A/N - this is the first epilogue. There will be a second. Thank you so much to Nicole and everyone who supported me as I wrote Tomato. Big love and all that shit. This is Dr. Banner's POV
Linkedin Status: Not all turnips are evil. Buy my book to find out why.
I used to look at Bella and think about Sarah - my daughter - what I'd do to protect her if, god forbid, she'd been in her shoes. It was only a passing terror, and one I couldn't allow myself to linger on and remain objective.
Truth be told, I've never been what one would call a conventional therapist. But fuck convention. If I managed to help Bella find her voice, to look her demon in the eye and tell him she wouldn't let him hurt her anymore, then it didn't matter. Yeah, sure the road to her recovery was pocked with plot holes, er, potholes, but those were the bumps and grinds of outrageous fortune. Or whatever it was that Shakespeare once said. (I was too busy studying psychology and getting blowjobs in college to pay much attention to the Bard.)
What I meant to say (wait, this is an internal monologue... what I meant to think? No, that's not correct, either.) was that from our first session together, I knew she was a survivor.
Edward, on the other hand, would've been lost without her. I didn't think that to be mean, but the kid circled her like a satellite. Juliet is the earth, and Romeo is the moon.
"Your proximity is infecting me with Shakespeare," I accused in lieu of a more conventional greeting.
"You're quoting it wrong, I'm sure." She smirked.
"Indeed. Your Facebook status this morning was very enlightening by the way. I believe a congratulations is in order?"
"Oh my god. Can we not talk about it? Also, speaking of statuses, what the fuck is with your obsession with turnips? I mean, they're like the potato's inbred cousin." Bella tugged at the zipper of her coat, frowning as it snagged half-way down on a piece of material. "Shit."
"I take it you haven't bought my book yet?" I contemplated helping her with her jacket, but it had been five months since we'd last met, and I wasn't sure what her boundaries were these days. Before she and Edward left for college, she'd shown a marked improvement in managing physical contact without having a stress reaction, but I'd learned not to make assumptions.
"Meh, I'll find a PDF online. Why spend good money on something that used to be available for free?"
"Touché."
"Look, can we not talk about your book on my dime?"
"I don't charge you anymore, Bella." I handed her my book. The cover depicted a girl's hands holding a turnip. "In any case, I'd like you to read it."
She grinned the evil yet disarming grin she'd perfected since the first time we met. "I'm honoured. My opinion matters to you?"
"Nah. I could use the reviews over on Goodreads."
"You're such a whore." She laughed, throwing her head back, easy and natural - something I wasn't used to seeing from her. "Seriously, though, I'm totally proud of you and stuff."
"Likewise." I grunted in surprise as she tackled me, her arms wrapping around my torso. "This isn't awkward at all."
"You're awesome, Dr. Banner."
"You haven't even read my book yet."
"No." She swatted me and wiped her face with her hand. "I don't even have the words... I feel like I wouldn't have accomplished even half of what I did if it weren't for you. Shit, I don't mean to get all emotional here."
"That's right. Therapy is no place for emotions." I pulled a turnip out of my pocket and handed it to her.
"And here I was thinking you were just happy to see me." She dropped the turnip onto the floor and proceeded to burst into tears.
"I'm pretty sure it's not bruised," I offered, making no move to comfort her.
"Fuck you and your stupid tuber."
Is a turnip a tuber?
"That's perverse, Bella. I don't fuck vegetables. Well... maybe once."
"Shut the fuck up, Banner! I'm freaking out over here."
"I'm sorry. Maybe you should try speaking to a therapist about it."
She retrieved the turnip and tossed it, narrowly missing my head.
"I don't think I can do this." She lowered her face into her hands and proceeded to bawl, honking like a rabid goose.
I pursed my lips to avoid saying something sarcastic. Bella and I always communicated in a strange language marked by snark and innuendo. It could be difficult to decipher if I crossed the line into malpractice.
"Get married?" I asked, keeping my tone soft.
