A/N - Beer makes this story good. Mac214 and DoUTrustMe make it better.
Facebook status: NOT killing myself.
Foaming crests of water crashed into mist a good fifty feet beneath me. I raised my hands into a dramatic V and prepared to launch myself forward. Of course, I'd have to actually step up to the edge to accomplish this.
Huh.
One foot in front of the other. You can do this, slut! It's as easy as falling off a cliff.
Holy fuck! Staring down the barrel of the gun - the sheer rock disappearing into a tempest of water - the enormity of the situation hit me like a tidal wave. Apt fucking image, right? A strange vertigo came over me as I contemplated what it would be like to fall, and I stumbled, gasping in wretched fear momentarily before righting my footing. I kicked up rubble and stone in my struggles, and watched it fall gracelessly down the rock wall with morbid curiosity.
Fuck that.
There was no fucking way I was jumping. Instead, I finally checked my phone which had been buzzing insistently during my walk of insanity.
With cold, clumsy fingers, I synced up my GPS to Edward's phone so he could find me. It was a cool feature - it reminded me of shooting out the Bat Signal or some shit.
Stepping away from the edge, I opened my Tweetdeck and tried to send a DM to Jake. Tried. Apparently the bitch had stopped following me.
Actually, that wasn't true. The cocksucker had deleted his account in an emo fit of stupidity! I guess tweeting had been our thing; he really had washed his hands of me the night I shed my hymen.
I collapsed into a heap on the ground, staring like an asshole at the gaping wound where Jake's profile used to be. There was nothing quite as devastating as tweeting an account that no longer existed - especially when said account belonged to one's so-called best friend. Idly, I wondered if he had a new car yet because there was totally a lighter in my pocket.
Kidding . . . sort of.
Edward's fuck-me, shiny car pulled up along the soft shoulder at the end of the road that led to the cliffs. Even under the ridiculously thick clouds, it sparkled like a beacon in the fog. I watched him kick the door open and jog down the dusty path toward where I languished against a fallen tree.
"Bella?"
"I'm being melodramatic," I explained by way of apology, stretching my arms over my head so my titties looked pert through my unsexy flannel shirt. "I'm sorry if I interrupted your day."
His eyes settled on my chest, seeming to appreciate my efforts. Kneeling by my side, he captured my hand in his and contemplated it, which was all kinds of weird. He flipped it palm-side-up and ran his finger softly over the curve of my lifeline.
"You didn't. I was hoping you'd call. Um, why are you hanging out on the edge of a cliff?"
"Because I was going to heave myself off," I explained, running my free hand through his crazy hair. He closed his eyes and made a little hum of contentment.
"You're kidding, right?"
"Totally," I said flippantly. "I got in a fight with Jake and went for a walk." I pulled my hand away from him and balled it into a fist in my lap. "Could we get out of here?"
"Where is he?" Edward growled in an adorable, territorial fashion. "I'll kill him if he hurt you."
"Let it go. Don't try to be a hero here."
"Did he touch you?"
I snorted. "Jake? Of course not!" I squeezed my fist tighter, digging my nails into the soft flesh of my palm, and jumped to my feet. "Can I stay at your house tonight? I don't want to go home."
Edward's eyes widened. "Your dad would freak!"
"Boy Scout," I scoffed.
"He has a gun, Bella. He'll shoot my dick off or something."
Fucking coward!
"I'm not going home," I insisted petulantly. "Could you drop me off at a motel or something?" My stomach fell with heavy disappointment as tears welled in my eyes, seeming to mingle with the salty air. I blinked several times and coughed to disguise a sob.
Edward grabbed my arm, but I shrugged him off. He was a disappointing shit like Jake. All boys were assholes.
"What the fuck? Why are you having a random breakdown today?"
Yep, that comment served to kick my girlish tantrum up a notch. "Not as random as you'd think." I dropped to my ass again, leaning against a moss-covered boulder. My arms felt like lead, but I cradled my face into them, sobbing messily into my sleeves.
"Talk to me," he pleaded wearily, sitting on the broken ground beside me. "Why are you freaking out? Did I say something to upset you? Shit, Bella, I feel like . . ."
"What?"
"Shit, I don't know. I feel like I have to tread so carefully around you sometimes. Like you'll scream or cry if I say the wrong thing. I don't know what's going to set you off at any given time."
Yeah, that's because you don't know me at all.
"Look," he said carefully, wrapping his arm around me and drawing me against his chest. "I'm trying here, pretty girl - I'm really trying to be what you need, but you've got to start telling me what the fuck is going on."
"Please, Edward? I swear I'll tell you everything . . . just please take me out of Forks for a while . . . just a night." My fingers wrapped around the back of his neck, my body arching against him, moving seemingly of its own volition. There really seemed to be a magnetic polarity between our bodies: hand to hand, chest to chest, tongue to tongue. I found myself in his lap straddling his hips, kissing him, feeling him, seeking out a solace I'd only ever known in his embrace. "Please," I panted between kisses. He groaned, pulling my bottom lip into his mouth, his fingers pressing desperately into my lower back. I bucked against the bulge under the buckle of his belt, nearly coming undone at his answering moan. "Just a motel . . . just for tonight. I just want to lay with you all night. It'll make everything okay."
