Long time no see!

So I've been going through a super rough period lately, dealing with a ton of personal stuff that had completely wiped my motivation to do anything, most of all write

BUT I feel like I'm finally back on top, and I'm really hoping to get back into a normal writing routine

thank you so much to anyone who's stuck around, I cannot express how grateful I am for your understanding/patience, it means a lot to me

In other news! I got a part time waitressing job and that's been really fun! Although it does take up some of my time now, but I'm confident that since it's only part time, I'll still have plenty of time to write, and my goal is to update at least once a week

As always, reviews are greatly appreciated and they do help keep me motivated to write/update faster so if you liked it be sure to let me know what you thought!

Thank you so much, and here's the chapter!

Chapter Thirty-Seven: Endings and Beginnings

The morning is quiet. Insects and animals ceasing their usual chatter. Even the wind seems to have fallen silent, as if the entire arena is holding its breath, waiting.

Dash and I barely slept, pretending to rest while the other took watch, but in the end we both relented to nerves and, fueled with far too much coffee to be healthy, waited as well.

Now we watched with bloodshot eyes and anxious minds as Gareth, Ryder, and Jasper all moved toward Trina and Queen's camp.

One way or another, this was their last day in the arena.

They'd barely said anything over breakfast, not bothering to reserve any food. They all knew it ended today, no use pretending.

After forming a rough plan, they'd set off, making the journey in silence.

All the mentors who no longer had tributes to coach gathered in the lounge, weary gazes trained on the monitors, eager for the game to be over, but desperately wishing there was some other way.

Dash taps my arm, pulling me out of my thoughts and drawing my attention to the screens where I see that our alliance has reached the career's camp.

Trina and Queen are sitting around a campfire, busy eating some kind of meat that had been roasting over the fire. They look relaxed and off guard, but their weapons are within reach and their frequent glances into the surrounding trees give away that they are remaining vigilant.

Trina's shoulder and upper arm are wrapped in bandages, and although she's favoring her injured side, she seems to have recovered extremely well from such a serious wound. She no doubt received some high quality medicine from her sponsors, or had some leftover from the cornucopia.

Queen's cool eyes flickered to her companion every now and then, and something in her gaze made me wonder if she was weighing whether or not it was worth it to keep Trina around.

That could be useful, if their alliance is weakened, they may focus more on keeping themselves alive instead of working as a team.

After a few muttered words, the three boys exchange grim looks, shake hands, nod, and then separate.

Their plan is to come in at different angles of the clearing to try and take the careers by surprise, Ryder and Jasper going in first and once they've engaged the two girls, Gareth would charge in and dispatch whichever career was struggling the most, then they all team up on the survivor.

It all happens so fast, I don't even feel like it's actually happening. It's surreal, like an out of body experience.

I'm numb as Jasper and Ryder charge into the clearing, almost reaching them before the girls can seize their weapons, but their just a little to slow and now face armed opponents.

Ryder goes straight for Trina, murder in his eyes as he lays into her ruthlessly. She's skilled with her scythe, but her wound is still hindering her some, giving Ryder and advantage.

I hear Dash gasp beside me as Ryder cries out in pain, blood beginning to seep from the fresh wound across his chest.

Jasper is hard pressed against Queen, her cold, almost casual fighting shows that she's merely toying with him.

Gareth rushes to his aid, and together they begin to push her back. She begins fighting with all her skill then, and manages to hold off both boys.

Ryder can't get close enough to Trina to do any real damage, the wicked scythe keeping him at a frustrating distance.

"He's never going to get close enough." Dash murmurs beside me.

But I see something he doesn't, the look in Ryder's eyes, the gears turning in his head.

"He's going to let her hit him."

Dash's head snaps toward me. "What? Why the hell would he do that? It's suicide!"

"It'll give him the chance to duck in close enough to use his sword." I say, my gut twisting as ice crawls up my spine.

