"I can't believe you're making us do this," Ianto said, scowling.

Jack looked at the queue of tourists stretching across the Quay, a line Ianto had thought was long before he'd realized that it doubled back on itself, and grinned.

"It's the perfect cover," he said "We believe the trans-dimensional teleports are planted at popular landmarks around Cardiff, right? Well, this is how we can get close enough to investigate them them without attracting attention."

"Forty-five people hanging off the top of a bright red bus wired for sound?" Ianto snorted. "I think we'll be attracting plenty of attention."

"Not the kind that will raise any alarms, Ianto," Tosh said, fiddling with the scanner in her bag. "No one looks twice at tourists. It make sense."

Dismayed, Ianto looked from one to the other. Jack, with his booming voice, bright toothy smile and flat American accent seemed to fit right in with the huddled masses. For that matter, so did Tosh. She'd changed into a casual floral sundress for the occasion and the scanner she was tweaking could be the latest PDA for all anyone knew. Ianto, on the other hand, a Welshman born-and-bred standing in the queue for a tour of Cardiff, felt like he stuck out like the proverbial sore thumb.

He knew that this was probably all in his head, but he didn't care.

"I hope nobody recognizes me," he grumbled, jamming a pair of giant wrap-around sunglasses on his face.

Jack's too-loud laughter caused caused Ianto to wince. "Now who attracting attention? You look like an insectoid invader from Planet Creepy."

"Or like you just came out of an all-night rave." Tosh put in helpfully, smiling. Ianto turned to her, open-mouthed.

"How do you know what that looks like?"

She shrugged. "I saw a documentary."

A whistle blew, and the crowd started inching closer to the doors to the bus.

"I still don't see why Owen couldn't do this," Ianto grumbled as the gaping Double Doors of Doom came into view.

Owen's voice crackled over the comm.

"Because I pulled rank and Jack didn't object. Also, I'm too busy Photoshopping your picture next to the photo of the "Hop On, Hop Off" billboard and uploading to the Internet."

"Owen, you'd better not be serious or my retribution will be swift and terrible. And it will involve pouring hot coffee places no hot coffee should ever go."

"Boys, boys! Stop flirting," Jack said, earning a cackle of laughter from Owen and a mutinous look from Ianto.

"Relax, Ianto. It'll be fun," Jack assured him.

The line moved, but Ianto didn't. Jack took his arm and tugged, and he finally, reluctantly, shuffled forward.

"It'll be a great way to see the city," Tosh encouraged.

"I've seen it."

They climbed to the top of the cherry-red, double-decker bus, where Ianto dropped into the first seat he saw and hunched over.

"Besides, I'm allergic to tourists," Owen's too-cheerful voice came over the comm.

"You could have fooled me. You sure pull enough of them in those dives you frequent," Ianto said.

"Ignore him, Ianto. Here, you can work the camera," Tosh said, holding it up. It looked like an ordinary 35mm with a run-of-the-mill telephoto lens, but Tosh had tricked it out with alien tech that greatly increased its sensitivity and range. It even picked up sound. As she seldom let anyone else touch it, for her to offer it to Ianto was quite a gesture.

"Fine." Ianto grumbled, muting his comm in annoyance. "But if Owen makes one more joke I'm going to deck him." Ianto took the camera and wrapped the strap around his wrist, earning a smile of approval from Tosh. He managed a short nod in return.

Jack chuckled and put his hand on Ianto's knee. Ianto shot him such a fierce glare, evident even behind the shades by the sharp downturn of Ianto's mouth, that he removed it immediately. Ianto was willing to be mollified by Tosh who was, after all, following orders just as he was. But Jack he wasn't ready to forgive yet.

Their guide turned on the sound system, causing ear-splitting feedback to reverberate through the speakers, and the bus lurched forward, sending Ianto sliding so far forward on his plastic seat that he whacked his knees on the back of the seat in front of him.

"When will this be over," he moaned, clapping the hand that wasn't holding the camera over an ear.

"In about two hours." Jack said cheerily.

'All in the line of duty,' Ianto told himself, trying to get a grip. 'Maybe I'll take the photo that cracks this case wide open. Maybe I can use this experience in the Tourist Office somehow. Maybe I could rewrite that brochure with all the typos and add my own photos.'

Any mollifying effect this might have had vanished when their young, perky guide started speaking and proceeded to get two historical facts wrong in the first five minutes. Ianto looked at Jack in disbelief, but Jack was staring, enraptured, at the young woman's tight t-shirt and Ianto knew he'd find no help there.

To distract himself from the misguided monologue, Ianto opened the map that they'd been given upon boarding and discovered that their planned route would take them right through his neighborhood. Right by his very building, in fact.

As a final indignity, he could feel his nose getting sunburned.

It was going to be a long afternoon.