Never Alone

Since this and most of the next chapter is the family dealing Jarrod's death, you might want to keep those tissues handy.

Chapter Twelve

Heath and Victoria May turned to see Kathleen standing in the room. When they started to question why she was up, she simply said she couldn't sleep. She then sat back down by her daughter. Victoria May then shocked both her mother and her uncle when she said, "I'm sorry. I guess I should have picked a different story."

They gave her an understanding smile, though it was her Uncle who spoke first. "It's a story about your father being in danger and coming home and that's what you need to believe now…that's he'll be home no matter what's happened, and he will. You just you wait and see."

Victoria May sighed. "I hope so. I don't want to have to deal with him being gone."

Heath shut his eyes for a moment then opened them back up. "You don't really deal with something like that at first; you're in too much shock. It's more like going through the motions, merely coping the best that you can." He again began talking about the past.

The rain, which had decided to start pounding the ground again, hit the window pane of the living room. Heath sat in the living room while Nick had walked into the back bedroom where they'd laid Jarrod. He sank into the chair that the Widow McKinley had bought in the room for him and Heath to use as they needed to.

Nick picked up his brother's lifeless hand and held it close to his chest. His tears, which he thought had stopped, flowed once again. "Oh Pappy, you shouldn't have thrown yourself into the line of fire like that. Yellin' at us would have been enough to save both of us." Was that true? He didn't know, but he wanted to believe it was. It didn't really matter though, what was done was done; nothing could change it. How was he going to face his mother with this? Jarrod had come to Lodi so he could go back to Kathleen and, not only had Nick stayed, but now Jarrod had died to keep him and Heath alive.

Anger again began raging through Nick's veins. He remembered how he'd headed for his horse after Jarrod had died intent on killing Anderson before there was a need for a trial only to find himself in an all out fight with Heath, who was doing his best to talk some sense into his hot headed brother. Heath had succeeded, but not before a few teeth had been loosened and bruises left. A portion of him still wanted to kill Anderson himself only Heath was right…it wouldn't bring Jarrod back, and the family didn't need another tragedy in their lives.

Nick was so engrossed in his thoughts that he didn't hear the door open nor see Heath standing in the doorway, his own face etched in pain. However, Heath said not a word. If Nick still needed time with their brother, Heath would make sure he had it. Only when he turned to leave did Nick stop him.

"He's your brother too." Nick spoke gruffly as he stood up and left the room. He needed some fresh air, even if that air was once again filled with rain.

For a moment, Heath did not move. After a few moments, he made his way to the side of the bed and sat down upon the chair. The room filled with an awful silence as Heath took a hold of Jarrod's hand and held it in his. As Heath thought on it more, he couldn't help but think back to when, after the fight at the Sample's farm was over, Jarrod handed him the cigar. One look into his oldest brother's eyes and Heath knew Jarrod was acknowledging that Tom Barkley was indeed his father. It had felt so good. Then, like Nick, he wondered how he was going to face the family with this. After all, Jarrod had been such a pillar of strength for the family.

Anger then took its place in Heath's heart, along with a state of disbelief. Why did this have to happen? It wasn't fair! Jarrod was far too young for them to lose him so early! Heath bowed his head and silently prayed for the strength to carry on. He was too full of grief to do it on his own.

After a good hour, Heath made his way to the living room and out to the front porch. "I always heard the rain was simply the tears of angels." Heath said quietly, the pain in his voice loud and clear as he walked up next to Nick and looked out at the rain forming puddles on the ground.

"If that's the case," Nick answered as he laid his hands on the porch railing and leaned forward, one foot slightly ahead of his other one not caring if he got wet; his voice held the same sound as Heath's, "then our dear brother has a whole host of angels crying over him." The eerie silence was then broken, as Nick doubled up his fist and slammed it down upon the top of the railing and swore. How he hated men like Anderson and the death and destruction that followed him.

Heath knew the anger, fury, grief and despair Nick was feeling when it came to the loss of their oldest brother, their Pappy; he felt it too. However, he couldn't seem to get the tears to come. It still seemed too unreal, as if someone would come along and tell them there had been a dreadful mistake made. He wished he could turn back the clock and stop Ackerman and the other man before Jarrod had been shot… Unfortunately, no one could do such a thing. He needed to get a hold of himself; he had to remind himself that while he'd lost a brother he'd grown to cherish, the family had lost the man who had proven to be their pillar in days gone by and they, all of them, would have to pull together to get through the days ahead of them. Still he wondered if he would ever stop feeling so numb.

Heath and Nick continued to watch the rain that had started up once more; it was as if someone "up there" was doing their best to wash away a portion of their pain and lessen the rest of it.

When Heath fell into silence, Kathleen took over."While Heath and Nick sat lost in any memory that held Jarrod in it and waiting for the storm to stop yet again, Fred was standing in the living room of our home feeling rather upset and hurting for the family."

Fred watched as the color in Victoria's face drained as she looked at the telegram he'd just handed her.

"I'm sorry, Victoria, I wish the news was better." Fred added, "If you need anything, you know where to find me."

All Victoria could do was nod as the sheriff bade her goodbye and let himself out. She felt as if she was in a fog and trying to find her way out. Why? Why? Why? She asked herself over and over again. Other questions flooded her mind as she slowly sat down on the chair behind her, such as how was she going to tell the family? How was she going to tell Charlotte? The good woman had had to go to San Francisco on an urgent family matter, but would return within a couple of weeks. She'd deserved to be facing a marriage, not a grave to visit.

Victoria was brought out of her thoughts as Kathleen walked into the room holding her infant daughter in her arms. "What's wrong, mother?" Kathleen didn't like the fact that her mother-in-law was holding a telegram and looking rather far away. It made Kathleen nervous.

Victoria looked at Kathleen not even attempting to hide the tears which began rolling off her cheeks. "There's been more trouble outside Lodi. This Mr. Anderson Nick spoke of before, it seems like he caused a lot of problems before he was stopped." Victoria wasn't ready to admit what the telegram in her hands said; she wasn't ready to break the news. She wasn't ready. She held out her arms for her granddaughter, having a sudden need to hold the child. Kathleen, worried for her mother-in-law laid the infant in her arms as a way to bring the woman comfort from whatever was wrong. After she had the baby in her arms, Victoria knew she might not be ready to talk, but she did. Victoria handed the telegram to Kathleen and said, "It's…It's Jarrod. He's gone to join his father."

Kathleen's mouth fell opened and she dropped to the chair; her heart filled with disbelief and anxiety, disbelief when it came to Jarrod and anxiety over her husband and Heath. "There's got to be a mistake." She sat down on the chair that sat closest to her as her mind did its best to wrap itself around the news they'd just been given. The wicked men had lost the war, but not before they got her brother-in-law. She shook her head, forcing her mind away from the direction it was starting to take. Though, it didn't stop the tears from escaping her eyes.

A sudden wave of anger rushed over Kathleen and she bellowed almost as loud as Nick could. "Where's the law down there! Why didn't they stop this Anderson fellow themselves! Why did they allow this man to continue for as long as they did?" Her rampage was only stopped when her daughter began to cry.

Kathleen stopped yelling and held out her arms for her daughter. Victoria handed her back and then wrapped her arm around her daughter-in-law. "I am sure the law was doing their best to stop him and I'm just as equally sure all three of my sons willingly helped in that department." She then turned briskly around and left the room; she would find Maria, tell her the news and then go to her bedroom where she would shed more tears in private. That left both Kathleen and Maria, who Victoria found in the study, to break down and let their own tears flow.