CHECK END OF CHAPTER FOR AUTHOR NOTES
Lara could feel her body instantly stiffen at the words being told to her. No, That wasn't right. THAT was not how it was supposed to be was it? Her head hurt at the thought of it before her body could completely react to it. She wasn't sure how to take it completely.
Sam was at her father's office having a go at one of his employee's. From what Sam's father had told her over the phone it sounded like it was about what they talked about or lack there of a week ago. She was supposed to be rescheduling with Jonah and getting ready for their "adventure" as he so aptly put it. Sam was making a ruckus and Lara had been urged to get there ASAP and calm her down because he hated the idea of calling security on his daughter. That thought made her jaw clench.
He had been ignoring her only to talk to her about interviews or work then go back to ignoring her. Sam had been taking Lara's advice about trying to calmly talk to him about it, but he wasn't listening to her. Sam looked guilty and had hinted several times that words they spoke to each other weren't very pleasant. She didn't further it from there. She knew it was something Sam would have to come to her with on her own time.
Today hadn't been a good day either, her session had exhausted her. She couldn't shake thoughts of blood on her hands away. It got bad enough to the point she had to hide her hands in her jeans pocket afraid she'd rub them on the fabric so much she'd have permanent burns. They had gotten red and hurt a lot by that point.
So the thought of Sam being in a public place having a fight with one of the employee's didn't do her mood any good. She didn't care about her mood at that point or the fact her hood over her face as she stared ahead with her phone to her ear at a random place made her look somewhat insane. People gave her looks as if they were scared and she felt like they should. She wasn't a normal human being anymore.
She ripped her hood off as if it'd give her more clarity to hear the man on the other side. Her jaw tightened at the words of "she had better not cause a lawsuit". It was a legitimate worry but for another time. His daughter wouldn't just fight anyone for no reason and they both knew that. She'd have to be pushed very close to the edge for that to happen. They both knew Sam may not be as level headed as Lara was in some situations, but there had to be another reason for it completely.
"Excuse me." She hissed through gritted teeth. The man stopped abruptly and went silent at how angry she sounded. "Your bloody daughter is having a 'fit', and instead of worrying about what's gotten her to that point you're fucking worried about a lawsuit?" Her tone tells the man she's not having it or the bullshit that she see's at this minute.
"Wha- how dare-" He sounds as irritated as she feels. Lara keeps him on the phone as she jogs back to the truck (Sam had acquired.) and feels her nerves to tick at him. "Do you know how much it could cost?" He asks.
"Seriously?" She snaps. "You're not even the littlest bit worried about your daughter, your flesh, and blood? You're worried about money?" And she waits a moment for him to reply. When he doesn't she continues as she starts the truck up. "You're her father. Despite what she's said we both know you you've said or suggested worst to her before. You're supposed to protect her. Nurture her. NOT ignore her and belittle her."
"You haven't protected her." He tells her quietly and she can feel her mind go blank. "She's like...like this because of-"
"Goodbye." She tells him ending the call not even bothering to let him finish his sentence lest she wanted to hurt him.
Her hands grip the stirring wheel unbelievably hard as she drives as fast as possible without getting caught. She's angrier than she has been since they've come back. She was pissed when reporters hassled them or interviewers dug too dip. Now she's just angry at the fact Sam's on father can't even bother to talk to her because he's being too damn petty to be an actual father.
Out of all the years they've been friends and known each other Lara has understood that Sam doesn't have the best relationship with her father, but now she get why Sam doesn't like calling him up or asking him for something even if it's necessary. She gets why Sam doesn't like telling her father things before her mother. Her mother can talk to him and sometimes make him seem reason, but he can't be too bothered to try. Before he was a media mogul he was different apparently. But this is the father Sam's always known and Lara gets why she doesn't like it now.
Lara's often thought what her father would be like if he were alive. Would he be like Mr. Nishimura? Would time have changed him that much? Sam once told her no because her father was famous before she was born, he didn't let that change him, why would now change him? Sam has a point. It doesn't change how Sam feels about her own father.
Lara can remember quite a few times over the past few months he's said something to Sam and it's affected her so badly it took Lara a week to get her to open up again. She's never heard it and she guesses that he does that on purpose so she won't get mad and have a chat with him about it like she's done before, but she knows the things he tends to say even unintentionally can hurt Sam even more now.
