(Hello awesome reader sorry for the wait, enjoy~)
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.Russia version
"Now, where did my Soviet condoms go?" Russia asked of his lackeys.
"Oh, I put them away in your closet; they were getting dusty from lack of use." Latvia said.
"Latvia…there is no leisure intercourse in soviet Russia."
"Soooo, intercourse is a job now?…Russia are you a mauka now?" Latvia asked.
"A what Latvia?"
"There's vodka in the closet next to the condoms." Lithuania said, using his quick wit to save Latvia from a painful punishment, or worse.
"Condoms and vodka, sounds like someone's having a party." Estonia said approaching from the hall, because he was unable to run by with out being seen.
"Maybe so Estonia, possibly you three and me." Russia goes to closet leaving Lithuania, Estonia and Latvia scared of what's to come.
"Now, where are my toys?"
*Door shuts itself*
Know your stars …
Know your stars …
Know your stars …
"Lithuania? It's not time for 'play in the closet time', is it?"
Ivan Braginski, loves playing with cute kittens
"Kittens?…they don't fly very far but yes, I can enjoy a good kitten every so often. "
Ivan Braginski, saves abandon animals
"Save them for what?"
Ivan Braginski, like to hug his older sister
"Katyusha's boobs are to big for hugs"
Ivan Braginski, wears his scarf in the bath tub
And what is wrong with that?
Ivan Braginski, that's just weird.
"kolkolkolkol"
Ivan Braginski, what the hell does that mean?
"kolkolkol"
Ivan Braginski, what are you cold or something, ?
"…"
Ivan Braginski, had an affair with Yao wang
"Who was he married to? He said he was single."
Ivan Braginski, has several illegitimate children
"I do…I'm sorry"
Ivan Braginski, you know have to pay Childs support
" Can I pay in vodka, preferably, a shot of it per child."
Ivan Braginski, supports underage drinking
Ivan Braginski, I drank all the time when I was young, and look how well I turned out
Ivan Braginski, when are you going to marry your sister
"I'm not marrying my sister."
Ivan Braginski, what about becoming one with your sister
"No, my sister is a full grown nation that can take care of herself without my support, so I will not become one with Ukraine."
What about the other one
"…Where are my condoms and vodka?"
So, you like to get em' wild and ready, at least you use safety
"What's wild and ready?"
Belarus, let me call her over for you.
"No, let her stay at home! Please!"
Hey, Belarus! Russia wants to see you. He's ready to party!
-Foot steps in the darkness-
"Brother?"
"NO, GO HOME!"
–begins beating on door with lead pipe-
Now we all know the sentimental Ivan Braginski, the guy that takes care of abandoned animals and loves snuggling kittens. In his spare time Russia like's to bathe with his scarf on then dry off by walking around with nothing but a scarf until the water dries up. While fantasize about squeezing his sisters outrageously huge assets Russia visits his illegitimate kids and gives them vodka as reparation for never being with them, that's some great parenting skills there. Russia is secretly embarrassed by his very tick which he repeatedly says he's cold. He's a work hard play hard type of guy and would love to get it on with Belarus, despite the taboo there, what a brave guy, you get her tiger!
"NEVER!"
-Breaks down door and runs away-
-Emerging from the shadows -
"Brother, come back and commit to me!"
-Runs after-
Baltic nations were cowering in fear together and bending over in very suggestive positions, waiting for Russia to return.
-Russia runs by-
Lativa: "…Forgot vodka?"
Estonia: "…no condoms?
Lithuania: 'This is going to hurt."
Latvia and Estonia: "WE KNOW!" –Wailing-
Lithuania: -moves aside-
Belarus runs into Baltic two
Lithuania: "Hi Belarus it's so nice to see you."
Belarus: "Shut up cockblocker!" –Resumes her hunt-
Lithuania: "She's so nice"
Estonia: Yeah. -_-…
Latvia: Sometime's I'm glad Belarus comes by. I wish Belarus would stay here all the time!
Lithuania: "Me too"
Estonia: "…me, not so much, could you imagine the horror of Russia having forced sex all the time"
Baltic 3:…-thinking-
Lithuania: "I'll clean a room out."
Estonia: "I'll get her stuff"
Latvia: "Oh, sweet revenge."
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(a/n:) Mauka: Latvian word for prostitute. Look up Soviet condoms -_- do it.)
Pub date: 4-11-12 hr4:31