Chapter 3
Louise stayed for dinner that evening. Everyone avoided the subject for the entire meal, but instead shared extra jolly stories, and laughed a lot. It had been a long time since family-time had been like this. After dinner Andrea and Leon offered to do the dishes, so Lily and Louise went to sit in the living room. It was quiet for a while. Then Louise scraped her throat, and said:
'So... What are you gonna do?' Lily shrugged.
'I don't know yet. I mean, I promised you I would stay. But after that conversation we just had... I don't know.'
'Alright, you need to know that that promise you made me, it doesn't count. I was upset. I made you upset. That's no promise I can make you hold. And I don't want to, either. I meant what I said earlier. It's selfish of me to make you stay, just because I'm afraid of something. Mom was right. It's better to let you go as you are.'
'That sounds like you think I'm dead already.' Louise looked surprised.
'You're right, it does. I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that,' she said.
'I know,' Lily sighed. 'I just don't want to leave, I guess. Well, I do, but I don't. I don't know. It's a weird idea. I wish I could take you with me. Can't you come with me?' Louise smiled.
'No, sweetie, that's your thing.' It was silent for a while, both sisters deep in thought.
'You know what?' Louise said. 'You could take a trial-trip. Like, you could go for two weeks, come back and think about what you want.' Lily thought about it.
'It's a good idea, very sensible,' she said. 'But I don't know if I want sensible.'
Another silence.
'Do you even know what to do when you go on the road? I mean, camping skills, and stuff.'
Lily laughed. 'It's not a game where I can learn skills if I have enough experience points. But yes, I think I do.' Lily shifted her position so she faced Louise. 'You see, it's something I've always been interested in. I mean, it's not like I planned it, but I did a lot of research and practiced skills like knotting, and making a fire.'
'In the library?' Louise asked, a sparkle in her eye. Lily grinned.
'I would be murdered if I had.'
Silence. Lily wanted to reassure her sister, but she didn't know what to say. She knew Louise still feared Lily would be lost on her travels, if she would go.
Oh, who was she kidding? She'd known all her life she wanted to go. Even though she'd tried to deny it for her family's sake, for Lily it had never been a case of 'if I go', but 'when I go'. It's time she admitted that.
That night, after Louise had gone back to campus, Lily went to her father's study. She knocked, waited for the response, and entered.
'Lily,' he said with a smile. 'What can I do for you?'
Lily hesitated. This was a difficult thing to say.
'I just wanted...' she started. 'I, uh... I just wanted to know your thoughts. On the matter. The matter of me possibly leaving, that is. I don't know. You were so quiet. Before.'
'And that was deliberately.'
'I thought so. But I still want to know.' Lily sat down in a comfy chair. Leon looked at her from his seat behind his desk. It looked like he was doubting how much he should say.
'Well... First of all, I think this should be up to you and you alone. Second, I don't want to influence your decision in any way. I think you are burdened enough with your mother and your sister in the back of your mind.'
Well, that hadn't cleared up anything for her.
'If I'd go... what would you do?'
'I'd say "Good luck", and hope every day for your safe return.'
'And... And if I stay?'
'I'd tell you that you are always welcome in my home.' Lily felt the tears again. She was quite prone of crying today, it seemed.
'I see. That doesn't clear anything up, but thank you.' Lily smiled. It felt good to know he loved her.
'But...' Leon said suddenly. 'I don't know if it's my place to say this, but... you would make me very proud if you would go. As a father. And I think Anthony would feel the same.'
Lily started smiling. She walked over to Leon and hugged him.
'No matter what happens,' she whispered in his ear. 'I want you to know that I truly see you as my father.' She let go, and they smiled at each other. She'd better leave now, before they started crying in front of each other. That wasn't something they did. Leon and Lily shared a lot, but they never cried when they could help it. 'Thank you,' Lily added, and she started walking to the door.
'Any time, sweetheart.'
The next morning was a Sunday morning.
'Goodmorning, mom,' Lily greeted her mother. 'Where's dad?'