"What about after tonight, pretty girl?" he asked hoarsely, still kissing my mouth and neck between words.
"You won't want to be with me after tonight-"
"Cut that shit out!" He pulled back sharply, tilting my chin up so I was forced to look in his eyes. "I adore you. What do I have to do to prove it?"
I bit my lip nervously. "I'm going to tell you my secret. If you still want to be with me after learning it, then I'll know we're for real." Um, what the fuck did I just say? "Actually, no. I can't. Never mind."
"Bella," Edward groaned, this time with frustration not lust. "Whatever it is, you can trust me."
You're a fucktard! my inner critic screeched at me; she sounded disconcertingly like a female Bobcat Goldthwait. Shut your mouth hole, or I'll sing Britney Spears.
"Please?" he begged, licking his pouty lower lip. I wanted to lick it too.
"I totally will," I conceded, cringing as Bobcat caterwauled "Hit me Baby One More Time" in my head. "I'll tell you everything. But first, Calgone, take me away!"
"Aw, shit." He stood, offering me his hand to pull me off the ground. "My balls will be on your head if your dad catches us."
"Thanks for the tea-bagging visual, Sex-hair."
Edward laughed and spun me around so my back lined-up with his front. He bent over to kiss my ear, darting his tongue over the lobe. The heat of his mouth on my skin in contrast with the cold air made me shiver, eliciting a small, astonished groan from my lips.
"I want you," he said softly, unexpectedly.
"Okay."
"Port Angeles?"
"Guh?" I couldn't think or speak. I was too lost in the feeling of his dick poking into my back. Shit, he was hard. I made him hard. I strained on my toes to try to line up our genitals.
"Is that far enough?" he asked.
"No, it's not in the right place!"
"Port Angeles?"
"What now?
"Uh, is that far enough away to spend the night?"
"Oh. Yeah, that's great." I turned around and placed my hand on his crotch, but he caught my wrist before I could get a proper grip.
"Care to explain to me why you were thinking about jumping off that cliff?"
-({})-
Tawdry was a pretty word, a pretty word meaning cheap and common. I felt decidedly tawdry, fidgeting awkwardly as Edward fiddled with the front lock of our motel room. The key finally caught in the cylinder, releasing the deadbolt. He held the door open, always the gentleman, and I shuffled into the room, keeping my eyes fixed on the floor.
What the fuck was that smell? Failure? It smelled like cigarettes, bleach, and stale sex. Huh. I bet that's what Lauren would smell like in another ten years.
"It's not what I was expecting." I wrinkled my nose.
"Well, every other place in town requires a major credit card." He dropped a plastic Wal-Mart bag filled with some hastily acquired toiletries and clothes on the bed and smiled apologetically. "I didn't want to be traced here."
"Dude, you're acting like we're on the run or something." I wondered how long I needed to wait before I threw myself at him and begged him to fuck me. His cock-hugging pants mocked me, as I gawked like a pervert, soaking my underwear. Jeez, just looking at his manly bulge turned my nether regions into liquid.
Or maybe my cunt was just a melodramatic bitch, crying her clit out, throwing a pussy fit.
"Aren't we? It kind of feels that way." His jaw reddened, his eyes flashing darkly as he scowled.
"You don't have to stay," I said in a small voice. "I didn't mean to fuck up your day."
"Of course I have to stay. What kind of asshole would I be if I left you here by yourself? Clearly you're hell bent on doing something stupid today."
"I wasn't- I mean, I wouldn't have really jumped. I'm an attention whore."
"Stop!" He grabbed me by the sleeve and tugged, ripping my shirt open at the seam. "Stop calling yourself a whore. I'm fucking sick of it. You're not . . . how could you be?"
"Edward, I-"
"Stop fucking calling yourself that." He pulled again, his hand still a fist on the fabric of my shirt, shaking me so I lost balance and fell backwards onto the bed. "You were a virgin up until a few days ago." He hovered over me, his shoulders rising and falling heavily as he seemed to almost pant for air.
"But I-"
"You're not," he growled. "No one's had you but me."
The buttons strained over my breasts, and his eyes fixated on the skin poking through the gaps. With my free hand, I unbuttoned my stupid, flannel shirt. He released my hand and climbed over me, keeping his weight balanced on his arms.
"I want you," he said darkly.
"Okay."
"Shit. Fuck, I need to get inside you."
"Do it." I wrapped my legs around him, moaning as he bucked his hips into mine. "I'm yours." Something about the way he seemed possessive of my pussy made me hot as hell. Also, it was kind of sweet. I was his. I liked that I'd given such an intimate part of myself to him.
