Legolas
It took more strength than he knew he had to return to the clearing but in the end he was driven there by an overwhelming need to see Aragorn. He could not just walk away from what he had done. He had to see the damage for himself . A cold chill descended upon him when he got there for the clearing appeared abandoned. Certainly Aragorn was not there. He had left him! Yet he had been sure Aragorn would not leave him in the forest alone, had they been forced to depart? Was Aragorn more seriously injured than he had realised? A thrill of terror ran through him with the thought.
He noticed then the two figures on the edge of the clearing huddled miserably in front of a lacklustre fire. Elrohir and Gimli, of course they would wait for him. He pressed himself flat amongst the leaves that surrounded him and watched, silently waiting as he decided what he should do. He was afraid to approach them, afraid of the disgust he was sure he would seem in their eyes but eventually he couldn't resist and he reached out gingerly with his mind gently touching the fea of his beloved, tensing himself in preparation for the anger he was sure would dwell there. Instead it was despair he felt and it startled him for he did not want Elrohir to be without hope and he reached again, more definate this time and was rewarded when he saw him stand and move towards the centre of the clearing.
He watched as Elrohir lifted his eyes to the canopy above him. Almost for a second he looked right at him and the moonlight fell upon his upturned face making it shine with a luminosity that filled him with awe, beautiful and majestic as he always was. It took his breath away, that beauty and his heart swelled with love at the sight of him.
When Elrohir left the clearing he followed him because of course that was what he wanted and dropped carefully to the ground in front of him. He forced himself to look into his eyes, to see the repulsion, the disappointment which surely must be there.
"Legolas!" Elrohir cried and to his surprise all he saw on his face was love. It made him uneasy and he did not trust it for who could love him now after what he had done?
He didn't want to be the one to speak, he wanted to wait for Elrohir to break the ice but his tension and fear for Aragorn overwhelmed him,
"Where is Aragorn?" He asked, frightened, terrified of what the answer may be.
"He waits at the camp, Legolas. Where we stopped for rest. He is well."
It was true then, Aragorn had left him. He was returning to Minas Tirith without him. It tore at his heart but he couldn't blame him.
He listened as Elrohir pleaded with him to come back to the camp but he couldn't do that, he couldn't face it. What would he say? Elrohir said they understood, they knew what had happened there but how could they possibly understand it?
" I cannot," he said in answer to his pleading, "I cannot face him. I cannot...I just...needed to know he was well."
When Elrohir reached out to him he backed away, out of habit as much as anything. It was ingrained in him now to avoid touch. He saw the flash of fear that rippled across Elrohir's eyes and challenged him on it. It horrified him, Elrohir, his lover was afraid of him.
When he denied it he did not believe him.
"Do you think I am mad?" He asked
" I do not fear you, I fear that you will leave me." Elrohir said in justification and that hurt for he had told Aragorn before they left Minas Tirith it was not true. He had been certain Elrohir understood his feelings, he had told him often enough he could never leave him, never survive without him. Why didn't he listen?
He watched almost numbly as Elrohir tried to explain himself. But inside he was angry. How could he not know? It frustrated him how hard it was to ensure Elrohir understood his love for him. No matter what he did, he doubted.
But when the tears began to fall he was aghast. Elrohir was strong, he did not break like this. He felt the walls of glass that encased him bend and warp as he reached through them to wipe away the tears, to clasp his beloved's face in his hands.
" I have told you before," he said gently, "Do you not remember?"
They had had this conversation years ago and although that memory was mired in pain and confusion he had not forgotten and never would for it was the moment he realised his heart was no longer his to own, but belonged to the man in front of him.
"Elladan is boring. I prefer you."
He had always known Elrohir felt he was somehow lacking but he could not find a way to get him to understand how untrue that belief was.
"Why can you not see what I see when I look at you Elrohir?"
He tried again to tell him. He spoke of love and the loss he felt when they were apart but then suddenly it dawned on him how physically close they were, and it frightened him. The walls began to shut down around him again and he pulled back, taking his touch away.
And Elrohir crumpled.
He fell to the ground folding in on himself and the tears resumed, streaming down his face.
" Legolas." He cried, " Don't leave. I need you, I need you."
His heart constricted and he stood in turmoil. He could not watch this pain any longer for it was tormenting him. The walls around him bent further and further, so thin they were now, like paper, and he pushed through them. He could almost hear the cracks of noise as they splintered into pieces around him and he finally destroyed them.
And then he was there, holding him.
"I am here" he murmured and the restlessness within him that he lived with every day melted away. For years he had no longer had a place he could call home and yet he felt now as if he had finally found one.
"I have no wish to interrupt whatever it is you two are up to but Elrohir, you have been gone from me for too long and I do not want to return to Aragorn saying I have mislaid you."
He looked up in shock straight into the eyes of Gimli standing above him his arms firmly crossed.
"Legolas, I am pleased to see you have come to your senses." Gimli smiled at him, there was no sign of rejection in those eyes either.