'He's in his study. He's been getting a lot of work lately.' Leon was an architect. About five years ago he started his own bureau, and it's been doing pretty well, lately. But that did mean he had to work a lot. Well, that's what you get in life, right? If you want to be successful, you have to work hard for it.
Andrea put a bowl on the table, with some milk and cereal next to eat. Her message was clear, 'eat!'. And so Lily did. A silence fell at the kitchentable.
Crunch, crunch.
The silence went on.
Crunch, crunch.
Andrea sat down at the table, with a cup of coffee.
Crunch, crunch.
'Lily,' her mother finally said. 'Have you...'
She didn't need to finish. Have you decided what you will do? Have you decided to leave us? She didn't want to answer, either. But she had to. Because she had decided.
She had decided to go.
'Yes, mom. I have,' Lily said.
'And?' her mother asked with a calm look on her face. Lily was silent for a few moments.
'I've decided to go.' There. She had said it. It was on the table. No turning back now.
Her mother smiled. 'Good.'
It was silent again.
Crunch, crunch.
How could she eat at a moment like this?
Crunch, crunch.
Lily felt numb. It was like this wasn't real. She just told her mother she was gonna leave, to go on an adventure, and there she was, eating her breakfast, and there her mother was, drinking her coffee, like the only she said was that she was going to be late for dinner.
Crunch, crunch.
The last bits of cereal disappeared, and Lily stood up.
'I, uh... I have to... quit my job at the library, I guess.' Andrea nodded.
'Yes, that seems like a good idea. You should do it tomorrow.' Another minute of silence. 'Have you decided when you will go?'
'I was thinking of next Monday. Invite Louise over this weekend. Have another weekend like it used to be. When she still lived at home.' Andrea nodded again.
'Yes, another good idea.' Then she laughed. 'One more weekend, and then both of my girls are all grown up and out of the house. That will be weird the first couple of weeks.' Lily smiled with her. Yes it would.
The next couple of days were gone in a blur. Lily told her boss she was going to leave next Monday, and that Thursday they threw her a surprise-goodbye-party. Lily was delighted. The library had been her friend, as well as the people that worked there, and she'll miss them. As a parting gift they gave her a couple of her favourite books in pocket edition. The owner of the library, Mr Sandos, an older, kindfaced man with grey hair, glasses and a fluffy white beard, took her apart for a minute and said:
'We're gonna miss you in this family, Lily. You were a great employee, and know that if you decide to come back, there will always be a place for you in this heap of dusty books.' Lily smiled at him.
'Thank you, Mr. Sandos, it would be my delight to come back here. This heap of dusty books is my home, after all.'
'And don't you forgot it!' Tracy, a co-worker and very good friend of Lily's interrupted. 'You can always come home!'
She even said goodbye to Jacob, the 'stalkerdude' as Louise had called him, on Wednesday. Lily thought it was time to say hello to him, for she knew he would never do it on his own. So when he walked in that Wednesday morning she let him take a seat, and waited for about fifteen minutes before she walked up to him.
'Hello, Jacob,' she whispered with a smile. This was a library after all, things had to be quiet. 'How are you today? Found any good books?' She looked at what he was reading. It was an atlas, open on maps with indications of altitudes.
'Uh... Hello,' he whispered back. 'Uhm, yeah, I found this...' He waved vaguely at the atlas. 'You?' Lily smiled at him, and sat down at the table where he was sitting.
'In fact, I was putting back all my books, and finishing up my work. Tomorrow is my last day of work here.' He stared at her. 'I'm leaving Strutville next Monday.' He was still staring. Then he nodded.
'What are you gonna do when you leave?'
'I'm going to travel. See the world. Everything that I want, really.'
'You're going on a journey.' She nodded. He looked down at his book. 'Well. I guess I'll wish you good luck, then.'
'Thank you, Jacob. I hope I'll see you again someday,' Lily said, as she stood. She meant it.