The first time Lara and Sam were back and in the hospital he came in and gave them both a look that twisted her stomach so much she wished she had the strength to get up from her bed and strangle him right then and there. The bad thing is she doesn't even think he knew he did it. Maybe some of the things he does are unintentional, but right now this situation? He's acting the way he is because he's upset. Lara doesn't think it's Sam he's upset at, but she doesn't bother to figure it out. He's not worth it at the moment.
No one's given a second to try and understand their situation have they? Now that she tries to think about it, it's been a story! Story! story! Recovering much later! It's not fair. The world can either see survivors and give them some space or they can grab at them for quick bucks to feed themselves with luxury as Lara thinks. They've been trying to recover, but the only safe places are at sessions or home. Even the thing Sam loved to do is now a reminder that people are hungry for things they couldn't understand. They couldn't handle it.
She looks at her hand quickly and see's scars from a broken mirror she hit. It was a couple of months ago, and she still can't bother to look into the mirror at all. Sam hadn't even ordered or got a new one yet. She was thankful for that because she feels foreign to the world. The scars remind her of the night Sam had taken her gently without a fuss or sound and cleaned her up. Sam had made sure she was alright like always. Even in little ways. Sam's taking care of her, and she loves her so damned much more because of it. She just hopes she's doing the same for her.
She loved Sam. Sam was the body next to her when she forced herself to wake up from nightmares. Sam was the person who would take her gently in her arms and lay her down giving her comfort with just a few words. Sam was the smile she'd see every morning and night before going to bed and walking out the door even when she was fighting her own demons with all her strength. Sam's hands were the ones that played with her hair and talked about nothing to distract Lara from her thoughts. Lara was the one being bandaged by Sam everytime she turned around. Sam was the one who would gently kiss the bandages and let her feel loved without saying words. Had she even told Sam she loved her? No, she was too scared to verbalize the depth of it.
And what had she done for Sam? Given her more baggage to deal with ontop what she had already been dealing with? She'd done what? Stopped her from drinking herself to sleep and woken her up when her nightmares were just terrifying for both of them? To Lara it wasn't much. Sam was in a much worse state than she was. Lara knew both were still recovering as much as possible, how could she tell Sam she loved her without messing it up and causing more problems? She felt useless. She hadn't done nearly as much for Sam as Sam has done for her and she could tell Sam was worse off than she was. It broke her to see.
She pushed the thoughts aside as soon as she found herself in the parking lot of the building and bolted out of the truck turning it off and shoving the keys in her pocket. She let her legs do double time and push past people that crowded the hallways. She could feel her body react like it did on Yamatai. The people were tree's, a bow strung on her back, and Sam had been taken. Sam was, up. She had to go up. So she did, climbing anything she could touch to get to her.
Sam had been taken and it was all her fault. Sam's blood had been discovered as unique and it was all her fault. She'd have to live with that for the rest of her life. It was her fa-
"You need to get out!" The strength of the voice snapped her attention ahead. She snapped out of her hallucination when she reached for the bow and it proved not to be there.
Sam was in the office of one of the more familiar faces of the building. Sam's hands were on her desk as she gritted her teeth leaning forward far too much into the woman comfort zone. Sam looked so upset, her expression was so angry, eyes red, and posture was threatening even for Lara.
Lara stepped forward and took in the scene for a second thinking about what she wanted to do, but Sam leaned forward grabbing her collar pulling her close with a scowl. Lara made up her mind.
"You were the goddamned leak!" Sam shouted loud enough for anyone who had been ignoring before to stop and stare at the scene as the womans eyes pleaded for them to save her. "YOU gave someone information he didn't need to know! WHY?" That was shocking to hear. "I DESERVE to know why a friend whom I trusted did this!" She got no answer. Sam started to pull her closer before hands wrapped around her and yanked her away. She yelped but pushed against them and tried to surge forward for the woman. "YOU ARE-"
"SAM!" Lara shouted over her. At the sound of her name Sam seemed to stop and freeze before trying to fight forward again. "Sam! Calm down!" She tried.
"Lara- she gave out private information! Not only did that asshole know I was seeing a therapist he also somehow knew that you-" Lara was having a hardtime keeping her back. Sam wasn't a violent person, and anytime she had gotten in someone's face it was never like this. Something was very wrong and Lara could barely concentrate on what she was saying.
"No! I'd-" The woman was behind her desk too afraid to move from behind it.