"Now, since you have finally decided to come back, let us go from this wretched place. There are warm tents and food waiting for us."
He withdrew his arms from Elrohir and sat back on his heels. When he began to speak an unexpected lump in his throat made his voice sound tense and thin.
"I can't go there."
He quailed at the thought. They would look at him, judge him and find him lacking and so they should. As for Aragorn, how could he possibly wish anything to do with him. He could not bring himself to face what could only be the destruction of their friendship.
"What do you plan to do Legolas?" Gimli asked him, "Never see him again? Spend the rest of his life away from him? You will not manage that. You need to do this, there is nothing there for you to fear," he went on gently, "Aragorn feels nothing but love for you. This has made no difference to him."
"It has to me," he said "I can't forget it, it changes everything."
Elrohir leant forward and clasped his hands in his own firmly. The touch was comforting not distressing and he rejoiced in that at least.
"You are Legolas Thranduilion. You do not run from things that challenge you. You fight! This is not the Legolas I know who speaks now."
"Perhaps it is the Legolas I have become." He wondered if he would ever be the person he once was again.
Elrohir leaned closer, his breath warm on his face.
"Do not let them take this from you. Do not let them destroy something as precious as your friendship with Aragorn, for then you let them win. You ARE still Legolas, you will not be beaten by them. I know this."
He looked down at their hands entwined and thought on his words. He could not bear the thought of losing Aragorn but what if he had already lost him? How could things ever be the same between them? But he discovered Elrohir was right, he did want to fight. He did not wish to let the Men win, he did not want to sacrifice anything because of them. Still he hesitated.
"I will be there with you." Elrohir said firmly and he felt his love enfold him.
"We will do this together Legolas, we will fight them together." Elrohir stood, took his hand and pulled him to his feet.
"You can do this. With my help you can do it." And he was so convincing he felt himself beginning to believe him.
Elrohir smiled, it was a smile which dazzled him with its beauty and lifted his heart with the joy of being with him.
"Remember Legolas, You are not alone."
The camp was in darkness as they returned but there were men on watch, guards who stared at him as they entered with cold hard looks. He imagined he saw hatred and distrust in their eyes and he turned his face from them. It reminded him of the way his captors had sneered at him in disgust. Had it not been for Elrohir steadfastly at his side, his arm across his shoulders holding him up he could not have continued on.
When they arrived at Aragorn's tent a guard barred the entrance which momentarily surprised him, but then he remembered, their king had been attacked, and he was the attacker.
The man stared at him and then stepped out to address Elrohir.
"The King is sleeping."
"I wish an audience with my
Brother. He will see us." He could hear the tension in Elrohir's voice. Had he not expected this?
The man determinedly ignored his request.
"I can not permit the elf to enter my Lord. I cannot trust him with my
King. It is not safe."
"It is perfectly safe." Elrohir snapped, his voice rising in anger.
"I will be with him. I vouch for your Kings safety!"
The guard shook his head and he could feel the rage surging within Elrohir. He did not want this to turn in to an aggressive confrontation. He did not want Elrohir to do something he would regret for his sake. Did he not deserve to be treated with caution after all? The guard was right. He was guilty of it all.
He turned to Elrohir,
"I will go elsewhere, nearby," he indicted the line of trees beside them. "I can sleep there."
"You will not!" Elrohir would have none of it and turned back to the guard.
"And YOU will let us past. I order it." He was shouting now and the noise had obviously risen to a level that disturbed those who were sleeping.
The tent flap drew back and Aragorn appeared looking tired and dishevelled. He unobtrusively swept his eyes over his friend and noted the stark bruises on the pale face and his stomach churned with guilt. He dared not catch his eye, did not wish to see what feelings might be hiding there so averted his gaze.
He did not see Aragorns face light up at the sight of him but he felt him clasp Elrohir on the shoulder.
"Elrohir, you have found him!"
Elrohirs face was like thunder. He radiated tension.
"Your guard would not allow us entry." He snapped
Aragorn sighed and rubbed his head with his uninjured arm. Turning to face the guard he raised an eyebrow.
" He attacked you my Lord. I can not just allow him to walk into your tent."
" HE is Legolas and he is no threat to me."
" My Lord, I must disagree."
Legolas felt sick. They saw him as a criminal, and worst of all he could not blame them.
Aragorn moved to one side and held open the entrance flap.
"Come in Legolas."
He hesitated, throwing an uncertain glance at the guard who opened his mouth to protest but Aragorn raised his hand to silence him.
" My Brother and Gimli are with us. I am perfectly safe. I will call if I need you."
His tone was terse and he would not be argued with. The guard stepped aside but the look he threw Legolas was a hostile one.
Aragorn however smiled gently at him.
"Forgive me this rudeness my friend for I am filled with joy to see you."
And he held out his hand in welcome. It was more than he had expected, more than he had hoped for and briefly relief surged within him and he stepped into the tent.
And away from the hostility of Aragorn's people.