She shook her head. "Nah... I'm ready to marry Sex-hair."
"What then?"
"It's the little Sex-hair I'm not ready for." She blew her nose into her sleeve and then rubbed her abdomen. "How am I supposed to be somebody's mother? I'm not self-actualized yet."
"Oh, Bella." I sat beside her on the proverbial (and literal) couch, offering her the sleeve of my cardigan. "No one is ever ready. How can you be ready for something you have no experience with? The best you can be is prepared."
"How is that different?" She scowled.
"Ready implies an emotional maturity; prepared implies you have all the gadgets that go along with parenthood."
"I don't have Kleenex. Mothers carry that kind of shit in their pockets. Fuck, I mean... I've never even changed a diaper."
"You'll be great," I said, frowning at the trail of mucus she left on my sweater.
"What the fuck are you basing that on?"
I shrugged. "The fact you care. That you're concerned about being a good mother at all. You're a better person than you give yourself credit for, Bella."
"I suck."
It pissed me off she believed that. For all of her odd behaviours she was kind of spectacular. "You don't. Considering your role models, you're a fucking saint."
"How am I gonna tell Edward?" Her teeth assaulted her lower lip, and she took her phone out of her pocket.
"Don't you dare do it over Facebook!"
"You're no fun." She pouted.
"You seriously haven't told him yet?" I wasn't sure if she had been kidding, but she shook her head.
"Nope... he's gonna shit a brick when he finds out. I mean, that's only fair since I'm gonna shit a baby out of my cooter."
"Oy vey."
"Indeed."
"Edward will be..." I wanted to tell her "happy," but that definitely wasn't the right word. The kid was smart and in love and absolutely not ready to be a parent.
First off, he was still dealing with his obsessive compulsive tendencies; however, his previous therapist had grossly misdiagnosed him as a sexual compulsive. Edward was just a horny teenager with obsessive tendencies, in my opinion.
"Don't lie to me, Banner."
"Okay," I agreed. "Edward will shit a brick, you'll poop a kid, and you'll all live happily ever after."
"For serious?" she asked, her voice hopeful.
"You'll be fine," I told her. I was pretty sure I wasn't lying.
-({})-
Isabella Swan's Facebook Status: Hey, (at)Edward A. Cullen. You're gonna be a father. Love you and stuff.
10 people like this comment.
Edward A. Cullen commented: the fuck?
Isabella Swan: uh... surprise?
Edward A. Cullen: Not funny.
Isabella Swan: Totally not trying to be.
Charlie Swan: I'm cleaning my shotgun.
Isabella Swan: omfg! You're such a drama queen, Dad. We're already getting married.
Charlie Swan: Now I know why... fuck me. (at)BillyBlack did you catch all that? I'm grabbing a case of beer and heading there for the weekend. I can't take this shit.
Billy Black: Congratulations, Grandpa Swan!
Charlie Swan: Fuck you.
Edward A. Cullen: I think I'm gonna be sick.
A/N - Big fucking love! The second, much longer epi is donated to Nokidhungry. Google or find it on twitter for more information. A small donation will get you the second epi along with a compilation of some great fic! I'll post it at the end of the summer.
Other stuff: I'm a Project Team Beta smut u professor. Don't forget to register for school on the PTB site.
I have an entry in the Fic this Gif contest. It's anon. Read and review all of them :) If you know my writing well enough, you might be able to pick mine out of the group.
Jo and I are donating an outtake of Penal Code for Fandon4LLS.
I'm hard at work on my original fiction and outlining a collab with my friend and peer-reviewer, Nicole. Thank you, Nicole. Without you, Tomato would have been a grammatical mess. Thank you Jessica, Candace, Lucy, AJ, Tina and Amanda for your help and support.
Thank you to all my friends on Twitter.
Chat with me on Twitter any time! I'm (at)BellaFlan
Your reviews and thoughts are all adored by me. Please make my phone vibrate!