"Sam!" Lara tried again holding her closer this time. "No matter what she's done this isn't you! You don't do this! You've nearly assualted her Sam!" Sam relaxed in her arms a bit. She still struggled but not nearly as much as she did before.
"Sam-" The woman tried. Sam glared at her stopping her.
Sam seemed to relax into Lara's arms and Lara pulled her closer just to be sure. She could immediately that Sam was emotionally exhausted and not up for anything at that point. It caused Lara to relax as breathe a sigh of relief.
"She- Lara-" Lara held her tight and shook her head.
"It's alright Sam. I've got you, love." She could hear Sam sniffle and groan as she relaxed completely falling into Lara who held her up and whispered nothings into her ear. She was sick and tired of the world as Lara had just become.
Suddenly Lara found herself noticing all the eyes on them and felt uncomfrotable. She didn't like that that many people were watching them and just staring. Her mind overwork thinking up possible thoughts going through their heads and none of them she liked AT ALL. It made her hold Sam a little tighter for her own sanity to remind her what was happening at the moment.
"Lara..." Sam spoke up finally catching herself and standing up still in Lara's arms and never moving to free herself. "I worked so hard Lara." She admitted. "So hard to not just protect me but to protect you and Reyes and Jonah-" Her voice broke. "I worked so hard making sure no one knew more than what they needed to because if they knew everything they'd have harrassed us all and recovery would have been that much harder. I worked so hard to make sure everyone would be okay." Lara felt her jaw clench at the woman and the woman she could tell by her expression looked so damned guilty it was hard to watch. Lara didn't care. "I tried so fucking hard to protect you." Sam admitted.
Lara gently walked around Sam and stood in front of her waiting for her to look up. When she didn't Lara took her chin in her fingers and tilted it up to look into red stained teary eyes that told you their story wasn't one you'd ever want to know. Lara looked into both and shook her head placing a hand on Sam's shoulder.
"Sam," She spoke softly this time. "It shouldn't be your job to protect me or the others. Sometimes you have to protect yourself first." It hurt to see her like this, it hurt more knowing that she was part of the reason she felt so torn up and berating herself. She felt like she had unintentionally hurt her.
"Lar-" Lara gave her a look that cut her off. It was so soft that her voice got caught in her throat.
"No Sam." She told her sternly. "I did what I could to protect you then. You protected yourself mostly, you're not a damsel in distress, never were." She admitted trying to smile a little bit for Sam. "You do not ever have to protect me like this. Okay?" Sam only shrugged and tried to look away. Lara cupped her cheeks and turned her to face her again. "You're protecting me more than you realize, everyday. I can't repay you for that. I jus- just, want you alive. You're breathing. That is protecting me right now." Sanity. Something I wouldn't have without you.
"I didn't mean for it to be like this." The woman spoke up causing Sam to look at her. Lara didn't turn around. She didn't trust herself enough to. She could tell by her tone the woman was sorry so very sorry but she was also guilty. "I didn't- I just thought you know it wouldn't be a bad thing." Sam's eyes teared up at her and shook her head. "You used to say sometimes people knowing things weren't incredibly bad if-"
"IF it was supposed to be something the public knew." Sam stepped forward but on found herself pressed against Lara who was ready to pull her away again. "You think they deserve to know any of the shit he pulled out right in front of me?"
"I only-"
"Gave him various E-Mails. Yea I know. Only ones I sent my father." Sam shook her head and looked at the woman again. "Did you ever think for a moment they could have held private information? Did you even comb through them to make sure?" No answer. "Of course not."
"Sam." Lara grabbed her wrist causing Sam to look at her. "Later." Sam's eyes softened at her and she was tired again but nodded at Lara. After a few seconds she laid her head on Lara's shoulder and let Lara's arms fold around her for a moment. "Do not say a thing." She warned the woman who only stayed silent. Lara didn't bother giving her anymore recognition.
"Can we just go home?" Sam spoke up lifting her head up. Lara nodded and Sam sighed, "good."
Sam was the first to move with Lara directly behind her. Almost ironically as they hit the door Sam's father appeared and tried to stop her but stepped aside once he saw Lara. Sam muttered "no apologies" no him and moved past quickly ignoring everyone in her path. If they didn't move for Sam they moved because of the irritated expression Lara would give them. Sam didn't question it as they found the truck. They sat there in silence.