Moments later, he drops his defence, Trina grins triumphantly as she swings her scythe.

I almost vomit as the wickedly curved blade hooks into Ryder's gut, the scrape of metal against bone all too audible as the blade catches on his ribs.

He chokes, staggering from the blow as blood fills his mouth. But then he's grabbing onto the shaft of the weapon, gritting his teeth as he holds the blade in place, smiling with crimson stained teeth as he lunges forward.

Trina's face twists in horror as she realizes what he's doing, but before she can react, he's already buried his sword into her chest, right up to the hilt.

She goes down, dying almost instantly, eyes twitching as she hits the ground and Ryder falls on top of her, their life draining from their bodies and mingling together on the ground.

I glance back to the others, seeing that Jasper is lying on the ground, his eyes staring vacantly off into the trees, his body is covered in bloody wounds, but it's the scarlet ribbon around his neck that was his end.

Queen is sprawled half in the campfire, her left arm mangled beyond repair, skull split open by Gareth's sword, the blade still buried in the bone.

He's crouching nearby, her long knife sprouting from his gut. He has his hand clasped tightly around the handle, keeping the blade in place so he won't bleed out as quickly.

Dragging himself over to where Ryder and Trina are lying, he rolls Ryder over and assesses his wounds.

"You fool." He mutters.

Ryder laughs, blood trickling from his mouth as he trails off into a gurgling cough. "C-come on...we knew...we knew it'd end like th-this."

Gareth shook his head, swaying and blinking rapidly as he lost more and more blood. "We're both mortally wounded...no one won."

Ryder scoffs. "Guess it's a contest to see who can bleed out first, huh?"

Gareth couldn't help chuckling, coughing up some blood and spitting it on the ground before collapsing beside Ryder. "You...you're not as beaten up as I am."

Ryder glanced at him. "I've got a scythe buried in my ribs."

"And I've a knife in my liver. Among numerous other wounds." Gareth let out a pained sigh. "Already my body is growing cold...I can't feel the pain anymore." He smiled. "I'm glad it was you who won...you'll get to help mentor future tributes. Mentored tributes always have a higher chance of survival."

Ryder frowned. "Your district has no victors...does it?"

He shook his head. "No, but I still made it this far...I hope I made my home proud."

Ryder ground his teeth together and gripped the scythe blade. "Well...next year...the odds will be more in their favor."

Gareth's eyes widened as Ryder let out a strangled scream and pulled the scythe out of his body.

"What are you...stop!"

Ryder's arms fall onto the ground, the scythe clattering off to his side. "Tell...tell them I'm sorry...tell Mags and Dash...I'm sorry." He gasps, eyes fogging over.

Gareth nods and places his hand against Ryder's forehead. "I will...be at peace."

Ryder's lips lift in a weak smile, staring vacantly to the side. "L-Lisa...let's...let's go home."

I can't seem to move as his chest stops moving and the announcement of the victor rings through the arena. Gareth is whisked off in a hovercraft to receive emergency medical attention. The screens switch to a news report concluding the end of the games.

I feel Dash beside me, wordlessly grieving, his head in his hands, shoulders drooped in defeat.

We're all just...tired, so very tired.

Moments later Eliza, Kaden and James are in our room, ushering us up and out into the hall where they lead us back to our rooms and tell us to rest.

Their words are like a distant hum, nothing registers, my body and mind are running on autopilot, my limbs begin to move more and more sluggishly and before I know it I've fallen asleep.

The next few days are a blur. We watch the victor's interview from the crowd, answer some questions for the media, are delivered Ryder and Lisa's cold, still bodies to deliver home to be buried.

The train ride back is quick and silent, neither Dash or I even attempting to console one another, there is nothing to be said or done, we can only go home and keep surviving like we always have.

I go to the ocean and let the wind and the waves wash away everything until there's nothing left but my beating heart and the sound of my breaths.

Felix lets me cry myself to sleep in his arms, running his fingers through my hair and rubbing my back, his whispered comfort drifting me off into a much needed sleep.