'So do I,' he said, and he gave her a smile in return for hers. As she turned around, he suddenly said:
'Lily. Uhm... Thank you. For telling me. I think you have always known why I come here. Thank you for telling me now.' She looked back at him and smiled.
'You're welcome, Jacob. Goodbye.'
That Friday evening Louise arrived. Lily had already told her about her plans over the phone, so she didn't have to do that anymore. Louise had brought a lot of candy, torch lights and a sleeping bag.
'Let's sleep in the backyard,' Louise said. Lily grinned. They had done that when Louise left the house as well. It was something they had done when they were younger, they'd put up a tent, and then they'd imagine they were travellers, or princesses, or even Indiana Jones. It was one of the very pleasant memories of their childhood.
They put up the tent, hung a few torch lights on the ceiling-pole, and made their beds.
'Are you gonna bring this tent with you on your journey?' Louise asked. Lily thought about it. It would be cheaper than buying a new one, but -
'No, I think I'm gonna buy one you only have to throw and it's done, you know what I mean?'
'One of those things you have to fold up?'
'Yeah.'
'Well, you're gonna have to be quick if you're gonna leave on Monday. Do you have everything you need already, besides the tent?'
'Yeah, I think so. But I think I'll have to go over the list a couple of times before I go.'
'I'll help you!' Louise said.
The rest of the weekend they laughed, went over lists, laughed a little more, told stories, and enjoyed each other's company. Lily bought the tent, a green and red one, that fit her and maybe a second person if they lay really close together. Plus it wasn't too expensive, so that fit Lily's needs. She bought canned food, a lot of camping equipment, clothes and everything else she needed if she didn't have it already. Sunday evening she was packed and ready to go.
'You're leaving tomorrow morning. I still can't really believe it,' her mother said, as she pulled Lily in for a hug.
'I know. I can't really believe it either. I don't even know where I'm going yet!'
'May I make a suggestion?' Lily nodded. 'Go west. Follow the path, and after about a day's walk there is a junction. Choose either of these roads. They all lead to towns and cities that have plenty of adventure.' Lily said she'd think about it.
That last night Andrea and Leon visited the sisters in the tent. They laughed a little more, some even cried, and at last went to sleep.
Lily dreamed that she was walking down a road with no end, and she was being attacked by all kinds of animals. She was alone, had seen no one, and it was getting darker and darker. Suddenly the road broke, and she fell down, and she kept falling and falling, until she woke up. The next morning she couldn't remember the dream, only the uneasy feeling stayed with her.
She said goodbye to her family, promised to write, call and visit whenever she could, and finally walked out the door. Her family was waving at her from the door. She waved back, trying to hold back her tears. She wasn't gonna cry. Not again. She was waving at her family, when someone suddenly shouted her name.
'Lily!' Surprised, she turned around to where the voice had come from. It was Jacob. What the heck?
'Jacob!' she shouted back. 'What is it?' He was running towards her, and as he came closer she noticed he was wearing a backpack like hers. Was he going somewhere? And then a thought hit her.
'Let me come with you!' he said. Yep, she was right. Lily stared at him. Was he serious about this? But he had never looked so serious, except when was reading in his geography books. Lily looked towards her family, her parents were looking amused, and Louise had a grin upon her face. "Say yes!" she motioned.
'Why?' Lily asked instead.
'When we were talking last week, I realized I didn't want to stay here. I had wanted to leave for a long time, but I was too lazy, or scared, I don't know, to actually do it. And then you said you were going, and... it seemed perfect. I have read everything I could possibly find on camping, maps, survival skills. And I now know why. I want to do those things. This is perfect. So let me come with you. I won't be a burden, and it'll be good to have company, for the both of us. I'm leaving anyway, but I just thought it would be nice to leave together.' Lily thought about it. It was a very good idea. And it would come in handy to have someone she knew, even though vaguely, travelling with her. If anything happened, they at least knew each other's families.
'Alright,' Lily said. 'I'm heading west, is that alright with you?' He grinned, and then nodded.
'Let's go!' he said.
At the corner of the road, she waved for the last time at her family, and started walking west.