No apologies was something Sam and her father had started. Lara had quickly realized that it meant "whatever it's not fine and you fucked up but it's whatever now" and she ignored the man walking out. Sam only said it when she was too upset to listen. She was infact too hurt to listen to anything her father had to say. He looked like he had wanted to apologize but Lara couldn't blame Sam for not wanting to listen to him.
The silence itself was deafening and she could tell it was driving Sam mad herself. She felt bad about that, she just didn't know what to say. Sam fidgeted with her phone though not really paying attention to it as she wrote. Sam looked over and saw it was something to her father but before she could ask Sam erased the message and shook her head before laying it back against the seat.
"You know why I got this truck?" Sam asked but didn't give Lara a chance to ask. "Our landlord said the flat is getting renovation whenever you're gone so I found a slightly bigger place and-"
"Sam." Lara interrupted. Sam closed her eyes and sighed rubbing them.
"Lara please just don't." Lara nodded and asked her to continue then. "It's bigger, you can actually have pets, is a three bedroom place you know? It's cheaper too so I'm sure there are ghosts haunting it, thought we needed-"
"A fresh start." Sam looked at her but nodded. Lara squeezed her hand and gave her a small smile.
"The truck is to move furniture, I was going to tell you later. If you wanted the place then." Lara nodded at her but didn't say anything. "Home please." Sam finally told her and Lara responded by starting it up and driving. Sam was thankful for the lack of words on the way.
What could Lara say and how could she say it? She had no idea. She was sure something more was going on with Sam but Sam wasn't willing to talk to her and Lara did not want to push her so it remained unspoken and tiring. Lara would have been hypocritical to complain about it however considering she didn't voice her own problems often, while they were opening up more there was still a lot neither said nor wanted to ever say and they never asked.
It might have been more of a problem to Lara if she wasn't thankful that Sam never pushed her to talk to about her nightmares every night. How could she tell her she had nightmares she didn't protect the others and watched them die in every horrific way possible? How could she tell her Roth blamed her sometimes? How could she ever tell her that she was scared every night she woke up that Himiko had killed Sam and made her watch? Whenever she tried the thoughts of blood splattered places and blood stained grounds would cause her to freeze unable to speak. The most troubling part was that Sam gave her a look that said 'I know what you're going through because I'm going through it too'. That scared her the most.
She wasn't really helping Sam was she? She wasn't really protecting Sam. Sam wouldn't tell her so how could she know?
She shook the thought away as they made way into the small flat and Sam seemed to ignore everything else as she headed for their room. Her room, Lara corrected herself. It was still Sam's room though she hadn't been able to sleep on her own and Sam never seemed to mind. It was still Sam's room and she had no right to barge in on her when she wanted to be alone. So she took off the hoodie throwing it aside and finding herself on the couch with a sigh. If Sam needed her Sam would come and get her. Though she didn't stop worrying about her.
Since she had found out about Sam trying to protect her and the others, they hadn't spoken about it but it made Lara worry more about her. It made her feel guilty too that she hadn't see the full view of what was happening to Sam, that Sam in most cases was putting on a brave face for her ignoring her own pain at times. The worst part? She just let Sam do it. She felt like she didn't even try to look. What kind of friend was she?
Lara hadn't moved to turn the TV on. Instead she just sat on the couch thinking unable to stop. Eventually she threw her arm over her eyes unwilling to get up and turn the kitchen the light off. It was starting to irritate her eyes. She sighed at herself for being so lazy.
Sam, she thought. You've done so much for us and we never- she groaned at the thought. She was sure that the others wouldn't take it as personally because Sam had chosen to do this for them. It didn't mean that they wouldn't be guilty it was just that Lara was her best friend. She loved Sam- her only family left. It bothered her that Sam hadn't come to her about this, felt obligated to protect her, and that without seeing that bit on the news she'd never have realized until it was too late perhaps. I lov- I am so sorry Sam, she felt her stomach fill with guilt.
"Sweetie?" Lara moved her arm to find Sam standing there looking down at her. She looked a little better but still so tired. "What are you doing out here?"
Lara found herself staring at Sam trying mouth words that never made it out of her mouth. They were simple words, very simple but she couldn't say them yet. Sam looked so tired, like alot of her strength had been zapped from her body.
"Lara?" Lara blinked coming out of her own thoughts.
"I-uh yes?" She asked but realized what Sam asked. "Oh uhm you were in your room and I didn't want to-" Sam put a hand on her hip and sighed.