Being home, being with my family, it helps, it soothes the wounds left by the past weeks. Soothes, but doesn't erase.

More scars to add to my collection.

We attend Ryder and Lisa's funerals, solemn, small, affairs full of silent tears and pitying glances.

Weeks later and I'm beginning to feel like myself again, realizing that with every new nightmare I face, I bounce back a little quicker, a little stronger. The Capitol is honing me, sharpening and tempering my will and mind with every new trial, they're trying to break me, but their efforts only make me stronger.

Soon enough I'm laughing again, playing in the ocean with my family as we enjoy a picnic on the beach, smiling fondly as I see the way Leroy looks at Becky.

The day was perfect, the darkness weighing on my heart all but disappeared, happiness beginning to creep back into my life.

But nothing good lasts forever.

"Dash! I haven't seen you in a few days, how are you?" I ask as he approaches me on the sand.

Felix is off in the waves with Leroy and Becky, leaving Dash and I some sort of privacy to talk.

His face is grim, brow lined as he stops in front of me. "Mags they're going to call you to the Capitol."

My heart stops, my legs almost give out and I feel like I'm going to throw up. "No…" My voice is almost lost to the wind, trembling as I shake my head and say. "W-why now?"

Dash shakes his head. "I don't know...Eliza just called me and said there's been a higher demand for female victors lately, she, Heather and Tara have all been called more often to the Capitol."

I place a hand against my stomach to try and quell the nausea. "I...how long?"

He shook his head. "The victory tour maybe."

"That's only a couple months away."

"Mags I'm so sorry...I've done everything I can...I just...I don't know what else to do."

I shrug slightly. "You can't do anything else...it's alright, Dash, this isn't your fault."

He pulls me into his arms suddenly, and I gasp as the air is pressed from my lungs.

"I promise to keep trying until the victory tour...maybe...maybe there's something I haven't thought of yet."

I nod, trying to keep my hands from shaking as I cling to his shirt. "What am I going to tell Felix?" The thought hits me out of nowhere and I hadn't even realized I'd said it out loud until Dash responds.

"He already knows...I told him about it a while ago."

"I know, I followed you."

He raises his eyebrows in surprise as he releases me. "Really?"

I nod. "I didn't like that you were both keeping secrets from me."

He rubs the back of his neck. "Just...tell him I'm still trying to stop it, but you should both brace yourselves."

I swallow the lump in my throat. "Right...thank you for telling me."

"Yeah...I'll see you later?"

I nod as he turns and walks away. Mind racing as I stand motionless in the sun.

"Was that Dash? Why didn't he stick around?" Felix's voice says suddenly, cutting into my thoughts.

I whirl around, grabbing his hands tightly as I blurt out. "We have to get married!"

He blinks. "What?"

"We have to get married, if we're married than maybe...maybe…" I trail off, unable to finish the sentence, but I can tell by the way Felix's eyes flicker to where Dash disappeared and then back to me as they widen ever so slightly that he's figured it out.

"When?"

"The Victory tour probably...that's one of the main times when the demand is high."

His fingers tighten around mine and then he sighs and shakes his head. "I had a plan, it was going to be perfect. But then after everything that happened during the games...I decided to wait."

I step closer and shake my head. "I don't care, I don't need anything special or fancy, just you."

He smiles and then presses his forehead against mine, murmuring quietly as his thumbs stroke the backs of my hands. "Mags Flint, will you marry me?"

"Yes, without question."

He chuckles and presses his lips against mine in a sweet kiss, his fingertips brushing against my cheek. "You just made me the happiest man alive."

I smile and wrap my arms around him tightly. "As long as I have you...I can survive anything."

"Well it's a good thing you're stuck with me, than."

We both laugh, sharing another kiss before linking hands and going over to tell my family the news.

I would remember that day fondly in the years to come...when my world was crashing down around me.