"Bella . . . you don't have to." His words were at odds with the voracious expression on his face - his lips slightly parted and his eyes all pupil.
"I know. I want to. I love you, Edward."
"Shit. Bella . . . I care for you."
"That's good enough." I fumbled with the button of my jeans.
"No, baby, it's not." He rolled off me, sighing heavily.
"Please."
"Bella-"
"Please? I want you."
"I want you too, baby." He wrapped his arms around me and buried his face in my neck. I shivered from the caress of his warm breath against my skin, moaning softly as he dragged his fingertips gently over my nipples. "I can't get enough of you."
"Then fuck me."
"Not until I can tell you I love you too."
"You already did," I protested, grabbing his wrist to draw his hand to my crotch. He relented, cupping my pussy over my jeans.
"I know."
"You didn't mean it?"
"Not exactly . . . it kind of slipped out by accident."
"So you . . . why did you say it?"
"I don't know." Somehow he managed to find my clit over the heavy denim, and I wriggled, squeezing his hand between my thighs. "I have trouble thinking straight when I'm near you. Do you have any idea how hard I am? I'm a fucking saint."
"You are," I agreed. "Let me canonize your dick with my mouth."
"Holy fuck."
"Yes, exactly."
I heard the rustling of his pants and looked down to see his dick straining against the front of his boxer briefs. "I can't take it anymore. I need you. I need to be balls deep inside you now."
Dirty boy. That was so fucking hot. "That's so fucking hot."
His fingers dipped below the waistband of my pants and dragged them down over my hips while I kicked and squirmed, doing my damnedest to shed my underwear at the same time. I felt him lift himself up so I could use my feet to push my jeans and panties over my ankles.
"Do you want me?"
"So much, Edward. I've never wanted anything as much as I want you."
"Will you tell me if anything hurts?" he murmured against my mouth, offering me sweet, slow kisses.
"I promise."
He fisted his cock, rubbing the head over my clit with an achingly slow rhythm, spreading moisture from his tip around my pussy lips. As if I wasn't wet enough already . . .
"You'll tell me?"
"I will, Edward. It won't hurt this time, though." At least, I was pretty sure it wouldn't. Did the second time feel better than the first? It had to. Everything was different now.
He pushed forward a little, and I tensed at the strange pressure. It didn't hurt exactly; it just felt foreign. I concentrated on his eyes, at the look of pure ecstasy on his face, and I felt my body open up a little more.
"Yes," I whispered, tilting my hips as he rocked forward.
"Oh, fuck. You feel so fucking good, Bella." He dropped his mouth to my neck and sucked gently, "You're so beautiful. I want to see my cock go inside you."
I wasn't sure what he meant, and I whimpered shamelessly as he pulled out. "More," I pleaded, and he laughed lightly.
"It's okay. I'm just trying a different angle."
"What? Why? What's the difference?"
He knelt so he was sitting on his knees, and he grabbed my thighs, effectively spreading me widely. "Show me that seashell," he urged, smirking, and I scooted down so my ass was on his knees. Before I could reply, he pushed his dick inside me again. This time, he entered me swiftly and deeply; I shuddered, crying out in surprise, and he retracted himself slowly, staring down at where we were connected.
"More," I demanded, eliciting a throaty laugh from him.
"My pretty girl," he whispered, sheathing himself in me again. He moaned and rocked his hips, watching himself enter me while I watched his face, marveling at how his eyes would scrunch up as if he was in pain, although the moans that tore through him clearly indicated he was enjoying himself very much. The more noise he made, the happier I became. I was doing this right, meeting each of his thrusts with my own, answering each of his grunts with an appropriate cry.
"Can you come?"
"I- I'm sorry. I don't think so."
"Fuck," he wheezed out, no longer rocking in and out of me in a fluid motion but rather pulsating deep inside. "Fuck," he repeated, and I felt the warmth and wetness of his ejaculation pour out of me as he pulled out. "Shit, that was just . . . you're so . . ."
He collapsed forward, his chest pressed against mine. "Oh, shit, you feel so good. Give me five minutes, okay? I promise I'll last longer."
I could sleep like this, Isabella. You feel so good.
"What?" I couldn't move. A terrible memory reverberated in my mind.
"You feel so good, baby." Edward spoke but the voice wasn't his.
You feel so good, Isabella.
I couldn't speak.
I couldn't breath.
"Bella?"
The weight on me. I cried out, pinned under his heavy body.
"What's wrong?"
I squeezed my eyes shut. "Heavy," I whispered.
"Am I hurting you?" He rolled off of me, but the pressure on my chest didn't cease.
"I can't breathe."
It was back. The darkness I couldn't escape cast its shadow upon me, pinning me to the bed under hefty despair.
A/N - Sorry for the delay in this update. I've had some ongoing dental problems that made updating difficult. Your reviews are my happy place and all reviews received within 24 hours of the next update will receive previews.
I am irrevocably and unconditionally in love with you all!