This is a million times harder.'