"Alright," she started. "Are you tired?" Lara nodded. "Then get up and come to bed." Lara nodded again and stood up.
She stopped for a second and just realized that this had become a norm for them. Sam would find Lara asleep some place or trying not to fall asleep and have Lara actually go to bed. Sam might have joked before that the reason it felt so normal was because they might as well have been a married a couple. That made Lara's cheeks flush.
As soon as Lara was clear of the couch Sam took her hand and led her to her room. She squeezed Sam's hand slightly with a small smile and shook her head of most thoughts.
"Besides it's our room." Sam muttered thinking Lara couldn't help her but Lara very much did. She didn't react to it however.
"Sam?" She asked once Sam shut the door and she was sitting on the end of the bed. Sam looked at her. Just say it, she told herself. "What was that message you were typing to your father?" Sam stood still for a moment and Lara regretted asking. Not only is that not what you were going to say but you made her uncomfortable way to go Lara! She berated herself.
"I was going to basically tell him I quit." She moved to her chair in front of her desk. "With less polite words." She admitted and turned the chair to face her desk probably hoping Lara wouldn't ask again.
Lara watched her for a moment. At first Sam was just staring at a blank project screen but found herself going to work. She went through random files from the moments they were saved and on the boat. Everyone seemed to be in better shape when they thought they had been saved completely, never thought they had problems laying beneath. Sam cut out a few things and played with some stuff mainly brightness and contrast looking up something on one of the crates it looked like but Lara didn't bother paying close attention.
Evetually Lara changed into simple shorts and a fresh shirt but continued to watch Sam as she sprawled out on the bed. After awhile Sam had switched to other projects, one she recoginzed was a show on Netflix. Lara had to smile proudly at that, Sam was so good she was helping out other shows. Or she was just doing something random. Either way her Sam was doing something.
Lara found herself wanting her eyes to close after awhile as Sam got slower on her projects. She couldn't get her eyes to close however and knew why. Sam wasn't next to her. No matter which way she turned to sprawled herself out she couldn't get comfortable enough with Sam. She groaned at herself.
"Sam." Lara called. Sam didn't answer. "Saaam." She called out tiredly.
"I don't want to talk about what happened-" Sam stopped when she saw the scrunched up look Lara was giving her. "What?"
"I was going to say there's enough room for two and not enough comfort for me to sleep." She admitted. Sam look at her for a minute thinking about the offer before turning off her computer. "Sam?" She asked as Sam got up.
"Mmhmm?"
"You didn't save did you?" She asked as Sam sat on the edge of the bed. Sam thought for a moment before cursing herself and Lara couldn't help but chuckle at her. Sam glared and hit her playfully.
"It's funny that I lost my work?" She was trying to sound playful but it might have came out as a little irritated.
"No," Lara smiled her kissing her forehead gently. "It reminded me of those time in Uni you'd stay up so late and be so tired trying to finish something you'd forget to save as you turned off your laptop." Sam muttered something but found herself underneath a light sheet and curled into Lara who gladly took her.
It remained quiet for awhile. Lara felt relaxed and comfortable enough to let her eyes close and it felt good to let them actually close after the long day they both had. Lara's mind felt at ease for a moment or two like it had finally given her rest. She felt herself smile into Sam's hair and pulled her closer. Sam was next to her. They were breathing. She loved Sam.
"Lara?" Sam asked tiredly. Lara Mm'd and Sam moved a little. "I think something is wrong." She admitted. When she got no response she continued. "I think when I got angry Himiko-"
"She can't have you." Lara told her. She was sure this was part of a dream. "She can't have you because I've got you, and I love you." Sam huffed something relaxing and went still in her arms probably sleeping. Lara let herself fall asleep. Tomorrow they'd deal with everything.
Because I've got you, and I love you.
A/N: I apologize this took so long! It's a bit longer than the others but I hope you like it. ALSO NOTE: Next chapter will explain a few things I didn't in this one and as you see it will be the last chapter besides the epilogue. If you'd like to see a sequel (In which Lara is missing and Sam take it on herself to find her) let me know. The next chapter might hold a special confession if it's wanted to be seen.
ALSO I've made a page dedicated to Crawling (just a silly one) that has extra bits and such so check it out if you like this!
Crawling
Comes with a playlist of music that has inspired each chapter and such.
If you like this PLEASE let me know on my tumblr here:
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